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Original poster

Is this village life?

193 replies

Hocuspocusnonsense · 19/04/2023 10:45

I’ve moved from London to a village in Surrey to raise a family. I have 3 young children

The village has a duck pond so I took my children to look at the ducks and an elderly couple spoke to me and my children, all nice and friendly until they asked if I’ve always lived in the village and I said no I’ve moved here from London, to which he replied ‘We’re sick of you Londoners moving here’ and walked off.

I joined the local toddler group and it quickly became apparent that everyone knew each other, most had grown up in the village, went to school together etc and no one was interested in chatting because they had their friends there.

Since being at the local village school I have lost count of how many times I’ve been asked which road I live in....I know it’s to size up how much my house is worth. And to top it off just before the Easter hols I had a mum ask me in front of another mum “Do you receive the holiday club vouchers, you’re low income aren’t you?” I was really taken aback. I actually have a good career not that I broadcast it (earn £40k) but I drive a Fiat and my car is 9 years old, most mums drive newer, bigger beast cars.

Is this normal village life?

OP posts:
AnythingToSay · 19/04/2023 18:43

I had a mum ask me in front of another mum “Do you receive the holiday club vouchers, you’re low income aren’t you?” I was really taken aback.

Oh dear... This reminds me of that scene in Motherland where Amanda thought Anne used to work at Greggs.

A lot of posters here would enjoy the book The Casual Vacancy. It touches on a lot of village issues mentioned above (and the New Houses! 😱)

sunshinesupermum · 19/04/2023 18:49

It's Surrey. DD1 lives in Surrey but not in a village. Sorry the natives are being so unfriendly.

Tron80 · 19/04/2023 18:51

Op, I moved to a shire village 70 miles north out of London, 10 yrs ago, for a better quality of life. Yep, they hate all of us from that big London . It's our fault apparently their children /grandchildren do not earn enough to afford a house in this village, despite wages been comparable for the same civil service role that i have always had. Nothing to do with the fact that no one really ever sells here as property gets handed down, gratis, through generations . Nothing to do with the fact that i worked 2 jobs for years to save a deposit. No mention of the fact either that i totally renovated my home here, and continue to do so, contracting all local tradesmen, putting money back into this village/community.

Happy for me to go into the nearest town to get all their shopping during covid though!

I met great local ish friends through work over the yrs here ( from all over south/north /abroad basically all newbie's to the county) . I have a lovely home and great friends through work where we have great fun. My dc's have grown up and left now but they hated living here and missed London so, moved back when A levels done and both successfully completed apprenticeships in IT. Now both earning very very well and living in London. I plan to retire in next 10 yrs and will be moving back, most of my friendship group will also be leaving here, once their dc's have fled the nest.

You will make friends with other mums who have moved to your area but, it may take time. Don't allow people to ruin your move or make you feel bad for wanting a nice house/ quality of life. What people forget is that we have left all we hold dear behind in London, in order to provide a better and more affordable life for our own families. Surrey is lucky to have you. Good luck op.

gogohmm · 19/04/2023 18:56

Unfortunately this is not that different from my experience - we were shunned by the life long villagers who mostly lived in the housing association housing for moving into the village and owning, and shunned by the people in the big houses with nannies and housekeepers. There were some nice people, in our position aka incomes, working but owned houses but we were very much in the minority

gogohmm · 19/04/2023 18:58

We didn't even last 3 years, a shame because it was better school wise for my dd who is autistic but we took an opportunity in another area and moved

Beachdaysandsandypaws · 19/04/2023 19:05

Hi OP, I moved from London to a tiny SE affluent village 15 years ago. This was the same for me when I first moved here. Had a ear bashing from a mum who had lived in the village all her life, her parents, grandparents all went to the local tiny village school and she stated my DD was taking up a place at the school who should go to a child who family have lived here forever. Not someone like me! The school was under subscribed at the time so I knew I wasn't taking up a place.
Lots of other things were said over the years but I found it was only 1 or 2 villagers with a bee in their bonnet.

Since living here, it has become a nice place to live. DC's have nice friends and I have met some lovely people who have become friends. Don't let a couple of villagers spoil your move and home. Enjoy living where you have moved too and bringing up your DC's. Imagine having a picnic in the summer by the pond and enjoying village life. It takes time but hopefully you will settle.

BarelyLiterate · 19/04/2023 19:06

I’m surprised by that negative reaction to a Londoner in a Surrey village, because Surrey is basically an extension of London anyway.

RedToothBrush · 19/04/2023 19:44

Spoken like a northern!!! 😝

Daneeyell · 19/04/2023 20:34

I'm Surrey based ( not a small village) but not all surrey people are rude like this honest, sorry you've had to deal with them, is there a bigger town near you or anything? Hopefully you find some nicer people who live there soon x

mast0650 · 19/04/2023 20:44

The village where I live (and have lived for 17 years) is nothing like that.
We're less than an hour from London (but in Surrey you probably are too?) and most people with young children have moved from London. They may have some family links with the general area, but it is rare for anyone to be from the exact village and even rarer for them to have stayed. Someone I know once described toddler groups as like Freshers Week in terms of how keen everyone is to make new friends! I know that might sound offputting to some, but at least it's all very open and not insular. At the same time, older people have usually lived here for decades, as I plan to. No-one leaves! I do have friends who have moved to villages that are much hard to break into though.

(the road thing - i would often ask people what road they live in as I'm interested - it's nothing to do with sussing out income though!)

Humanbiology · 19/04/2023 22:10

Unfortunately, yes that is village life. When my partner goes to do his work in a village they always ask in a worried tone do you live here 😂

TenoringBehind · 19/04/2023 22:14

This is not normal village life. My village, and the ones I’ve lived in in the past, have been lovely friendly places.

WonderingWanda · 19/04/2023 22:18

It's not like that in ny village but it's a large village and has a lot of residents who have moved here from elsewhere so quite welcoming to newcomers.

Those people were quite rude, of course they are entitled to think that but to actually say it your face like that, in front of your child. I wonder why they are so fed up with newcomers?

begoneday · 19/04/2023 22:24

The town we live in is full of ex Londoners but is somehow still insular and narrow minded. Everyone is very interested in the value of everyone’s house too. It’s as if village or town life turns once sane people into Stepford wives .

begoneday · 19/04/2023 22:25

Humanbiology · 19/04/2023 22:10

Unfortunately, yes that is village life. When my partner goes to do his work in a village they always ask in a worried tone do you live here 😂

😂

earsup · 19/04/2023 22:34

Some places are just like that....i think i would move....friends live in Rye for over 30 years but say its still 40 years behind london and very Mapp and Lucia with certain cliques controlling everything....play groups, events, etc !

Hensister · 19/04/2023 22:40

I’m hoping this isn’t a villiage that because with s and ends in e and is a 5 letter word as that’s where we’ve just moved to!

Worriedmotheroftwo · 19/04/2023 22:44

Wow!!! I've lived in 2 Surrey villages and neither were like that! That sounds awful. Not normal at all!!

Nellieinthebarn · 19/04/2023 22:46

The village I lived in was a bit like that, especially the toddler group mums. I moved there prior to having DCs. The village I grew up in wasn't like that, I think it was welcoming to new people. These villages were less than 10 miles apart.

Haffiana · 19/04/2023 22:49

I remember all those posts on MN during the Pandemic. "We don't want people coming to OUR village to take a walk in OUR woods and putting their germy hands on OUR stiles."

There was even a post by a woman (admittedly complaining) about the locals arranging some sort of guard on the road to stop non-locals coming through.

Thank god I am a Londoner.

violentknight · 19/04/2023 22:50

There's a pretty little village (NE) where one of the nicest houses is currently under offer from 'rich Londoners' and there is resentment already at locals being pushed out and how the village will change as a result. It's a great place for those that 'fit in' but very insular and lacking in culture, transport and facilities that Londoners are used to; could be the worst mistake they will ever make.

RenoDakota · 19/04/2023 23:21

Hensister · 19/04/2023 22:40

I’m hoping this isn’t a villiage that because with s and ends in e and is a 5 letter word as that’s where we’ve just moved to!

I think the biggest problem you will have with that (beautiful) place is the hordes of visitors and location-spotters.
I know people who live there and have never heard of cliques or anti-incomer feeling.

Silentmama · 19/04/2023 23:41

I want to know which Surrey village

AskMeMore · 20/04/2023 00:17

mast0650 · 19/04/2023 20:44

The village where I live (and have lived for 17 years) is nothing like that.
We're less than an hour from London (but in Surrey you probably are too?) and most people with young children have moved from London. They may have some family links with the general area, but it is rare for anyone to be from the exact village and even rarer for them to have stayed. Someone I know once described toddler groups as like Freshers Week in terms of how keen everyone is to make new friends! I know that might sound offputting to some, but at least it's all very open and not insular. At the same time, older people have usually lived here for decades, as I plan to. No-one leaves! I do have friends who have moved to villages that are much hard to break into though.

(the road thing - i would often ask people what road they live in as I'm interested - it's nothing to do with sussing out income though!)

If there is no one there who was born there then they have all been forced out.

Noodles1234 · 20/04/2023 07:06

I am similar, I haven’t had what you’ve had, but I have had the friends all know each other and are not interested in making new friends. That’s tough, but stick with it others will come into your view as not all parents are off to go to playgroups etc.

Yes some will size you up by where you live, what car you drive etc but this is in your favour as you don’t want to be friends with this lot.

Good luck and keep being you.