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Original poster

Is this village life?

193 replies

Hocuspocusnonsense · 19/04/2023 10:45

I’ve moved from London to a village in Surrey to raise a family. I have 3 young children

The village has a duck pond so I took my children to look at the ducks and an elderly couple spoke to me and my children, all nice and friendly until they asked if I’ve always lived in the village and I said no I’ve moved here from London, to which he replied ‘We’re sick of you Londoners moving here’ and walked off.

I joined the local toddler group and it quickly became apparent that everyone knew each other, most had grown up in the village, went to school together etc and no one was interested in chatting because they had their friends there.

Since being at the local village school I have lost count of how many times I’ve been asked which road I live in....I know it’s to size up how much my house is worth. And to top it off just before the Easter hols I had a mum ask me in front of another mum “Do you receive the holiday club vouchers, you’re low income aren’t you?” I was really taken aback. I actually have a good career not that I broadcast it (earn £40k) but I drive a Fiat and my car is 9 years old, most mums drive newer, bigger beast cars.

Is this normal village life?

OP posts:
FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 19/04/2023 13:17

It's not just villages, I had that when I moved to a town in the Midlands.Getting a dog and going to the pub helped us!

RedToothBrush · 19/04/2023 13:19

lovelypidgeon · 19/04/2023 13:10

I live in a village in a different part of the country and, other than the comments about how well off you are, this sounds similar to how some people in my village are. I love the location of our village and loads of the people are really friendly but I do find it odd that almost the first question everyone asks me is 'are you local' (always makes me think of the shop keeper in League of Gentlemen). Even people who have lived all their lives in the nearest town, less than 4 miles away, are not seen as 'local'. Houses that are nearly 30 years old are referred to as 'The New Houses' with disdain. The New Houses are blamed for everything including heavy traffic on the main road (mainly used by people travelling between nearby towns), an increase in dog poo in the park, problems with parking at the local school (despite the fact that The New Houses are very close by so almost all of the people who live there walk), the fact that the local shop closed (!) and the (imagined) antisocial behaviour of Youths. There is a small housing development being built at the moment and according to the local grumblers this will basically be the end of days.

Haha this sounds sooo familiar!!! The New Houses thing particularly!

It can be amusing to my ears to hear the absurdity of it.

"I remember when this used to be fields with cows in."

Nanny0gg · 19/04/2023 13:20

ObiWanKanobi · 19/04/2023 11:11

We moved to a small village in Surrey a few years ago. It has taken some time and work but have now managed to "integrate" with the locals. We started going to the local pub and gradually getting to know a few people from there and then volunteered at the local cricket club during the summer. It just takes a bit of time.

On a side note- How does everyone afford these brand new beasty cars? We work our arses off for our joint income of £150k and my car is 15 years old (with no plans to replace it) yet the local gardener drives around in a 2 year old Audi!

Lease

RideACockHorseToSunburyCross · 19/04/2023 13:27

I find Surrey villages like that. Obsessed with how close it is to London, how quick the train is (24 minutes into Waterloo, yawn, nobody gives a fuck), and only interested in who gets free school meals so they can slag them off. Boring.

DorritLittle · 19/04/2023 13:29

My village parish council has resisted HA houses at planning stage. I am not personally against them at all by the way but it is definitely a thing.

As for you moving to a Surrey village from London - that’s surely pretty usual in Surrey?

Belltentdreamer · 19/04/2023 13:33

ShirleyPhallus · 19/04/2023 10:58

I’d have thought this was a possibility in some bougie village in the Cotswolds that has featured on best places for lononders to move but Surrey is so close to London that surely half the people are from there anyway

What village is it @Hocuspocusnonsense

I moved to a Cotswold village from London and have been nothing but welcomed and integrated into the community. I took over the running of the local playgroup so I think that got me known by most of the people with preschoolers in the village.

I do think Surrey is tough though unless your ££££ it’s very status driven from what I’ve seen with friends that moved out.

AuraBora · 19/04/2023 13:36

I moved to a Surrey village (near Guildford) when I was about 6 and a lot of what you mention we also experienced. In fact my mum was talking about it to me the other day - there were so many cliques and people very much judged you on what road you lived in. I was blissfully unaware of all this at the time but my mums experience sounds really awful. I dont think in our case it was us being outsiders as the village drew in a lot of people who had previously been in London or elsewhere. But there were a lot of people who planned to send their kids to the independent school there at secondary age, but started with the local primary. I know it's a big generalisation but now I live in Hampshire and I find everywhere here much more friendly.
In the end we moved out to be in a town. This coincided with me and my sibling hitting the teenage years so it was partly so we could be a but more independent and not need lifts everywhere but it was also partly due to my parents wanting to get away from the village.

I'm sorry I don't know what to suggest you do. Maybe it will get better but it sounds mentally exhausting!

CoffeeWithCheese · 19/04/2023 13:38

There's a suburb near here which is very like that - huge divide between the posh new build houses and the older former Council houses and let's not even discuss the Barracks housing on the Army base! Gets very very them and us at times - to the point that one of the local nimbies has actually mounted a campaign against a mobile phone mast in view of his house, with the appeal to put it in one of the less affluent streets instead so he doesn't have to look at it.

I find it alternately amusing and pathetic, but in the end we chose to actively avoid the area on house hunts because it would have done my head in living in the middle of it all - as it is I can watch the fun and games from a slight distance.

Think this one was once a village but got eaten up by urban sprawl and now it's just an enclave of twats in Range Rovers and those 4x4 Audi things.

mamnotmum · 19/04/2023 13:44

We moved to a village once. And were called 'incomers' lol!

Yes everyone knew everyone and everyone was so so noisy! We moved back out of said village.

DoubleHelix79 · 19/04/2023 13:49

We're in a small village in Kent, came 'down from London' three years ago. I'm from Germany while DH is from the UK. DD goes to the village primary school.

So far it's been a positive experience, we're friendly with school parents and some of the neighbours and I've never had any negative comments or overly intrusive questions.

Parents did seem to mostly know each other already when DD started but we haven't been actively excluded.

LongLostNailVarnish · 19/04/2023 13:51

yes and no.

I've lived in lots of villages, most are not like that. But one was just as you described if not worse. literally nearly everyone was related to each other there was and a massive divide of the natives and the handful of incomers.

The first 3 years there was hell on earth. it wasn't for the lack of trying to get to know and be evolved with the village either. But then I managed to find actual friends there, who not surprisingly where also incomers.

LongLostNailVarnish · 19/04/2023 13:52

mamnotmum · 19/04/2023 13:44

We moved to a village once. And were called 'incomers' lol!

Yes everyone knew everyone and everyone was so so noisy! We moved back out of said village.

cross post with the incomers comment 😆

badgermushrooms · 19/04/2023 13:56

In my experience of rural life 99% of people ask where you live to make conversation and to find out if you're the new person that's moved in next to their Auntie Doreen. There was one lady who visibly recoiled and has been cool with me ever since I answered the question - I sound quite a bit posher than I am - but that's been it. On the other hand I don't live in Surrey.

If I were you I would consider writing a letter in support of that planning application emphasising how important it is for a community to have housing suitable for people from all walks of life. It's true, but would also demonstrate to the nimbys that you're above their petty snobbery (ok it will wind them up and they will snub you in the street but they deserve to be wound up and being snubbed is better than having to make nice with those people).

Clusterfunk · 19/04/2023 14:02

I moved out of London a few years ago (still work there) to a small village. Love it. Neighbours are lovely, people are friendly, no snooty attitudes. I think your village is defective.

Pipsquiggle · 19/04/2023 14:11

Doesn't sound like village life TBH.

I do get asked and I do ask which road people live on - more to ask if they are a potential lift share to school or cubs etc.

If the village has good transport links and good schools I am sure there will be a few ex-Londoners

Lcb123 · 19/04/2023 14:13

Sounds a bit odd , especially as Surrey is practically London! I wouldn’t move to a village for this reason though

JacobsCrackersCheeseFogg · 19/04/2023 14:14

I was born & brought up in a village in the Midlands. I was often dismissed as an incomer because my parents moved from Warwickshire to buy a house there (cheaper at the time). I went to the village school, local brownie group, dance troupe, all of it but yes, still an incomer!😂

TheMarsian · 19/04/2023 14:22

JacobsCrackersCheeseFogg · 19/04/2023 14:14

I was born & brought up in a village in the Midlands. I was often dismissed as an incomer because my parents moved from Warwickshire to buy a house there (cheaper at the time). I went to the village school, local brownie group, dance troupe, all of it but yes, still an incomer!😂

Yep that sounds like where I live….

@Hocuspocusnonsense unfortunately yes. In some villages, it is EXACTLY like this. People are still seen as newcomers/‘not from here’ after 40 years. And it’s extremely hard to make friends.

Fwiw when the elderly couples talked to you, they KNEW you werent from here…

TheDogsMother · 19/04/2023 14:23

No that doesn't sound like village life and I'm sure you will make some friends soon. We moved from a Surrey village to a much more rural (not commuter belt) Sussex village. One thing that was quickly obvious was that people here are far less status/wealth/car conscious than they were in our last village.

Kittykatchunjy · 19/04/2023 14:31

Surrey innit 🙅

NotHangingAround · 19/04/2023 14:36

We're in a Surrey village (no duck pond, so not yours!) I recognise everything you have mentioned - there is a LOT of interest in how much you earn. People in Surrey care a lot about that. But that isn't the sum total of village life. I adore our village. It is lively, active, supportive, safe, healthy. In many ways we don't fit in but we've still made friends. DC adored the open spaces when they were little. Stick with it. Ignore the nosy, pushy ones who come out of the woodwork first. There will be people with better social skills who you will get to know more gradually. NASVALT (Not All Surrey Villages Are Like That) Grin

NotHangingAround · 19/04/2023 14:36

villagers not villages

TheOrigRights · 19/04/2023 14:40

I have lost count of how many times I’ve been asked which road I live in....I know it’s to size up how much my house is worth.

How do you know this?
I am often asked where I live in the village. I don't assume they're judging my wealth, but maybe whether I live near someone they know or just making conversation.

crispsnutsandcake · 19/04/2023 14:41

I'm living in a village (not SE) and it's different from living in towns and cities for sure. There are groups, committees, cliques etc (God save us from the Coronation weekend village event, yep, going away that weekend!) Some big fish in small pond stuff and 'look at meeee doing things for the community' but at least there's a mix of new people and a turnover of residents moving in/out so it's not very 'them' and 'us'. There's some nice folk and a few wankers so probably the same everywhere it just has a concentrated effect in a small settlement.

manontroppo · 19/04/2023 14:42

We have a bit of that - I especially agree with the PP who said that some cliques are constantly trying to "place" them.

I confound them by being non-English and they had clearly pegged us "lower" because we bought an ex-Council house. We recently moved into a much bigger, "better" home in the same village and suddenly some people are much nicer to us....

The people keeping score tend to be school mums with part time jobs, if they work at all.

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