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Original poster

I'm such a frumpy 40yr old mess

91 replies

lampshadesally · 14/04/2023 22:45

I don't really know if anyone will relate to this but lately I have felt (and looked) my age. I never used to give things like this much thought but inflight sight of myself In a mirror today while shopping and just wanted to go home and cry. I used to be a glamorous size 10, hair freshly washed and makeup applied nicely and I always wore nice blouses/ tops and well fitting jeans. I never really thought much about how I looked I just got up, dressed and did my thing. Today however, the reflection that I saw was a size 14 woman with a visible belly, a poorly put together outfit ( because nothing looks nice on me or doesn't fit) really bad roots that looked a mixture of both grey and dark hair, a big puffy face with bags under eyes and blotchy make up. It made me sad. It made me feel embarrassed. I need to up my game for my own sake or I dread to think what I'll look like in 5 years!

Anyone else feel like they've really gone down hill lately?

OP posts:
CallingElfRescue · 14/04/2023 22:50

Oh bless you! Same here really. I constantly feel like nothing looks nice/fits and everyone else seems to just look effortlessly nice. I get really down about how I look, I don't overeat, I exercise and yet just feel horrendous in myself. I'm hoping to get me back a bit when my youngest starts school in September.

alpacamaraca · 14/04/2023 22:51

Me! Seems to have happened quite suddenly and I have no answers.

I also seem to blend into the background and people look through me almost. I honestly don't see a way back.

Agitatethebumcrack · 14/04/2023 22:52

Yep.
Dsis and I used to be mortified how DM looked. I am now DM.

I saw someone recently on TikTok saying “has anyone realised the older they get the more they care about comfort and less about how they look?”
Sums me up tbh. I’d love to look glam but have no clue what to buy so I have bought for comfort and warmth (alway cold) for a couple of years. I look like a bag lady some days! I’m keen for some tips.

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SlB09 · 14/04/2023 22:54

Literally having this conversation the other day!! I always got comments on looking young.....not anymore. Depressing and really I probably don't look too bad but feel exactly how you say

Original poster
lampshadesally · 14/04/2023 22:55

It's really depressing. After I saw myself I kept noticing really beautiful woman, not really dolled to the eyeball type with fillers and false lashes, but just really well put together, tidy looking woman and it made me so self conscious. I think a big pet of it is my weight. I'm such an apple shape so clothes tend to 'hug' my fat belly. My fave is also really chubby looking too. I feel I've aged massively in the last 2 years

OP posts:
Original poster
lampshadesally · 14/04/2023 22:57

Agitatethebumcrack · 14/04/2023 22:52

Yep.
Dsis and I used to be mortified how DM looked. I am now DM.

I saw someone recently on TikTok saying “has anyone realised the older they get the more they care about comfort and less about how they look?”
Sums me up tbh. I’d love to look glam but have no clue what to buy so I have bought for comfort and warmth (alway cold) for a couple of years. I look like a bag lady some days! I’m keen for some tips.

This is so me!! 10 years ago I wouldn't have dreamt of stepping out in a hoody and leggings - now, well now it's all I'm ever bloody in!

OP posts:
Bodenesque · 14/04/2023 23:04

Increasingly I find that I can't even go out the door without having had a shower. I barely look human unless I'm clean with freshly washed hair.

Original poster
lampshadesally · 14/04/2023 23:05

SlB09 · 14/04/2023 22:54

Literally having this conversation the other day!! I always got comments on looking young.....not anymore. Depressing and really I probably don't look too bad but feel exactly how you say

It's horrible I really wish I could rewind time

OP posts:
Original poster
lampshadesally · 14/04/2023 23:06

Bodenesque · 14/04/2023 23:04

Increasingly I find that I can't even go out the door without having had a shower. I barely look human unless I'm clean with freshly washed hair.

I hear ya. I have to wash my hair or I look even more horrific

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 14/04/2023 23:09

Hair would be an easy fix if you’ve got the money.
So would some decent new make up that suits your age.
Ditto the clothes.
If you’ve got some money get yourself to the biggest shopping centre.you can and just slog yourself through everything until you find some stuff that fits and is flattering. Shapewear??? Size 14 is not that big it’s just bigger than you used to be. Be honest with yourself and dress the person you are now.
I’m a bit older than you and also feel that my age is suddenly starting to show. I also used to be slimmer with better skin and hair!! I had my hair done and it’s made a remarkable difference to how I feel. I’ve also got rid of all the too small clothes and replaced with stuff that’s my actual size. My ego doesn’t like the size on the label but I’m learning to ignore it!!

DappledThings · 14/04/2023 23:09

Anyone else feel like they've really gone down hill lately?
Occasionally. I just ignore it though really. I'm sure I could sort out my frizzy hair and my red rosacea face and my wrinkles and all that but i can't be arsed giving it any headspace.

Italyanyday · 14/04/2023 23:12

I'm the same age and started feeling down about the effects of aging. I made a couple of changes that have made a positive difference - one weekly, intensive excersise class and some expensive makeup. Another weekly class plus some trendy clothes would be well worth the investment. I'm working up to that.

Franklin2000 · 14/04/2023 23:13

Me! Was 40 last year but recently looked very much my age. I started with a proper skin care regime as my face was dry, wrinkled and with big dark circles under my eyes. I’ve stuck to it for 3 weeks and feel great. It’s made a huge difference to how I feel when I look in the mirror. Now I’m just sorting my weight as I put some on during lockdown which I haven’t shifted yet. Pick something easy to start with, don’t try to overhaul everything at once. You’ll find once you change one thing, it’ll give you the confidence to make you want to do more.

Original poster
lampshadesally · 14/04/2023 23:17

What make up would be considered good? I'm using a cheap boots own so that prob needs to change.

OP posts:
cigarettesNalcohol · 14/04/2023 23:20

One thing I find that helps to look a little more put together is to get rid of the comfy leggings, joggers and hoodies. I know they are comfy but I always felt frumpy when I wore mine and of course I used to wear them all too often because they were comfy and warm and I couldn't be bothered to put on jeans and think of a proper outfit to put together in the mornings.

About 2 years ago I threw the leggings etc out and because I tend to mainly wear trousers, I've invested in lots of nice jeans and nice trousers. No leggings outside the house ever again. Yes I miss them in the cold winter mornings when I'm getting ready but I soon pick out some jeans and forget about it. You can find lots of nice stylish clothes nowadays without compromising on comfort too much.

Ditch the leggings!

PilshardPillToSwallow · 14/04/2023 23:23

@Smartiepants79.. What do you mean hair is easier with money? In what way? Hairdresser slll the time or what?

PilshardPillToSwallow · 14/04/2023 23:25

Op I have started to force myself to do as much as I can of exxierse video evry! day. Maybe it's just the warm up, maybe more

SugarNspices · 14/04/2023 23:29

Franklin2000 · 14/04/2023 23:13

Me! Was 40 last year but recently looked very much my age. I started with a proper skin care regime as my face was dry, wrinkled and with big dark circles under my eyes. I’ve stuck to it for 3 weeks and feel great. It’s made a huge difference to how I feel when I look in the mirror. Now I’m just sorting my weight as I put some on during lockdown which I haven’t shifted yet. Pick something easy to start with, don’t try to overhaul everything at once. You’ll find once you change one thing, it’ll give you the confidence to make you want to do more.

This is me. My skin around my eyes is so dry. What's your skin regime now I need tips please?

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 14/04/2023 23:41

Tailoring helps.
Get yourself a couple of single-breasted blazers/jackets.
They can really help to pull you into shape and define your shoulders.

Smineusername · 14/04/2023 23:58

Get your nails done

Smineusername · 15/04/2023 00:02

Recently I had my makeup done professionally for the first time, similar age to you and results were outstanding. The make up artist's top tip was that everyone should book a one off tutorial with a professional, you bring along your own makeup and brushes etc and they do one half of your face, and you try to copy on the other side.

SheWentWest · 15/04/2023 00:04

Frankly I am sick of feeling pressured to look ‘sexy’ or ‘put together’. Men don’t have to agonise over this shit and neither will I. I would rather be me and look like a compost heap than be some desperate Carole Vorderman figure.

Sid077 · 15/04/2023 00:09

I feel the same but angry as f**k that it’s so difficult to find tailored and beautiful affordable clothes for a real sized woman, the fashion industry caters to size 8-12 only when the vast majority are sized 12+

PickleOfAConundrum · 15/04/2023 00:14

I know how your feeling, I was in the same boat as yourself. This last wee while I've felt older than I actually am and I hated it. My daughter said I'm not fashionable and she's been showing me what's cool to wear etc. Guessing it was time for me to make that change that so as a treat this weekend I'm having a pamper weekend, getting my hair coloured and getting waxed, for starters anyway, I need a full body overhaul and only so many hours in the day😂. Its a good thing you've seen for yourself you want to change. I mean that in a nice way so maybe it's time for you to change too. Start small then work up. Write down what you'd like to change and just do it! I needed a kick up the arse to motivate my arse 😂. You got this!

Turquoisa80 · 15/04/2023 00:18

Me too, I can't be asked anymore. As long as I'm clean, it's all good😐