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Original poster

I'm such a frumpy 40yr old mess

91 replies

lampshadesally · 14/04/2023 22:45

I don't really know if anyone will relate to this but lately I have felt (and looked) my age. I never used to give things like this much thought but inflight sight of myself In a mirror today while shopping and just wanted to go home and cry. I used to be a glamorous size 10, hair freshly washed and makeup applied nicely and I always wore nice blouses/ tops and well fitting jeans. I never really thought much about how I looked I just got up, dressed and did my thing. Today however, the reflection that I saw was a size 14 woman with a visible belly, a poorly put together outfit ( because nothing looks nice on me or doesn't fit) really bad roots that looked a mixture of both grey and dark hair, a big puffy face with bags under eyes and blotchy make up. It made me sad. It made me feel embarrassed. I need to up my game for my own sake or I dread to think what I'll look like in 5 years!

Anyone else feel like they've really gone down hill lately?

OP posts:
Original poster
lampshadesally · 15/04/2023 23:10

DriedFlowersLiveForever · 15/04/2023 20:03

Do you dress professionally for work OP? I find that now I can go into work in casual clothes I've lost the distinction between work and home.
I was all about the nice dresses, blouses, matching jewellery and perfect makeup 5 years ago, now its a hoody and leggings with trainers.
I dress more like a moody teenager now than I did when I was in my teens. I feel like I'm dressed up to the nines in a pair of (primark) jeans and a top that isn't a hoody- sad but everyone else is the same so I don't make the effort anymore.

Yes, I work in a school so I have proper dressy outfits that see me through working hours and I always feel much better now that I'm thinking about it. Probably is I can't wear those clothes outside work as I feel they are like a uniform and I need that separation when I'm at home or on my day off

OP posts:
ChocAuVin · 15/04/2023 23:16

newbie202020 · 15/04/2023 08:57

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DriedFlowersLiveForever · 16/04/2023 09:39

@lampshadesally if you feel more put together at work could you get a couple of things that are similar for the rest of the time?
So if you like a blouse and fitted trousers for work maybe a brighter more casual shirt type blouse and dark fitted jeans for the weekend?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Clothing General style & beauty
NotHangingAround · 16/04/2023 13:00

lampshadesally · 15/04/2023 15:46

Good for you!!! Honestly I think once you know you feel rubbish you really enjoy planning the pathway back to 'normal' again. I've been out walking today and eating a better diet and I feel all better for it. I'm getting my hair sorted in two weeks so that too will be a celebration to be had lol

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That sounds like a really good start. Another thing worth doing is to get some really nice clothes in good, strong intentional colours (not just grey or black, unless you are a natural goth Grin) that fit you as you are now. That sends yourself the message that you are worth the effort. I felt a lot better in clothes that fitted and looked good instead of baggy old tee shirts.

NotHangingAround · 16/04/2023 13:03

something2say · 15/04/2023 16:14

Ladies, I posted this exact thread about four years ago, when I had gone from a size 10 to 14, cut my long hair off and was fat and unhappy. Lockdown ruled, January was minging, and I was facing giving away all of my pretty summer dresses that would no longer fit, and would they ever fit again and was that it for me, who once used to be hot, capital H.

What happened WAS -
I broke off a long term relationship.
I started to eat like I used to eat - less, and better.
I began a fasting lifestyle because I was mid-peri, whereas now I am late to end stage peri...(even worse, you'd think).
I lost a stone and a half really BUT realised that at my/our age, we really do have to eat less calories.
I did give away some of the dresses, but not all, and I fit them once again (thank f).
I got a trampoline and some weights.

If peri has anything to do with it, what helped was thinking - this won't go back to how it used to be - this is the new normal - how do women manage it?? How do I propose to manage it? Its not what it was and will never be like that again.

Being honest, being wise, sacking off shit choices, dressing my age but still sexily, wearing more makeup, making different food choices and doing what works.

The best of the lot tho - FASTING. Simply stopping eating. Yes I'm hungry at times (I eat then) but it astonished me how little food I need. A coffee can last me until 4pm sometimes (not when working) and I do sometimes still over eat, but on the whole I just can't do it anymore as it doesn't work for me.

If you're feeling stodgy, have a long period of no food and plenty of water instead and see how you feel.

I honestly intend to do this but just forget. Doesn't help that I live with a 6'2, well built man who loves to cook. (I'm 5'4"). When he is away (almost never!) I eat about half what I eat when he's around. My issue is self-discipline. If it's there and looks tasty, I'll eat it.

NotHangingAround · 16/04/2023 13:32

Wanderingowl · 15/04/2023 16:29

I was like that in my late 30s. At 39 I decided to lose the weight by cutting out processed sugar and increasing protein. At 40 I found my 'sport' and got incredibly fit, athletic and obviously muscular. The great thing about which is that I can live in comfy clothes but still look great. In leggings and a fleece I don't look like I'm slobbing out, I look like I'm just ready to work out. I also have fancy athleisurewear for dressing up. I do have nicer clothes but it's all comfy.

Exercise makes my skin glow, so I never wear makeup. I literally put dye on my roots every month or so for 20 minutes and that takes care of the grey. I usually have my hair in a ponytail or messy up do that takes seconds of attention a day.

But the most important part is how I think about myself. Being fit means I can do all sorts of cool physical stuff that makes me feel cool. I'm finally doing all the things I used to secretly dream of being able to do but never imagining was possible. And I feel like a superhero. I walk around the world feeling very happy to be me which I think just shows.

I LOVE this post. I want to copy it and print it out as inspiration. It is what I aspire to, and when I was working out often I began to feel that way, even if I was still very chunky and didn't quite look it.

GinBlossom94 · 16/04/2023 13:50

Wherecanitbe · 15/04/2023 15:29

Why is it ,that when I posted a thread about being/feeling frumpy a few months ago, nearly everyone had a major go at me for using the word frumpy. My thread was similar to this one, I genuinely only wanted advice as I was feeling particularly down about my appearance.

I have not posted any further threads since because of the abuse I received. Yet as far as I have seen with this thread, the original poster is , thankfully receiving positive responses.

I genuinely am perplexed.

I think you posted that in S&B and not chat? They're harsh over there on things like this

Crabwoman · 16/04/2023 14:34

I'm 40 later in the year and feel awful. This is mostly due to 3st weight gain in 3 years. The long winter hasn't helped.

I'm tackling the weight loss. My skincare is already good, but I look puffy due to weight.

I now have my nails and eyebrows done as a minimum. Nip out on my lunch break for this.

Tomorrow, I'm visiting the hygienist to get teeth cleaned and discuss whitening.

I've got a hair appointment next week to change my hair colour. It's currently high maintenance bright blonde and expensive. I want something that will look better in between cuts.

Not doing much about my clothes until I've shifted the weight, but I am finding simpler, less fussy clothes looks better at my current size. What looked Boho on me at a size 8 looks pur una on me at a size 14.

Always looked younger than my age, now I look about my age. I now just want to look good for my age.

Peachlollipop · 16/04/2023 14:52

lampshadesally · 15/04/2023 12:25

Excellent!!!! Welcome aboard. Let's set a wee mini feel good target for the end of June 😃

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Great idea. I need some accountability! I would love to turn 40 finally feeling good about how I look. I’m not overweight, but due to my shape, I always seem to look like a sack of potatoes.

mummybear2104 · 16/04/2023 21:45

Please can I also join you .. I'm mid forties, two small children, working from home, living in a elasticated waists and baggy clothes. Feel so tired and sluggish I'm stuck in a vicious cycle so that I always feel to shattered to exercise but know id feel better if I did and then find my head in the cupboard eating chocolate. Have felt stuck with where to start for some time.... some of these posts are really inspirational .. thank you

Peachlollipop · 16/04/2023 21:48

Totally understand, mummybear2104. My diet is horrible and I get barely any exercise.

BettyBoopy · 16/04/2023 22:40

I have found my people. Am 40 with 3 small children (1 still a toddler) and a husband who works very long hours. Absolutely no time to myself whatsoever apart from when I'm at work.
I've gone from a size 8-10 to a 12-14 since having my children and also feel a bit of a mess. I'm planning on getting my hair and eyebrows done first and possibly a lash lift and tint (I've heard this makes a big difference to your face). I have no time to exercise until my youngest starts preschool later this year but am planning a diet overhaul to help me shed some fat and puffyness. Intermittent fasting plus a sugar and alcohol ban, more water and vegetables. Sounds like torture but I need to get rid of this belly!

YukoandHiro · 16/04/2023 22:43

I feel the same OP. I can never find clothes that hang well on me anymore even though I'm only a size10 - the post baby belly just ruins the line. My hair has always been hard to manage and is now hideous because I don't have time to look after it properly. I'm always shocked by my wrinkles in photos. Truth is I just don't have time to sort it out right now.

YukoandHiro · 16/04/2023 22:45

Also I can't wear foundation anymore. I've started using just concealer and blush and it makes such a difference - looks much more fresh on older skin

Kittykatchunjy · 16/04/2023 23:00

I'm 57 and skin looks so tired, following with interest!

SugarNspices · 16/04/2023 23:08

Franklin2000 · 15/04/2023 07:56

@SugarNspices I’m sure it’s not as high end as some on here but I cleanse just with micellar water and tone with pixi glow tonic. I use pixi glow serum then smoom moisturiser which is amazing! Then olay total effects under eye cream. Honestly the change has been dramatic. I haven’t skipped a day and have been super regimented about it.

Thank you I've copied and pasted your post and off to Google!

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