I'm such a frumpy 40yr old mess

[lampshadesally]

I don't really know if anyone will relate to this but lately I have felt (and looked) my age. I never used to give things like this much thought but inflight sight of myself In a mirror today while shopping and just wanted to go home and cry. I used to be a glamorous size 10, hair freshly washed and makeup applied nicely and I always wore nice blouses/ tops and well fitting jeans. I never really thought much about how I looked I just got up, dressed and did my thing. Today however, the reflection that I saw was a size 14 woman with a visible belly, a poorly put together outfit ( because nothing looks nice on me or doesn't fit) really bad roots that looked a mixture of both grey and dark hair, a big puffy face with bags under eyes and blotchy make up. It made me sad. It made me feel embarrassed. I need to up my game for my own sake or I dread to think what I'll look like in 5 years!

Anyone else feel like they've really gone down hill lately?

You can wind the clock back!!

Don't despair! You have time. Believe it or not, it's easier to do it at 40ish than after you hit 50.

Start by cutting out most processed sugar from your diet. Drink lots of water. Increase your veg and lean protein intake. Try to get 8 hours of sleep a night. Try to fit in a walk daily.

Aim to lose a stone by the end of June. This is doable. You will feel great.

Give yourself a mental boost by getting your hair done, maybe your nails too.

I used to be so glamorous. Flawless make up, tidy hair that stayed in place and even with simple wash and dry it would look amazing. Nice clothes, great shoes and accessories.
I now resemble a sack of potatoes. Even they’d turn heads before me 😳 I actually feel blah about everything. I am actually time poor. I really don’t have the time between work, kids and everything else in between to go and sit at the hairdressers for 3 hours, then go get my nails done. It’s time consuming. I don’t have the time.

A good hair cut and fresh nails always make me feel better and more put together. And exercise - I feel grotty if I don’t exercise.

Oh guys this is me right now

I've gained over two stone during and after lockdown and live in leggins and even when I park them with expensive nice looser fitting tops I look bloody horrendous.

My skin has aged and I have bad eye bags and upper eye droop.

First thing I started was decent skin care and I religiously do it every morning and night and I am noticing my skins more even now.

I just look so bloody puffy and frumpy.

I need to start getting some weight off as that will help clothes feel nicer.

Self care has gone out the window in the last 12 months due to work and life stresses but i really need to make time to look after myself more.

I've got all the walking kit,good trainers bottoms and reflectors as well as good headphones etc as I used to walk every morning early but it's gone to shit this last year.

I've bought a new swim suit that will fit and bought a swim pass for my local pool but still haven't gone yet im so annoyed at myself.

My will power is shot to shit and eating crap makes me feel crap so I know il feel so much more energetic if I eat better exercise and get the weight off but I can't get my head into it

40 is no age at all! As you say, what will be like in 5 years time? Well that's in your control. Start by changing your diet and start strength training and pilates. The women at my fitness club who do pilates regularly I'm the day are all over 55 and have amazing strength and flexibility!

You really can think yourself old so don't!

Me neither, I look like something the dog dug up until the daily shower and hair wash!

Same here! I just turned 40. Went out with friends for my birthday and didn't recognise the person in the photos. I have 2 toddlers and feel like I've really let myself go.
So off I went for botox - amazing!!! Definitely keeping this up. Going to invest in some retinol skincare. Signed up for bodycoach and done my first couple of workouts. And bought myself some new clothes.
Just small changes but I feel much better about myself already!

Start with good health and self care, the rest will follow!

Lots (as much as you possibly can manage) of water, vegetables, sleep, exercise/movement for your body.

For your mind; relaxation/meditation, laughter, good positive company, fresh air and nature, sex, a creative outlet if that's your thing.

These are the things that will eventually make you glow from within more than any face cream will!

This is me. I'm 40. I used to be a tidy size 12, kept my hair nice and wore makeup every day. Now I'm an easy 14, more a 16 if I'm bring honest with myself. I have grey roots, really bad 11 lines in between my eyes from way too much frowning. I wear glasses so I don't bother with my eyebrows anymore.

WFH is to blame for some of it. I never went back after the pandemic. I love WFH because it enables me more time with DC/dog and no commute but because I rarely see other people now I just don't bother with myself. Sometimes I feel sick when I see myself in the mirror. I completely understand where you're coming from but I'm not sure what the answer is!

It’s pricey, but I find Bobbi Brown products good, especially the serum-based foundation and concealer. Great for creating a dewy glow. Also, make sure you’re using a moisturiser with at least a 30 spf (Neurogena and YourGoodSkin) do good versions.

Some really small things can help, like doing your hair and make up.

Kiko Milano is not expensive and has AMAZING make up! I use their concealer, mascara, bronzer and now have an eyeshadow palette that is AMAZING!
But you can also find good stuff at Boots. Revolution eyeshadow palettes are awesome!

Im 40, but even looking in the mirror, I wouldnt believe it. probably because I have blue hair, that I upkeep regularly, and dress in very bold colours. Its also very rare that i ever leave the house without make up, even if sometimes it is just concealer and mascara.
The one thing I have stopped is curling my hair. I now just crunch it for the waves.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I regret the size 12 body, as opposed to the size 8 I was in my early 20s, but I dont really have the motivation to actualy do anything about it. I just buy clothes that fit and that look good on me. usually from the "young" section of the clothing brands.

@SugarNspices I’m sure it’s not as high end as some on here but I cleanse just with micellar water and tone with pixi glow tonic. I use pixi glow serum then smoom moisturiser which is amazing! Then olay total effects under eye cream. Honestly the change has been dramatic. I haven’t skipped a day and have been super regimented about it.

Well for me it was a trip to the hairdressers for a cut and highlights. It wasn’t a major change but it has really made me feel like i look a lot better. It felt like a lot of money at the time but I didn’t regret it.
Obviously decent products and time spent styling it ( I don’t really do these things) will also make a difference.

Aw come on over to Style and Beauty.
We can help. Lots of us have bellies. You can still find flattering clothes.

I am 50 btw. I think I look ok. Reasonably put together. You are a spring chicken!

I could have written this myself OP! Just turned 40 and suddenly feeling and looking so much older. Have skimmed through this thread. I already get my nails done and I eat healthily, go to the gym about 4 times a week, even given up booze but none of it is helping! I’m just a wrinkly, unfashionable, blob. I think because fashion and beauty used to be a big part of my life and identity now I don’t have the time or money to style myself on a more contemporary way, I feel I’ve lost a part of my identity. Fashion feels quite in accessible at the moment. My whole wardrobe needs an overhaul and despite following blogs, SM etc I have no idea where to start.

OP, we're coming into summer. Now is the best (easiest) time to do something about it. And we all spent so long in flippin' lockdown, it will be nice to make you the project for once. A sort of personal spring clean.

Light evenings, time for some exercise and fresh air - it doesn't have to be a marathon, just go for a brisk walk every evening. Make it a habit now and the improvements will show within weeks

Food. As it warms up, switch to protein, veg & salads. Reduce your carbs by a third, don't go mad but make a few conscious changes. And cut down on alcohol.

Clothes, summer clothes are less expensive than winter clothes so time for a change. It's the weekend, so pull out all your summer clothes, try them all on and assess what you can keep and what really is past saving

Hair - time for a new cut, and colour.

Nails & feet - easy to do at home. I have my nail kit and my foot lotion by the sofa. Keep manicure simple. It will still look good. And if you sort the dead skin on your feet now, they will look good in sandals when the time comes.

Enjoy 🤗

To me, if you don’t have cankles (I mention them as they restrict what I can wear no matter my size) like I do, the world is your oyster. You just dress for your shape and wear clothes and make up that flatter your colouring
If you want a boost, go and get your make up done for free at a good make up counter.
If you want to lose weight, start with daily brisk walks, eat a bit less and then build up slowly to a short run.

Totally get what you mean!
I’m early 40’s and never really had a clue when it comes to fashion or makeup but recently I’ve felt so frumpy and just invisible really.
I’ve a work colleague who’s 10 years older than me and always looks glam and well put together and I want to know her secret!

It's difficult with body shape changes to work out what suits you now - can definitely relate to that. I would agree get your hair done, then look at clothes. These will make the biggest difference to how you feel. You could try good quality leggings/treggings and shirt dresses if you want to take baby steps - easy to wear but will look more put together than leggings and hoody.

Also spend some money on shoes that you like, I find that helps to make me look put together with no effort other than finding them in the first place.

A good well fitting bra also makes a huge difference to how overall an outfit looks .
I had a shock when fitted recently but it’s made such a difference . I’ve always been ontop of hair and makeup and clothes wise I’m buying my actual size and not squeezing into a size to small it’s made a huge improvement! X

Get an appointment with a personal shopper. John Lewis provide this service as do some larger shopping malls (eg Westfield). Sign up to a beauty subscription (eg Beauty Pie or Skin+me)

Yeah this. I am mid battle with this (and am a decade older and considerably fatter than you OP)

What I have had to accept is there is a real limit with what I can be arsed with, and what discomfort I am willing to put up with (virtually none), so I have had to work around that in styling up. That’s slightly depressing in itself, but the results have been better since I stopped kidding myself.

On the bright side it sounds like their are lots of simple things you can do to sort it. If you have good skin, hair and teeth that’s a vast part of it (also eyebrows)

THERE

Good morning all. I decided to jump on my scales this morning to see what weight I am ... turns out the reflection I saw yesterday is an exact 12 stone 😲 probably not heavy for some, but for my 5ft4 frame that has been around the 9-9.5 stone mark for most my adult life, it's a lot more than I'd like. So... today I'm going to try to eat healthy and get some steps in. I also made an effort today and put nice jeans and a shirt on. I feel much better already knowing I'm going to start something new today.

I'm also going to try and look after my skin better. It's funny cause I though when my children were young it was hard to have me time, but I was a stay at home parent then. Now I find juggling a full time job while juggling my kids social lives and keeping up my housework is non stop and the 'me' time is non existent.

I'm going to try make more of an effort so anyone wishing to join me ... let's get started 😃