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Original poster

Getting bad vibes from SIL, am I going crazy?

98 replies

LiverpoolMummy89 · 10/04/2023 16:27

Have you ever had weird vibes from someone but everyone else thought they were all right? My brother in laws partner has a baby (5 month old) and mine is 10 months old so a small age difference. I was very excited thinking how lovely they would grow together, except SIL never comes around. She’s happy to meet with her friends and do an hour drive but wouldn’t come over to see me and my DD with a 20 minute drive.

She’s a primary school teacher so she’s bound to be lovely, right? My mum said straight away she’s giving her weird vibes but I always said, nah, she’s all right. But thinking more and more about it, she does makes me a little bit uncomfortable and I feel like she only texts me to make it look like she is in contact so it’s not so awkward when she comes over to see my in laws (I live with them). I feel like she’s constantly watching me when she’s around.

I don’t really know what my question is…I’m normally right about people but everyone thinks she’s okay. How do I deal with those feelings. Was really looking forward to having a niece and another woman in the family but she doesn’t make any effort to be close

OP posts:
alltoowe · 10/04/2023 16:30

Weird vibes because she's not close to you?

PuffinsRocks · 10/04/2023 16:31

You and your mum are overthinking this massively. Maybe she just has her own life?

THATissoooFETCH · 10/04/2023 16:33

She doesnt have to be best buddies with you just because she had a baby with your brother in law!

Maybe she watches you because you weird her out

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Original poster
LiverpoolMummy89 · 10/04/2023 16:34

Weird vibes because she’s watching me like a hawk. I can’t really explain it. It’s like she’s got this darkness in her!

OP posts:
Rubyupbeat · 10/04/2023 16:37

Maybe she feels uncomfortable because you and your mum are making you feel weird.
And not all primary school teachers are nice, believe me.

Rubyupbeat · 10/04/2023 16:38

Making her feel weird

Original poster
LiverpoolMummy89 · 10/04/2023 16:39

@THATissoooFETCH true, she doesn’t have to be best buddies with me but I’m a family person and I like to get on with everyone.

I don’t see why I would weird her out, I’ve always been very welcoming and even asked her to be my daughter’s God mother which she gladly accepted.

OP posts:
Whatthediddlyfeck · 10/04/2023 16:40

I’ll be the one to say it, trust your gut instinct

Original poster
LiverpoolMummy89 · 10/04/2023 16:41

@Rubyupbeat she only met my mum once.

ha I always thought that you had to have a good soul to work with little kids 😅I must be naive, all my teachers were lovely (20 years ago!)

OP posts:
Legocurlers · 10/04/2023 16:42

Were you friends before having DC? I don't understand why you're so keen to force a relationship between you both just because you had kids at the same time.

I've been with my DH for 22 years and it's rare (like I could count on one hand) the times I've done anything with SIL (who is actually related to DH) and DN without DH. Same for my DH with my DSIS and my BIL.

MsSquiz · 10/04/2023 16:42

Why have you asked her to be a godparent if you think she has "a darkness about her" and she "watches you like a hawk"?

THATissoooFETCH · 10/04/2023 16:45

Tbf if someone i didnt know very well asked me to be their dcs godparent id think that weird

Original poster
LiverpoolMummy89 · 10/04/2023 16:57

@THATissoooFETCH because like I said in my original post I kept ignoring these feelings and also I felt pressured by my in laws who thought she’d feel more like a part of our family. I’m a people pleaser 🤦🏻‍♀️

She’s been with my BIL for 2.5 years, we started chatting more once she became pregnant.

OP posts:
Noicant · 10/04/2023 16:57

How do you know she’s watching you like a hawk unless you are staring at her all the time. Maybe she’s watching you because you are watching her. Have you gone to visit her, it’s only a 20 minute drive?

Original poster
LiverpoolMummy89 · 10/04/2023 16:59

@Noicant It’s like asking how do you know you’re being followed, you just know.

i can’t drive and there’s no public transport to get there. I told her it would be nice to meet half way and that she’s always welcome to come over

OP posts:
Mañanarama · 10/04/2023 17:01

For starters, cancel the christening

Greyarea12 · 10/04/2023 17:08

Whatthediddlyfeck · 10/04/2023 16:40

I’ll be the one to say it, trust your gut instinct

Was thinking the exact same.

GalileoHumpkins · 10/04/2023 17:18

LiverpoolMummy89 · 10/04/2023 16:34

Weird vibes because she’s watching me like a hawk. I can’t really explain it. It’s like she’s got this darkness in her!

What has she said or done to suggest she's got a darkness in her other than obviously not liking you very much?
She has a successful relationship, a job and friends, how bad can she really be?

Cue everyone saying even serial killers have those things 😐

Hoppinggreen · 10/04/2023 17:21

LiverpoolMummy89 · 10/04/2023 16:34

Weird vibes because she’s watching me like a hawk. I can’t really explain it. It’s like she’s got this darkness in her!

It’s you. You are being weird.
She doesn’t like you, which is a shame but it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her

thecatsthecats · 10/04/2023 17:25

I would hazard a guess that she can totally read the fact that you "think she has a darkness to her", and she's totally unbothered about correcting your (rather barmy) opinion.

And you should go to visit her first if you really want to make friends anyway. If you want gossip fodder to snark about with your mum, you can at least make the effort.

GulfCoastBeachGirl · 10/04/2023 17:32

I'm not at all close to my SIL and we've known each other for decades. We don't dislike each other, we just have little in common and we're not friends. It's completely fine.

I think you had an expectation that since your children are close in age the two of you would form a bond. Well, that didn't happen but it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of you. You can't force a friendship.

As to the "darkness"... you might be letting your imagination get the best of you.

Original poster
LiverpoolMummy89 · 10/04/2023 17:56

@GulfCoastBeachGirl thank you, that’s probably the most non judgmental answer on the tread. I come from a small family and everyone is close together reading the answers it looks like it’s quite normal to be not so close with your brother and sister in law.

I really hope it’s just my imagination. I normally get on well with everyone. Previously I had a bad feeling about my sister’s bf and my brother in laws wife. The first one pretended to have chemo (fake cancer) so he could cheat on my sister. The second one ended up cheating on my brother in law shortly after wedding so both turned out to be not so great people.

OP posts:
HaggisBurger · 10/04/2023 17:59

I think it maybe, indeed, be your imagination.

ShiverOfSharks · 10/04/2023 18:00

You're being rrrrrreeeeeeallly weird about this. You can't simultaneously sense evil in her (whatever) and complain she doesn't want to be better friends with you.

Just leave her be and get on with your life.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/04/2023 18:01

Maybe she just doesn't like you. Maybe you give her weird vibes. Whatever the case, it really doesn't matter. It's unreasonable to expect to have a close/good relationship with everyone in your family. Just let it go and leave her alone.