Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Getting bad vibes from SIL, am I going crazy?

98 replies

LiverpoolMummy89 · 10/04/2023 16:27

Have you ever had weird vibes from someone but everyone else thought they were all right? My brother in laws partner has a baby (5 month old) and mine is 10 months old so a small age difference. I was very excited thinking how lovely they would grow together, except SIL never comes around. She’s happy to meet with her friends and do an hour drive but wouldn’t come over to see me and my DD with a 20 minute drive.

She’s a primary school teacher so she’s bound to be lovely, right? My mum said straight away she’s giving her weird vibes but I always said, nah, she’s all right. But thinking more and more about it, she does makes me a little bit uncomfortable and I feel like she only texts me to make it look like she is in contact so it’s not so awkward when she comes over to see my in laws (I live with them). I feel like she’s constantly watching me when she’s around.

I don’t really know what my question is…I’m normally right about people but everyone thinks she’s okay. How do I deal with those feelings. Was really looking forward to having a niece and another woman in the family but she doesn’t make any effort to be close

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 10/04/2023 23:59

Maybe she's wondering why you had a baby when you're relying on her parents to house you?

Maybe she's annoyed she can't come and visit her parents without having to see you as well?

Or maybe she's evil does have a darkness in her 🙄

gold22 · 11/04/2023 00:07

AnyFucker · 10/04/2023 23:41

I am getting weird vibes from you

Sorry but this has made me laugh

Phoebo · 11/04/2023 00:09

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 10/04/2023 23:59

Maybe she's wondering why you had a baby when you're relying on her parents to house you?

Maybe she's annoyed she can't come and visit her parents without having to see you as well?

Or maybe she's evil does have a darkness in her 🙄

Oh I totally missed this, no wonder she doesn't like you!!! Get your own place!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
WhateverYouSayEh · 11/04/2023 00:34

If you have a bad feeling about her and think there's "darkness" inside her, makes you feel uncomfortable and you say you think she watches you like a hawk, then why on earth would you want her visiting you more?

Also why can't the children's father's invest time into building close relationships between the children? What can't the two brothers organise play dates between them, if it's only 20 mins drive, even with a full time job they could do something with the children together for an hour or two regularly? If the family are normally close and only 20 mins away then toirbdh could arrange things with his brother? Did the brothers not spend time together regularly anyway? If they didn't because they aren't close then their children likely won't be close either and it's disappointing for you but doesn't make her a bad person either.

I do get what you mean about feeling like something is off about someone but I don't want anyone who makes me feel unsettled around my children tbh, you seem like you think because she sees her friend who lives further away that she should see you too, and if you've had this expectation of the children growing up together when you guys don't have that type of close relationship, she may well be feeling like you have bad vibes too and that's why she's not visiting.

WhateverYouSayEh · 11/04/2023 00:43

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 10/04/2023 23:59

Maybe she's wondering why you had a baby when you're relying on her parents to house you?

Maybe she's annoyed she can't come and visit her parents without having to see you as well?

Or maybe she's evil does have a darkness in her 🙄

I thought it was the bils parents, her husbands brother, when op said her bils partner has a baby, I took that to mean it's the dad who is the relative of OPs husband, so his parents who OP and her husband lives, but then she mentioned her Mum meeting her once and getting a bad vibe too so I've probably read it all wrong.

illiterato · 11/04/2023 00:55

WhateverYouSayEh · 11/04/2023 00:43

I thought it was the bils parents, her husbands brother, when op said her bils partner has a baby, I took that to mean it's the dad who is the relative of OPs husband, so his parents who OP and her husband lives, but then she mentioned her Mum meeting her once and getting a bad vibe too so I've probably read it all wrong.

Show quote history

It’s not her parents - I think she ( the dark arts one) is the OP’s husband’s brother’s partner.

Its quite possible she just doesn’t gel with the OP. I have two SIL. One I would actively choose as a friend even if we weren’t related by marriage . The other is objectively a really nice person but we have absolutely nothing in common (and tbh the cousins don’t either really.) We do see each other but not that often tbh and we wouldn’t actively choose to socialise with each other.

ReadersD1gest · 11/04/2023 01:21

LiverpoolMummy89 · 10/04/2023 16:34

Weird vibes because she’s watching me like a hawk. I can’t really explain it. It’s like she’s got this darkness in her!

She can't simultaneously watch you like a hawk and never come round.
She's probably very sensible, avoiding a pair of harpies like you and your Mum.

CJsGoldfish · 11/04/2023 04:06

I can’t really explain it. It’s like she’s got this darkness in her!
Because you can't accept that she doesn't want to be besties with you?
She doesn't have to be and it doesn't make her a bad person 🤷‍♀️

Asking someone you think has a 'darkness' in her to be the godmother of your precious child is as weird AF and pretty desperate tbh

Tomkirkman · 11/04/2023 04:16

This makes no sense.

Your mum thinks there’s something off about her. You think she has a ‘darkness’ and yet you want her to be the god mother of your child?

She knows her partners mother doesn’t like her and it makes her uncomfortable. And since you live there, she will know your mother has discussed this with you. Does that sound like fun for you?

You like to get in with everyone, think families should be close etc. Would you enjoy going to a house where you can tell close relatives of your partner don’t like you? Having to visit, knowing they they think there’s something off about you.

And don’t say she doesn’t know. If you believe you can detect ‘darkness’ in someone, you must believe she can detect yours and your mums attitude.

You both need to remember, she isn’t just someone who exists in the role of your brother partner. She is a person in her own right. With her own friends and social circle. She had her own life before she met your brother, she has her own life now.

Maybe you should expand your own social circle rather than hoping someone you don’t like asks to spend time with you.

and let’s be honest, if they did split up, that wouldn’t mean you were right about her. Your other examples are confirmation bias. I would guess if they split up you will cling onto something you don’t agree with, in her behaviour and use that to prove that you know.

Tomkirkman · 11/04/2023 04:18

Also, maybe it would be nice for them to visit when you aren’t there.

WandaWonder · 11/04/2023 04:53

There is 'i feel they are a serial killer' weird vibes and 'they don't like me so they must be the odd ones'weird vibes

snitzelvoncrumb · 11/04/2023 05:00

Always trust your gut. I would just take a step back. Don’t try and be her friend, let a relationship in what ever form it takes happen naturally. But always pay attention to your instincts, don’t leave your child with her.

Totalwasteofpaper · 11/04/2023 05:14

Ladybug14 · 10/04/2023 23:59

She has a darkness about her, you and your mum think she's weird.....

.......and yet you've asked her to be godmother and you appear to want to see her more so your kids can mix

Wtaf??

This is almost word for word what i thought when i read this thread.

PalmtreesAndChampagne · 11/04/2023 05:19

TBH you're coming across as dark because you jumped to such a conclusion just because your SIL prefers to hang out with her friends. Just because you're 'family' doesn't mean you'll get along. She might be sensing bad vibes from you and your mum!

Mrsphilmiller · 11/04/2023 05:39

I don’t get it…
is she your brothers wife or your bil wife?
because you had said your mum is creeped out by her and you’re having to see her because you live with your parents..
BUT THEN you stated that your in laws told you to make her godmother to your baby.
Your posts are very confusing OP.

GoodChat · 11/04/2023 05:44

She just doesn't want to be friends. She probably finds you quite intrusive if her child can't ever see their grandparents without you there.

Tomkirkman · 11/04/2023 06:24

I am actually really confused.

I thought you lived with you parents but see that’s wrong. What’s your mother got to do with it then?

This is your partners, brothers partner and you are miffed and see darkness in her because she doesn’t want to be besties?

And you are claiming you were bullied into letting someone ‘with darkness in them’ be your child’s godmother?

Are you very young?

Scratch, some of, what I said before. She knows you don’t like her. She knows you have an expectation that she will be close friends with you for no other reason than you are both couples up with men who are related and have babies around the same age. She is uncomfortable around you. Not you and your mum. Just you.

and you are there usually there when they visit. A little immature and believe she needs to make the effort to visit you. But you couldn’t possibly go visit them at all. Ever.

Are you a little jealous that she has a circle of friends outside, this (what appears to be) over involved family? Meaning you in laws.

Original poster
LiverpoolMummy89 · 11/04/2023 06:29

Just to clarify a few things because it looks like people are misreading things.

I live with my in laws (husband’s parents) and not SIL’s mum (although her mum is a lovely and kind person).

Living with your parents is normal in my culture. I don’t sit there all the time, I go out with my friends so they (SIL and BIL) can visit when I’m not around.

At the start of mine and hers relationship I wanted her to feel welcomed in the family and although I thought she might be a bit different I disregarded those feelings because she’s a family now and it’s nice to have another woman to talk to. That’s when I asked her to become a Godmother.

My mum met her once (at the christening) and it wasn’t a few months AFTER that I mentioned how I feel about SIL, that my mum said she felt the same.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 11/04/2023 06:34

Why do you live with your in laws? And do you have any plans to learn to drive?

stayathomer · 11/04/2023 06:37

I’m really sorry but it sounds like you assumed you’d have a really good/best friend in her but she doesn’t quite see you the same, it’s not a bad thing and she travels an hour to see her friends because they’re her friends! The weird vibe might be that you’re possibly a bit too forward- I’d be the same, I can like people’s company but without wanting to be best buddies (which they sometimes might like to be). Don’t let it make you think worse of her though, of course you can do stuff together, maybe not just the best friends stuff you wanted x

Phoebo · 11/04/2023 06:41

LiverpoolMummy89 · 11/04/2023 06:29

Just to clarify a few things because it looks like people are misreading things.

I live with my in laws (husband’s parents) and not SIL’s mum (although her mum is a lovely and kind person).

Living with your parents is normal in my culture. I don’t sit there all the time, I go out with my friends so they (SIL and BIL) can visit when I’m not around.

At the start of mine and hers relationship I wanted her to feel welcomed in the family and although I thought she might be a bit different I disregarded those feelings because she’s a family now and it’s nice to have another woman to talk to. That’s when I asked her to become a Godmother.

My mum met her once (at the christening) and it wasn’t a few months AFTER that I mentioned how I feel about SIL, that my mum said she felt the same.

So SIL husband is your husbands brother?

AngryBirdsNoMore · 11/04/2023 06:44

I need a family tree.

is she your husband’s brother’s wife? You live with her in laws? Who she does come to see, so seeing you at the same time?

User5464245 · 11/04/2023 07:02

Honest opinion, she is probably a snob and simply prefers meeting her own friends over a SIL who doesn’t have a car and lives with her husband’s parents. A few of the things you said were quite odd and esoteric…such as sensing people “having a darkness inside them”. Not sure if your educational levels match up but it not, that’s probably another reason she’s not so keen to meet.

Crimeismymiddlename · 11/04/2023 07:04

I can’t get over you getting bad vibes from sil but still making her the god mother to your child.

MelloYellow · 11/04/2023 07:09

You’re the strange one.
really odd

Swipe left for the next trending thread