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I ate a burger and fries whilst my son lay dying 😱

103 replies

SunsetandCupcakes · 10/04/2023 09:19

It fucks me off that in today's world where everything goes people can be so judgemental about how people behave in grief.

There isn't an acceptable way to deal with the loss of someone you love, and to judge others about how they grieve is one of the dickish things anyone can do.

Go on, judge me. As my son lay dying in hospital I ordered a meal from Burger King (back in the days where fast food was the only late opening option in hospital)

I ate it next to my husband, sat at a table whilst my son was dying on the floors above, whilst people moved around me doing normal things. Then we went back and sat with him until he died.

His funeral was the best day I've had since he died (it was unexpected, he went from being perfectly healthy then being taken into hospital and dying)

The funeral was the last day it was all about him, it was all his birthdays and Christmas' and life all rolled into one. At his 'wake' his friends laughed and played, we all did. We shared stories, I didn't cry.

And then when most people had left and the remaining children returned to grandparents, we went for the booziest, most expensive dinner I have ever had. And it was lovely, he was there with us all that day. The last day that was just for him.

And the day after his funeral I couldn't get out of bed for four days.

I know that people post with an agenda, but judging grief of anyone is wrong.

OP posts:
ModeWeasel · 10/04/2023 09:21

❤️❤️❤️

Bethany7 · 10/04/2023 09:21

So very sorry for your loss.
Your son's funeral sounded v special, a real celebration of his life and I'm glad you felt his presence.

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 10/04/2023 09:21

What? Op are you ok?

Bethany7 · 10/04/2023 09:22

And PS you are absolutely right in terms of grief x

YellowGreenBlue · 10/04/2023 09:23

You are absolutely right OP. Anyone judging how someone else behaves during their grief needs to STFU.

KnittingNeedles · 10/04/2023 09:23

I'm sorry for your loss. My dad died about four weeks ago.

When it became obvious he wouldn't last the night we said our goodbyes, left the hospital and told them not to phone if he died overnight. He was unconscious and had no idea who was there and who wasn't.

I don't judge you at all. People who do have probably not been in that situation. I hope you're doing OK now, OP.

Easterfunbun · 10/04/2023 09:24

I don’t think anyone is judging? Who is? Why do you feel that way? I’m sorry for your loss but I think that sounds like a perfectly normal response 💐 💐 💐. Wishing you well.

FiveShelties · 10/04/2023 09:24

I cannot see anything to judge to be honest, and I am so sorry for your loss.

ReadingIsFundamental · 10/04/2023 09:24

I’m so so sorry for your loss. The funeral sounds like it was a real celebration of your son.

I suspect that people who judge how others deal with grief and loss have been fortunate enough not to have experienced grief and loss.

fairgame84 · 10/04/2023 09:25

Is this in response to the mushroom thread?
Sorry for your loss OP x

TheEarlofButties · 10/04/2023 09:25

I’ve seen the post that I think has probably triggered yours, it’s ridiculous. Of course everyone grieves differently and everyone has to eat. His funeral sounds beautiful, what was your son like?

WinterCarlisle · 10/04/2023 09:25

I am so so sorry. Also anyone that judges you can do one. Sending you love

MisschiefMaker · 10/04/2023 09:25

I'm so sorry for what you have been through. How heartbreaking.

That other thread was bullshit and all the replies showed everyone else thought so too. You are totally right that we shouldn't judge how others grieve.

Baabaa75 · 10/04/2023 09:26

I'm so so sorry 💐 no judgement here love xx

Comfies · 10/04/2023 09:26

I get it and agree with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. That other thread was disgusting and I hope it gets zapped

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 10/04/2023 09:26

Flowers well said OP.

Dragonsandcats · 10/04/2023 09:27

I’m so sorry for your loss. I agree, nobody should judge how others act while grieving.

Eggseggseverywhere · 10/04/2023 09:27

When my dgm was in icu she knew she wasn't going to make it. .. I had tickets to a pop concert for the 13th.. Morning of the 13th hospital said they were switching her machines off - I visited her but left at 5. 30.I kept my word to attend the concert but it was hard. When I returned home and rang the nurse said she had literally just died..
Ronan Keating will never know he got me through that evening...

Arewehumanorarewecupboards · 10/04/2023 09:28

I’m sorry for your loss.

People deal with things differently. You did what was right for you and yours.

Whats the other thread?

RafaistheKingofClay · 10/04/2023 09:29

I want to give you a massive hug.

Anyone judging how someone reacts to grief or trauma is a massive twat. Nobody gets to do that unless they’ve walked a mile in your shoes. and even then, everyone reacts differently. There’s no right or wrong.

zen1 · 10/04/2023 09:30

I think the OP is responding to that sensationalist thread title in the Royal Family section about Charles picking mushrooms as his mother was dying.

I agree with you OP; people react in many different ways and their is no right or wrong way to manage grief.

So sorry about your son. His funeral sounds perfect and I’m glad you found some comfort on that day despite the unimaginably awful circumstances.

SunsetandCupcakes · 10/04/2023 09:30

🍄 but definitely not TAAT as that isn't allowed.

It just fucked me off so very much. We are all just people, money, fame, lifestyle, birth right, nothing protects you from the human emotion of grief.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

OP posts:
drpet49 · 10/04/2023 09:30

Well you had to eat. Burger King or a sandwich from the vending machine, it isn’t a big deal.

Stillwearingskinnys · 10/04/2023 09:33

No judgment here, I am sorry for your loss xxxx

Anewuser · 10/04/2023 09:34

So sorry for your loss.

You are correct, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve, no handbook or training course to take.

No one has the right to judge how another person handles their own grief. And let’s be honest, you had to bloody eat.

xx