Age you let your children do these things?

[2kids2kids]

name change but my children are still young (5&6) but after a play date yesterday me and the other mums got chatting about ages we would let our children do certain things. Those with other children who have already done these things, I would love to know what age you let them-

have a tablet
have a phone
play date without you staying
go outside to play without supervision
cross the road
have a sleepover
Fully bath/shower themselves
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up
make their own breakfast

Those with ages of 11 or older for phones, do you have a home phone? We don't, so DS needed a (dumb) phone for when he was home alone.

You will get such a big range of reply's. Just do what feels right for you

You wouldn’t let a 10/11 year old go and play at a friends house without you!

No thank you. I know all about April Jones but that doesn't mean children can no longer play outside unaccompanied. No more so than 1 child being killed in a car accident means children should never go on car journeys again.

You do realise not all children are NT or are only parents with NT children allowed to respond, no my children have had play dates without me because they can’t. Maybe think before you judge.

My children have sen sorry didn’t realise only people with NT children can respond.

They have sen and don’t visit friends houses 🤷‍♀️

Oh and fyi when I said never I meant they have never done it not that they never could just that they have never done it YET. Remember not everyone has NT children when responding to this post but didn’t expect to me ganged up on not all children are capable of the same things.

In our case:

have a tablet (8 with restrictions)
have a phone (11 but he didn’t have any data, so he didn’t get distracted while walking it at school, he got data at 14)
play date without you staying (2 but we knew the parents)
go outside to play without supervision (10)
cross the road (9)
have a sleepover (2 but we knew the other parents well)
Fully bath/shower themselves (3 he was demanding to be on the shower on his own from 3)
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up (2 but he knew the rules and was quite sensible)
make their own breakfast (5 onwards)

DC are 5 and 7, but both are both autistic and have ADHD which has affected my answers:

have a tablet - 3 (borrowed, not their own)
have a phone - I expect around 9/10
play date without you staying - no where near this yet; neither copes with play dates. I’d assumed it would have been around 5 or 6
go outside to play without supervision - can’t see this happening for many years
cross the road - 7 year old can if I’m watching and it’s a quiet road
have a sleepover - not for a long time; they can’t manage babysitters even
Fully bath/shower themselves - 7 year old nearly there
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up - 7 year old can but not together with 5 year old
make their own breakfast - they’re not yet tall enough!

I'm autistic and did things younger than many replies on here (except no tablets yet and bought my own phone at 15). Obviously those with children with SEN can respond but if it would influence the age I'd mention it!

I didn’t realise it was so controversial! I’m surprised by some of the comments On here at what age people allow things but wouldn’t single anyone out. It’s never come up not that it would never be allowed by most people can’t manage dds behaviour. Some ND children can manage sleepovers and play dates some can’t.

It would only be controversial if you were stopping a NT child from doing normal age appropriate things. If you know you are an outlier and have a reason I'd say that reason.

I think this is more why people have picked on your posts @OhMyCherriePie.

The never has been misconstrued as never will rather than never have to date and it wasn’t mentioned in your first post that they are ND so would struggle with play dates.

have a tablet 4/5
have a phone 8
play date without you staying 5
go outside to play without supervision 7
cross the road 7
have a sleepover 6
Fully bath/shower themselves 8
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up 4
make their own breakfast 6

have a tablet 11
have a phone 11
play date without you staying 4
go outside to play without supervision 8
cross the road 8
have a sleepover 10
Fully bath/shower themselves 6
go downstairs in the morning without you
getting up 6
make their own breakfast 6

My kids are 5 and 3, they:

have a tablet - have access to a shared tablet with restrictions
have a phone - not till much older, not sure when yet
play date without you staying - either would/have done this - usually stay for a bit and make sure they're settled if it's the first time
go outside to play without supervision - inner city so they don't really do this, only in the garden with supervision
cross the road - not yet
have a sleepover - 5 yo goes for and has people over for sleepovers
Fully bath/shower themselves - I run the bath and then leave them to it, both get in/out without assistance
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up
make their own breakfast - the 5yo serves cereal to them both and they'll play with Lego until they shout for us

Ds(19)

have a tablet - 18 for uni, didnt want one before, preferred to use his phone
have a phone - smart phone 11 (they werent popular until then), dumb phone 9
play date without you staying - 5
go outside to play without supervision - 6 (quiet estate, play park around corner)
cross the road - 6 (road in quiet estate)
have a sleepover - 8 (opportunity never arose before then)
Fully bath/shower themselves - cant remember
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up - never
make their own breakfast - cant remember, he has never liked toast, was making Porridge, omelettes or bacon roll at weekends around 11-12, pouring a bowl of cereal doesnt count as making breakfast

have a tablet - 2
have a phone - 11th bday
play date without you staying - 4
go outside to play without supervision - 7 but depends where.
cross the road - 8
have a sleepover - 8
Fully bath/shower themselves - 6
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up - 4
make their own breakfast - 6

We never left our children alone at home at that age.

We did abandon them in the hotel bedroom for a couple of hours when they were 9 and 6. We were downstairs, actually in sight of the bedroom window because of the way the hotel was laid out. Left one of our phones with them.

We got them phones in year 6 ready for secondary, which seems to be most usual. Tablets whenever the Tesco Hudl came out - 2013 apparently, so 13 and 10. Before that they used the family desktop (we were mean parents who didn't think they needed a dedicated games console as well). Laptops couple of years later.

Playdate without me - reception?
Sleepover - I don't think they did them at primary school. Possibly once when S2 was in Y4. Apart from that the first would have been S1's in about Y10. It was a mixed one (never occurred to me till reading on MN that was an issue tbh).

Outside without supervision - back garden maybe 5ish? They never really Played Out, though S2 got called for by friends a couple of times in Year 6.

S2 was itching to walk to school by himself, but I refused until he managed to walk all the way there without walking along the kerb . For most of Y5 I would walk as far as the main(ish) road with him. Round about Y6, so 10 and a half, I would let him walk to school entirely by himself. S1 didn't till secondary but he didn't seem to mind this. Oh, he did walk back from Friday youth club in Y6.

Go downstairs - 4 and 1 maybe? Though no, S1 was going down by himself before that. He would put on the tv or a DVD and watch Thomas, Thunderbirds or Milkshake.

He once climbed onto the worktop to get a mug out of the cupboard to get himself some milk. Aged about 3 (oops). We said he probably shouldn't do that again. Apart from that, they tended to wait till I came down and got breakfast (they're both perfectly capable of feeding themselves now).

Bath/shower - not sure. We used to shower after swimming at the health club. Really can't remember when I was able to leave them to it.

have a tablet - never
have a phone - 11
play date without you staying - 4 or 5
go outside to play without supervision - 9
cross the road - 9 but just quite roads
have a sleepover - 7
Fully bath/shower themselves - 7
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up - 6
make their own breakfast - 6 for cereal 10 pancakes etc

my DCs are 8 and 6 at the moment.

have a tablet - 3/4 but it’s a shared family device and there are parental controls
have a phone - not until secondary school
play date without you staying - 6 yrs old
go outside to play without supervision
cross the road - not until 10
have a sleepover - 8 yrs my eldest just had one in jan for a birthday
Fully bath/shower themselves - 7 but the door is open and I am
going in and out.
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up - 5 years
make their own breakfast - still not doing that yet.

My three are teenagers. TBH it depends so much on the child, their personality and position in the family.
Have a tablet
They still don't have one to themselves but they have always been allowed to use the house one downstairs
have a phone
11
play date without you staying
4ish? Depends a bit on how well they knew the adults
go outside to play without supervision
In the secure garden? Preschool
cross the road
10ish
have a sleepover
Can't remember, wasn't a big milestone really. Just when they wanted to and were invited on one, some point in primary.
Fully bath/shower themselves
Some point in late primary.
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up
2 or 3. They were so blooming noisy we could hear everything they were doing.
make their own breakfast
As above. Although at 3 it was getting a bowl of cereal, now it's making an omelette.

have a tablet - dd was about 8yo but it was a cheapy one.
have a phone - 11yo, in hindsight I wish I'd held up longer.
play date without you staying - once she started school I think.
go outside to play without supervision - 9yo ish
cross the road 8-9yo ish
have a sleepover - secondary age so 11ish.
Fully bath/shower themselves 8-9yo
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up - from about 4yo
make their own breakfast - 8-9yo ish

This makes me realise that there is a leap once they reach primary school age.

Dc ages 6 and 7
have a tablet - they got their own tablets for 6th birthdays. Restrictions on and used for games, maths apps, spellings.
have a phone - when they start secondary school.
play date without you staying - they've done this since age 5, with a couple of very good friends.
go outside to play without supervision - they do in the garden but not out in public. Nor sure tbh, we live very rirally, there's nowhere/no one to play with.
cross the road we are practicing this now. Dc 2 is nowhere near ready..
have a sleepover - dc1 has been on beavers camp last year. Slept over with GPs lots. I'd be happy for either to stay with a couple if friends I kniw they'd be ok with.
Fully bath/shower themselves - they could do this now. But still like me there.
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up - they do this now.
make their own breakfast - they do thus now with me on hand for major milk spillages (4 pint bottles are heavy!)