Age you let your children do these things?

[2kids2kids]

name change but my children are still young (5&6) but after a play date yesterday me and the other mums got chatting about ages we would let our children do certain things. Those with other children who have already done these things, I would love to know what age you let them-

have a tablet
have a phone
play date without you staying
go outside to play without supervision
cross the road
have a sleepover
Fully bath/shower themselves
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up
make their own breakfast

Overwhelmingly, these things depend on circumstances, and, to some extent on the child.
Then most stuff is gradual, not some sort of switch between not being allowed, and then suddenly allowed to have or do something.

Mine are adults now so memories might not be accurate, but :

have a tablet: when my dc were little, it was 'have a go on the family computer' and I would probably approach this the same - time allowed on the family one sometimes rather than having their own
have a phone : mine had theirs in time to go to secondary. I don't really see why any child would need one before Yr6 however lots of families have old phones now, and there can be times and reasons why a dc might have one for a limited period
play date without you staying : from when they started school, so aged 4
go outside to play without supervision : do you mean in your own, enclosed garden, or out the front to the house, or off to the park ? as they are very different answers. They will also be very different depending on where you live.... a quiet friendly cul-de-sac is different from living on an A-road. This is also one where you do it gradually...... they might play whilst you are gardening, and then maybe when you are a bit in and out washing windows or clearing out the garage, etc to begin with and you build up.
cross the road : See above - massively depends on the road. But also, you start them off letting them make the judgement when they are by your side, and build up.
have a sleepover - do you mean sleep anywhere you aren't (incl dgp etc) or staying at a friends house, or a whole gang of giggly children for a party ? This is going to depend on the child's confidence, and also on how well you know the adult hosts.
Fully bath/shower themselves : It's another gradual one - you start "fading out" your support - being "around" but not in the bathroom and so on. It also tends to depend a bit on how many other dc you have......
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up : can't really remember this one, but it does depend on the child's personality. I know dc2 was allowed to do things much younger than dc1 was, as dc2 was a rule follower whereas dc1 was much more impulsive / we were less able to trust them
make their own breakfast : none of mine were that bothered - would get up and watch tele but never wanted to get food.

I have a 5 year old and a 12 year old. My answers aren't set in stone, as it depends on the child, my two are so different that I suspect my son won't be ready for freedoms at the same age as DD was.

Have a tablet - we have one for the family that they can use but not their own
Phone - they get a phone when they start school (at 7) just like all other children where we live
Playdate without me - I think DD started doing that at 5, with neighbour children. DS too but only with the neighbours we know, he hasn't been on any other playdates yet.
Play outside without supervision - DD did with minimal supervision from 4 and by 6 with no supervision. DS occasionally plays in the garden alone at 5 but isn't keen on it.
Cross the road - 5 for DD on the very quiet road we lived on, other roads at 6/7, will be the same for DS
Sleepover - think DD was 7 for her first non-family sleepover, shall see if DS is ready at that age but perhaps not
Shower themselves - DD was around 7 so probably around the same for DS
Go downstairs alone in the morning - not sure, maybe 7 or so
Make own breakfast - trying to teach DS now at 5, DD has been doing it for years,maybe since 6

I have adult DC for reference.

have a tablet starting high school
have a phone as above
play date without you staying 6 if know parents well, about 10 if not
go outside to play without supervision 9 or 10, depends on child and area
cross the road 8
have a sleepover as play date
Fully bath/shower themselves 5
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up 3
make their own breakfast 6 or under

My son is 7 tomorrow.

He has a tablet but really only uses it 3 times a week
No phone too young for that
Will come downstairs in the morning sometimes but sits at his lego table til I come downstairs. I know he's down as he is humming very loudly and making noise (sitting room under my room)
Starting to help make breakfast
Bath we kinda leave him to it but we are about picking up laundry and anything that needs to be taken downstairs. Was told by my mil give children toys in the bath they will clean themselves. He understands baths/showers is privacy.
He is starting to help set the table for dinner.

My oldest got a phone at 10 (old handset of ours) as it was lockdown and she could keep in touch with friends and now she has a newer phone and sim deal it was handy for high school & when she met people on induction days and swapped numbers so as much as i hate the phone (we monitor it, make sure all locations etc are off, can’t use certain apps, no phone overnight etc) it is a part of life now sadly so my younger two will also have phones at 11 / p7.

tablet they’ve had a few years again in lockdown but mainly used for school work, handy when hanging about in the car waiting on my oldest finishing clubs or the odd shot they get in school. So 5 but without lockdown might have been a bit older.

play date without me staying has been 8 if i know the mum from school & they play together a lot. They aren’t allowed outside to play as idiots here drive like maniacs and no where near by to ride bikes / play. Maybe 8/9 if we stayed in a cul de sac type road.

my 12 year old still needs reminding crossing the road sometimes 🙄 and look and not be distracted but they know to stop and look and not run out but wouldn’t be happy with them doing it themselves.

sleepovers are a no as well but we’ve no family so they’ve never had a night away from home & never been interested in it. Maybe 10ish if i knew the mum or 11 as they’d have a phone

full bath / shower with hair 9 / 10. Drying hair themselves my daughter was 11ish i think.

they don’t go downstairs they would be ok & could sort breakfast but they don’t. They’ve always just stayed in bed and read until i’m up but then i don’t lie about for hours & get up especially on weekdays. Weekends i tend to sort “bigger” breakfasts as we’re out most of the day.

it’s irrelevant what other parents think or do though only what you think is right for yours. I’m maybe a bit more ott than most of my kids friends but then mine are happy, sensible and well mannered kids so its working ok

Sorry forgot couple of things playing outside himself about 4 but we are an enclosed garden, going to the park is with us.
Sleepover with family 4 weeks old, with friends one coming up
Playing at pals house without me 5 years old. His best buddy known from nursery.

@OhMyCherriePie
Sleepover, never.
Playdate without you, never.
Why? I’m really curious!

have a tablet- 6
have a phone- 9
play date without you staying- 3
go outside to play without supervision - 8
cross the road- 8
have a sleepover- 8 in theory, 12 in practice!
Fully bath/shower themselves-7
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up- 5
make their own breakfast- 5 cereal, 7 toast

have a tablet 6 ish
have a phone 11 when they start high school but strongly discourage social media until 13/14
play date without you staying 5-6 but only if i know and trust the family
go outside to play without supervision 8
cross the road 8
have a sleepover 8
Fully bath/shower themselves 6-7 i think but child dependent
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up 5 ( but rarely as they all like getting up late and dh is an early riser).
make their own breakfast. this depends on what you mean by make breakfast. Help themselves to dry cereal at 5 ish. Aged 8/9 to use toaster and microwave to make beans on toast.

Kids 5 & 3 (but very very nearly 4). Youngest has some mobility issues.

have a tablet - 2-3

have a phone - when they start to need one for safety - so if they start walking to school after 10, then. Might be a bit earlier/later.

play date without you staying - with close friends with kids the same age, 2. School friends etc, 5ish.

go outside to play without supervision - in the garden with me pottering around in/out, in easy line of sight & hearing, 2ish. In the garden whilst I watch tv or something, maybe about 7, but it wouldn't happen as the younger one is usually around and needs additional supervision. Outside, Not until they are going places independently, but I'd be happy with them walking to a friends house thats round the corner etc at maybe 8/9.

cross the road - quiet side roads, maybe 7. Big roads 10ish. Though may need to tweak these for youngest due to the risk of her falling in the road.

have a sleepover - with close family friends 2/3. School friends, hasn't asked yet, it would depend on how well I know the parents etc. 6-8ish.

Fully bath/shower themselves - shower without me, maybe 7 if able, bath, a bit older.

go downstairs in the morning without you getting up - I'm happy for my 5yo to, but 3yo would want to come too, and can't manage stairs safely etc.

make their own breakfast - for cereal etc, whenever they are tall and strong enough to get the milk out, and not make a mess etc. Maybe 6.

Are you really going to sit round their friends house when they are 15 😂😂

The only thing my 4 year old does/has is a Amazon kids tablet otherwise her and my other kids are way to young for the other stuff. Interesting thread.

have a tablet - 12
have a phone - basic phone 12. Smart phone 16
play date without you staying - 7
go outside to play without supervision - back garden 3, on street 8. Would be older if we lived where I grew up though!
cross the road - 8 I guess, if they're going out to play
have a sleepover - 14
Fully bath/shower themselves - 8
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up-6. Not that they'd have it.
make their own breakfast - supervised, as soon as they can do it. They help from toddlers. Unsupervised, 8 or 9.

Google April Jones.

have a tablet 5
have a phone 13
play date without you staying 5
go outside to play without supervision 5
cross the road 7
have a sleepover 7
Fully bath/shower themselves 7
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up 6
make their own breakfast 6

have a tablet 4
have a phone 10
play date without you staying 6
go outside to play without supervision 11
cross the road 10
have a sleepover 6
Fully bath/shower themselves 8
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up 5
make their own breakfast 11

There is an absolutely brilliant show on netflix called "old enough"
it is a japanese show of short clips of small children (often around 3yo) running their first errands (followed by a camera crew who do not interfere).

It is fascinating and very interesting to observe cultural expectations etc.
Highly recommend!!!

Surely back garden happens very gradually anyway. You go from:

1. being by their side,
2. to being near them in the garden,
3. then popping in to grab a drink/wipes,
4. making a cuppa etc or a short task nearby
5. to popping in and out of the kitchen,
6. to being mostly in but keeping a close eye
7. to maybe pottering round the whole house but having windows open/ looking out of the window,
8. to leave them be unless it seems 'too quiet',
9. to just letting them play in the garden totally unsupervised.

Different kids and parents will move along that timescale differently.

I'm at 5 for the nearly 4yo, and 7 for the 5yo.

@OhMyCherriePie how old are your DC?

I have dc aged between 8 and 16
Tablet - around 5
Phone - for secondary school, although my 12 year old broke his so will wait a while before getting a new one.
Play date without me staying - about 7/8
Out to play without supervision - 13, but depends on the child.
Cross the road - quiet ones aged 11, busy ones aged 13
Sleepover - not sure, none of mind have wanted to yet.
Bath/shower - 12ish
Go downstairs in the morning without me getting up - about 9/10
Make own breakfast - 7/8 for cereal, 9/10 for toast

Eldest is 10

have a tablet - 5
have a phone - yet to happen
play date without you staying - 5
go outside to play without supervision - 9
cross the road - 8
have a sleepover - yet to happen
Fully bath/shower themselves - 7 but I still have to make sure he's using soap.
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up - 4, because he used to sneak down stairs and I sleep heavily
make their own breakfast - 4 see above

I think it very much depends on the child. I have ds who is 15 but has ASC and severe dyspraxia and dd 9.

have a tablet - both at around 7 but with parental controls
have a phone - ds at 11, dd will be the same
play date without you staying - around 7 for both
go outside to play without supervision - never have because we live on a busy road
cross the road - 11, again busy road
have a sleepover - neither have ever wanted to apart from with cousins from around 6
Fully bath/shower themselves - ds 7, dd has a shower and has done from around 7 but I still occasionally have to wash her waist length curly hair now as she often misses a bit, still wouldn't fully trust her in the bath as she is a fidget and I'd worry about her slipping and falling. She rarely uses the bath though due to not being able to wash her hair in it.
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up - both around 6 but I'm usually up before dd.
make their own breakfast - dd could do her own cereal from around 6, ds has been able to do cereal, toast and basic cooking from around 12, his fine motor control is very poor and prior to this he struggled to pour milk and butter toast

have a tablet- 3 (kindle fire)
have a phone- (I imagine secondary school).
play date without you staying- 6/7
go outside to play without supervision- 8
cross the road- 8
have a sleepover- 8
Fully bath/shower themselves- 4
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up-6
make their own breakfast- 4

I have a 5 and nearly 7 year old so some are guesses!
have a tablet - 4 (they do homework on it, some games and tv)
have a phone - probably around 10
play date without you staying - not yet but would if knew parents
go outside to play without supervision - garden 4, probably around 10 in park across the road
cross the road - 6 (quiet road in a village)
have a sleepover - not yet, probably around 10
Fully bath/shower themselves - 6 for shower
go downstairs in the morning without you getting up - 6
make their own breakfast - 6 (cereal)

have a tablet From 3ish occasionally eg I n long train journeys. Eldest 2 (8 and 6) have their own tablets but they don't have unrestricted access to them!

have a phone my eldest is 8 so not yet! But 11 seems sensible (when she'll be travelling to school without me)

play date without you staying From reception

go outside to play without supervision so In the Uk still not yet (at 8). In mainland Europe the 6 and 8yo will.

cross the road 7 very child dependant. My eldest at 6-almost-7. My 6yo dreamer no where near!

have a sleepover Not yet but have agreed 9!

Fully bath/shower themselves 8

go downstairs in the morning without you getting up 3.5 with elder siblings!

make their own breakfast 3 for a bowl of cereal, 8 for the toaster