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Original poster

Sacrificing childrens education for dream home?

99 replies

CupEmpty · 06/04/2023 13:50

Would appreciate some opinions on what people think is the right decision. We have 2 young children (toddler and baby). Not even in preschool yet! And are trying to buy our forever home/ long term home. We have stable jobs in an area and have done a lot of moving so are looking to settle down for a while.

we currently live in a grammar school catchment area. A house has come up 20 minutes away that could be our dream home, but outside the catchment for grammar. Options for secondary school would be the big town comprehensives which are currently not particularly great. There is a private school but this would be an immense stretch, not sure it’s doable.

do we make the move to this house knowing that secondary options aren’t as good? Look for a house in our current village (less likely to tick all the boxes/ more expensive/ could be waiting a long time) and have a smaller house in the hope they pass the 11+? Primary is well catered for in both villages.

OP posts:
DistrictCommissioner · 06/04/2023 13:51

The obvious question is what the non grammar option is where you currently live.

TeenDivided · 06/04/2023 13:52

What if your children aren't grammar school ability?

Schools can change in 8-10 years anyway.

Bienemajas · 06/04/2023 13:52

They may not get in the grammar school - what are the other schools like!?

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General education
Maireas · 06/04/2023 13:54

A lot can change with schools in that time frame. I once taught in a school which needed improvement, a new headteacher came in, and it was turned round in a few years. Having said that, Grammar schools are fairly consistent because they select, so will always get good results. Also, do remember that catchments change.

SleepingCatz · 06/04/2023 13:55

You don't know that your children will be grammar school material. One of my DC was extremely bright, passed the test, no tutoring. She hated it, the hothouse, the endless testing.

You can't forecast either their ability or the state of the school system/local schools ten years hence.

In other words I'd go for the house!

Original poster
CupEmpty · 06/04/2023 13:58

Exactly I know I am probably over thinking! Non grammar options where we currently are are no better than the ‘town’ options. So no disadvantage to moving.

I think I am just hoping they will be grammar ability and had always imagined I’d do whatever I took to get them there (inc a few years of private primary if necessary) because myself and DH both went to grammars and feel we wouldn’t be where we are today without them.

completely accept my thinking is probably wrong/ over the top but that’s why I posted - I don’t want to turn this house down if I’m being stupid.

OP posts:
Candleabra · 06/04/2023 14:01

11+ is a long way off for your kids and they may not pass anyway. Even passing doesn’t necessarily give a guaranteed place at your grammar school of choice.
Also your “forever” home doesn’t have to
mean that either. Things change. You can only deal with the information you have now. You can’t future proof all your decisions against changing circumstances.

NancyJoan · 06/04/2023 14:01

Is it really your dream home if it’s not in catchment for a school you’re happy with? I’d stick with the grammar area personally.

Madamecastafiore · 06/04/2023 14:06

You can do all you want to get them there but you're setting them up for mental health problems if they aren't grammar school material.

Live your life now and sort out schools when they're older. You may move again, heads may change and schools become better, our local grammar is in special measures do that's not totally unheard of either!

Emanresu9 · 06/04/2023 14:09

I would prioritise education every time.

if you and DH are clever then statistically your children have a good chance of being clever too so hopefully will get in.

mindutopia · 06/04/2023 14:09

I would find a home you love. So much can change in 10 years.

We moved to our dream home with an outstanding secondary nearby. A year later and it’s rated as requiring improvement and going through a massive re-structuring. Eldest is y5 and will be starting there next year anyway as nothing we can do about it (next closest school is absolutely dire and on the verge of being shut).

seratoninmoonbeams · 06/04/2023 14:12

The grammar schools near us don't really have a catchment area. They take the top passes of the eleven plus. We live a twenty minute walk away and both my DS go there luckily as the other options are rubbish but their class mates come from all over the place on trains and buses. Same as when I went there.

TeenDivided · 06/04/2023 14:12

Also, what is wrong with the comps in town?

Are they objectively poor, or is it just their results don't look as good as a grammar?

Hint: look at progress 8 values on the dept education compare schools site.

PuttingDownRoots · 06/04/2023 14:13

DH and I both went to grammar schools... we deliberately moved to a non grammar area knowing it would be better for our DD. Its not a question of pushing her... it wasn't the right environment for her. However she is doing well in the top sets at her comprehensive, which was a bit of a surprise to all of us including her!

You can't look at a preschool child and decide what school is best.

Original poster
CupEmpty · 06/04/2023 14:14

@Emanresu9 i agree - it’s difficult to word this without being roasted alive by mumsnet as I know it won’t go down well, but both me and DH are extremely academic/ “intelligent” in terms of what we achieved at school/ university and are both well educated. I know grammars are divisive but we both credit our professional success to a grammar education. I know this is no guarantee our children will have a similar academic ability but i’d hoped they could have the same opportunity at least.

OP posts:
Original poster
CupEmpty · 06/04/2023 14:28

@NancyJoan its much more DH dream than mine. I could live there happily and make it work but he is head over heels
for it and doesn’t care about the grammar catchment. He is also a bit resenting the standard struggles of a life with young children at the moment and hates the idea of compromising on a house to be in a school area.

OP posts:
Maireas · 06/04/2023 14:28

As pp have said, it's really very early days for your children. Look at progress 8, look at other indicators. You're making decisions about them going to the grammar a bit too early, really.

Maireas · 06/04/2023 14:30

What do you mean, "resenting the standard struggles of life"? .
Anyway, you don't need to live in a catchment for a grammar, they cream off a wide area.

PuttingDownRoots · 06/04/2023 14:33

Having highly intelligent parents didn't stop my DD having dyslexia. Shes actually very clever, but struggles due to processing speed.

itsgettingweird · 06/04/2023 14:59

If you ah e to do all it takes to get them in grammar are you sure that would be the better option for them over a comp anyway?

You also have to remember large parts of the UK don't have the grammar system.
Yet still manage to spew out intellectuals with good exam results who get good jobs.

VegetablesFightingToReclaimTheAubergieneEmoji · 06/04/2023 15:04

60% of my daughters cohort grammar places went to out of borough places. There are no guarantees with it, even those that should walk it on the day are not guaranteed. The grammars in my area and admissions are unrecognisable from how they were even 10 years ago.

id make sure the secondary’s are vaguely ok where your going, it’s a best fit. What’s right for one isn’t another and you’re a long way off. And if I could afford it, enrich them outside of school, extra curricula and tutoring.

Doyouthinktheyknow · 06/04/2023 15:20

I’m that timeframe schools can go from average to good or outstanding and the reverse.

Focus on what’s right with your family now. There are too many variables to do anything else.

SleepingCatz · 06/04/2023 17:10

PuttingDownRoots · 06/04/2023 14:33

Having highly intelligent parents didn't stop my DD having dyslexia. Shes actually very clever, but struggles due to processing speed.

Same here, ADHD. GS pressure was not good for my DC’s mental health. Sterling GCSE results but at what cost - a CAHMS referral and a very stressed kid.

WeAreBorg · 06/04/2023 17:59

If being in the catchment area makes a difference for the grammar school then I’d buy there. Time flies!

Or buy the dream house and start saving up for the private school? Seems a shame to lose the grammar opportunity though - we don’t have them here and standards are pretty dire in the comps

GoodChat · 06/04/2023 18:13

Grammars don't generally have catchments and I agree with the others who've said a lot is going to change in 10 years.

There might no longer be grammar schools, or there might be more.

The schools in your area could become excellent academies.

I wouldn't let one school be the decider.