Sacrificing childrens education for dream home?

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Would appreciate some opinions on what people think is the right decision. We have 2 young children (toddler and baby). Not even in preschool yet! And are trying to buy our forever home/ long term home. We have stable jobs in an area and have done a lot of moving so are looking to settle down for a while.

we currently live in a grammar school catchment area. A house has come up 20 minutes away that could be our dream home, but outside the catchment for grammar. Options for secondary school would be the big town comprehensives which are currently not particularly great. There is a private school but this would be an immense stretch, not sure it’s doable.

do we make the move to this house knowing that secondary options aren’t as good? Look for a house in our current village (less likely to tick all the boxes/ more expensive/ could be waiting a long time) and have a smaller house in the hope they pass the 11+? Primary is well catered for in both villages.

We are going belt and braces: good state, access to grammar and private as a back up. Both of mine are bright but with SN so who knows, we’ll choose what suits them.

you can always sell a dream home too

So many factors - just can’t tell if they will get in - my DD got 3A*s at A level so is really clever but was gripped with anxiety / panic attacks in year 6 and struggled with SATs couldn’t have coped with 11+. She went to a comp until GCSEs and we paid for a private 6th form college. Also who knows if a Labour gov will get rid of the rest of the grammars.

So much can change - do what is right for now. And do not put any pressure on them, academically or otherwise.

The grammar schools in our area now
no longer have catchment areas and people travel up to 2hrs to get there. so things could change in the next 8 years and you may regret not getting the house. If your kids are clever and want to learn with your support they will thrive anywhere.

Lots of grammar areas/school
in grammar areas do have a distance or postcode priority though eg Manchester.

Sounds like u r overthinking it, at this point u would have no clue on their academic ability, u could stay put in a small house then they don’t pass the exam.

Look at where the good secondary schools, clubs, amienties are.

Schools can change a lot, it’s a lottery.

Some private middle schools say go to the good local comps and spend your money on tutoring.
I know some students wished they had gone with their friends to the local comp and not the grammar school hothouse.

Overall I’d plump for school system (Primary, Secondary and catchment area), over size of house. But up to everyone’s personal judgement.

They are so young, things can change. Would you move for this house if you thought it was for five years?

Friends moved into a grammar area when their eldest was a similar age to yours (starting infants), and then a couple of years later the grammar boundaries changed and lo and behold they’re no longer in a grammar area. More locally to me, the school everyone found religion and attended church for somehow became the school everyone was fighting to avoid, in a shorter time frame than 10 years or so.

I don’t necessarily disagree with those saying school over house - I do disagree with saying it this far in advance.

Buy the house

Enjoy it for next 7+ years

Reconsider when your eldest is in year 4/5.

Right now you don’t have a full picture of what the kids’ academic abilities and personalities are like, how the various local schools will look at that time, what other factors will come into play… eg you could have totally different jobs/commutes by then, different income levels, be sick of living rurally and driving your kids everywhere, health problem that requires hospital access, need to get to ageing relatives quickly, maybe a development near your “forever home” has spoiled it, etc etc etc.

In short : lots can change by senior school. Buy what works for the next few years and forget about the daft forever home concept.

Are you absolutely sure that grammar school has a catchment? That's unheard of in my opinion. Usually they take the crem de lem based on the 11+ result. Most parents will use this result to bargain reduced rates in the private schools too.

Well that's my experience of it 🤪

It sounds like it’s a much more fundamental question of your husband wanting something different to what you want.

I’m not sure a house move will solve whatever his standard resentments about family life are.

@Popalina65 here’s an extract from Urmston Grammar admission. They take the top 20 scorers regardless of distance but after that, postcode and distance are key

Entry Category E - approximately 120 places
Upon removing the candidates who are allocated places via Entry Categories A, B, C and D, places in category E will be allocated in accordance with their distance from the school to their home address as per a straight line, firstly by M41 and M31 postcodes followed by the remaining candidates.

I'd pick the house, who knows where you'll be in 10 years. It blows my mind our neighbours picked this area for the schools when they have babies. Some aren't even pregnant yet. They've even been attending 2ndary open days.

Go for the house!

spend time and money enhancing your children’s all round education doing things with you and extra curricular activities outside of school.

not everything is about academia. But growing a well rounded and emotionally stable adult. (Yes they’re babies now. But you are growing adults!)

you can do this by expanding their horizons, not penning them in a grammar school or private school to only grow within the box.

obviously doesn’t apply to everyone, but a lot of people who have been to grammar schools and especially private schools often come across as quite entitled and not very aware of other. I don’t think it’s necessarily doing your children a favour in life ….. unless you aspire for them to be politicians! 🙊

To add …. I passed the 11+ and chose not to go! Because of all the commitments within school that would impact on my already busy social schedule! Obviously with the support of my parents.
I got straight A’s & some A*’s where they were available then. I loved on to what I wanted to do. A degree at a prestigious red brick uni. ….. hated it …. Change of plan. Now twice qualified/accredited professional to “masters degree level”. Studying whilst I earned.

I’m happy.

I agree with your husband. Go for the house. Be happy. Aim for your children to be happy and lose the idea they’ll be academic. They’ll only hate your for it!

by all means show them you enjoy it, they might too. But don’t force it.

House.

You don’t know what the schools or catchments will be like by then, or even whether your child will want to go.
You’ve mentioned the likelihood of them being intelligent, but if they don’t like the idea what are you going to do? Force them?

No-one knows what the future holds. Go with the dream house.

Scottish so not too familiar with grammar system but I'd prioritise education. We moved to an area partly for the excellent schools when kids were very young and have no regrets. We'd have been priced out if we hadn't moved when we did.

I don’t think the Grammar system will even exist in ten years to be honest.

Most of the UK don't have Grammar schools at all,the bright kids still.do.ok!

Agree with this - except it was me at the special measures secondary school, and I got better results than my husband.

We were at the same university, with another girl who went to the grammar school my parents had toyed with submitting me for. She was a wreck mental health wise, exacerbated by the poor pastoral care of said grammar.

This is not to say grammars are bad, but it's about so much more than just that.

I've never lived in a grammar area, it's just not an issue in most of the country (who don't have them) schools change over time too

And education is about so much more than exam results. I think it's so important for children to be able to mix with people from a wide variety of backgrounds and to be able to understand what may be different about some other people's upbringings and circumstances and also what unites us. I think the lack of real diversity is a major problem with any kind of selective education, be it academic or financial selection and makes society poorer as a whole.

Do what suits now, that's a long time for everything to change: schools improve, they might not pass even if they are clever, they might not want to go, etc.
My kid got into grammar school but is outside catchment area.

I really regretted moving to an area with worse schools. I wouldn’t do it unless there were no other options.