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Original poster

Sacrificing childrens education for dream home?

99 replies

CupEmpty · 06/04/2023 13:50

Would appreciate some opinions on what people think is the right decision. We have 2 young children (toddler and baby). Not even in preschool yet! And are trying to buy our forever home/ long term home. We have stable jobs in an area and have done a lot of moving so are looking to settle down for a while.

we currently live in a grammar school catchment area. A house has come up 20 minutes away that could be our dream home, but outside the catchment for grammar. Options for secondary school would be the big town comprehensives which are currently not particularly great. There is a private school but this would be an immense stretch, not sure it’s doable.

do we make the move to this house knowing that secondary options aren’t as good? Look for a house in our current village (less likely to tick all the boxes/ more expensive/ could be waiting a long time) and have a smaller house in the hope they pass the 11+? Primary is well catered for in both villages.

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 06/04/2023 18:18

I would chose to live somewhere where you have confidence in the schools, including the schools available to you if your children fail the 11+

TwigTheWonderKid · 06/04/2023 18:31

The grammar can't be super selective if the physical catchment area is so small?

FWIW, I went to a super-selective grammar and DH to a super-crap comprehensive; our A level results are identical and we both ended up at the same university.

Given the right parental interest, bright children will succeed in any setting.

Ponderingwindow · 06/04/2023 18:32

Always school over house.

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EggBlanket · 06/04/2023 18:36

I think you would be crazy to leave a grammar area for a house. Although I’m surprised your grammar has a catchment area, none of the ones I’ve looked at do.

NerdyBird · 06/04/2023 18:49

I think it really depends on the child, and yours are too young to tell. We don't have the grammar system but DSD1 would have been fine - she'd do well anywhere. DSD2 would definitely struggle but prob do ok in the end academically, maybe not MH-wise. DD would not do well, it would be wrong for her personality.

So I'd go for the house.

Incidentally: my mum went to grammar but didn't go to uni, spent a lot of time as SAHM; my dad left school at 14, put self through uni later, good career. Husband went to private school, ditched uni now earns well; me bog standard state, uni, average career.
You really can't base everything on school in my experience.

Feemie · 06/04/2023 19:10

CupEmpty · 06/04/2023 14:14

@Emanresu9 i agree - it’s difficult to word this without being roasted alive by mumsnet as I know it won’t go down well, but both me and DH are extremely academic/ “intelligent” in terms of what we achieved at school/ university and are both well educated. I know grammars are divisive but we both credit our professional success to a grammar education. I know this is no guarantee our children will have a similar academic ability but i’d hoped they could have the same opportunity at least.

Well, if they’re clever they’ll succeed at whatever type of school. I went to Oxford from a school that barely sent anyone to any university.

BeautifulWar · 06/04/2023 19:19

I think I am just hoping they will be grammar ability and had always imagined I’d do whatever I took to get them there (inc a few years of private primary if necessary) because myself and DH both went to grammars and feel we wouldn’t be where we are today without them.

I understand, but grammar isn't the be all and end all. I believe that parental involvement plus temperament and ability of the child is what makes someone 'successful' though.

There are plumbers and builders who earn six figures; likewise there are private school educated people who are not cut out for careers.

A lot can change in a school in a few short years and grammar certainly isn't for everyone.

ImaynotliketheEducationSecretary · 06/04/2023 20:04

NancyJoan · 06/04/2023 14:01

Is it really your dream home if it’s not in catchment for a school you’re happy with? I’d stick with the grammar area personally.

This. Fabulous house. Shit school. Not so fabulous

LetsPlayShadowlands · 06/04/2023 20:07

Ah yes. Not going to grammar school is sacrificing education. 🙄

SparkyBlue · 06/04/2023 20:09

Is it otherwise a really good area? Do you like it if you took the school situation out of the equation? Don't underestimate how lovely it is to move into your long term family home , it gives a feeling of being settled (I know I'm not describing it well). We moved six years ago into our current house and I'd only move if I won the lottery and it's great to never have that feeling of needing to think about a new mortgage or relocation and moving costs. Im in Ireland so honestly the education situation in England does bewilder me as surely state school can't be that bad however I'll have secondary in two years and have a very clever academic DC so I do understand how you feel as I'm addled about what's best for her.

coloursquare · 06/04/2023 20:56

Presumably if you have the ability to get into a grammar school then your GCSEs should be fine wherever you go.

DiscoBeat · 06/04/2023 21:22

Is it really your dream home if it’s not in catchment for a school you’re happy with? I’d stick with the grammar area personally.
Totally agree

QuintanaRoo · 06/04/2023 21:29

With having intelligent/academic parents the odds are stacked in their favour that they will pass the 11plus. Dyslexia doesn’t mean that passing the 11plus is unachievable (for those mentioning your kids are so young and you don’t know how they’ll turn out). Dd is dyslexic and passed.

Education seems important to you so I would not move out the catchment area as long as you’re confident where you are now it will still be in catchment area in 8 years or so. My village has been in the catchment area for 40 plus years until recently due to the town increasing in size.

MyDarlingClementine · 06/04/2023 21:33

Education always.

We are outside the catchment areas.

Too late to move.

Definitely stay near the best school.

MrMarkham · 06/04/2023 21:46

I went to a comprehensive and then one of the top universities (no grammars in our area) - now live in Kent and would really like to opt my kids out of the grammar school rodeo to be honest. My eldest is apparently very bright so currently deciding whether we'll have to do the whole tutoring thing next year to give her a shot at the 11+ (because whatever people say, literally everyone tutors, and you have to if it's a state primary as they don't teach the exam technique - it's not a level playing field at all and I really resent that it still comes down to what you can afford to pay a private tutor!)

But I digress. In short, I would pick the house. Half decent comprehensive, bright kids will rise anyway. Don't plan your life around a possibility of getting into a school that they may not get into and which may not be right for them (one of my main considerations is that I don't think all girls would be the best thing for my daughter but that's what we're looking at for all the grammars round here.)

TheNoodlesIncident · 06/04/2023 22:24

In our area, grammars are not restricted by catchment areas, they are super selective and offer places to the children with the highest 11+ results. There are also selective grammars which have their own exam (which isn't as difficult).

So it doesn't matter if you don't live near the grammar, if your child passes the 11+ with a very high mark, they will be offered a place. Buses are usually available.

If your area is like this (look at the schools' websites), buy whatever house suits you.

Srin · 06/04/2023 22:39

Having taught in a wide range of schools, I would always pick a school over a house. Schools vary far more than some people seem to realise. It does depend on how good/bad the other options are though. Another thing to bear in mind is that quite a lot of state comprehensives have top sets in virtually all subjects which is a bit like having a grammar school within a school. This can be good or can be bad, depending on which set your child gets into.

Luredbyapomegranate · 06/04/2023 22:44

Well obviously not no, if the schools in the new area aren’t good.

Noicant · 06/04/2023 22:47

Education first.

PutYourBackIntoit · 07/04/2023 00:39

I would pay extra to avoid living in a grammar area, where the comps were good.

whathaveidonetomydc · 07/04/2023 00:51

I see where you are coming from but it's a massive oversight to think you "will do anything to make sure the dc get into the grammar". They are very young and you don't know their academic ability yet or any possible SEN. There are many bright children but have dyslexia, ADHD, ASD etc that wouldn't be able to pass the test for various reasons. It's a bit mad that you are assuming that they will get in from now.

caringcarer · 07/04/2023 01:49

Why not just pay for a bit of private tutoring for your kids once at secondary school?

JaniceGreen · 07/04/2023 02:21

Personally I'd stay in the same village even if the house there doesn't tick all your boxes or if you have to wait longer for a good house to come up. Your dc are young so you have time to wait.

Yes it might turn out that your dc aren't grammar school material but in that case they'd just attend the non-grammar which seems to be just as good as the town comps, so no issue either way. But if they did turn out to be very bright (fairly likely if both parents were at grammar) I'd be kicking myself that they wouldn't have a chance of going to the grammar when it came to secondary options. (Assuming that the catchments do actually matter for the grammar). The dream house wouldn't be a dream house for me without being in the right location.

You could always move once the youngest is in secondary.

SergeantMilko · 07/04/2023 03:00

I think it’s worth considering secondaries when choosing a long-term family home (it seems to come round quick!) You need to be happy with the schools you’re going to have as an option where you live, including the alternatives if the grammar isn’t right for them. From what you’ve said I’d hold out for a home in the village where you are.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 07/04/2023 03:12

“Anyway, you don't need to live in a catchment for a grammar, they cream off a wide area”

Not all do. In our town the boys’ school take the highest scorers from however far they wish to travel, whereas the girls’ school goes by distance.

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