Autistic women assemble!

[Nepmarthiturn]

...only if and when you're not feeling antisocial and want the entire world to +%$¥ off, or course. 😉😆

A few of us were talking on another thread and thought it would be nice to have a support/ chat thread on here to share interests/ challenges/ parenting issues or whatever we feel like. A little community of autistic women on here that we can dip in and out of but will be supportive and friendly and people who actually get it.

Might also be a nice counterbalance to all of the horrific posts about autism that we find here so regularly!!

P.S. Have deliberately posted this in chat rather than in the ND Mumsnetters topic because it will hopefully reach more people who would like to join in. I didn't even realise that section existed for a long time and often miss threads there as they don't show in active and expect I'm not alone in that. However, in posting this here, we will be relying on the people with obnoxious and ignorant views about autism who so regularly post on Mumsnet, to demonstrate to us their allegedly superior empathy (ha!) and please just leave this thread alone: it's not for you. Many thanks!!

Be aware. There are posters from another thread stalking this thread and examining our interactions and descriptions as if we were animals in a zoo.

I've asked them to stop.

Me too. But they won't.

I completely relate to this! It happens to me all the time. Also when I am trying really hard to keep up with the conversation, I can never work out when to say something. I always end up speaking over someone by mistake because I thought there was going to be a gap in the conversation.

That thread has annoyed me. It seems totally wrong to post a bloody link to this thread and to describe it as being a useful tool to read.

There have been a fair number of posters here who have specifically said that they’ve plucked up the courage to post here, that they’ve deliberated deleting their words and not posting.

As I said earlier in the thread, I’ve not been diagnosed yet, but have very strong suspicions that I am autistic. I haven’t had the energy yet to decide re going down the path of being diagnosed. I MAY have found this thread a useful place to unmask myself a bit - to ask questions, post my real thoughts on some things (which I’d never do in real life as I’m aware that they’re not “normal”). But now, I am feeling way too uncomfortable to do so.

So I will probably limit my interactions to photos of pets, flowers and beaches. Oh, and crafting, love to see what people create. But I won’t be opening myself up to being examined like a bloody lab rat.

If that thread had any decency, they would ask for the post with that link to be removed. And then to stop posting about what they’ve read on here. And stick to supporting each other with regards to their relationship with their autistic relatives, which are going to be very specific and not applicable to all autistic women on this thread.

Everyone today can just fuck off.

Sorry, I know that’s a bit of a rant. I’ve deliberated about posting it, but it’s been stuck in my mind since yesterday. This thread was going for, what, 3 days. Just three days until someone had to poke their beak in.

Have a lovely Easter all - I think I’m going to go out later to buy an egg, I need some chocolate!

They can read. Maybe they'll learn something. I am not going to seek out any threads where this is discussed because it will cause me extreme emotional distress. I know how I react and I am going to avoid this, at any rate.
I agree that it's horrible, though.

Urgh. Seriously? I know it's the internet and everyone can see everything but bloody hell.

I don't have this at all. In fact I've often struggled to understand what people mean when they say things about "sense of self", as they sometimes do when they discuss ASD in women (and BPD, too), because I don't (and can't) really ever change who I am, how I respond, what I enjoy, how I speak, or how I come across to others, or at least not that much.

Not because I don't wish I could adapt better to different situations; I do, but I can't sustainably modify my responses much beyond my base-level "pretending as far as possible to be the version of myself which is most similar to a normal human being" thing. This more complex, nuanced, changing myself depending on the people and the situation thing, that's beyond me TBH — my friends, my family, my partner, my lecturers, random strangers, they all get essentially the same experience of me as far as I can tell.

MNers might get a slightly different version of me because this is text-me, speaking in my native mental format. And because it's anonymous, it's without one or two of the inhibitions I put in place for RL interactions. But basically I'm not a different version of myself, just one that's communicating more freely.

So when "sense of self" comes up, I can't make it make sense for me and my psychological landscape — I guess I don't have a "sense of self" per se, because I don't have a sense of being anything other than self, so how can I have a sense of self? It's like asking about my sense of humanness, when I've never been anything else but human. I'm me, nobody else is me, I can't be anyone else, that's as far as my sense of self goes. I'm confused now

I think I have lost the friendship of a colleague who stopped working with me due to the fact that I didn't feel comfortable speaking on the phone or going to her house for a cuppa. When I did pluck up the courage to go to her house, she was not there. She then told me to call again but I didn't as hate the phone. I have a weird accent (No reason for this, but hear it's common in those with autism) and she has already asked me if I have always lived in Manchester or if my parents always have. When I said we were Manchester natives she looked confused but just said 'Oh, OK.' Almost like she wanted to say 'You have a really unusual voice' but was too polite to do so. I also know she perceives me as years younger as asked if I live with family. I am 37. So probably not for the best that we meet but do feel she was one of the few I could speak openly with so it's upsetting. Also though I dont feel she makes much of an effort with me as she's expecting me to run around after her....just feel sad and ashamed.

@JarByTheDoor
That's really interesting. On one level I do relate- I am always me. That is really important to me.
For me I'm not being different people with others l, it's more like I am controlling what they see of me, not being someone else for them. I see it as though others perceive me through a telescope which might give them an inaccurate impression because they can never see the whole, and I can choose what they see through the telescope. The more I let people know me, the more they see, the more accurate the picture is. But I can choose not to let them see, for example, how difficult I find somethings, because I don't want people to know that about me, unless I trust them.

And I also find the idea of unmasking difficult- for me it feels like the difference between public and private life and I don't want to change that- I don't want to be exposed I suppose. It's one thing talking in a space where people understand, it's another being open in front of people who will at best be condescending about it.

@Exibstudent I think of human beings in this context as metaphorical spheres, like planets. An observer can only ever see the outside surface, and only the half that faces them. They might even be partially eclipsed, or covered in clouds. I know my mum really well, but only see the side that faces me. My brother sees her from a similar but slightly different angle. Others might see her from halfway round, or from above, or from below. But someone else altogether might see her from the direct opposite angle to me, and what they see might be almost unrecognisable to me. And none of us see what's beneath the surface.

Would like to join!

Lovely family of 9 people over for Saturday roast lunch. Crowded, happy, noisy chaos. My 2 children (8, verbal, ASD and ADHD and 6, non verbal ASD) were lovely company and happy until they couldn't be any more - about 90 minutes in. Both took themselves off - 8 to her phone / Kids YouTube and sofa and blanket and 6 to his bed and toys.

I carried on and carried on and it was all lovely but now everyone has gone and I am doing much the same as the children. Am on the sofa with a blanket and my noise cancelling headphones on and staring at my phone. I'll need this for a couple of hours at least. No one will bother me. Thank you, family. We all respect each others needs.

Find socialising so hard, even with beloved, familiar people.

I realise I have neither read nor responded to any of the previous posts on this thread.
I'm very self (from the Greek- autos).

Hello @Reddress2023 !

Completed our long drive. So tired! But sitting in the sunshine with wine now. 😊

How lovely - hope you all have a great time.

Can I bring my Lego? You did say assemble........

Just checking in- I had massively productive plans for the day and have basically been glued to the sofa under my blanket, apart from my nail appointment where I found the small talk from my (lovely!) nail tech HARD!!

i got home and pretty much dissolved at my DH and have spent the whole evening comatose, even the TV is too much and I cried at the noise of DH getting an Ikea bag out.

we’ve actually both had a chilled day, my DH got lots of gaming time in and only did a few bits and pieces - hung out some laundry (can’t put more on because I can’t take the sound) and I’ve managed to make a simple dinner.

I had such big plans for today- a run in the sun, some quality time with DH. He’s reassured me that he doesn’t mind- we’ve both had a chill day etc, but my goodness, the guilt of being a poor partner. Anyone else suffer with this? Both the days where you’re unable to function and the partner guilt? He’s my favourite person in the whole whole world.

Yes please! Can @AutisticLegoLover and me join in please?

@Furries my father made the kids breakfast so I've only just woken up! Such a shock, I woke up and panicked as I never get a lie in. 🤣 So thoughtful of him and unexpected. 💙💙 Feeling a lot more human today after some rest.

@user1471548941 it sounds like you really needed the downtime. And your DH is a gem. I think you're being way too hard on yourself, you're not a poor partner for needing to rest! Do you feel any better today? Hope you can spend some quality time with him today and get out in the sunshine in the garden, if that would help?

It's so hard when you reach that stage where you just cannot do anymore but you really had no choice then but to let yourself recover! When I arrived here yesterday afternoon I could hardly put a sentence together at first, but it sounds like you have a wonderful, supportive husband who understands that this happens sometimes. Hope today is better for you.

Just catching up.

@matis not again. 😔 The same ones? Reading how it's made @Furries feel, and others I'm sure, makes me so cross and upset. I don't understand why they would do this to us and no just let us be so we can help each other.

I hope everyone is ok.