Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

4y/o excluded from school trip to zoo

119 replies

Bbblacksheep · 01/04/2023 21:15

Hello, I’m a mother of a child in pre-school (PS) of a private school.

There is a class outing to the zoo on Monday and I was told on Friday at 3pm that they prefer “not to take him as it would be dangerous for him and his classmates” to do so.

They had told me on Wednesday that they may do so but when I told them that it is not a given that someone will be at home to stay with him, they said “oh we can see what to arrange”. So it was assumed that he would just stay at home(?).

He has been on outings before and used to regularly walk around the city with his classmates in the last year of crèche. I recognize that he is a boisterous 4y/o but nothing out of the extraordinary.

I’m curious to know what other parents/teachers think of this situation? As I’m not sure what to make of it.

OP posts:
bellswithwhistles · 01/04/2023 22:32

So you're oblivious to the fact that your child has severe behavioural issues, he actually has SEN issues or the nursery are a bit shit.

Sounds like it could be a combination of all 3.

Communication (and honest) needs to take place ASAP and you need to listen to what they're telling you. ps. 4 yr olds are not 'normally' boisterous. Boisterous is a polite word teachers use for badly behaved. The vast majority of 4 yrs olds are not pushing others around.

Is this your first child by any chance?

Bluevelvetsofa · 01/04/2023 22:32

Isn’t it the end of term now?

MuffinToSeeHere · 01/04/2023 22:34

Do private school pre schools open during the holidays? I didn't think they did and the term has finished now for Easter.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Behaviour & development Childcare & nursery Families General education
amyneedssleep · 01/04/2023 22:34

If the trip is on Monday, it falls within the Easter holidays surely? So I assume it's an extra curricular reward trip rather than a mandatory part of the children's education and they're not actually under obligation to take any of the children.

Communication should have been better but it sounds like they gave you the chance to ask questions on the Wednesday and when they didn't hear from you they confirmed on the Friday that he couldn't come.

shard5 · 01/04/2023 22:44

Some schools are breaking up on Thursday just in time for good Friday, maybe this is one of them.

cardibach · 01/04/2023 22:45

Private schools typically break up earlier than state. All the ones I know finished a week ago.

StoppinBy · 01/04/2023 22:46

MuffinToSeeHere · 01/04/2023 22:34

Do private school pre schools open during the holidays? I didn't think they did and the term has finished now for Easter.

I find it amusing that everyone assumes that on a global forum, if the OPs dates don't line up wit their own country that the OP is lying, in Aus here and we still have next week at school.

OP, the most important thing to do here is talk to tge school and find our what led to this. Supervision concerns are a safety risk in an external setting.

In this situation, if possible, I'd either go with him or keep him home. Sending him will make him acutely aware of what he is missing out on and that upset/anger can often be a big trigger for 'bad' behaviour.

Original poster
Bbblacksheep · 01/04/2023 22:50

@StoppinBy Indeed, very amusing on the geographic point.

Thank you for the advice, agree with all points.

OP posts:
Thisgirlcan21 · 01/04/2023 22:51

If they haven’t told you what the behaviour is I would be asking why it hasn’t been mentioned? I would think if the other 4 years are going your child is behaving in a way they have concerns around. Such as additional needs. I would be asking them for a meeting and also looking for a school that is more inclusive.

TheShellBeach · 01/04/2023 22:55

Do you think he's a well behaved child, OP?

raincamepouringdown · 01/04/2023 23:01

Hotpinkangel19 · 01/04/2023 21:22

In the nicest way, he's not just a bit boisterous. These decisions aren't taken lightly, and they obviously feel his behaviour is a risk to him, and the other children, and that they can't confidently say that they feel they can keep him safe.

This.

Rainbowshit · 01/04/2023 23:05

It's not going to help your child in the long run if you're not going to be honest with yourself about what the issues are.

BumbleShyBee · 01/04/2023 23:07

We had similar with my son aged 5. I used to go along with the excursions -exhausting! School found it helped if they gave him a job - he was often the 'first aider' and carried the bag. That helped to keep him focused and with the group. He liked wandered off if something caught his eye. He's since been diagnosed with ADHD and autism.

OP, your school's communication has been awful. I would been sending an email over the weekend and asking to meet in person on Monday. What specific concerns do they have? Why have they not raised these earlier? How are they supporting his behaviour in class and what can you do as parents to support?

saraclara · 01/04/2023 23:13

So they spoke with you twice, and neither time did you push for any kind of details about why they considered the trio dangerous for him and other children?

I'd have been on it, and asking for chapter and verse regarding the issues, from the moment they first warned me that it might happen. You sound astonishingly passive and unconcerned about what led to this.

WheelsUp · 01/04/2023 23:14

He's either

  • a lot more than boisterous
or
  • Being managed out because his behaviour is normal for a 4 year old but unusual compared to his classmates and they don't want the responsibility of managing it.
Original poster
Bbblacksheep · 01/04/2023 23:17

@BumbleShyBee thank you for sharing, and for the advice.

OP posts:
Mari9999 · 01/04/2023 23:22

OP, perhaps they can manage your son in a controlled and confined environment, but likely none of the teachers feel confident in their ability to manage him in an open environment. They may feel that keeping up with him will require that attention is taken away from the other children for whom they are responsible.

At my daughter's preschool there was a child who was only permitted to go on field day outings if accompanied by one of his parents. That stipulation was put in place to ensure his safety and that of the other children.

That is not a meant to discriminate against your child, it is simply a recognition and acknowledgement of the challenges posed when being responsible for your child outside of the school environment.

What is wrong is that they did not have an alternative plan for him at school in the event that you or his father could not go on the field trip. You pay for a full week of care and that are obligated to provide that care.

MelsMoneyTree · 01/04/2023 23:23

There's no point asking for a meeting on Monday when they're all going to be at the zoo. Although I agree you should have a formal meeting about this.
Maybe the nursery thinks they have been communicating with you about his bad behaviour but you've missed it or minimised it eg most parents would have had a big discussion on Wed when they first mooted the idea he couldn't go on the trip. Instead it seems you focused on childcare arrangements. It may be other conversations or issues they've raised have been similarly minimised.

SD1978 · 01/04/2023 23:24

This is ridiculous that it hasn't been mentioned or discussed earlier with you. If you really haven't had any communication at all with the school regarding their concerns about his behaviour, then they are very much lacking. To now exclude a child on the grounds of behaviour from a trip, if they really haven't addressed with you any classrooms concerns, would have me very angry. Since they are not allowing him to come, as of now- I assume either you or your partner will be forced to take the day off? Can you ask to go as a chaperone, in order to assess the behaviour yourself?

MsJD · 01/04/2023 23:24

Is he likely to push a classmate in with crocodiles? Is that it?

KTSl1964 · 01/04/2023 23:51

id seriously think about moving him. They haven’t really mentioned any serious issues - it’s not acceptable - You are paying them to provide an education for him. It all sounds a very poor performance from them.
Id speak to head teacher/principle - get to the bottom of it asap.

viques · 01/04/2023 23:52

Bbblacksheep · 01/04/2023 21:42

It would be “too dangerous for him and the other children”. I think they’re afraid they won’t be able to monitor properly.

Yes, that’s what it sounds like. And if that is the case and they have considered ways to deal with him but haven’t found a satisfactory solution, then that is the right decision.

steff13 · 01/04/2023 23:59

MsJD · 01/04/2023 23:24

Is he likely to push a classmate in with crocodiles? Is that it?

That was literally my first thought.

redbigbananafeet · 02/04/2023 11:40

Why is he not being put into another class in school with some activities to do? His behaviour must be outrageous for it to be deemed unsafe so I assume you're taking steps to address this? I say this as someone planning a working farm trip for 80 odd 5 year olds and no one are being excluded.

RoobarbandCustud · 02/04/2023 13:02

I do know of three occasions from my own kids when mums were asked to join a preschool trip to look after their own child because the staff weren't confident they could keep everything safe outside of the structure and predictable environment of the setting. I went as a one to one for a friends son once in this very situation - he used to get fascinated by stuff and simply would not move on and join the others when asked to (he got over it and went on to get storm of 9s and went successfully on a water sports school trip abroad in year dunno, 8 maybe). That's why extra parents and helpers are drafted in for school trips. I think their refusal to take him without extra support isn't necessarily a sign he has any serious issues but the staff will rightly have a low threshold for seeking extra help/excluding kids if they have a whiff of a concern. Can you ask another family member to go as his helper or does everyone need a DBS check now? Whether the preschool are obliged to offer alternative provision on the day of the trip I guess depends on your contract with them. The thing that I feel needs most care is how the fact that he isn't going is broached with him. And make sure the staff know you don't want this gossiped about.

Swipe left for the next trending thread