What were your problems 10 years ago and where are you now?

[CandleInTheStorm]

I was late 20s, starting to get very unhappy in my marriage (had been together 8 years) and had 2 kids who were then 4 and 6. Had no career as I had been a SAHM and worked part-time for my then DH in his self-employed business. Everything was in his name, and I felt very trapped with no real sense of self.

Now, I've been divorced 8 years, dc are 14 and 16, and doing well. 16 year old about to leave school. I have built my own career over the past 8 years, got qualified, and am now completely financially independent. I had a relationship since, but when that ended, I became very happily single and content alone, which is a first for me since I was a teen.

Where you then and where are you now?

10 years ago I'd just moved in with DH and we were struggling to conceive dd. I had 3 kids from a previous relationship and an ex who still tried to control my life.
10 years on I have 2 adult children, a teenager and a 7 year old. I'm working full time now and we live in our lovely 4 bed home.
Main worries now are my teenager who's struggling with anorexia

I was about to get married to my boyfriend of 5 years. I was a year into my dream job and we were renting a house with no idea if we'd ever afford to buy again having lost loads on our flat after market crashed. I was 32 and desperately wanted kids which was spurring on the wedding.

Now - I was promoted to an even more dream job and I'm now a senior manager in a different organisation doing what I love. After years of struggling we have 2 dc who are the light of my life. We own a beautiful house back in our home town.

Unfortunately though we're not happily married and I'm struggling with what to do about it. My dh is an alcoholic, which he was when I married him but I hadn't realised that yet.

Oh dear. Reading this has made me realise I’ve had a crappy 10 years and am not much better off than a decade ago. Given me the push I need to make some changes. Glad a lot of you are in a better place now.

We were 22 and had been graduated coming up a year, I had a great paying job in big pharma that I hated but had either just applied for or just got my first job in the NHS related to our degrees. DH as working for a law firm on medical negligence and had also just got a NHS job. Unbeknown to us I was pregnant with DS (would have been 6 weeks at this point).

DS is now a lovely 9 year old and growing into a lovely person. I am now in NHS management and considering going back to something more related to my degree, DH is still doing the same NHS job. We are just finishing our dream home and debating marketing it for something more rural.

It's been a great 10 years but we have both really given up on our own hobbies and interested to focus on DS + climbing the property ladder. Hopefully the next 10 years we get our hobbies back and have loads of holidays.

I actually think about this every single time I hear post drop through the door. 10 years ago I dreaded looking at it (bills I was worried about paying etc). Have absolutely no money worries now but the post dropping still brings a lurch to my heart.

Brilliant thread!
I had just changed careers but it wasn't working out so I decided to retain as a teacher (at age 52...) and was very excited about the new direction as passionate about my subject.
Marriage was good despite a blip a few years previously when DH had a brief affair. Kids early teens.
The teacher traing was appalling and amateurish and the university absolute rubbish -- evident to me as had been in a professional career and I regretted leaving my professional job.
However after a couple of years supply teaching in awful schools I was given a permanent job in a fab indie school where I still am.
Last year eventually left ExH - after he had a six year EA with a good digger with 4 kids and 26 years younger than him - during which time I was miserable but didn't feel able to leave.
Never been happier. Love the job and have a new partner who is seven years younger than me and living in a much better neighborhood.

No way would I have predicted this!

Would be interesting to have a thread predicting where we be all be in 10 years and revisiting it then 😁

10 years ago - in the last few years of very intensive postgrad training, long work hours and shifts, main breadwinner. DP in lower paid but flexible jobs and being an absolute hero with childcare, shifts and running tutoring matched betting on the side. Had paid off 30000 in debt mostly incurred because of my training, and were renting, had moved many times and were desparately saving to try and buy a house. DS was 4, quirky and with hearing/speech issues, nursery and others suggesting he was really going to struggle in school. 2 miscarriages and really wanting another child. Struggling with health weight stress and sleep.

Now - finished training, and have moved to DHs country - same job and salary but much better working conditions/work life balance. Now fairly fluent in and work daily using DPs language - had never before realised Im actually good at language learning. Had bought a house in the UK several years before we emigrated but have sold this, and have a similar sized but much better insulated place here, for less money, in a small village with good access to amenities and beaches. DP had several years free education and student grants that he was eligible for in his own country so has been able to do a second degree in the field he has been working in for years, and now a much better paying job and no need for side hustles. DS is now 14, hearing operations went well, in the UK he was absolutely fine at school. Although he had a bit of difficulty with changing countries hes now a pretty happy teenager, still quirky but academically fine and very sporty. We also have DD, now 8, whos an absolute delight and both DCs are bilingual. Ive also managed to lose 20 +kg and get close to normal weight again as I now have work life balance and time for exercise, so my health, stress and sleep are much better. Debt free and we have so much more time and choices to volunteer for stuff and prioritise important things.
Worries have certainly changed - now my priorities are getting citizenship here, and I struggle that my parents are getting older and family are further away (especially in the COVID lockdowns) but overall, daily life is really good.

What a good thread. Ten years ago I was in my early 50s.

• Wondering if the menopause would ever come - endometriosis was a problem, periods all over the place
• Both children at university, happy and doing well - wondering what would come next for them
• Husband (older than me) had just retired through a voluntary redundancy scheme and that was a big adjustment for all of us. He was running a lot and suffering what he thought was heartburn on exertion, which he was just starting to talk to the GP about.
• I was working full-time in a job that was making me ill with stress.
• I took no regular exercise, never had, and my weight was going up and knees were knackered.
• Both parents were in reasonably good health and still very active.

Ten years on, now in my early 60s:

• The menopause did come! Hurrah. No more periods, no more endo symptoms. Not on HRT, as the menopause issues haven't been too bad.
• Both children graduated with good degrees, both have done a Master's since, and both are working full-time in decent permanent jobs. This is fairly recent. It took time for both to work out what they wanted to do and get the right jobs. Very proud of them both as they have worked hard and stuck at it during some tough times. One still living with us for the time being for financial reasons, one housesharing but not too far off.
• Husband's 'heartburn' turned out to be angina, but that only became clear when he had a heart attack. Fortunately treated promptly with a stent and he has been in excellent health since (fingers crossed).
• I left the awful job, found a nice part-time job instead, felt so much better as a result. Now retired from that and very happy.
• Started taking regular longish walks and eventually began walkrunning at parkrun - also volunteering at both adult and junior parkrun. This has been really good for me physically, mentally and socially. Still a bit overweight but knees less knackered than they were with stronger muscles supporting them. I wish I'd taken more regular exercise from much, much earlier, but sadly school PE put me right off.
• Parents still alive - one 90, one 89. They are much less active now and one has had major health issues in recent months, but no signs of dementia yet (again, fingers crossed). They live a long way from me so I can't see them that often, but we speak on the phone. I feel very lucky to have had them in my life this long.

Ten years is a long time, isn't it!

(Meanwhile exh who was healthy then is seriously ill and unhappy with the gold digger -his friends and family despise them both)

A few months away from getting married and conceiving DC2.

I was stay at home mum and we lived in a not very nice area in rented accommodation. We were skint too. So bloody skint. My mother bought all of DC1s clothes for example, never had a holiday, shared an old car between us.

Now I'm full-time in work, DH promoted a few times and joint income of 90k. Living in our own mortgaged home. Not extravagant 3 bed semi with drive. We've resisted the urge to upgrade because I never want to go back to being that skint again!

Good decision too with COL crisis

At 26, i was 2 years into a very unhealthy,controlling 6 year relationship with a complete waster. But that year I started a new job where I met best friends, and they stuck with me til I finally left my ex! This year they will be dancing at my wedding!

10 years on, I have 2 kids with my fiance. We have a tiny house but plans to move up, decent steady jobs, a dog, hobbies and a healthy social life.

I wish I could show 26 year old me a picture of my life now and tell her she was worth more than what she had settled for then.

10 years ago - job I loved, which, in hindsight, was bad for my health. Had just bought our 'forever' home. Kids were primary age and toddler. Life was good. I was still very, very heartbroken after my close sibling's death but I was coping. Well, I was petrified I might die, leaving my kids to grow up without me. This fear has subsided.

And yes, superficial - I looked good.

Now - better job. Still stressful but a lot of it has been caused by the consequences of Covid lockdowns so it would be similar elsewhere.

Kids - just about to head off to uni and early secondary. I don't like to tempt fate but they are doing well after some horrible times (major health related for one of them).

It has been an eventful 20 years but strangely for me - I am optimistic. And sometimes, I feel happy.

Just realised, I haven't mentioned dh. He is here, my constant I suppose.

10 years I meant.

That's an interesting question. I was 37. DC were 13 and 11. I was getting ready to move in with my new partner, so some excitement and anxiety about that (mainly about moving 3 houses of stuff into 1).

Ex partner was continuing to be difficult, not seeing the DC regularly, letting them down constantly, etc.

I was also going through a restructure at work and the process of applying for a new role.

I was worried about DS2's behaviour and concerned about him getting in with the wrong crowd.

Ten years ago, I had been ill for nine years, getting progressively worse and worse and getting no real help from the NHS. I had been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and feared for the future as I was the main breadwinner. In desperation, I started researching online and discovered that I actually had secondary hypothyroidism.

Another fight with the NHS ensued, but in June 2013 I finally got treatment and my life changed almost immediately. Ten years on I am fit and well and enjoying a very active retirement.

10 years ago I was in a similar job, but earning a lot less. Dcs were aged 6-10, that lovely bit where they can wipe their own bums, the childcare costs were more or less over, and they also have their own personalities without the teen issues. The only 'hard' thing in my life was my commute was 2h a day of driving, and I hated not being around as much for my dcs.

Now I earn a lot more and work closer to home, although my job is v stressful and I often feel I am walking a tightrope of burnout. Dcs are almost grown up, but one dc has MH issues which makes me worry a lot. Still happily married and health is generally good. I've had some close family bereavements but these are no longer recent so don't feel so raw.

You need for do it for your family's happiness if you can't do it for yourself. Research them today and try a few before you find your fit. You will be so glad you did! ;))

10 years ago I was teaching 4 days a week, and pregnant with a long awaited and hard to conceive DC2.

Things haven't changed hugely. I am lucky in that I have a super husband and family.

I wouldn't have predicted a family member getting into serious legal trouble.

Or that I'd stay in teaching as long as I did. I've made a possibly rash move in leaving and starting a new career and am looking forward to not being so bloody tired and stressed out

April 2013: No problems at all. Life was amazing. Had a beautiful baby boy (4 months old) and life felt about as good as it could get.

April 2023: single parent to 3 DC, youngest is disabled. Have a health condition myself, lost a parent very suddenly a few years back so am still reeling from that. Although I have a decent job, WFH and am PT so I can be there for the kids. Have a very strong coparenting relationship with Ex DP. Money is a bit tight but we'll get away for a week by the sea in the summer. Have good support from family. Kids are all happy, doing well at school and healthy (disabled child is doing well within their parameters and have good health, area able to attend mainstream school at present) Have stopped drinking (over a year now) as it was spiralling a bit. Need to lose some weight and need to get my teeth sorted but I'm hopeful and on a day to day basis I'm grateful and positive.

10 years ago I was in my mid teens. Horrific physical abuse at home, in dodgy relationships, self harming severely and multiple suicide attempts. Refusing school and couldn't see a life past 18.

Now I am mid twenties, married to another woman, own my own home, have had a successful career in the arts and am now retraining as a midwife. I am very, very, very happy.

10 years ago with DC 10 and 13. A happy life but I was working very hard in a very stressful job, feeling the pressure of being the major wage earner. We'd just got married after years of being together and were quite loved up 😬

We had what I now see as our heyday years ahead of us. Some really wonderful, surprising and extraordinary things happened to us as a family and every year from that point on had something big, impactful and exciting in it. We had our share of shit and loss too.

10 years on , one DC happily in uni loving his course, and doing well after a terrifying mental health crisis in lockdown. Thought I was going to lose him. But he's back.
The other DC still at home and working full time. Also had awful Mental illness and eating disorder. She's now much better, if a bit up and down. Our poor kids suffer so much in this harsh world.

We have a lovely stable life, I'm working part time, mortgage is gone - I managed to land a job in a startup (I've now left that after it got a bit toxic) that gave us cash boosts we could never have dreamed of. I've got itchy feet to move again though. I've been struggling with the 'what now?' Question. I'm late 50s and just not sure what my purpose in life is anymore. So DH and I are off for a trip and a bit of mild adventure.

I have a strong sense that time is running out and the delicate balance of spending now to enjoy ourselves, vs having enough to keep us going for the next 30(?) years is a bit scary.

DH and I are still loved up though (even though he doesn't have much hair now 😂).

Love this thread.

Just moved back to the uk at the age of 22 and was desperate to meet someone serious who loved me and could offer me kids and marriage (don't judge, we're all different). Now happily married with two children, our health, and everything we need to be happy

Good thread!
I was worrying that we’d never have a baby as I sat on a beach in Mauritius with a successful business at home.
Now I’m sat with exhausted with 4 kids worrying we won’t have the money to go camping this summer!

@Fantapops I’m so happy for you!

10 years ago life was pretty perfect, I had a lovely husband and 2 lovely children then aged 6 and 7 and we went on a lovely trip to Lapland at Christmas and a nice fun waterpark summer holiday. I had just been headhunted for another job and given a £20k payrise. We had no mortgage. Kids were happy in school. I was fit, slim, healthy and had lovely hair. Good friendship group. Loved my job. Work let me reduce hours to just school hours and went to David Lloyd after with kids, met friends there, went swimming in indoor and outdoor pool. Lovely weekends out as a family.

10 years on and I still have the lovely husband and kids, a beautiful house in the countryside mortgage free and nice holidays still Maldives and Azores in last 6 months. My daughter has done really well. But last couple of years have been awful. I got diagnosed after a 4 month delay in GP referring with 2 breast cancers which had spread to lymph node. That meant a year of gruelling treatment and scans alone due to covid with 2 operations, chemo and steroids and radio and now 10 years hormone tablets, menopause with no HRT and a 12 hour operation to go to reconstruct breast with long waiting list. A month after my diagnosis school decided to declare can't meet needs to my DS who was mid GCSEs and basically threw him out during his GCSEs and my cancer and he had a breakdown and ended up in psych hospital. Police who took him in decided to handcuff an 8 stone mute boy who was scared leaving him terrified. Hospital made a major error in meds which left him unable to move for 3 months then a further 3 months of meds to get him out of that. And now we are just at end of that and looking like will be back home soon but school won't take him back and LA have not got anything. He's being given the same psychiatrist by cahms that made the major error in meds who says he'll send him back to hospital if he refuses them. And looks are trashed from chemo and breast cut off and 4 year wait on NHS to put back on, and can't work with all this going on though that is OK as have savings.