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Original poster

What were your problems 10 years ago and where are you now?

111 replies

CandleInTheStorm · 01/04/2023 20:50

I was late 20s, starting to get very unhappy in my marriage (had been together 8 years) and had 2 kids who were then 4 and 6. Had no career as I had been a SAHM and worked part-time for my then DH in his self-employed business. Everything was in his name, and I felt very trapped with no real sense of self.

Now, I've been divorced 8 years, dc are 14 and 16, and doing well. 16 year old about to leave school. I have built my own career over the past 8 years, got qualified, and am now completely financially independent. I had a relationship since, but when that ended, I became very happily single and content alone, which is a first for me since I was a teen.

Where you then and where are you now?

OP posts:

Honey83 · 01/04/2023 23:19

TokyoSushi · 01/04/2023 21:32

I was pregnant, had a 1 year old, a DH who worked 16 hours a day as a chef, we lived in a tiny, damp 2 bed house and I had the type of job that made you feel constantly low level sick.

10 years on we have a 9 & 11 year old, live in a lovely 4 bed house and have a very good household income which allows us to live a great life while both working from home. I would never have dreamed of that 10 years ago!

Similar situation, if you don't mind the question, what job did your husband move into from cheffing?

MoonOverBroadway · 01/04/2023 23:20

10 years ago I was in a very difficult spot. I was 36, DC were 8 and 5 yrs old.
8 yr old has various SEND and was going though an extremely challenging stage. I was exhausted from fighting for support for him and was very depressed, culminating in a sort of breakdown and having to leave my job. It was a bleak time. My marriage was under pressure and I was absolutely miserable.

10 years later, my DS is 18 and an absolute joy . We had some rough years but he has really matured and is growing up to be a lovely young man.
My 5 yr old is now a fabulous teenage girl, doing brilliantly at school, a fairly happy kid and doesn’t seem to have suffered too badly from my ‘year of doom’ those 10 years ago.

My career eventually recovered from my break and I’m in a senior management position now and feeling good about things. My marriage has never been stronger or happier 😬.

I have bloody aged in 10 years 🤪, though. Perimenopause is pretty brutal. But I much prefer my life in my forties to my stressful 30s. I feel much stronger and calmer and more grateful for everything I have in my life. My mental health is 100 times better.

elliejjtiny · 01/04/2023 23:20

I was about 26ish weeks pregnant with my son who we had been told had various health problems at the 20 week scan. I was so scared of what was going to happen.

Now I have a 9 year old who has his problems but who has brought us all so much joy.

hopeishere · 01/04/2023 23:21

Hmmmm desperately trying to get a permanent job after years on contracts. Got one eventually!

Life with young kids is now life with older teens. Same kids
different issues.

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 01/04/2023 23:27

We were newly married trying desperately to move to Yorkshire from the city we lived in. Our house had been sold, we are living in a rental and I was anxious to find a job up north, learn to drive, save a deposit after ending up in negative equity after the 2008 crash and have a baby. Seemed like a mountain to climb.

Now we have our son, our forever home which thankfully has quite a bit of equity, which makes me feel more secure in case things ever go completely belly up. Both have more senior jobs and I drive everywhere. Feel much more confident.

Penguinandduck · 01/04/2023 23:31

I was on maternity leave with DS1. He had a few health issues/allergies so those were main worries.

10 years on, not a lot has changed really - Still in the same house, same DH, same part-time job I started after that mat leave (though I prob earn the same now part time that I did then full time), have an extra 2 DC, DS1 still has the same health issues and allergies plus some SEND and is a main source of worry!

33goingon64 · 01/04/2023 23:34

I had a toddler and had given up my job from pre baby (had gone back part time but couldn't get back into it). I think I was depressed but didn't know it. DH told me he felt life was just the same for him since becoming a Dad and i just felt my head explode with how differently we had been affected by parenthood. It felt like such a gulf between us. I started seeing a counsellor. After a while things got better. Now, 10 years on, we have 2 DC and are probably happier than we've been since before having DC1. I work freelance from home and I think I know myself better. I don't put up with stuff I don't like anymore and I think after initially struggling to understand the new me, DH has come to accept me as I really am. He has stepped up a lot too in some ways, which helps.

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 01/04/2023 23:40

thisisasurvivor · 01/04/2023 23:15

Ten years ago
Mid way through my doctorate battling with low self esteem

Ten years later
Launched own business
Two beautiful kids

Self esteem still rock bottom

Wow you've done all that! You need to pat yourself on the back big time!!

Cam you get a life coach/therapist to work on you!? You def need to invest in yourself for once xxxx

BringItOnxxx · 01/04/2023 23:42

10 years ago, unsuccessfully TTC in a failing marriage.

Now - divorced, with a beautiful 6 year old DD, from a subsequent relationship.

If I knew it would all work out for the better it would've been so much easier to endure the hard times. Ah well...

Hairlikeabewitchedhaystack · 01/04/2023 23:43

10 years ago I was in my final year of College about to embark on a new career at 45 years old. Had a 21, 20, 16 and 7 year old. Had built up debts due to economic crash but was hopeful my new career would fix this. Thankfully it has, but menopause, career and health issues and finally my youngest dc coming out as trans, have all contributed to a very stressful decade. I wound rewind the clock in a heartbeat.

ifyougochasingrabbits · 01/04/2023 23:52

10 years ago: Stuck renting on a council estate

Both dh and I had Shit jobs

Skint

In my second marriage with 2 kids by 2 men but quite newly married to second H

Feeling like everyone looked down on us for the above and like I was failing my kids for not providing the right type of life

I was pregnant with twins dc3 and 4 but miscarried end of April 2013

Now:

I earn over ten times what I used to earn in a job I love

Dh earns over twice what he used to earn

We own our own house in an better area and we're ahead on the mortgage by over paying

Drive a Porsche

Still very happily married and got dc3 who is almost 9

Tbh i often pinch myself and feel like something will go wrong and I'll lose everything again cos I don't deserve it somehow. I still see my self as that skint struggling girl off a council estate that everyone judges

EatingWormsMichael · 01/04/2023 23:52

In early pregnancy and slowly realising my dp couldn't really give a shit. Wouldn't help me, wouldn't come to any classes, wouldn't engage in any decisions about names etc.

Now happily single for past 8 years, being a mum is the best thing in my entire life. I'm a great parent and a stronger woman having been dragged down by my loser ex and built myself up again.

FiddleLeaf · 01/04/2023 23:55

Late twenties - anxious workaholic, relationship happy but going nowhere, in debt

Late thirties - work/life balance is healthy, in a new(ish) relationship that’s incredible & own a fixer upper house in a sought after area. Most proud that my mental health is stable and improved.

MissDollyMix · 01/04/2023 23:59

10 years ago I was an extremely sleep deprived mum of a newborn with colic who thought sleep was for wimps and a 2 year old insomniac, very much in the midst of the terrible twos. We lived in a tiny house with a not great income and DH worked for an absolute arsehole which really affected his mental health and I also had a depressing job. I very much felt like each day was just a battle to get through. Hard times.
Happy to report that things have massively improved now. The kids sleep more for a start! But I’m older, and much as past me would be so happy to see how much things have improved, I have new worries now, and I’m ten years older of course.

thisisasurvivor · 02/04/2023 00:11

@WorkHardPlayHard1 I def do need one

It's getting too much now

Seasidemumma77 · 02/04/2023 00:13

10yrs ago I discovered now exh was having an affair. Now living my best life.

Meandfour · 02/04/2023 00:20

Oh god… 10 years ago I was 22 and we’d recently bought our first home and I was mega stressed as we were completely ripping it out.

Now…. I’m 32, we’ve been in our new home a year and I’m somewhat stressed as we’ve ripped it out HOWEVER it is almost done now 😂
Jesus I see a pattern here. I will absolutely not be saying this when I’m 42! Never moving again!

Chattycathydoll · 02/04/2023 00:20

10 years ago I was in a psychiatric hospital. I was being gaslit by a predatory boyfriend, his efforts made easier by my vulnerability.

Now, I live as a single parent with our daughter in a scenic village. I’m stable, mentally well, qualified and employed, with a kind and loving significant other, good friends and fulfilling hobbies. I’ve cut ties with abusive family members. My daughter is thriving, joyful and confident. Life is good.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/04/2023 00:31

Then - not even treading water financially, emotionally or healthwise. I was responsible for holding everything together and I was sinking. I'd half joke that I wouldn't ever end my life - because I couldn't afford the rope.

Now - yeah, we're good financially. My savings are about to hit an absolutely phenomenal sum (for me, not for Mumsnet), I've been through some real turds of jobs in the time, but I'm as secure as anyone can be these days and both DP and I are the healthiest we can remember being. It's certainly not been an easy decade, but it's unimaginably amazing compared to what my life was like 20 years ago.

Tangofandango · 02/04/2023 01:07

10 years ago this week I had just found a mass in my left breast, which turned out to be cancer. 10 years on, after surgery to remove the lump and some lymph glands, 6 months of chemo, a month of radiotherapy, and 9 years on Tamoxifen I’m cancer free and loving life enjoying my two small grandchildren, something I really didn’t think I would live to see.

shieldmaiden7 · 02/04/2023 01:12

10 years ago I was living in rented accommodation with the threat of being evicted due to unpaid rent with my exdh. Was 20 days away from my due date, we were 10 and thousands of pounds in debt. He had got a new job at the beginning of February in hopes to sort our finances. Ended up having an affair with the 16 year old office work experience girl.

Now, I've been divorced 6 years and happily married to a wonderful man who's taken on my DC as his own. We have a 15 month of DC of our own and expecting another in October. We are mortgage free home owners. We are thriving compared to who we were.

Exdh is out the picture. Doesn't see the kids, happily living his debt and drug filled life with his gf.

TokyoSushi · 02/04/2023 06:26

@Honey83 it was difficult to get out! But he eventually moved into food wholesale which was so much better in terms of hours and now he works in the food costing/analysis side.

Tell him to speak to/have a think about who his suppliers are and see if there are any jobs available with them, DH ended up managing a warehouse of one of his suppliers. They're always looking for people with good food knowledge and the hours are so much better than being a chef!

TakeMyStrongHand · 02/04/2023 07:17

I was on mat leave with my only DD. We had just purchased our first house together and DP was being a bit of a dick. Well a massive one. He hated the area because it was full of shitty kids that hid for the viewings and the drive around we had done at various times and he was not handling the pressures of a small baby well. We also had split finances and mat pay was a real struggle for me. I should have left but was scared of being alone and finances.

10 years later he is a changed man. Pays the lions share. Is fantastic with DD and could easily win parent of the year. We moved house and our mortgage is a few years off being gone. I still worry about money as I took a big pay cut after covid related redundancy but he supports me through that.

Now my worries are DD. She harms herself and is full of emotion and anger. Nothing bad has happened to her but there is a dark cloud over her. It's so scary.

YukoandHiro · 02/04/2023 07:20

10 years ago I lived with my boyfriend in a flat I owned, my career was going well but I'd just been made redundant and was working out how to manage that.
Now that boyfriend is my DH, we live in a house with two DC. I'm self employed now and feel like having children has really hit my career opportunities. In fact sometimes I think hard about where I'd be now work wise if we hadn't had children. The 30s are really a key work decade for women and so often obliterated.
By contrast my DH's work situation is much better than it was 10 years ago so at least we're not both worse off.

TakeMyStrongHand · 02/04/2023 07:21

My maths is awful. I wouldn't have been on may leave, I would have gone back to work for a real shit company. That was a shit show. Eventually got out of there. Pay was shit. Nursery took all the money and we couldn't afford the big family we dreamed off.

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