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Original poster

What were your problems 10 years ago and where are you now?

111 replies

CandleInTheStorm · 01/04/2023 20:50

I was late 20s, starting to get very unhappy in my marriage (had been together 8 years) and had 2 kids who were then 4 and 6. Had no career as I had been a SAHM and worked part-time for my then DH in his self-employed business. Everything was in his name, and I felt very trapped with no real sense of self.

Now, I've been divorced 8 years, dc are 14 and 16, and doing well. 16 year old about to leave school. I have built my own career over the past 8 years, got qualified, and am now completely financially independent. I had a relationship since, but when that ended, I became very happily single and content alone, which is a first for me since I was a teen.

Where you then and where are you now?

OP posts:

Heatherbell1978 · 02/04/2023 07:30

10 years ago I was 35 and planning our wedding so that was probably my biggest stress at the time. I'm sure it was around this time I bought my wedding dress. Lots of family issues to resolve though. Life is very different now! Two DC later!

Whiskeyinthejaroh · 02/04/2023 07:31

10 years ago: Living in a shitty, damp rental house that stunk because the next door neighbour's prolific weed habit. In a dead end job I hated, with a misogynistic, horrible boss. Dh and I weren't getting on very well at all, and we had no money, were in debt with an IVA, and had one 8 year old ds, that I had to bring to and from school on two busses every morning and evening.

Now, we own our own lovely home, have two amazing DC - one now an adult.We don't need to use public transport at all. Dh (the same one) and I are really happy together. I have achieved a BA and masters - changed careers and love my work. Our income is 5 times higher now than it was ten years ago.

We have went through a lot of hard times in the last ten years, cancer, tragically lost close family members and friends, but I know our life is much easier and happier than it used to be. Thanks for the reminder op!

Tarantellah · 02/04/2023 07:35

Ten years ago my problem was that I was alone. Now my problem is that I’m not alone! I’m stuck with kids to look after, elderly parents to look after, and a husband who I don’t love but can’t leave because I can’t earn money while I’m doing all the looking after. I long to be free and be able to find someone who I love. Oh, and ten years ago I was healthy and attractive - now menopausal with birth injuries. I didn’t know how good I had it!

Girasoli · 02/04/2023 07:42

I was 25, living with DH (just my boyfriend then) in a little flat in London and working in a nursery. We got engaged that year. 25 was a good year! My main problem was my job, working in a nursery - low paid and 4x 10 hour shifts a week (I used to hate standing in the cold at the train station before 7 so I couod get to the nursery for 7.30 opening)

Am now 35 - still with DH, have two DC, and a nice office job related to my MSc (finished just after DS2 was born). Back in my home town on the South Coast. Main problem is house prices! I think I need to get a better paid job but otoh mine is flexible and we have the school/butdery runs timed with military precision already. Plus I have constant background anxiety of our landlord selling up and not finding anything else near DS1s school.

specialk9 · 02/04/2023 07:46

I honestly had hardly any problems.

I recently started dating my now husband. I had a 3year old from previous marriage. I took voluntary redundancy to spend 6 months off work to spend with my daughter before she started school in the September which was great.

This very weekend 10 years ago we were in Amsterdam actually for his birthday!

I was super slim as well superficial

Now, life is much harder - working, 3 children, I'm overweight (superficial) and we're coping with terminal illness of close family member. I'm still very content with life though

Honeypotday · 02/04/2023 07:50

I like this thread.

Ten years ago I was 32 and chronically single, convinced I’d never marry or have children. I was trying to advance my career but kept suffering setbacks.

I now have a two year old and due another. Have a lovely dh, mostly. And I have a part time job which suits me perfectly. Life is good.

Carsarelife · 02/04/2023 07:56

10 years ago I was 40 and working in a job I loved, one child aged 8 but constant yearning and longing for another child, had been married for 11 years. Had a large circle of friends who I would regularly meet for lunch and evenings out.
Constantly back and forth to visit my younger brother who had suffered a traumatic brain injury. Strained relationship with my parents. Wonderful dog who was 3 years old.

Now I'm 50, single parent, in peri menopause with very itchy skin and always tired. Had another baby at 42 which has been wonderful so now have an 18 year old and 8 year old.
3 of my very close friends have died, along with my lovely brother who also passed recently.
Only have 1 friend now who I don't see very often but still a friend I guess.
Went a bit awol recently due to my brothers passing and left a job I was very happy in for another job.
Relationship with parents is no longer strained and we've all really tried to be there for each other after my brother and their sons passing.
Still have lovely dog who is 13 now.

Girasoli · 02/04/2023 07:57

Just read my own post back - what on earth is butdery- I mean nursery (might add get new glasses to my list of problems!)

Number24Bus · 02/04/2023 07:59

10 years ago I was a SAHM with three nursery / primary age DC. I was worried about finding a job after being a SAHM for several years.

Now the DC are teens and I've been back at work in a job I love for nearly 9 years. I work 4 days a week so I have a nice work-life balance.

My biggest worries at the moment are around the DC's exam results / uni applications etc. I know these are first world problems and I'm lucky! Also the poor health of my PILs is a bit stressful, but more for DH than for me. My parents are still in pretty good health (touch wood).

Same house, same (lovely) DH.

YukoandHiro · 02/04/2023 08:00

@TakeMyStrongHand you say nothing has happened but the pandemic happened... the last few years have been so exceptionally cruel to young people.

Notagiftiwanted · 02/04/2023 08:01

I’d just been sterilised (a last min pushed into it with no info re the procedure and alternatives) and massively regretted it and was starting the formal complaints procedure after obtaining my notes. I was having counselling and was distraught.

Over the next few years I had multiple ivf cycles to try and compete my family and then a sterilisation reversal finally 5 years after the sterilisation. Thankfully that was successful . It was such a dark time in my life I felt as if I’d been violated and bullied into a procedure . My medical notes reflected that too it wasn’t nice to read .

IHateLegDay · 02/04/2023 08:02

10 years ago I was in an unhappy relationship with a drug addict who was constantly cheating on me. At the end of 2013 I would find out that he was a pedophile, leave him and then subsequently have a nervous breakdown.

I am now happily married to the most amazing man and we have 2 beautiful children. After years of mental health support (due to the nervous breakdown and the affects of it) I'm not mentally stable and happier than I've ever been.

DustyLee123 · 02/04/2023 08:03

I was horny as hell but DH had ED that he did nothing about. I absolutely adored him at that point. Now we sleep in separate rooms, haven’t had sex for over 3 years, resentment is massive, and I wish he’d go away.

Mendholeai · 02/04/2023 08:06

Lots of small kids, working in a great but low paid job, scared of ex.

Larger place, job I really enjoy which is much better pay, teens are doing OK. Got a death threat the other day so some things never change though.

TotallyLosttonight · 02/04/2023 08:08

I was in denial about how unhappy I was, my husband was emotionally unavailable and would frequently resort to silent treatments and stonewalling. I lacked boundaries and went along with things I didn’t want to in order to keep everyone happy (except of course myself). I’m only now ending our relationship and he is about to move out. I’m in pieces but I hope in 10 years I’ll be posting about how much happier I am.

IHateLegDay · 02/04/2023 08:10

IHateLegDay · 02/04/2023 08:02

*I'm now mentally stable

Mendholeai · 02/04/2023 08:10

Not from the ex for the death threat.

now friends with the ex

WhatTheHeckyPeck · 02/04/2023 08:11

Late 40's, living alone and working in a company with a toxic and bullying culture for pennies over NMW. 10 years later working in a much better company. lass stress, less hours and earning 3k a year more, than ex employers are paying their staff now. Also after 15 years of living apart DP moved in 5 years ago. The only downside is 10 years ago DD was coming home regularly from uni, now she has her own life 4 hours away and due to work schedules we don't see each other as often and I miss her.

Nix32 · 02/04/2023 08:15

10 years ago we were living in our forever home, the kids were 5 and 2, and I was working 2 days a week while DH pursued his dreams of leadership.

10 years later, we've been through a number of bereavements, including the death of a stepchild, serious illness - both physical and mental, we're in a downsized forever home, DH works part-time and I'm now the main earner in a leadership role.

It's not been an easy decade but the kids are just awesome and (fingers crossed) things are more stable than they were.

Dozycuntlaters · 02/04/2023 08:16

10 years ago I was pretty unhappy in my marriage, my son was 10 and I was plodding along trying to make the most of it. Then my DH's brother committed suicide and my first thought was 'I can never leave him now'

Here we are now, I'm 52, live with my DS and am happily single . I left him 8 years ago and although it was awful at the time, we're great mates now and my life is so much more peaceful.

PermanentTemporary · 02/04/2023 08:19

I was 43, in the early months of working in the dream job I'd got after retraining. Dh was extremely ill and I think by then was full time at home. Ds was 9 and a little bit hard work, not quite grown into himself. Money was unbelievably tight but getting easier after my retraining. We still loved each other but life was quite difficult, though I had great hope. Parents all doing quite well and taking huge holidays. My relaxation of choice was reading.

Now I'm 53, dh is dead, ds is the most fantastic level headed 19 year old with a lovely girlfriend. I've met dp and we're about to move in together. Thanks to insurance I have more savings than I've ever thought possible. I'm experienced in my job though it's still extremely stressful. Parents are respectively dead, demented, disabled or depressed. I'm the darkest of pessimists and expect doom at every turn but in fact life is great. My relaxation of choice is music.

LactoseTheIntolerant · 02/04/2023 08:20

10yrs ago I'd have been hungover (it being a Sunday) I'd have probably been out last night till late (despite having 2 young kids). I'd have crippling hangxiety and guilt dreadful toxic friendship group (think real housewives of Cheshire or similar!)
Now I'm up and about to go to my hobby, feeling fresh as a daisy (haven't drunk anything on 4 years) to meet my lovely friends who I met through my hobby and feeling great.
Obviously lots of other stuff has happened too, but I think that is one of the most significant changes.

coolcahuna · 02/04/2023 08:23

10 years ago I was a SAHM and relatively happy with life but did feel something was missing in my marriage and knew I could achieve more personally . 10 years on, I'm divorced, kids are teens, in a great relationship, own home and got a great job. Had to work really hard to get here!

Willmafrockfit · 02/04/2023 08:23

three teenagers and all that entails
just started working for my current boss, which was difficult because i was part time, and he needed order in the chaos.
our company has expanded very much since then, my boss wont be tamed!
unlike my dc who have all - i hope - settled down, although still of course i worry about them

Willmafrockfit · 02/04/2023 08:24

and my dog who i got in 2013, is now 11 and no longer a puppy!

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