How bad is this . . .

[onefinemess]

I've done nothing for DH birthday.

He's 39 on Sunday, and I've literally done nothing. No idea why, been busy with work, but nothing out of the ordinary. I told him last night that I hadn't done/bought/arranged anything, and said "just tell me what you want and I'll get it". He didn't say much, just replied that he would have a think about it.

For context, last year for my 40th he arranged a surprise trip to Dublin (I love Ireland), four nights in a suite in a very expensive hotel, sightseeing, pubs, shopping etc. For Christmas he gave me a replacment engagment ring (mine has worn out after 11 years), I know it cost around 2k.

How bad is it that I've not got him anything?

I have in the past, just I'm not good with presents and I did mean to get him something, just sort of slipped my mind really.

I've messed up haven't I?

Is it really bad to just ask someone what they want rather than getting something myself?

Get him something today or tomorrow. Problem solved. Thank you.

I call reverse.

It’s still 2 days alway. There’s plenty you can buy/organise in that time if you want to.

There’s also no point comparing what he did for your 40th. 39 is not a landmark birthday.

Sounds very thoughtless if I'm honest, especially with the effort made for you on your special occasions.

I think just being busy isn't a great excuse - takes ten minutes to buy a card / gift online, and being asked "just tell me what you want and I'll get it" is hardly a thoughtful way to treat your partner.

It’s bloody awful. Which you already know.

This. Why tell the person that you didn’t give a shit about them and ask them to sort it out? Arrange something last minute without letting them know at least. Not hard to buy their favourite aftershave, a birthday cake and book a table in a nice restaurant.

Slide

Not a reverse, unfortunately.

I've no idea what to get, and if I go out today I'm stuck with what's for sale in town, which won't be much. And even if I order something online it won't get here until next week.

It's not a question of logistics, more morality.

Seriously, how big a deal is this?

Am I in the doghouse or do most people not arrange birthday stuff?

It's not a big birthday.. Card. Meal. Shag.
Usually all a man wants.

Not sure why you told him rather than just arranging something. You have plenty of time to buy a gift, book a restaurant or whatever. Telling him was where you messed up, given that you had time to fix it.

I call reverse too.

But if not, yes it's bad. Get looking for something today/tomorrow.
Book a meal or something you know he loves etc. why would you not do that.

Bake him and cake and book a mini break as a present.

Amazon prime will get something to you tomorrow! There must be something he'd love.

Stop making excuses and get it sorted.

Am I in the doghouse or do most people not arrange birthday stuff?

Most people mark their partner's birthday, yes, and it sounds as if your partner takes this stuff seriously. Not sure why you are making a big thing of being "in the doghouse" rather than just fixing it. You seem to be revelling in your own crapness.

Aw Fuck, yeah, OK, I've messed up.

Just wanted some perspective on this.

Do you think it’s normal to not arrange birthday stuff? We’ve got children in the house so even the adults get balloons and a banner which makes it more exciting for everyone. Where are you that you can’t Amazon or supermarket a same or next day delivery of a present and a cake? Or go out and buy one?

Yes it’s bad! I’d be really disappointed especially if I put effort into giving my partner exciting thoughtful birthdays. It would make me feel really unimportant

His big birthday is next year, not sure what the panic is. Go today and buy him a jumper, some chocolates and a card .

Amazon prime do same day deliveries if you order before 12. And they also do same day food shops with Morrisons.
Op why the fuck are you asking us what to buy your partner? Do you pay any attention to him at all? In case this isn’t a fake thread-
birthday card/cake/decorations
a box of his favourite chocolates
a bottle of his favourite alcohol
nice aftershave
an experience day with something he’s into
dinner at a nice restaurant
clothes/pair of trainers he’ll like

Just a random list off the top of my head where you can’t really go wrong if you’re stuck.

I mean, yeah it’s pretty shit isn’t it. But there is time to fix it. How about experiences? My DH is very hard to buy for. I have bought him indoor sky diving, wine tasting, meal and a night away in fancy hotel in the past. Also things like fancy bottle of wine, japonese whisky, jumpers from a company I know he likes. There are loads of things you can buy/do even if he has not given any specific ideas.

Personalised air pods were one of his favourite presents but maybe no time for that (and I don’t know if your DH would like that anyway).

Your 49th is a special occasion so you don’t need to do a lot for a 39th. But you have two days to sort something so why even tell him, just get something

40th not 49th

Seriously, how big a deal is this?

Very

Am I in the doghouse or do most people not arrange birthday stuff?

He sounds thoughtful, generous and organised when it comes to events for you. Why don’t you care enough to plan ahead like he does and show some effort for him?

Why didn’t you get off your arse and sort something instead of announcing in advance you just couldn’t be bothered?

@onefinemess if I'm honest, I'd be upset at the prospect of nothing at all being done for my birthday. But you still have 2 days to pull something out of the bag.

I appreciate you can't hit the shops today, but you could make some phone calls; to a local restaurant and make a reservation for Sunday, or a hotel to make a reservation for Saturday night?
You could also hit Amazon today for banner/balloons. Tomorrow you can then sort a card, and buy a birthday cake?

It will mean something to him to at least feel like you've made the effort, to make the day itself different to a normal run of the mill Sunday.

Good luck, you've can still do this! 😊

It’s not about needing to do a big hoohah, as pps have said it’s not a landmark birthday. However it is his birthday, and it’s normal for people to want the people they love to feel a bit special and happy on their birthday.

you have said there’s no reason why you haven’t given it any thought, just work and normal stuff. Which means you are prioritising all that everyday stuff above your partners happiness, and he is bottom of your ladder.

that’s why you feel guilty and this feels off. And yes, just saying ‘I haven’t given it any thought so you do the thinking for me and I’ll hand over some money’ only further cements that you don’t want to prioritise him or put any effort into giving him a little joy.

id be feeling pretty disappointed if I were your partner