Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How bad is this . . .

82 replies

onefinemess · 31/03/2023 10:23

I've done nothing for DH birthday.

He's 39 on Sunday, and I've literally done nothing. No idea why, been busy with work, but nothing out of the ordinary. I told him last night that I hadn't done/bought/arranged anything, and said "just tell me what you want and I'll get it". He didn't say much, just replied that he would have a think about it.

For context, last year for my 40th he arranged a surprise trip to Dublin (I love Ireland), four nights in a suite in a very expensive hotel, sightseeing, pubs, shopping etc. For Christmas he gave me a replacment engagment ring (mine has worn out after 11 years), I know it cost around 2k.

How bad is it that I've not got him anything?

I have in the past, just I'm not good with presents and I did mean to get him something, just sort of slipped my mind really.

I've messed up haven't I?

Is it really bad to just ask someone what they want rather than getting something myself?

OP posts:
Jamieleecurtain · 31/03/2023 10:55

you can’t ask him what he would like now, it would just demonstrate that you’ve left everything to the last minute. Go to the shops and buy him a card and bottle of his favourite drink to have something to wrap up. Buy him tickets (online) to something he’d like.. a band, comedian, show etc.. have a search of the internet. What is he into? Big adult Lego set? His favourite trainers in a different colour? Book a weekend in an airbnb with a hot tub, night away in a hotel and dinner.. day trip somewhere he’d like… etc etc

this is what I would do for my husband.. your budget or his likes/dislikes may make it a bit different but surely you know your own DP well enough to take a guess At something that would make him happy?

Eatglass · 31/03/2023 10:57

Why don't you book a meal/weekend/experience- something that he would like, in line with his interests to show him you have thought about him? You could do that today in plenty of time for his birthday. It is bad not to have made any effort and sends a message of apathy to him.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 31/03/2023 10:59

If you both don't usually do birthdays then fair enough but it sounds like he put the effort into yours. Unless he had said he doesn't want anything I'd feel a bit upset that you didn't at least get something small.

JenniferBarkley · 31/03/2023 11:00

Sunday is ages away.

Do you have DC? Moonpig card with a picture of the DC and him on it. If they're at that age, have them make cards.

Get a small thoughtful present - something that shows you've thought of him, his favourite chocolate, coffee, wine, whatever. Anything he needs? If he needs a new jacket, get him one that's a bit lovelier than he would get for himself.

It's not a big birthday and you have a few days, I think this is totally salvageable. (Although we don't go in for big birthdays in our house)

yogacushions · 31/03/2023 11:01

Amándonos prime or maybe John Lewis is you pay for delivery.

buy an expensive version of the three things he likes:

Really nice red wine
japanese whisky
cashmere jumper / scarf
posh snacks
tech something
posh travel bag

if you manage to buy three things all in the same colour ….. so red / black if you buy Nikka whiskey then it will look more thought out.

ChaoticCrumble · 31/03/2023 11:01

You can solve it, you just have to want to.

Go into town - booze/socks/chocs easy options.

Voucher for a shop he likes.

I just got my husband a voucher for a days ironmongery course!

Whatthediddlyfeck · 31/03/2023 11:01

You still have today and tomorrow-not sure why this is such a disaster?

OnATrolley · 31/03/2023 11:05

Really crap of you. Of course there's still time to do something good. You could order anything online and pay for express / next day delivery? You could book a restaurant? You could cook his favourite meal. You could put up some decorations. You could do anything you want but you just can't be arsed. And you told him you can't be arsed. what a disappointment.

midsomermurderess · 31/03/2023 11:10

So off hand and indifferent. It can’t be that fulfilling being in a relationship with you.

BillyDeanisnotmylover · 31/03/2023 11:14

Yes, you’ve messed up.
You’ve been thoughtless.
Birthdays don’t just sneak up on you, they’re on the same date every year.
It’s not hard to put a tiny bit of effort in a week or so beforehand so your partner doesn’t feel like they’re a last minute afterthought.

IhearyouClemFandango · 31/03/2023 11:19

Is this the first birthday you’ve celebrated with him? I assume not from your other comments so why does it come as a surprise to you that you would be expected to mark this one?!

Presumably you’d be hurt if he ignored yours?

gamerchick · 31/03/2023 11:20

Sorry OP you're not going to get permission not to bother and it'll be fine. You need to think of something. A favourite meal, book somewhere. He pulls out all the stops for you and you can't be bothered. When someone feels taken for granted, it grinds you down after a while.

Can't believe you've told him you can't be bothered basically.

If this is real.

CalistoNoSolo · 31/03/2023 11:23

Yep, that's really crappy of you, particularly as he clearly makes an effort for you. Being busy is a bullshit excuse too, if you really cared you would have made an effort. Do you always do this at loved ones birthdays?

SBHon · 31/03/2023 11:23

Why are you making him feel bad by telling him? And on top of that you’ve given him mental load by making it his job to choose his own present.

leopardi · 31/03/2023 11:23

As the queen of birthdays, I suggest arranging a surprise. Message around all your friends and family and ask everyone to meet for drinks Saturday evening in a bar and that they will all get there 20m earlier to surprise your DP. It is fairly simple to organize and feels so special and that lots of effort has been put in. If you can't make a cake then buy one from a nice bakery. It is also never too late to hop on air bnb and book something for maybe a weekend over the summer when the weather is better.

Original poster
onefinemess · 31/03/2023 11:25

Yeah, all fair points. Literally, just didn't prioritise it, no real excuse.

I was annoyed he seemed a bit off last night, now I know it was me who was being a bit of a dick, not him. Lesson learned.

OP posts:
bracketbrace · 31/03/2023 11:26

Get off Mumsnet & go book/buy something.. not sure why you're worrying, you've still got 2 days to pull off something half decent.. it's not a big birthday so doesn't have to be mega.

MaidOfSteel · 31/03/2023 11:27

It's just a birthday. And not even a landmark one. I don't undetstand what all the fuss is about. Hardly the end of the world and, if he's sulking then he needs to grow up.

BitOutOfPractice · 31/03/2023 11:30

Book a break away. Somewhere he loves. Make a voucher. Add a bottle of his favourite tipple / aftershave and job’s a good’un.

Amadeaa · 31/03/2023 11:31

Why don’t you sort out something today instead of spending time posting. Book a nice place for lunch or dinner, or find a last minute weekend away?

CalistoNoSolo · 31/03/2023 11:32

MaidOfSteel · 31/03/2023 11:27

It's just a birthday. And not even a landmark one. I don't undetstand what all the fuss is about. Hardly the end of the world and, if he's sulking then he needs to grow up.

Bet you're a delight to live with.

PippaF2 · 31/03/2023 11:33

I don't understand why on Thursday you told him you haven't done anything for his birthday, when his birthday is on Sunday.... Anyway, by the by now, there's plenty of time to

  • buy a card
  • book a dinner/lunch
  • get some nice breakfast things in/bottle of prosecco/cake - whatever your thing is
  • and go shopping or order a present off amazon

Salvage it by saying - haha only joking, of course I've organised something for your birthday, but I was struggling with a gift idea.

What about spa day- would he be into that?
The cinema?
day trip to the zoo?

What's his favourite thing to do?

Just plan a day together, get a cake, and some silly token gifts - so he has something to open, make a fuss and put it down to a brain freeze on a main present to get him.

My DH is the king of putting something together last minute but he does usually pull it off.

diddl · 31/03/2023 11:33

Well you can get him a really good present for his 40th like he did for you.

What sort of things do you usually get each other?

Did you want a 2k replacement engagement ring as a Christmas present?

frozendaisy · 31/03/2023 11:33

Book a meal out

Amazon prime is your friend here

PippaF2 · 31/03/2023 11:34

P.s also vouch for John Lewis. You'll have to pay but you can get something good delivered tomorrow if you order now. Or Sunday.

Swipe left for the next trending thread