Life 360 app - partner defensive about downloading?

[IamCuriousGeorge]

My sister recently told me about the life 360 app, where we can use a personal code to see where each other are, so tracking eachother. It appears to work pretty well and she is now on time out of the house when I pick her up for work .. because she can see how far away I am 😂

I mentioned the app to DP and asked if he would download it so I could see where he is - for context; he works quite far from home, and he often rings me when he’s on his way home to start dinner (because we like to eat as a family before kids go to bed) and sometimes I end up missing his call, then he misses mine, then he’s got no signal ect ect. So I suggested he should download the app, then I can see how far off home he is.
he also works very late some evenings and I’m a bit of a worry wort being home alone so I feel like I get a bit of comfort out of being able to see where he is essentially. I explained all this to DP and he immediately was defensive about downloading the app. At first he said he didn’t want to faff around downloading it, I said I could do it for him, he then said he didn’t want other people tracking him, I explained it’s a code that’s only shared from me too him so only I can see.

I mean, I know he can say no but it was the defensiveness that caught me off guard.

and as a huge plot twist (sorry) I recently found a ring in the house in the kitchen, and thought it might have been left by one of my friends; but I asked my friends, I asked my family and everyone I could think of and no one recognises it. I even put it down to possibly DD toddler maybe pinching it from nursery, I asked nurse us and they didn’t recognise it either but I assumed it must be someone’s that we know and kept it in the cupboard until figured out. We’ve never found out.

the defensiveness about me knowing where he is made the ring situation poo back into my head and now I just feel like I’ve lost a bit of trust.

he asked how I would feel if he wanted to know where I am all the time. But personally I don’t care, that’s fine - I’m either at home, at the shops or at work - I have nothing to hide. I feel like he does.

I feel caught between a rock and a hard place as I get that I can’t demand to ‘track’ him all the time but equally.. why not when he’s only ever supposedly working, working late or at home?

I sort of wish I’d never asked, it was initially just a question and I didn’t think I’d mind if he said no. But his demeanour has made me mind 😩

Had you been away or out of the house for any length of time before this ring was found?

Is it still in the cupboard or has it just as mysteriously disappeared?

I can’t remember, I don’t think so!
It’s still here; I’ve seen it today as I was rooting through the cupboard for something else.

I’d hate the idea of someone tracking me tbh. Even though I do nothing interesting!

I'd absolutely refuse someone tracking me as well. Regardless of my relationship. It's so invasive.

Stick an airtag on him where he won't find it and see what he's up to.

I thought as much; I thought it was because he would find it invasive; but then he suggested using Snapchat maps as it ‘does the same thing’ as he just couldn’t be bothered to download the app. But Snapchat maps only updates when you open or use the app; which he never does 😂 so he doesn’t mind being tracked.. on Snapchat, just not Life360 and it’s the accuracy of Life360 he doesn’t like even though he initially though Snapchat was the same concept. It’s just all a bit ‘excuses excuses’ but I am a terrible worrier so I’m likely making a mountain of a molehill (is that the saying?) - hence why I decided to ask MN, as they’re usually good at being straight to the point 🫣

@ImSweetEnoughDarlin I think going behind his back when he’s expressed this much refusal would cause major issues.

but it did briefly cross my mind; the air tag wouldn’t work as it would alert his phone that there’s an AirTag following him 😅

What about find my iPhone?

sounds like you don’t trust him though OP- I think that’s the issue you ought to be dealing with, regardless of whether he’s up for using a tracking app.

where was the ring found?

@Puppyseahorse i have to admit; I’ve always fully trusted him until tonight. I’ve never batted an eyelid to where he says he is what he’s up to. I never ask to or want to check his phone, I don’t care to. I’m not the type to worry unless given a reason too.

the ring was found on my kitchen floor, in the middle of the floor.

I’ve checked my photos (to memorise where I was) and the day I found the ring, was the day he sent me off to collect an item he brought me that was nearly 2 hours away, but also the day after my friends had been round. So I naturally assumed it belong to my friends; but I asked them and they were pretty quick to say it wasn’t theirs.

By middle finger the floor I don’t mean the actual middle.. just as in if was in a place where it wasn’t .. hidden? It wasn’t in a crevice or near the skirting where it might have been kicked or missed at the last mop.

I'd say no. Tbf I think pretty much anyone I know wouldn't even bother to ask me. If someone did this without my knowledge that would be the end of my relationship.
I'm not doing anything I should be. I've nothing specific I want to hide, I just value my privacy
Thing is though, if you don't trust him you don't.The ring sounds dodgy though. Flog it at cash converters and take a pic of what every you buy just in case.

I have mixed feelings about this. I really don’t want to be tracked like this even though I don’t have anything to hide.

I wouldn't care being tracked. We just use find my phone. People on here with presumably nothing to hide have said they'd be against it (though not sure why), so perhaps it's just horses for courses. It would still make me a bit suspicious though, rightly or wrongly.

Also start wearing the ring every day.
Either he won't care or will have something to say about it.

equally.. why not when he’s only ever supposedly working, working late or at home?

Because he's entitled to privacy and to move around freely without being tracked. Despite what you say, not only by you, but by the app itself. A quick look-up on wikipedia shows that they were previously selling off this location data (hardly surprising) and now claim to no longer do so.

He's not a dog you can have chipped.

Apart from the glaring privacy issues, you cannot use a tracking app to solve your lack of trust in your DP.

My partner and I use Google maps location sharing
to find where each of us are. We have nothing to hide and if either of us are unexpectedly missing or hospitalised we can see exactly where the other is.

As a family we use Life360. It’s useful with young teens seeking independence and I have nothing to hide but I don’t like the feeling of being surveilled.

I've been studying (as in actual research at a university) the use of technology in family violence. Life360 was one thing one of our research participants mentioned by name as useful for secretly tracking a partner. It's basically stalkerware. The answer to your anxiety isn't knowing where your partner is at all times, it is you addressing your anxiety.

We use ‘find my iPhone’ for the same thing, but there is a part of me that doesn’t like to be tracked - not by my OH but by the app. I would be against downloading a dedicated app for this, I think.

i don’t know when / if oh looks at my location - I get an automatic alert sent when he leaves work which helps me time dinner etc. For a while I got an automatic alert every time he left home and I hated it, made me feel like a right creeper keeping tabs on him! No idea how it was set up in that way….

It's up to him if he wants to be tracked. We use find my iPhone and it doesn't bother me at all, but I understand some people don't like it. However, saying you don't want it because it's too much hassle to download the app is a bit weird. Downloading the app takes seconds!

The ring episode would worry me a lot more. And it was the same day he'd sent you off out of the house for several hours? Hmm. IME rings don't fall off easily, so I'd be wondering if someone dropped it deliberately, wanting you to find it?

I would feel the same way as you OP. The two things together would give me trust issues.

Personally I would never download anything like this. If DH wants to know where I am or when I'll be home, he can call or text me 🤷‍♀️

It's also worth pointing out that an app only shows you where his phone is - it won't show you where he is. If he is hiding something and knows you're on to him, what's to stop him leaving his phone in his car or at work and using a throwaway phone instead?

The ring is bothering me more than the refusal to be tracked. The owner of that ring was in your house that day you were sent off on an errand. Were the dc left with him or did he have the house to himself?

I wouldn't want to be tracked, and I have nothing to hide.

@finalwhistle the kids came with me.. it’s not sounding very good looking from an outside perspective. It could be a coincidence though; I don’t remember him acting weird when I found it.. he mostly just gave suggestions of who’s it could be.

This is abusive behaviour.

It is unhealthy to track people, IMO it is wrong to teach your kids to submit to surveillance.