When would you be comfortable letting your baby spend the night at their grandchild?

runsense · 2023-03-29T14:48:06+00:00

At what age? If you visited them from another city and stayed in a hotel, would you be okay with your baby staying there overnight or would you like him/her with you at the hotel?

PerfectYear321 · 29/03/2023 15:49

I'd be pretty uncomfortable if my baby had a grandchild 😲

Newpuppymummy · 29/03/2023 15:49

18 months/2 years but older if they lived in a different city and you didn’t see them often.

TomatoSandwiches · 29/03/2023 15:50

Do you mean baby staying with grandparent?
If so depends what age and their relationship tbh.

Original poster

runsense · 29/03/2023 15:50

PerfectYear321 · 29/03/2023 15:49

I'd be pretty uncomfortable if my baby had a grandchild 😲

😂My apologies! Brain fog.

Grandparents

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Pebblesbeach · 29/03/2023 15:51

For me, when my child is old enough to ask to stay over.

Original poster

runsense · 29/03/2023 15:51

Newpuppymummy · 29/03/2023 15:49

18 months/2 years but older if they lived in a different city and you didn’t see them often.

Thank you

Baby doesn't see them very often, maybe every 3/4 months for a couple of days at a time

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Original poster

runsense · 29/03/2023 15:52

TomatoSandwiches · 29/03/2023 15:50

Do you mean baby staying with grandparent?
If so depends what age and their relationship tbh.

Baby will be 11/12 months old. He doesn't see them very often, probably every 3/4 months and for a couple of days at a time.

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RoseMartha · 29/03/2023 15:52

Depends how well your child and grandparents know each other. And how much you trust the grandparents and what their home is like etc.

Original poster

runsense · 29/03/2023 15:53

Pebblesbeach · 29/03/2023 15:51

For me, when my child is old enough to ask to stay over.

Noted, thank you! I don't want to be a DIL from hell and I know they will ask me. So I wanted to know if I'd be unreasonable or not

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CocoPlum · 29/03/2023 15:53

I didn't do it until DC1 was nearly a year, with grandparents who lived round the corner and were v involved in her life. I put her to bed and picked her up first thing in the morning.

If I visited from another city, the chances are my child wouldn't be as familiar with those grandparents and that would be a no - I wouldn't have done it with her other grandparents who only saw her once a month for a couple of hours.

Wedonttalkaboutboris · 29/03/2023 15:53

At least seven for me personally. Old enough to express themselves properly, particularly if they don’t see grandparents often.

Original poster

runsense · 29/03/2023 15:54

RoseMartha · 29/03/2023 15:52

Depends how well your child and grandparents know each other. And how much you trust the grandparents and what their home is like etc.

I do trust the grandparents, as in I could leave the baby all day with them. But overnight I just find harder

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TomatoSandwiches · 29/03/2023 15:54

runsense · 29/03/2023 15:52

Baby will be 11/12 months old. He doesn't see them very often, probably every 3/4 months and for a couple of days at a time.

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Then no I wouldn't be happy with that, who is pushing for it to happen?

Anotheroverreaction · 29/03/2023 15:55

About 2 I think

Wedonttalkaboutboris · 29/03/2023 15:56

and only if we’d built up to an overnight stay; for example, grandparents had looked after the child by themselves several times for a few hours. It would be a bit jarring for a child to go from nothing to an overnight in those circumstances I think.

Original poster

runsense · 29/03/2023 15:57

TomatoSandwiches · 29/03/2023 15:54

Then no I wouldn't be happy with that, who is pushing for it to happen?

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They wouldn't push too much, they would probably ask a couple of times and then let it go. I just don't want to be mean or unreasonable. It's my first child and I feel very protective of him, I just don't want to be ott

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Pebblesbeach · 29/03/2023 15:58

Please don’t be pressured into this. My daughter is a similar age and although she is close with her grandparents, I wouldn’t want her being away from me on a night unless it was an emergency. In theory, I know she would be fine, but I really don’t see the point. She sees them plenty during the day. She’ll either be asleep, or if she’s awake it will be for a reason such as teething or something else upsetting her. In that situation she gets most comfort from me or her dad.

JenniferBarkley · 29/03/2023 15:58

If you're not ready, you're not ready and that's fine. For the sake of family relations, I'd phrase it like that. "I'm so looking forward to seeing you all, but I'm just not ready to be away from him overnight just yet. I'm sure before long I'll be begging you!"

Harder if he's stayed with your side of course!

We waited until ours were 4 and 2 (would've been earlier for eldest but covid hit and then no point if we still had the baby), wanted them to be able to communicate whatever they needed and to be sleeping somewhat well for PIL. Still wouldn't leave them overnight with my mum as she's on her own and bedtime can be intense!

Original poster

runsense · 29/03/2023 15:59

Pebblesbeach · 29/03/2023 15:58

Please don’t be pressured into this. My daughter is a similar age and although she is close with her grandparents, I wouldn’t want her being away from me on a night unless it was an emergency. In theory, I know she would be fine, but I really don’t see the point. She sees them plenty during the day. She’ll either be asleep, or if she’s awake it will be for a reason such as teething or something else upsetting her. In that situation she gets most comfort from me or her dad.

That's what I was thinking, exactly.
But I came across a previous thread about a man getting chewed out for not wanting his wife to go with their baby to her parents house as he will miss the baby and it made me question myself

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Straightsidedcircle · 29/03/2023 16:01

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Original poster

runsense · 29/03/2023 16:01

JenniferBarkley · 29/03/2023 15:58

If you're not ready, you're not ready and that's fine. For the sake of family relations, I'd phrase it like that. "I'm so looking forward to seeing you all, but I'm just not ready to be away from him overnight just yet. I'm sure before long I'll be begging you!"

Harder if he's stayed with your side of course!

We waited until ours were 4 and 2 (would've been earlier for eldest but covid hit and then no point if we still had the baby), wanted them to be able to communicate whatever they needed and to be sleeping somewhat well for PIL. Still wouldn't leave them overnight with my mum as she's on her own and bedtime can be intense!

Thank you, that's a perfect response.

My mum asked me the same but I didn't feel ready so I declined, but she could see the baby wasn't ready either as peak separation anxiety. But he was 7 months old back then.

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FrenchandSaunders · 29/03/2023 16:02

You're going to get an extremely varied response here OP.

Anything from "2 days old and I wanted a night out" .... to "my DS was 18 when we felt comfortable to leave him for an evening".

It's very individual, just do what you feel comfortable with and don't be pressured into anything ...... unless they're 18

chelle0 · 29/03/2023 16:02

My 2.5 year old stayed with my mum for the first time last week. My mum has her twice a week while we work and her home is very much home to my daughter.

elliejjtiny · 29/03/2023 16:02

Mine have mostly only stayed overnight at grandparents in an emergency. They have had the occasional sleepover for fun from aged 5ish though.

Pebblesbeach · 29/03/2023 16:02

Sounds like that’s a different scenario if the mother was staying with the baby though. In your case it’s sounding like both you and dad would be leaving your little one? You’d be totally reasonable to say no.