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Original poster

Do you actually enjoy being with your children?

108 replies

YouFilthyAnimal · 26/03/2023 13:48

I know we all love them, but really, does anyone like their kids?

Mine are all horrible, actually just not nice children, I’m not sure what I did so wrong, I thought I was parenting very similarly to all the people around me, it doesn’t look that different from the outside but clearly I haven’t because so many people really enjoy time with their children, and mine are just horrible and draining to be around

So if you are one of those people who actually likes them, how did you do this??
It is so fucking depressing to live in a house full of people you don’t like and who don’t like you

OP posts:

Strainzer · 26/03/2023 17:23

I really feel for you @YouFilthyAnimal , raising kids can be relentless and feel like a thankless task at times.

Agree with pps that socializing kids takes consistent effort.

I'm a person who tends to appease and when my kids reached a certain age I could tell this was not going to end well.

Even thought I dislike some of the things she does, I watched a lot of supernanny to see how raising kids can get off track and how I might act with more authority (along with building relationships where I tried to listen to them). I found my own way to do this and it was definitely hard work for a time -consistently addreseing things, and there was definite pushback.

I used and adapted ideas from Nicholeen Peck, on you tube - eg. getting kids to do an age appropriate small chore to make amends (as well as regular chores).

Low tolerance for disrespectful behaviour and actively teaching skills, like how to politely disagree with you, are essential.

It was bloody hard work but it really made a difference.

If you are not enjoying your kids' behaviour you can absolutely decide to do things differently and that there is going to be a new sheriff in town!

SuperBored · 26/03/2023 17:37

Eek this thread is making me nervous about what may be coming my way soon. I have a boy and girl age 12 and 11 and I love spending time with them and so far they enjoy being with me. There is attitude at times and their bickering and blaming is the bit that drives me nuts the most. One is more of a drama queen and the other can be a bit sly but fundamentally I hope they are nice people.

flutterbyebaby · 26/03/2023 17:37

What happens before your dd has acts this way, is their anything in particular that leads up to it, could it be anything to do with sensory overload?

purpleme12 · 26/03/2023 17:40

A lot of the time recently it's such hard work and I'm so I'm so drained.
So drained from her behaviour that I have no inclination or care to play with her.

When it's not like this I enjoy her

flutterbyebaby · 26/03/2023 17:40

I meant to add even layered sounds used to be able to set me off, ie washing machine going, talking, TV going etc etc, still hate it but have learnt to control the pressure valve blowing

SeulementUneFois · 26/03/2023 18:22

OP.

Radical solution:
Does your DP not work some days?
E.g. at the weekend.

Just leave when he comes back Friday night, and don't come back till very late Sunday.
Go to your parents. Text him that you'll be back after the weekend and turn off your phone.

Yes it'll be horrible when you come back, everything will be dirty etc. Kids will be horrible - but they'll have been horrible anyway.
BUT you will have gotten your days of peace. Of bliss. (Relatively)

I know posters will pile on telling you all the disadvantages / consequences of d of doing this. But it'll be worth it. For you
Don't forget that you are a person too

KnittingDiva · 26/03/2023 18:54

YouFilthyAnimal · 26/03/2023 15:45

@KnittingDiva just to answer your questions about DH - he spends very little time with them tbh, he gets a lot of attitude from the teen, the 12 year old he gets nothing and they are probably the closest and have the most in common
I definitely get the most grief from them two though
The youngest two though have very little to do with him, not so much to do with him but to them being (for lack of a better word) obsessed with me, they won’t allow him to serve them food, put them to bed, read to them, they want me for everything, they argue about who gets to sit next to me at the table, constantly sit on my knee, they get in our bed and sleep literally on top of my face every night and even fight in their sleep if one is touching me and the other isn’t, they are very ‘Mammy mammy mammy’ all the time - they’re a lot!
Of course DH could try harder with this but we are all just so so drained it almost isn’t worth it

You really need him to take the burden off you, it will help you and it will also change the attitude of your kids who are depending on you too much.

I have always had to work away from home maybe 3-4 days/month (as has DH but for much longer). DH would not be anything as attuned to the kids as I am but he has always managed fine when I'm away and it was such a relief for me to get away (albeit for work!). I honestly believe they appreciated me more but also depended on me less because of this. Maybe you have family you could go to for few days every month?
I think you will enjoy them more and be better equipped to deal with them if you have some head space.

Blueflag22 · 26/03/2023 18:54

Most of the time yes but in the evening i crave my quiet time.

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