Do you actually enjoy being with your children?

[YouFilthyAnimal]

I know we all love them, but really, does anyone like their kids?

Mine are all horrible, actually just not nice children, I’m not sure what I did so wrong, I thought I was parenting very similarly to all the people around me, it doesn’t look that different from the outside but clearly I haven’t because so many people really enjoy time with their children, and mine are just horrible and draining to be around

So if you are one of those people who actually likes them, how did you do this??
It is so fucking depressing to live in a house full of people you don’t like and who don’t like you

@Spendonsend oh yes 1 at a time I can absolutely do, they are different people on their own, but put a couple together and the bickering! Omg the bickering! I feel like I’m being pecked to death

@Denialisariverinegypt i do have depression and as on antidepressants, god knows the wreck I would be in without them

Sometimes they drive me insane.
If I'm struggling myself, with mental health, work stuff, relationship stuff, I have less patience and they sense it and drive me insane.
90 percent of the time they are gorgeous company, 12 year old is so dry and funny and energetic, 8 year old is super intelligent and kind, 4 year old is insane but loves a little snuggle, 2 year old is sassy and hilarious and super cute. We have most fun at unplanned times...singing with 2 year old in car, dance off with 12 year old and her mates, stupid things like that.
Sometimes I want to sell them all to the circus or pay the goblin king to take them. 12 year old can be rude and unkind, 8 year old can be lazy and ignore me when I talk 4 year old can be too annoying and 2 year old can be too defiant and independent. They're just small people, with flaws and wonderful traits just like adults.

But mostly I adore being with them. I am a kid person though, time with kids in work is the best part of my job too.

My DD is 3.5 and absolutely lovely. She is me in miniature and we get on like a house on fire. She’s great company.

I wouldn’t want four though as statistically you’d get at least one shit one.

That sounds very hard @YouFilthyAnimal I'm sorry.
But yes, I like my ds enormously, he is at uni now and I miss him but we still meet monthly or so for coffee/lunch during term time. We had a few rocky moments when he was a teen but we made an effort to find some common ground (e.g. watching a box set together) and having some 1:1 time away from home.
Would you be able to schedule some 1:1 time with each of your dc? It might help you connect to them in a different way?

Maybe you need to change the dosage? Can you go back to gp

I adore mine. I also have four, and on a 1:1 basis they’re all awesome.

However, 4 is a LOT of kids! When they are fighting I bloody hate being around them sometimes. I can’t stop them going on and on and on at eachother, and ignoring me when I tell them to stop.

Do you get any 1:1 quality time with them? 💐

I wouldn’t want four though as statistically you’d get at least one shit one.

This made me snort 😂

Noone likes being around children 100% of the time but you don't sound very nice to be around either OP, do they like you? Children know if you don't like them and they'll act in response to that. It must be hard to not like your own children but I do feel so sorry for them, they're just kids.

Wow.

Just read my post back and didn't mean to sound so judgemental, sorry! Noone likes kids all the time, I just wonder if the whole thing is a bit...we all hate being around each other, rather than they are all just vile.

I’ve cross posted with you, @YouFilthyAnimal . It seems like we have a lot in common, if that makes you feel any better?! 😳

What has definitely helped me has been going part time at work. I get one precious day (well, a few hours) to recoup while they’re all at school. Is that an option for you?

@Finesterre & @BrutusMcDogface you both mentioned 1:1 time and no, I don’t have any with any of them, it used to be something I would really try for but now they’re mostly so unpleasant to be around I just don’t want to, if someone offers to babysit I throw all four at them and run very fast in the opposite direction

@Sugargliderwombat if you’d read my posts you would already know my children very regularly wish death on me 🙃

Yes. More so as they've got older. They're good company. We're now in a position to holiday without them but tbh I'd rather they were a few years younger and we were still all going together.

@BrutusMcDogface that does make me feel better! There is not a lot of people in the world who would get it, and everywhere I look (even in this thread) there are happy families who are horrified to think I don’t like people who live in my house, break my shit and scream at me all day!
I have thought of getting a job, but I worry about when I would have time to do things, I know it sounds ridiculous but I am forever cleaning/washing/tidying/food shopping/at the chemist/at kids appointments, I know I know people who work full time manage it but I’m worried to put yet another thing in my plate I suppose 🤔

Hyperverbal speech and lack of emotional regulation in a child could be adhd symptoms, and the family history means it's worth considering.

I do like my child but I like being by myself more. It’s not her, she’s funny and clever etc but needs a lot of attention and it can be a lot for an introvert to cope with. Tbh I stopped at 1 because it became obvious very quickly to me that I don’t have the bandwith to be a happy parent of more children.

I have three (almost 6 and 3yo twins) and I do genuinely love being around them most of the time. Main exceptions being first thing in the morning before my coffee, tantrums, and any time we have to be on time (school run, aaaargh).

However, they are all at school/pre-school 9-4.30 Mon-Fri and I'm back at work. So my kid time/ adult time balance is quite healthy now. I would definitely consider getting a job and change of scenery in your position OP.

Reading your description of each child is a difficult one.
You say the 13 year old is probably the easiest and when he’s nice he’s lovely. It sounds like you’re minimising his actual behaviour.
The 12 year old needs to be sat down and asked what is wrong. What are you doing that justifies the behaviour she displays and how she is treating you and her friends. Be honest, how do you speak to her?
The 7 year old how is he at school in comparison? You need to see your GP or the school dr for a referral.
The 5 year old may have learned that this behaviour gets her what she wants. Do you give into her?

Do you eat together? Ask how their day went, something good that happened today, something funny. Do you actually know what their interests are? Do you make time to talk to them?

My own children and me get on really well. I’ve always described my parenting as firm but fair. As long as they were truthful and respectful they wouldn’t get in trouble. I never tolerated sulking or storming off, if there was an issue we dealt with it.

Having a big family isn't for everyone. They didn't decide to have 3 siblings and might be annoyed by the lack of attention.

They will sense your feelings towards them and it's probably contributing to how they're behaving towards you.

You say your daughter is vile because she sad unpleasant things to you, but look at how you're describing them on this thread.

I say this as one of 5 with a mother who only ever saw the worst in us all and never took time to get to know us.

Yes I do but they are older now (late primary) so we "hang out" together - this like watching TV, walking the dog, doing homework... I didn't enjoy spending time with them nearly as much when they were toddlers as it was pretty boring, though of course I loved them.

I have one dd and she's ace, I absolutely love her and spending time with her is a joy. BUT I am not so smug as she has friends over most days and honestly when she's with another child or more than one competing for my attention, sparring (verbally) with her friends etc I see a completely different side to her. You have too many kids! Can you divide and conquer somehow.

I’ve had moments of not liking them but generally speaking I like them 99% of the time. Especially now they’re grown up I really enjoy being around them.

Oh op you sound so miserable.

What does your 12 yo say when you pull her up on her behaviour? Do you model manners, respect and self respect?

I do like my own children very much. There are some other peoples children that I really can't stand.

Yes I am minimising the 13 year olds behaviour, he’s just the easiest of the four really, but can be very rude, disrespectful, is late for school almost every day because he won’t get out of bed, is lazy and unmotivated- but in a girly teenage way I think? Very Kevin the teenager in the way nothing is fair and everything is an effort

We have done a million things with the 12 year old, thousands of talks, talks with school, putting her in clubs, punishments, ignoring the bad and and praising the good, giving her responsibilities even paying her in a Sunday if she shows a good attitude all week - nothing has worked!

7 year old; no referral necessary, he has already been diagnosed I haven’t made it up, he’s under CAMHS and takes meds every morning and every night

The 5 year old yes I do give in to make the screaming stop, because at this point I’m losing the will to live 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think people have assumed I haven’t tried anything to change this behaviour??
I haven’t just woken up one morning and decided I don’t like my children, this has been building for years and yes I feel like I’ve tried everything and I am starting to feel like there is nothing I can do 🤷🏻‍♀️

Is the 12 yo jealous of her brother maybe? It seems a strange thing to say "Dancing at your funeral!" Maybe "I hate you" or something like that.Parenting 4 DC is hard I would imagine .Would any one to one time help,at 12 she is coming up to puberty and you may lose her if you dont sort this out now.Of course not every child is going to gel with you ,but this sounds sad to me.Does your DH help at all ,can you get a break away for a few days? you sound exhausted!