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Original poster

Do you actually enjoy being with your children?

108 replies

YouFilthyAnimal · 26/03/2023 13:48

I know we all love them, but really, does anyone like their kids?

Mine are all horrible, actually just not nice children, I’m not sure what I did so wrong, I thought I was parenting very similarly to all the people around me, it doesn’t look that different from the outside but clearly I haven’t because so many people really enjoy time with their children, and mine are just horrible and draining to be around

So if you are one of those people who actually likes them, how did you do this??
It is so fucking depressing to live in a house full of people you don’t like and who don’t like you

OP posts:
mumoffourminimes · 26/03/2023 14:57

Where's the dad and what support do you have?

Original poster
YouFilthyAnimal · 26/03/2023 14:58

mumoffourminimes · 26/03/2023 14:52

Oh op you sound so miserable.

What does your 12 yo say when you pull her up on her behaviour? Do you model manners, respect and self respect?

I do like my own children very much. There are some other peoples children that I really can't stand.

She screams, slams doors, throws things, says she wished I was dead, she can’t wait for my funeral she’ll laugh, she wishes she was dead, she hates it here … etc etc etc

Mine are those children that people can’t stand - even my parents don’t come around any more, I really don’t know what tf I have done 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Greenolivetrees · 26/03/2023 14:58

Mine is a really good natured nice kid that listens well. Don't ask me why, I have no bloody idea why. Must just be her nature. DH and I were both miserable little shits as children.

adhdpunchbag · 26/03/2023 14:59

Not really, I like him best when he's asleep...

I'm not saying I don't like him, I do, but it's draining and I'd rather my own company He doesn't enjoy time spent with me either!

dottiedodah · 26/03/2023 14:59

Sorry ,I posted before your last update.Can you try family counselling at all?Is she happy at School? not being bullied as she may take it out on you .A family counsellor would help her I think

mumoffourminimes · 26/03/2023 15:03

She screams, slams doors, throws things, says she wished I was dead, she can’t wait for my funeral she’ll laugh, she wishes she was dead, she hates it here … etc etc etc

what is your response to all this?

I think the family counselling suggestion from a pp is a good one.

Original poster
YouFilthyAnimal · 26/03/2023 15:03

@dottiedodah she hasn’t had an easy time at school no so I really do try to cut her some slack with it and I have spoken to her school weekly for a while trying to fix it, but honestly when I ready through her phone and see the way she is with people I think the problem is her! She speaks to people absolutely horrifically, just so so rude and dismissive and just not nice?! I don’t know what to do about that at all!

@mumoffourminimes he is here, he lives with us, but works long hours so tbh the bulk of parenting is on me, he is far less patient with them aswell so the majority of correction and punishments etc is on me aswell as he tends to escalate a situation rather than diffuse

OP posts:
Skinnermarink · 26/03/2023 15:05

Genuinely yes, I love it and crave it.

BUT, having had lots of experience of multiple children after being a nanny for 15 years, I am definitely only having one. That is optimum conditions for me to get actual genuine enjoyment and pleasure from them. Two close in age absolutely do my head in, the squabbling, the bickering, he says that, she took that, he’s looking at me etc etc. It makes me want to go and stick my head in an oven.

Original poster
YouFilthyAnimal · 26/03/2023 15:05

mumoffourminimes · 26/03/2023 15:03

She screams, slams doors, throws things, says she wished I was dead, she can’t wait for my funeral she’ll laugh, she wishes she was dead, she hates it here … etc etc etc

what is your response to all this?

I think the family counselling suggestion from a pp is a good one.

I usually just let her lash out then later on when she’s calm I tell her how unacceptable her behaviour is and how hurtful her words are and that she will absolutely regret saying these things to me one day
She gets grounded, loses her phone, her iPad etc, she does not give a shit, she does her time with punishments then we’re straight back to it once normality is resumed

OP posts:
mumoffourminimes · 26/03/2023 15:06

Do you diffuse or appease? If appeasing then I think that's probably contributing to your problem. I think DH might have to step up more despite the long hours whilst you are firefighting all this.

Original poster
YouFilthyAnimal · 26/03/2023 15:07

I am calling the GP in the morning and asking for some kind of therapy for the 12 year old definitely - would family counselling have to be sought separately? And paid for I assume?

OP posts:
mumoffourminimes · 26/03/2023 15:08

YouFilthyAnimal · 26/03/2023 15:07

I am calling the GP in the morning and asking for some kind of therapy for the 12 year old definitely - would family counselling have to be sought separately? And paid for I assume?

Could CAMHS offer something???

Original poster
YouFilthyAnimal · 26/03/2023 15:08

@mumoffourminimes that us very interesting, I suspect I appease rather than diffuse, I have never really thought about this
I generally just do what I can to make the screaming stop the fastest!

OP posts:
MintJulia · 26/03/2023 15:08

I love being with my ds. He says & does the funniest things. He's normally cheerful & energetic, and at 14, he's turning into really good company.

I've always enjoyed being with him though. I'm going to miss him dreadfully when he goes off to university.

mumoffourminimes · 26/03/2023 15:11

I usually just let her lash out then later on when she’s calm I tell her how unacceptable her behaviour is and how hurtful her words are and that she will absolutely regret saying these things to me one day

oh OP this is so hard. I think you need to start protecting your own mental health and put in place strong boundaries. This sitch sounds bordering on child to parent abuse

familyissues12345 · 26/03/2023 15:13

Honestly? Love being with them now.

Back 10 years ago, they were 2 and 9 and tbh I hated it. DS1's behaviour was beyond awful, and like a pp said, he wouldn't be alone when he was in a foul mood, so he'd follow me goading me for an argument. An awful awful time. I loved them both dearly but as a SAHM I had no escape.

It soon became obvious the cause of DS's behaviour (issues with contact with his Dad) and actually more recently I've been looking back and thinking I probably was going through a mental health decline too.

SpinningFloppa · 26/03/2023 15:13

I’m a lone parent and I also have 4 and no I don’t enjoy being around them all the time but I’m clearly in the minority and most people do as other single parents tell me how lucky I am to be with mine all day every day 🙄

MintJulia · 26/03/2023 15:14

OP, she doesn't mean the things she says. She's lashing out in a safe space, and the fact that she can do that with you shows that she trusts you.

My ds went through a phase of saying he hated me. I'd shrug and say 'yep, I'm a regular Cruella Deville', and just get on with my day. I took no notice of the words but if he was particularly bad, I'd buy him a favourite pizza or some chocolate raisins.

No punishment, just insist he did his homework, and move on.

coeurnoir · 26/03/2023 15:16

I do now they are adults, but struggled to like them when they were toddlers up,to pre-teens. I think that a lot of it was that my marriage was breaking down and my husband was being an arse, and the kids both had his personality traits.
Now they seem more like their own person - not really like me and not really like him, or maybe I've just mellowed towards him over the years.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 26/03/2023 15:19

I like my children but they have great dads who I'm not with so I get quite a lot of breaks from them. I think I may feel different if I was with them 24/7

VintageThoughts · 26/03/2023 15:19

Mine are grown up now but I always loved being with them. Still so (they both still live at home). I used to love the school holidays when I knew the three of us would be home together. Maybe it's because I was a SAHM and was lucky enough not to jaw any other pressures in my life (then!).

DD and I still do everything together, she's my best pal and tea time is my favourite time of day when the three of us sit round the table chatting. It's always been the same.

I'm so sorry you feel the way you do OP, it must be very hard.

jays · 26/03/2023 15:22

I like mine. When he was young wee went cycling, built Lego, played Harry Potter and read loads, went out and done treasure trails and had little adventures and picnics … I miss it so much just remembering that I could cry. Went through it a bit from maybe 15 to 17 but then he just turned back into an adult version of the young him if you know what I mean. Doesn’t live at home now but we still laugh, send daft TikTok’s and memes and have a few heart to hearts now which is nice. He’s till very ‘can you so my laundry’ but he’s lovely. I’ve always said that I’m lucky that I like him as well love him. I’ve been l unlucky as hell on every other department of my life right enough so I’ll take it where I can get it! 😂

Goldbar · 26/03/2023 15:22

I enjoy being with my children but they're not at an age or of a temperament when they demand as much both emotionally and physically from me as yours do from you (baby and reception child). It's physically tough and relentless but that's it.

It sounds a bit like you're emotioned out. There isn't much room for liking/affection if actually you're always trying to fix something and have very little support. To love others properly and connect with them on an emotional level, you need to have something of yourself left over, otherwise you just end up robotically going though the motions. The problem is, they probably sense your withdrawal and it makes them worse, especially the 12yo. I'm not sure what to suggest, but I can totally understand why you feel the way that you feel.

MyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 26/03/2023 15:25

My kids are grown now but I distinctly remember coming home from work some times and not wanting to go into the house. That didn’t happen often and always passed quickly. I loved spending time with my kids for the most part. Now that they are grown, we have some wonderful times together. Try to find something that you enjoy doing with your kids as a group and with each of them individually. Sad that you think your kids are horrible and not nice though. I’m sure that they are getting that message from you so not a good thing for your family.

dollypartin · 26/03/2023 15:26

I love my kids but kids always test boundaries. Why in the world do you tolerate them treating you like this? They should respect you.

I would get DH on side and have a family talk (maybe older 2 together first) and say how unpleasant and hard it can be for you and that from now on there is zero tolerance for this behaviour. Set expectations of how they should and shouldn't behave and everytime they mouth off or treat you badly, act on the punishment. Kids need guidance and boundaries - and of course love! - but you need to be firm for their sake and yours.