Where to put all these kids?! Wwyd?

[MissMooley]

Wasn't sure where to post this to get the most advice.
Basically I'm in a 3 bed house. Me, dds 14 & 19, and ds 11&8.
Currently, dd 14 & 19 have their own rooms, and the boys share. I have a bed in the living room.
It's worked for us nicely, but now I'm due twins in 10 weeks 😂🙈
I have no idea where they're going lol
My options so far are:

1- Scrap having a living room and just make it a full bedroom for me and the twins.

2- make the living room a full bedroom, and move the sofa etc into the outshed, but not sure how that will go in winter, it gets pretty cold and I don't have the money to fully convert it (also a council house, so would need permission I assume?)

That's it. I don't like the idea of having no living room but there's literally no space to have the cots and all the baby stuff in there with my bed and the sofa etc too.

I've considered the girls sharing, but eldest has asd and several mh disorders so can't see that working for her.

Just feel a bit stuck and hoping someone has a magic solution I haven't thought of!

That was in response to the request for a contraception with 100% success rate.

The pregnancy is not unplanned unless you were using reliable contraception and it somehow failed. Do the children have the same dad? Could a couple of them move in with their dad? I wouldn’t have had more than 3 dc with a house that small and not working full time, let alone 4-5.

If the eldest won’t get a job, save up and move out and none of the other 3 dc will move in with their dad, then the girls need to share. You need to claim the biggest bedroom so you can sleep in there with the babies.

Well, I hope a kid or two doesn’t wind up living in a caravan out the front or the ‘outshed’ out the back. I can’t imagine feeling much more pushed out by my mother’s new baby twins than if I was actually pushed out of the house and into a poorly insulated ’room’ outside.

When I went back to work with DS my child minder had her youngest about 1 share with the 14yo girl something like this https://www.wayfair.co.uk/Just-Kids--Solid-Wood-High-Sleeper-Loft-Bed-by-Just-Kids-KLJE3138-L1074-K~JKID2027.html?refid=GX433460317642-JKID2027_20695999&device=m&ptid=902997738930&targetid=pla-902997738930&network=g&ireid=202361653&PiID%5B%5D=20695999&device=m&gclid=Cj0KCQjwt_qgBhDFARIsABcDjOe5wOY3V2_BfgVrRqPiezxYaPjrJzsK8TMDsOa3GAHBggf84Dj9SVkaAoEyEALw_wcB

With the cot(s) underneath or as I said the oldest or second oldest Dd downstairs at night.

I would not use living room. You need that space for babies to play, feed, other children sit together with you and babies, have a social, functional household

Convert the outhouse as eldest bedroom. It’s already brick and electrics, so mainly need boarding out and plastered inside and thermos insulated on outside. Inside add electric wall radiators with smart thermostat. That probably won’t be done in the next 10 weeks, so elder two will have to share until it’s done.

I think you’re right. OP kept responding until they got the “stop having babies” replies they were aiming for. Some nice mum-shaming fodder for them.

I’d have loved it!

@MissMooley can you direct me to a contraception that has a 100% success rate?

Most hormonal birth control methods are 99% effective unless the IUD or implant has expired, wasn't inserted properly, or you didn’t wait long enough before having sex. With the pill, errors occur when you haven’t taken it at the same time time of day, skipped a pill, took medicine that negatively affects the contraceptive pill or you didn’t wait long enough before having sex.

If the outhouse is attached could that not become yours and and the twins bedroom?

I think you will all cope best if you include the babies into your bed/sitting room for the first few months.
In six months it might become obvious which of your other daughers can either swap rooms with you or move into the refurbished garden room. The refurbishing, insulating and decorating might end up being a creative and practical project for the older girls. It could include a deck with outdoor shower and sitting space too.

Apart from dividing the largest bedroom, I’m not sure what else to suggest.

I say this because having a living room is important. Otherwise everyone will remain cooped up in their rooms and it’s not ideal. Mentally and emotionally. Boys may be young now and getting along, but eventually they will want a ‘break’ from eachother and that’s where the living room comes in.

A home isn’t just to sleep in. What if the kids wanted to bring friends over? Watch a movie together? Same with you. What if you just wanted to put your feet up and relax and watch some tv. Family members and friends visiting?

I understand you’re tight on space but personally I do believe a living room is the most important room in a household. Especially with children.

I’m speaking from experience. There were 5 of us in a 3 bed. Dad used to sleep in the living room. Slowly but surely, we all just did everything in our room. It really effected my brothers as they got older. We all understood it was just the way it was, so Dad assumed we were fine with the arrangement, but it has definitely impacted us, some more than others. I personally used to spend a lot of time at my friends houses because we had no living room. I just didn’t want to be cooped up in my bedroom all the time.

Hope you get it sorted.

I've got no new advice that hasn't been posted but just wanted to say you sound great OP. Ignore the negativity. Yes, you may not have chosen this situation but it's where you are and you are doing everything in your power to make the best of it.

Good luck 🙂

@MissMooley

Insulating and sorting the outhouse won’t be super expensive if you do the work yourself with the older kids helping.

For insulating the outhouse get onto eBay and search floor insulation. If you don’t care about the finish any option will work fine. Cover the whole floor with the insulation and then carpet over the top. You can lay both of those yourself- you just need a decent knife to cut the carpet and a way to fix it down - carpet tacks or tape depending on the floor underneath. If you’re fussed about the finish then the silver insulation on a roll covered by a carpet with built in underlay will probably be the best bet.

If the walls have already been boarded take one of the boards off and look behind it to see if there is any insulation. If there is already insulation then you’re all sorted. If there is a gap but no insulation buy something like rockwall and put it in the gap - have a look on eBay for what is cheapest. If no gap buy insulated plasterboard and either screw if onto the boards which are already there or replace them with the insulated ones.

If the cealing has already been boarded then do the same as the walls. If the cealing hasn’t been boarded then Google how to insulate followed by the type of cealing. This is likely to be a bit trickier so it’s worth asking another adult to help if this isn’t already boarded.

Get some good thermal lined curtains for windows and door. And a decent heater.

If you can’t afford the materials above it’s also worth asking on Facebook and free cycle. It’s the sort of thing people often have half a pack left after a job and are happy to give away. You can mix and match types and brands with no problem.

Good luck @MissMooley .
You’ll find a way.
I am one of 6 raised in a 3 bed house. The main difference was we were closer in age.
3 girls and 3 boys.
A set of bunks and a small single in each bedroom.
Tricky for you with babes though.

Because it's not the point. As she says, she's not asking for sympathy or validation, just practical advice about housing children.

I have a friend who got pregnant on the contraceptive implant. It happens. Plenty of women have got pregnant on the pill.

Why are you all assuming OP wasn't married with a 2nd adult income in the house when she had the first 4 children?

I think it would be temporary, sleeping in the living room. Às your eldest would move out, the next couple of years. I moved out at 21.

@MissMooley sorry you've had such horrible replies. It's definitely a tricky situation but I have a friend who has a similar situation and is in a three bed council house (3 kids from her marriage when husband then abandoned them,1 from long term partner week did the same, 1 with her new partner who is a perfect match for her and they just need her divorce to finally happen before they marry, and one that the partner has sole parental responsibility from a former relationship). It's a challenge but essentially they have four boys and two girls. The boys all share the biggest room, girls share a room, and the parents have the smallest room to themselves. Wishing you all the best.

Good that you find it funny. I don't.

https://www.diy.com/ranges/building-ranges/alara#icamp=SB_DoorsWindows_AlaraRange

this is good for dividing a room.

Sorry going to be blunt, have you considered birth control? Single parent with 6 kids on the social?

I really sympathise OP. I have a very similar situation and it’s really hard

How big is your kitchen ? Is there space to make that more of a living area so that you could have the living area as a room for you ?

Do you have any areas in the house you could make into little individual living areas ? We put a comfy chair on our upstairs landing as it’s quite big so the dc have a choice of areas that aren’t bedrooms to relax in and we opened up under and put a light under the stairs so could put a desk and chair under there for homework

Ooh, I love these posts. Not sure what exactly makes the OP 'come across as lovely'.
Not saying she can't be but she's asking about how to use the space she has... no clue how that makes her 'lovely'.

I also know two sets of m/f twins.

When they are fraternal, rather than identical twins, any combination (m/m, f/f, m/f) is equally likely.

OP is not on the social,
And she came on here for advice on her bedroom situation not judgement from sanctimonious people who can’t read properly.

There’s a lot of judgmental people on mumsnet as you’ve found out. But there’s also a lot of people who know life doesn’t always turn out as we plan. Many of these judgemental people are probably SAHM’s whose life could be turned upside tomorrow if their high earner husband ran off with his PA.

I’d speak to your girls about sharing. But if that’s going to cause issues I’d get a sofa bed for the living room and have the cots in there. But at least then it can be a living room still. Just means you’ll get little privacy but you can say the rooms off bounds at certain times when babies are sleeping. A swap might be a good shout, hopefully someone wants to downsize. My kids cousins have 7 living in a 2 bed flat, they are really happy.