Where to put all these kids?! Wwyd?

[MissMooley]

Wasn't sure where to post this to get the most advice.
Basically I'm in a 3 bed house. Me, dds 14 & 19, and ds 11&8.
Currently, dd 14 & 19 have their own rooms, and the boys share. I have a bed in the living room.
It's worked for us nicely, but now I'm due twins in 10 weeks 😂🙈
I have no idea where they're going lol
My options so far are:

1- Scrap having a living room and just make it a full bedroom for me and the twins.

2- make the living room a full bedroom, and move the sofa etc into the outshed, but not sure how that will go in winter, it gets pretty cold and I don't have the money to fully convert it (also a council house, so would need permission I assume?)

That's it. I don't like the idea of having no living room but there's literally no space to have the cots and all the baby stuff in there with my bed and the sofa etc too.

I've considered the girls sharing, but eldest has asd and several mh disorders so can't see that working for her.

Just feel a bit stuck and hoping someone has a magic solution I haven't thought of!

My bil and sil were in a similar position. They had 7 kids between them and then sil became pregnant at 45. They are also in council accommodation and didn’t know what to do so they put a summer house in the garden and our nephew (who was 19 at the time) lived in there.
Unfortunately, a neighbour reported it and the council made them remove the summer house and nephew had to move in with his girlfriends family. So converting the outhouse may not be allowed but obviously each local authority seems to be different, some more lenient than others.
This isn’t an ideal suggestion for the winter but just a thought if you have any funds for it but how about a trailer tent or even a large tent in the garden for the warmer months, it will give you some extra chill out space for the kids and the older ones could sleep out there in the summer. This might be a godsend in the next few months once the babies arrive? There are loads on marketplace or eBay.
It does sound like a tricky situation op but one thing which stands out is how much you want these babies. I am sure you will all muddle on though, many people do.

I would strongly reconsider DD1 having her own room, she may cope absolutely fine sharing with her sister. - a family home should have a living room for you all to join together. You need to consider all your children’s needs not just DD1s.

Sad to say, I think this is going to be necessary. All of the children will now have to make sacrifices owing to being in overcrowded conditions. However challenging the eldest will find it having to share, there just isn't the 'luxury' available for one person in a family of seven to have one of the three bedrooms all to themselves, regardless of how much they would benefit in more ideal circumstances.

I don't get it when people exclaim "Well, they seemed to manage OK in generations gone by, when very large families was the norm". 'Managing' is absolutely not the same as thriving; and isn't it interesting how few of those generations' (great)grandchildren now choose to have very large families of their own, now that we have reliable contraception and more options for women?

I think it was probably also the norm that children would have been moving out at a young age, to make room for the younger ones coming through. I think it's a very valuable position for a young person to feel secure, know that they have a place at home for as long as they need/want it and that they only need to move out when they are ready to do so - but if they grow up in a large family, especially one in a too-small house, that's just a luxury that isn't going to be open to them.

As for the PP who said about boarding schools, doesn't the very large number of reports from adults who boarded as a child (or had close family members who did) of how much they hated and felt damaged by it tell you something? Yes, I know that plenty also say they enjoyed it, or feel otherwise quite neutral to the experience; but the numbers in the first group are immense.

But woe betide anyone who’s paid taxes all their lives since 17 years old, only claimed unemployment benefit for a year, dare to comment on people claiming benefits like UC and not earning enough - which I don’t usually do!

Isn't there enough nastiness on here without bringing ageism into it? I'm well past menopause and I don't like people suggesting giving children away or having an abortion if it isn't what the woman wants (choice doesn't mean anyone is obliged to abort a baby or babies because some view them as an inconvenience) so can we stop with putting it down to post menopause women. I'm sure there are plenty of younger women on here who are quite capable of nastiness.

Maybe people should have to put their age on here so they can all be judged appropriately and not just on other people's prejudices.

Op do you think the twins dad is a long term prospect, ie do you think an a few years your likely to give the girls your house and move in with him and the boys and twins?,

Erm no, it's 50 50 ish whether same or mixed sex in fraternal twins

This whole thread is batshit TBH.

I am all for benefits like UC, it's a great thing that in the UK help is provided of course, there are people who end up in situations they could never imagine would happen through no fault of their own. This is not one of these times so I totally understand people getting shitty with the OP who appears to find it all a bit amusing.

I had a situation with 5 of us in a 2 bed masionette when my 28 year relationship ended and I could only afford a 2 bed from my share of our home (couldnt get a mortgage so had to buy outright) I know this may sound odd, but I slept under the stairs (like Harry Potter) put a light in there a memory foam mattress, even had room for my laptop to watch films etc at night. My DS and his GF had one room, and my DD and her BF had the other bedroom, my other DS moved in with his GF, this was only for a couple of years, now its just me, my DD and her BF so I have a bedroom again, it worked ok I didnt want them to be forced out at the same time as me and their dad split up so it was my choice to have them with me, it did work OK, but I share your anxiety about bedroom space

Only the rich should have 6 kids yes!

Op do you think the twins dad is a long term prospect, ie do you think an a few years your likely to give the girls your house and move in with him and the boys and twins?,

Is that even possible with council/social housing, though? Can you just 'give' it to other members of your family to take over, without going through the official channels?

Even if so, presumably if OP and the babies' dad did make a go of it again and move in together with the boys and the babies, that would potentially leave only two young adult sisters in a three bedroom house, which surely the council would then consider under-occupied?! Unless either of them had had their own babies by then, maybe.

The house is rented so cannot be "given" to anybody.

Op it may be worth going to the council (or HA), and mooting the idea of converting the attached outhouse into living space. I say this as our HA will consider alterations if they can be proved as necessary and cost effective. Be prepared for a rent increase to cover the cost but they may consider it a cheaper alternative to putting you in private rental. Plus it has the added benefit further down the line for them as they will then have an extra 4 bed house on their books.

This is vile, whilst I most definitely do not agree with having more children than you can afford/house sensibly, anyone suggesting this should be ashamed.

The sofa in the kitchen sounds like a plan, especially if it is where you congregate anyway. Or maybe a breakfast bar set up, so kids can sit and chat.
Just wanted to wish you the best of luck with your new babies and ignore the more spiteful posters. I couldn't have gone through with an abortion either, can't understand the lack of empathy from some people here.

I wouldn’t ask the girls to share. I think you and the twins in the living room is the best bet, and turning the shed type space into a living room / play room / den.

Utilising the outside space for some of the stuff in the kitchen is a great idea making it into a kitchen/living area makes sense. Having space from each other is really important esp for the teens. Sorry if I took your comments the wrong way, you genuinely seemed to come across as if the whole situation was amusing.

Think about what you're saying here.

There is a huge difference between "parents should only plan to have the number of kids they can

And "poor women should be forced - or socially shamed - to have abortions if they get pregnant by accident and already have 2 kids" (or however many).

Which are you saying? It's not clear.

If it's the first, well the OP has been clear her twins weren't planned, so get off her case.

If it's the second, then that's beyond despicable and not worthy of a response in my opinion.

I have RTFT and can't recall seeing this, but apologies if it's already been said: if the out-building is fine in the daytime, but cold at night, can it be used as a living area for everybody and the house itself - 4 bedrooms with the living room used as a bedroom - just be used for sleeping?

Even so, something else is going to have to be done once the twins grow up - unless the older girls have moved out by the time sharing with their mum is no longer sustainable.

*the number of kids they can afford, that should say!

Why did your children’s gf and bf move in when you were struggling for space and money? In your position, I would’ve shared the biggest room with Dd and the smallest room would be ds’s. The gf and bf would have to live somewhere else.

Suggesting the boys move out is awful IMO, making the space work better is surely better, shipping them off would likely do no end of damage. My nan did this do some of my mums siblings, it has done untold damage to them. They went into the navy at 17 in the end just to have somewhere to belong. Majority of the siblings have many issues but have made the best of their lives. Feeling like they belonged would have helped them IMO.

@Jenasaurus - so you slept under the stairs to facilitate girlfriend and boyfriend moving in? Were they paying a good rent?

Not rich, no.

But only people who can afford children should have them. For the sake of the children!

I wouldn’t ask the girls to share. I think you and the twins in the living room is the best bet, and turning the shed type space into a living room / play room / den.

I think it's always going to be difficult to ask children to change or make do with less when they are older, and so have got used to having more convenient circumstances and more space for themselves.

There's every chance that either (or both) of the twins who are on their way could have ASD and would also greatly benefit from having a bedroom of their own, but as this is never going to be an option from the outset, they will have no choice in the matter and will just have to manage without it.

That one had me open-mouthed with astonishment - giving grown-up kids the bedrooms so they could move their boy/girl friends in with them whilst the parent slept under the stairs!

The 1st one, the 2nd is disgraceful, not once have I suggested this. The twins may not have been planned but TBH people shouldn't be having 4 kids if they can't afford them. There were 3 pregnancies after the space ran out IMO.

I'm allowed my opinion, I would have loved 4 DC but we felt we couldn't give enough time/money/space to 4 so stuck at 2, 3 DC we would have managed if we had got pregnant by accident once.