Page 14 | Where to put all these kids?! Wwyd?

MissMooley · 2023-03-25T21:00:27+00:00

Wasn't sure where to post this to get the most advice. Basically I'm in a 3 bed house. Me, dds 14 & 19, and ds 11&8. Currently, dd 14 & 19 have their own rooms, and the boys share. I have a bed in the living room. It's worked for us nicely, but now I'm due twins in 10 weeks 😂🙈 I have no idea where they're going lol My options so far are: 1- Scrap having a living room and just make it a full bedroom for me and the twins. 2- make the living room a full bedroom, and move the sofa etc into the outshed, but not sure how that will go in winter, it gets pretty cold and I don't have the money to fully convert it (also a council house, so would need permission I assume?) That's it. I don't like the idea of having no living room but there's literally no space to have the cots and all the baby stuff in there with my bed and the sofa etc too. I've considered the girls sharing, but eldest has asd and several mh disorders so can't see that working for her. Just feel a bit stuck and hoping someone has a magic solution I haven't thought of!

usernamechanged1 · 26/03/2023 10:05

God, I don’t envy you, OP.

I think all viable solutions from room sharing to adoption have been mentioned.

I imagine a lot of the people saying you need contraceptive advice and to stop getting pregnant are taking exception to your use of “🙈😂” and “lol” like this is a comedy situation you’ve found yourself in. It’s far from it and you come across like you aren’t taking it seriously.

Antiquiteas · 26/03/2023 10:05

Tarantallegra · 26/03/2023 10:03

I've not read the whole thread but I think the earlier suggestions to convert the outhouse are the most sensible. We looked at getting a shed built as a home office and the electrics were the most expensive bit so if you already have that then it shouldn't be terrible.

What state are the walls & windows in? If they are decent then it may be as simple as an insulated roof. Cost wise we've just paid around £9,000 for a properly insulated conservatory roof as a rough idea of cost, there was a cheaper option to attach insulation panels to the existing plastic roof which I think was about 4-5k. As you said your earnings were too high for support you may qualify for a loan?

I remember one of my friends had an outhouse bedroom growing up and all of us were so jealous as it was like she had her own flat and privacy so it could be a really good treat for your eldest. Definitely discuss with her if you go down this route though as you don't want to her to feel excluded or pushed out.

I sympathise with you OP, logically of course termination would have been the most sensible option but in reality I can't say I could go through with it either, it's not an easy choice at all.

Bit late. She’s already seven months pregnant.

Lwrenagain · 26/03/2023 10:06

Why the fuck does @MissMooley need to justify to a bunch of strangers online her situation? It's nobody's business and she didn't ask for advice on contraception, she asked for advice on her house lay out. Absolutely unnecessary and cruel.

What's your garden like OP? I've friends in a similar situation who spent 400 quid on a static caravan for her older twin boys. Space wasn't such an issue for her but them coming home late and waking everyone up was. Would you be able to do that?
(Side note, I was staying over once and they came home pretending to play trumpets after the notion to come home and start a family ska band, so good luck with twins!)

Also you sound a lovely mum.
I had a termination in my very early teens and I'm cracking on now and I still regret it. Some women (admittedly ones I admire greatly) are able to see it for the procedure it is and not wreck their own brains about it. Others, (myself included) just don't recover. Regardless of how tough you're going to have the few months with twins, I believe you've done the right thing, tough as it may be for you. Many congratulations and love to you and your family! Hope everything goes well x

NIparty · 26/03/2023 10:06

marzipansux · 26/03/2023 05:25

Yes. abstinence. The father of these twins has already bolted. Not really a love match then.

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Aren't you a peach.

Reinventinganna · 26/03/2023 10:06

@MissMooley congratulations on your pregnancy.
You will make it work, it will just take a bit of imagination.

Autienotnautie · 26/03/2023 10:09

For first 6 months I'd have twins on living room with you. (Any chance older dd moving out?) then older dds share twins get other bedroom and you continue to have bed in living room. You could keep settee too as they will only need cribs. Can you request a large house.?

Anycolouryoulike · 26/03/2023 10:09

berksandbeyond · 26/03/2023 10:03

It’s not just the bedroom though is it?
Do you honestly think the OP is going to have time, attention and money that
19 with additional needs
14
11
8
newborn
newborn
will need?

Because I don’t. The middle ones will have to drag themselves up. The 14 year old will have a house full of chaos and disruption during pivotal years of their education and development.

Having the babies is an incredibly selfish decision made by someone who frankly was already overcapacity.

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I had 2 brothers as well. We didn't drag ourselves up. We all lived in a 3 bed terraced house.

We all turned out ok, all have jobs and own our own houses now. Not everyone lives the MN idealistic life.

NIparty · 26/03/2023 10:09

GelPens1 · 26/03/2023 06:42

@MissMooley can you direct me to a contraception that has a 100% success rate?

Most hormonal birth control methods are 99% effective unless the IUD or implant has expired, wasn't inserted properly, or you didn’t wait long enough before having sex. With the pill, errors occur when you haven’t taken it at the same time time of day, skipped a pill, took medicine that negatively affects the contraceptive pill or you didn’t wait long enough before having sex.

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99%... so not 100 then.

I got pregnant on the implant (undamaged, still within its working timeframe) and also with the coil (although this was ectopic).

You've no idea of OPs circumstances.

JaneFondue · 26/03/2023 10:09

I shared a bedroom with my sister until I was 16 and she was 18. It's common in my Asian culture and I didn't resent it, nor do I now. Did exams fine.

But there weren't 4 other children in the house, including young babies in the living room.

Chippy1234 · 26/03/2023 10:10

Although I think the OP has gone I am honestly wondering how she has got herself into the situation? Until she understands what is going wrong here and why it’s not fair on the other children she will sadly continue to make really foolish decisions and wonder where it all went wrong.

Two newborns on your own is going to be hell. I truly don’t understand why this has happened. It’s not just the twins pregnancy- it’s the whole chaotic situation. It was over crowded before.

Comii9 · 26/03/2023 10:11

dottiedodah · 26/03/2023 09:43

Firstly congratulations on your pregnancy.I think these sort of judgy people seem to love a thread like this! If life was perfect ,we would all marry the perfect guy ,have a great career and home and so on.For most of us life is a series of compromises .Abortion is a huge undertaking for women ,and not one many would enter into lightly.Your idea of sleeping in the lounge is sound IMO.Many people have to make do with less than perfect conditions .Still DC turn out well!

God I haven't even read a lot of the comments as it seems people are just repeating. All this "doing fine" attitude usually is from the parents POV. Not the kids... years down the line.

SoShallINever · 26/03/2023 10:11

I'm concerned about your eldest DD.
What is she doing all day if she's not working or studying? Her life sounds like it is lacking structure and meaningful activity. This won't help her MH in the long term. What support have you got in place for her? She should at least be claiming PIP.
Previous posters suggested applying for a DFG grant for her. In my area this doesn't apply in rented accom (only to owner occupiers) instead, the landord/HA are responsible for adapting property to meet the needs of disabled tenants, so I guess you could try them? But I wouldn't hold out much hope.
I also have a DD with high functioning ASD and I know how much she needs a quiet space. I can't imagine how mine would cope with this level of overcrowding.
Is supported living an option for her?
Alternatively I'd be looking at making the outhouse habitable for her or your 17year old?

Autienotnautie · 26/03/2023 10:11

Businessflake · 25/03/2023 22:00

Maybe you should have thought about this before deciding to get pregnant, again?

Helpful 🙄

Comii9 · 26/03/2023 10:13

Chippy1234 · 26/03/2023 10:10

Although I think the OP has gone I am honestly wondering how she has got herself into the situation? Until she understands what is going wrong here and why it’s not fair on the other children she will sadly continue to make really foolish decisions and wonder where it all went wrong.

Two newborns on your own is going to be hell. I truly don’t understand why this has happened. It’s not just the twins pregnancy- it’s the whole chaotic situation. It was over crowded before.

Exactly. OP should of posters on the bigger families board it would of been better for her.

Ihatebloodycocomelon · 26/03/2023 10:17

I really hate MN sometimes. How is having a go at OP helpful? She's not asking if she should have twins. They're coming. Those are the facts.

Best of luck OP. In your position I think I'd keep the twins in the living room with you for 6 months' then maybe divide the living room and make a space for the daughter with the biggest bedroom, which you then move into with the twins. Would a sofa and TV fit in the kitchen if you generally all congregate in there?

Antiquiteas · 26/03/2023 10:20

Are you allowed to make big layout changes in a council house?

katepilar · 26/03/2023 10:21

Also depending on why you gave yours daughters separate bedrooms it may be possibly partially divide one of the rooms with furniture or wooden boards or similar. As you mentioned that noise isnt an issue for her it may work ok for them. Then you have the third bedroom for yourself with the twins.

kingvizzytarg · 26/03/2023 10:22

NorthernDrizzle · 25/03/2023 22:04

Girl and Boy twins are unusual unless IVF or on fertility treatment you were very unlucky to end up with twins.

This is a lie

You're more likely to have non identical twIns as you get older and your ovaries can release more than one egg at a time.

And you are just as likely to have mixed sex twins as same sex if they are non identical, from 2 different eggs.

It's only identical twins from a split single egg that are guaranteed same sex

icanneverthinkofnc · 26/03/2023 10:23

My suggestion would be
Babies in living room with OP until out of cots. Then all girls in 1 room, all boys in room 2, OP in box room. Living space for everyone downstairs. Bunk beds and small singles. Board loft as storage, wardrobe, chests etc and have ladder fitted for easy access. The outside building can be storage for toys, etc
Room will become available as the children grow and leave home.

BadForBusiness · 26/03/2023 10:24

emptythelitterbox · 26/03/2023 03:54

You could have had your tubes tied after the last one was born.
I'm curious as to why you haven't?

It's an option after you give birth this time.

I did after my 2nd and yes it was a success.

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Having your tubes tied is actually less reliable than an implant. It's often suggested as a foolproof solution on MN for women who really shouldn't get pregnant and can't have abortions, but it's really not.

Antiquiteas · 26/03/2023 10:25

icanneverthinkofnc · 26/03/2023 10:23

My suggestion would be
Babies in living room with OP until out of cots. Then all girls in 1 room, all boys in room 2, OP in box room. Living space for everyone downstairs. Bunk beds and small singles. Board loft as storage, wardrobe, chests etc and have ladder fitted for easy access. The outside building can be storage for toys, etc
Room will become available as the children grow and leave home.

That’ll be fun for the older girls. Likely 21 and 16 by then, sharing with a one or two year old.

BitchBrigade · 26/03/2023 10:26

Remember folk, Mumsnet is SO much nicer than all other forums 🙄

I hope you get the help and support you need OP. I'd ask the council about converting the outshed if they cannot house you. It's not unreasonable to expect to convert a space which could be liveable.

For what it's worth I ended up in a similar position. Married well, had good jobs between us, financially stable and more, enough to easily afford 3 kids (we had two) then one day the rug was pulled and I ended up in a tiny 2 bed, alone, barely able to scrape enough money to feed and house us (I didn't eat or pay bills). So I get it. A lot of people on Mumsnet don't, or at least pretend not to.

Antiquiteas · 26/03/2023 10:28

BitchBrigade · 26/03/2023 10:26

Remember folk, Mumsnet is SO much nicer than all other forums 🙄

I hope you get the help and support you need OP. I'd ask the council about converting the outshed if they cannot house you. It's not unreasonable to expect to convert a space which could be liveable.

For what it's worth I ended up in a similar position. Married well, had good jobs between us, financially stable and more, enough to easily afford 3 kids (we had two) then one day the rug was pulled and I ended up in a tiny 2 bed, alone, barely able to scrape enough money to feed and house us (I didn't eat or pay bills). So I get it. A lot of people on Mumsnet don't, or at least pretend not to.

I’m not actually getting at the OP, but unless you went on to have four more children, it’s not quite the same

GelPens1 · 26/03/2023 10:30

NIparty · 26/03/2023 10:09

99%... so not 100 then.

I got pregnant on the implant (undamaged, still within its working timeframe) and also with the coil (although this was ectopic).

You've no idea of OPs circumstances.

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It’s rare that the implant and IUD fail. It seems that yours moved and you were unfortunate. The fathers of her daughters and sons are not involved in their lives (she mentions that her dds don’t like their dad and no mention of the sons’ dad/s). The twins’ father is also not involved (she doesn’t mention him). I would’ve doubled up on contraception (hormonal and condom) if I was in a situation like OP. Obviously too late now.

Her only option really is to get the girls to share a smaller bedroom. Boys in the smallest bedroom. OP will then have the biggest bedroom and share with the twins. OP’s adult Dd should be looking for a job if she’s not in education and perhaps move out of the crowded house.

TheaBrandt · 26/03/2023 10:33

Poor kids. Not a great start is it. And making out it’s fine because families lived like that all crammed in together in the past is quite a depressing benchmark.

Where to put all these kids?! Wwyd?

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