Why do people enjoy giving little children junk food?

[Tietheapron]

I am very much in favour of balance in all areas. DS is two. At the moment, we haven’t got a massively fussy stage - there’s a handful of things he doesn’t seem too keen on and I imagine this will probably expand as he gets a bit older before then (hopefully!) getting a bit more variety. So to give an example, on Thursday he had porridge for breakfast and then a rich tea biscuit at a music group we go to in the morning. Then had to go into the bank so he had to go in the pushchair - had a banana to keep him quiet! As a result all he wanted for lunch was maybe half a ham sandwich and a few baby crisps. Then homemade pizza with veg on for tea. I’m explaining this so it’s clear I don’t completely raise him on fruit grown from the garden and eggs from our own chickens.

But then this morning he ate a bowl of shreddies and then DH gave him a biscuit, actually going in the kitchen to get him one (so not like DS found them and hoovered one up.) Visit PIL and they try to ply him with mars bars and ice creams, big ones for adults. (We don’t see PIL often, not for this reason as they are actually lovely people but they aren’t local.) Brother came to see DS and took him for a walk in the park, ignored the water bottle and bought him a fruit shoot and fruit pastilles.

I don’t want to sound like a neurotic mum here and I’m sure plenty of people will say to get a grip, I’m lucky people are nice to DS but I suppose this is my question really - why does kindness and love have to be shown through food? Isn’t it enough to go to the park with him, to read to him, play in the garden (they do this too!)

I hate sounding like a killjoy but I really don’t want him associating everyone but me with junk food!

I don't think you can predict how these things turn out. I have a sibling who is a heavy drinker and one who is a moderate drinker. All brought up the same. Who knows why we all reacted differently.

Well it's not the Law that you have to agree that eating shite is a vital part of growing up!

WHY on earth would you kiss your father on the month as an adult?

Of course. But I think the argument is that if you give young kids alcohol that they will all grow up being able to self moderate. Obviously that isn't true.

In fairness @Meandfour the humour wasn’t very clear.

People are saying it’s classic MN and I think it is from both sides.

We have Team Fruit and Veg, which isn’t necessarily against biscuits and what not but doesn’t feel the need to offer them, and Team Snack which does.

A couple of times DS has snaffled food he shouldn’t, and I’ve laughed at it. But that’s different to actually offering him food that isn’t great and has potential to be harmful. To me, it’s a bit like when you’re a non drinker and people push alcohol. I’m not a big drinker, it’s not a massive deal, I just don’t especially enjoy the taste and I prefer soft drinks. People have similar difficulties accepting this too.

My DD used to spend one day with my PIL a week when I worked, this was for one year only just before starting school to save a little on nursery fees as I had her brother in nursery too. I used to send her with a packed lunch as I finished work and fed the children in the evening. In that year DD became a little chunk, they would give her the lunch provided (sandwich, yogurt, fruit) but then they would give her a bag of wotsits or banana in custard and lord knows what else. Once she started school and stopped spending the day with her grandparents the lbs came off and she reverted back to a healthy weight.

I agree with this.
We once had a friend of dd around to tea. At home they had a strict Paleo diet with no sugar, no gluten etc.
I have never seen a child so desperate to eat pizza and ice cream .

How do you know unless you are supervising them 24/7?. You don't have complete control over your DCs diet after a certain age. It's best to educate them and instill moderation.

While they are so young and you have control over what they eat why not give them the best diet you can? It’s not a matter of opinion whether it’s okay to give a 2 year old a mars bar. There are scientific studies, many of them. Groups of experts all agree no more than 19g of sugar a day for a 4 year old - there is 31g of sugar in a mars bar.
Everyone saying it’s okay they burn it off, being fat isn’t the only issue with too much sugar.

My now grown kids were 'treated' to waggon wheels, quavers crisps, kit kats and all sorts of crap when looked after by grandparents. Meh! They're both skinny 20 somethings now and make healthy food choices. My friend's grown daughter was never allowed crisps, chocolate or biscuits and she is obese and a secret eater. Balance please.

And I think people would still insist it wasn’t harmful and was just good, wholesome fun with grandparents.

In our case, the only reason it isn’t harmful is that we see PIL infrequently.

Well I thought the fact that I quoted how it had turned out differently for me and my siblings made that point. I suppose the moderate drinker might be considered the ideal result but I'm quite happy being teetotal and although not good for their health I suppose the heavy drinker is also happy.

I think it's the naughty/nice thing. Kids will hide what they have bought and eat in secret which leads to binging and disordered eating. No food should be totally banned but kids should have education on what is better for them. You will never be able to control when they get older what they eat so it's best to instill moderation after school age.

My eldest was born in France and we lived there for his 1st year. I was shocked when we came back to the UK how much food and snacks are integral to all child activities/outings. I think it's very much a cultural thing. I've relaxed the longer we have been back here and with my 2nd child.
I try to limit snacks at home so they can then eat whatever when they are out with family or friends.
They both love tea biscuits and my eldest is delighted with a plain digestive😂he calls it a "fancy biscuit" and a bourbon is a "chocolate biscuit". His perceptions will change soon enough but for now I'm happy to go along with that😂

There are so many variations I don’t think and have never thought that if you do X it will result in Y. Some people are more into food than others, people have different tastes and appetites and associations.

But we can only do what we can and deal with what we have now. I know DS will go to birthday parties where he’ll gorge himself on cake and lemonade and I know he’ll probably throw up far too much beer and kebab at one point too. It doesn’t mean I’m going to give him those things now!

My Mother drives me mad with this sort of thing. I grew up on pop tarts and coco pops and she sneers at our family efforts to eat normally and sensibly. She will often buy my very young kids crap (lunchables etc) then say oh I bet Mummy won't let you have this will she. And when we visit it is constant constant food and snacking. A piece of cake after lunch at Grannies would be fine but its cake, then a full size magnum, then the sweets come out, then biscuits. If I say no, enough, the eye rolling starts.

Other Granny is much more sensible, usually a scoop of ice cream and sprinkles come out after lunch and that's perfect.

Guess who we spend more time with?

They will not necessarily hide and binge food if you strictly limit sugary crap at home, I'm convinced this is propaganda disseminated by Mars or something 😄

Feed your kids what you like. Let other people feed their kids what they like. Done.

Op, am with you.

I think if toots get stuff like that too often and too early (2 is young for adult sweets) they can’t necessarily rationalise why it can’t be all the time, so others helpfully create a demand you’re not willing to fulfil, which seems a lot like making problems for the primary caregiver. I get that it’s how they show their love but it’s also disruptive to a child’s attitude to food. I know this cos it happened with us.

Both DC were unfussy and ate a wide variety of food (some surprising stuff like sprouts, anchovies and olives) but as well as a largely balanced diet they had the odd bit of chocolate or a little toddler cone, or a cake from the local bakers - some other PP made the point about how what once was judged a treat actually contained nourishment (ie. a wee homemade fairy cake vs a Mars Bar).

But there was a similar impulse with every GP wanting to fill kids with crap every time we were off the scene. Buying Nutella and white bread, turkey dinosaurs etc; the sort of food they’d NEVER eat themselves. My MIL doesn’t drink coke but she’d buy it for a pre-schooler🫣 They couldn’t get their heads round the fact that at two the kids ate more widely (and healthily) than they did either. I don’t know what the thinking was, DH has teeth made of honeycomb so I’d have thought they’d have been keen for the DGC to avoid a lifetime of pain and mad expense.

I am no health guru and not a stranger to a bar of chocolate but I don’t eat it daily and I’d rather have ‘real’ food. Now I’ve got one DC who’s the same and would rather have, say, a bowl of homemade soup than ice cream …and the younger one, who spent more time with GPs, and who would exist entirely on nuggets, Fanta and Tangfastics 🤨

Get a grip OP, it's a biscuit not the end of the world.

Only if she’s finished all of her crack first.

I know what you mean op. At 2 they don't need a full sized Mars bar and people, often grandparents, want to ply kids with sweets. My dm was super strict about sweets when I was a child but takes great delight in arriving with massive bags of tooth rot for my kids declaring that she can because she's their gran. I then have to be the bad guy and say no you can't eat 3 bags of haribo and a jumbo tube of smarties in one go. I think we've all got used to far too many 'treats' in life. I can't move at work for people trying to make me eat cake and biscuits and I have zero willpower as well.

Things don’t have to be the ‘end of the world’ to be an annoyance.

The petulant posts really are not as clever and cutting as they believe they are.

I'm with you, op. It's really up to parents to decide what they do though.

Mine are 4 and 2. They've never had juice in their lives and they've never had sweets either. They'll get a tiny egg each at Easter and they sometimes have a carrot flapjack or a chocolate covered rice cake. They've had ice cream a handful of times, usually on holiday. They don't miss what they've not had.

Bullshit. The opposite is true in my experience.