Why do people enjoy giving little children junk food?

[Tietheapron]

I am very much in favour of balance in all areas. DS is two. At the moment, we haven’t got a massively fussy stage - there’s a handful of things he doesn’t seem too keen on and I imagine this will probably expand as he gets a bit older before then (hopefully!) getting a bit more variety. So to give an example, on Thursday he had porridge for breakfast and then a rich tea biscuit at a music group we go to in the morning. Then had to go into the bank so he had to go in the pushchair - had a banana to keep him quiet! As a result all he wanted for lunch was maybe half a ham sandwich and a few baby crisps. Then homemade pizza with veg on for tea. I’m explaining this so it’s clear I don’t completely raise him on fruit grown from the garden and eggs from our own chickens.

But then this morning he ate a bowl of shreddies and then DH gave him a biscuit, actually going in the kitchen to get him one (so not like DS found them and hoovered one up.) Visit PIL and they try to ply him with mars bars and ice creams, big ones for adults. (We don’t see PIL often, not for this reason as they are actually lovely people but they aren’t local.) Brother came to see DS and took him for a walk in the park, ignored the water bottle and bought him a fruit shoot and fruit pastilles.

I don’t want to sound like a neurotic mum here and I’m sure plenty of people will say to get a grip, I’m lucky people are nice to DS but I suppose this is my question really - why does kindness and love have to be shown through food? Isn’t it enough to go to the park with him, to read to him, play in the garden (they do this too!)

I hate sounding like a killjoy but I really don’t want him associating everyone but me with junk food!

But nobody said that?!

It’s the full-sized Mars bars, ice creams, Fruit Shoot and packet of fruit pastilles which people are referring to.

I’ve thought the same, especially when I’m sure these same people are bound to have been in the same position at one point.

And @FlounderingFruitcake this is very true and I am mindful of that fact too. But equally I’m not sure that on its own is an argument for carte blanche with food.

Because they like those things themselves and remember liking them as a kid, so they think it's a nice thing to give to a child.

No relatives provide childcare for us, @WandaWonder . I think you misread.

My kids are grown now, and they had treats eg ice cream, sweets when they were little, occasionally but often enough that it didn't become like the holy grail like some kids who are more restricted do.
This probably seems like a big deal right now, but I doubt you'll give it a second thought in the future.

Re the question around food=love, yes it does. I have family coming over and my way of expressing it is by cooking lovely food for them.

It'll all be fine, they sound like lovely grandparents.

My kids have the occasional fizzy, eat a daily desert of ice cream or sweets. I ate tons of sweet stuff as a child (think sugar sandwiches and milkshakes for breakfast). Personally I do feel like sugar is an addiction. I really struggle to not eat sugar and get physical symptoms if I drop my sugar intake.

Im not saying the odd cake will cause a sugar addiction. It’s all about moderation isn’t it? But I do think addiction to sugar exists and for me it very much started in childhood. The link between needing ‘nice’ food to have a treat is deeply entrenched too.

Also, the kissing on the lips thing. I remember my babies kissing me on the lips out of the blue and it was the sweetest thing in the world. One of my favourite memories.

No trauma and I’ve never acted on it. I just find it so disgusting seeing any adult kiss a child on the lips it’s revolting to me🤮 Maybe therapy would help but I have no desire to change my view I accept it’s probably an over the top reaction I honestly just cannot bare to see slobbering adult lips on a kids lips just writing this is making me want to puke 🤢

I’m not slobbery - DS on the other hand …

His nickname was Mr Dribbles as a baby!

No definitely not carte blanche, more everything in moderation! So fruit shoot with your brother is absolutely fine but definitely do not chuck out his water bottle in favour of only juice cartons at home! Or at least that’s how we do it. There’s very little crap in our house but they’re always allowed a drink of choice and a pudding if we go out to eat for example. Half the time they aren’t even bothered- youngest prefers fruit to ice cream and the eldest hates squash and anything fizzy.

A rich tea biscuit is a punishment rather than a treat?????

FFS I've bloody well heard it all now! ANY biscuit should be regarded as a treat and should be rarely given, same with sweets.

No wonder there are so many obese children waddling around, with shortened life spans.

Their parents love them to death obviously.

I am fairly relaxed with what my two year old eats in general, but I draw the line on mars bars and fruit pastilles at this time. Not sure why, maybe it's me but they seem more like 'older child' treats.

There’s a lot of hate for rich tea biscuits on this thread. 😂

I can understand your frustration OP. I notice my MIL connects with dd by playing games and doing crafts etc but my DM doesn’t do this kind of thing unless encouraged. She just wants to give her treats and watch her eat them. In some (not all) cases it’s a shortcut to connect with the child for people who otherwise can’t easily connect.

You’re not on your own I think this is something loads of parents find frustrating. I have encouraged my parents to give my dd berries which she loves and they don’t try and force cakes and processed treats on her every time now. I know it can be tricky to navigate.

@FlounderingFruitcake yes. But equally, I would say a biscuit, a few crisps constitute moderation! I don’t actually mind a bit of chocolate either but DS was utterly horrible when he had an advent calendar this year. Luckily this is a friend not me but her son is STILL waking at 5 demanding chocolate in the middle of March!

It’s like a PP said, people wanting to give chocolate to babies and so on. I get that people like to watch babies and children experience nice things but so many things are new and wonderful to toddlers.

I think the rich tea = punishment was a joke.

Anyway, my parents do this. We were poor and they couldn't afford treats when we were children. They can afford treats for their grandchildren so I don't begrudge them making up for all the times they said no when we were young. Rules and moderation are for at home and during the week. Granddad giving too much ice cream once every two months or so, why sweat it?

It's the portions that would bother me rather than the food itself iykwim. Would they be open to getting in some more appropriate sized treats? My mum loves buying buttons and kinder bars for my DC.

I quite like a rich tea in any case I didn’t give it to him. We go to a music and movement group Thursday mornings and they all have a rich tea at the end of it.

I think if I did an AIBU to tell the lady who runs this session to change the biscuit I might just slightly be flamed …

I know @StephanieSuperpowers and this is why I haven’t said anything to them. But I do think it will mean DS will associate a visit to nanny and grandads with junk food he doesn’t get at home which is a shame as they have some garden toys he loves and wants to go and play in the garden when he goes. His Grandad is great at taking him and playing with him. So he already loves it without the junk, if you see what I mean.

I recall people always offering my daughter biscuits etc but we had been pretty strict until she turned 2ish and she didn't like it. I guess people see that sort of food as a way of 'treating' kids?

My DD is 4.5 now but still pretty good at self moderating the amount of crap she eats. She doesn't like ice cream and is indifferent about chocolate. I know it's on the cusp of changing but I can only assume that is because we didn't introduce it into her diet until she was a bit older.

You make an interesting point OP. I'd never thought about it until now. Maybe we are setting our kids up for comfort eating throughout their lives if people express their love for our children through giving them treats.

But he will, it's just another thing, along with the cuddles and the toys and the attention. It's probably just an overall good feeling about what is going to happen at the grandparents if you don't make it the focus yourself.

I can't get worked up about an occasional treat. Plus I wouldn't see a biscuit as a treat anyway.

It is interesting that we automatically think of overly sweet things to show love and kindness and it’s so much part of our culture, it’s really hard to try to change this in our own lives I’ve found. It really seems crazy that we bring brand new beautiful babies into the world then start to mess up their health and digestion with masses of high sugar, salt and fat foods. The huge and dangerous rise in childhood diabetes and obesity is totally within our capacity to change surely?

When my DC were young we asked family to bring exciting fruit instead of sweets so eg grandad always brought gorgeous grapes and that worked really well. Amazingly they were really respectful of our choices. DC had sweets once a week and chose what to have.

Another family member let her DC have as much sugar as they wanted and it resulted in loss of teeth and a dental phobia so seeming treats turned out not so good longterm.

Agree need some balance.

What is wrong with a rich tea biscuit? My nearly two year old loves a plain biscuit tbh😂

I agree with you though OP. Trying to give a 2 year old fruit pastilles and a mars bar is actually insane to me. I’m not sure why junk food is the go too for everything and I say this as an overweight mum of two. My diet isn’t great but I make sure the kids eat as good as possible.

An ice cream as a treat/one off is understandable but everything else mentioned is quite unnecessary