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Original poster

Friend seems to have taken offence at my dh's comment, but he was only joking! 🤔

92 replies

Townlife · 15/03/2023 15:39

A few months ago I went out for drinks with my friend. Nothing new there, we live in the same road and meet up quite often.

We had nothing out of the ordinary, just Tapas, shared a bottle of Prosecco and had a cocktail each, but I was SO hungover next day. 🤢 Maybe it was something other than the drink, but I had a banging headache and felt so sick, I didn't leave my room until 1 pm, other than for water & paracetamol! I've had more than this on nights out beore and been fine, this wasn't even a late one!

Dh happened to bump into my friend later that day at local shop. I (obviously😀) wasn't there, but friend told me he said 'Hey you, what've you been up to getting Townlife drunk?! My God she was in a state this morning!!'

Now I can just imagine him saying this, JOKING, with a grin on his face! The other day though, myself & neighbour were out with another friend and she told her she gets 'told by my dh', not to get me drunk! 😮 She mentioned it a few weeks ago too, and the way she's recounted it was obvious she thought he was annoyed with her! 🙁

I've since said to dh I wish he'd said nothing at all, and he was all 'WHY are people so sensitive, I was JOKING! Ok I'll say nothing but Hello on future'. I KNOW he was joking, however, I'm noticing she hasn't been in touch as much since, the only time I've seen her has been a planned get-together with a mutual friend. Not sure how to sort things really, she obv doesn't know my dh like I do, she unfortunately thought he was 'telling her off'! 😮

OP posts:
anotherNameJustForThis · 15/03/2023 15:42

In my experience, some people are very sensitive about alcohol and their consumption of it. Perhaps she is already worried about how much she drinks or perhaps she has a loved one with an alcohol problem. It could be so many things.

Or it could simply be that your DH didn't sound, to her, like he was joking.

If it was me, I'd ask DH to text her to say it was just a joke and he hopes he didn't offend her as he meant nothing by it. And acknowledge that you are responsible for your own decisions re alcohol.

DaveyJonesLocker · 15/03/2023 15:45

Does she know your husband well? I'd be very uncomfortable with a friends husband "telling me off" like that.

Nooyoiknooyoik · 15/03/2023 15:51

God bless the perpetually offended.

Precipice · 15/03/2023 15:52

'WHY are people so sensitive, I was JOKING! Ok I'll say nothing but Hello on future'. Sounds like he's... being sensitive.

If he genuinely can't see a mid-point between 'greeting, avoids further conversation' and 'telling someone off' (even if meaning as a joke), he should stick to the former. Most people who come out with this response can see many mid-points, but they're choosing to respond in this way ('oh, I can't say anything, do you want me to not talk at all?') and the underlying message is that they can act in any way at all and say anything to anyone and nobody can say anything to them.

Tone doesn't carry in messages and it's hard to convey the vibe of the conversation as experienced by your friend even to you. However, especially as the two of you were hardly boozing it up, I would also not like this comment. It's unpleasant to be accused of things you haven't been doing 'as a joke' and be expected to play it off.

AcornGreen · 15/03/2023 15:56

Your husband sounds normal your ‘friend’ doesn’t. I wouldn’t wast anymore headspace on her. If she can get passive aggressive over this then who knows what she’s capable of.

spelunky · 15/03/2023 16:07

It sounds like a pretty innocuous comment/ joke from your husband.

But I'd ask him to text your friend just to clarify that it was a joke and he was very happy you had a good time etc.

Things are sometimes misinterpreted, if people could just be graceful about it and give one another the benefit of the doubt then there would be much less drama!

Architectahoy · 15/03/2023 16:09

😂 come and be friends with me instead. You and your DH sound like a hoot.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 15/03/2023 16:13

Sometimes people can be very accusatory/intimidating to somebody when there's no witnesses and then, when questioned about it 'oh, I was only joking, don't be ridiculous, they've got no sense of humour, how could you believe them?'.

Ritualofayurveda · 15/03/2023 16:25

I don't think I'd be annoyed if someone's DH made this joke to me. I agree with PP, she may be self conscious about her own drinking habits. Indeed one of the signs of having a problem with alcohol is feeling touchy when people bring up their drinking. I think it would be reasonable to ask your DH to send a message clarifying that he didn't mean it seriously.

Allgoodusernamesweretaken · 15/03/2023 16:28

Problem with jokes they are funny if both people have the same sense of hum our. Maybe the tone of his voice didnt sound amusing to him, maybe you;d know he was joking but someone unfamiliar with it would not think so. No one's at fault.
But also, sometimes peolpe dont realise how they come across either.

Hillrunning · 15/03/2023 16:32

The comment would annoy me, you got yourself drunk! Jokes like this tend to require a solid relationship between the two people to work. People often forget this requirement. Your husband does sound quite sensitive from his reaction.

Chikapu · 15/03/2023 16:39

Starting any sentence with 'hey you' is not very funny, it immediately sets a tone that you're about to be told off.

BlueHeelers · 15/03/2023 16:44

I'd have been pissed off if someone's husband accused me of getting his wife drunk. And really 'just a cocktail & half a bottle of prosecco' and that's normal? It's a lot to think of as 'just' a drink. Maybe it's you with the potential drinking problem ....

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/03/2023 16:45

BlueHeelers · 15/03/2023 16:44

I'd have been pissed off if someone's husband accused me of getting his wife drunk. And really 'just a cocktail & half a bottle of prosecco' and that's normal? It's a lot to think of as 'just' a drink. Maybe it's you with the potential drinking problem ....

@BlueHeelers

get

a

grip

!

Ghostbuster2639 · 15/03/2023 16:45

I wouldn’t like this “joke” either. Why is it funny to imply it’s her fault you drank so much you were quite unwell?

PlateBilledDuckyPerson · 15/03/2023 16:47

I imagine she's taken it that you blamed her to your DH, which is why she's off with you.

bostonchamps · 15/03/2023 16:51

BlueHeelers · 15/03/2023 16:44

I'd have been pissed off if someone's husband accused me of getting his wife drunk. And really 'just a cocktail & half a bottle of prosecco' and that's normal? It's a lot to think of as 'just' a drink. Maybe it's you with the potential drinking problem ....

There's always (at least) one

SavBlancTonight · 15/03/2023 16:54

Blimey, I can't imagine getting worked up about this at all. But perhaps your DH did not sound like he was joking or, as a PP has said, perhaps your friend is a bit sensitive because there's an issue you/he are not aware of.

I'd speak to her. Just say you hope she knows he was joking and that he thought it was hilarious and you're both sorry if it seemed more serious than that.

I made what I thought was a clearly jokey comment on the Facebook post of one of DD's groups recently. I got a formal WhatsApp from them apologising and explaining because they thought I was complaining. I was horrified. So even though it absolutely WAS a joke, it didn't land well and that's on me. I apologised, explained and deleted the comment.

GloriousGoosebumps · 15/03/2023 16:57

I think she's been wondering why dh would blame her for the actions of a grown woman and concluded that the only explanation can be that you blamed her in order to deflect from your responsibility for your behaviour. She's also probably thinking that life's too short for that shit.

Original poster
Townlife · 15/03/2023 16:58

Thank you for all your replies, I can see there's mixed responses. And the poster who suggested I may have a drinking problem, well that's laughable! People have rolled their eyes at me before, when I insist on my last drink being a soft one (so I can function next day!) whereas they'd make their last one another cocktail! I know my limits, so do most people, but they seem to have more capacity. I don't judge them for this btw, I'm sometimes envious.

Those of you who wouldn't have liked my dh's comment, would that cause you to drift from me? As I think it's what she's doing, and I'm upset by it. 🙁 Our friendship means a lot to me.

OP posts:
rwalker · 15/03/2023 16:58

Couldn’t be arsed with the drama it’s a pretty run of the mill comment

neilyoungismyhero · 15/03/2023 17:02

Dear God..we've reached the point where someone somewhere is going to take offence at absolutely everything and anything. Completely with your husband here..she's a complete twerp. I thought you were going to say he accused her of spiking your drink.

PlateBilledDuckyPerson · 15/03/2023 17:02

Those of you who wouldn't have liked my dh's comment, would that cause you to drift from me? As I think it's what she's doing, and I'm upset by it. 🙁 Our friendship means a lot to me.

I can see that it would have been an awkward moment - what was your friend supposed to say in response? Neither agreement or denial would work as a reply. It's also always uncomfortable to imagine other people discussing you behind your back - even though you know at some level that a husband and wife probably do this, actual evidence of it is disconcerting. I don't think I would drift completely away but I'd probably hold back a bit.

StarDolphins · 15/03/2023 17:06

I think your friend is being ultra sensitive! Why are people so offended these days! It was a joke!

Aurorabored · 15/03/2023 17:07

The comment looks jokey written down and your DP meant it in a jokey way but it sounds like it came across wrong. Does your DH do that thing that some men seem to think is funny where they act as though they’re 100% serious and a bit pissed off and then suddenly laugh as a ‘gotcha’? Does your friend take things quite literally or have a very different sense of humour to you?

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