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Original poster

Friend seems to have taken offence at my dh's comment, but he was only joking! 🤔

92 replies

Townlife · 15/03/2023 15:39

A few months ago I went out for drinks with my friend. Nothing new there, we live in the same road and meet up quite often.

We had nothing out of the ordinary, just Tapas, shared a bottle of Prosecco and had a cocktail each, but I was SO hungover next day. 🤢 Maybe it was something other than the drink, but I had a banging headache and felt so sick, I didn't leave my room until 1 pm, other than for water & paracetamol! I've had more than this on nights out beore and been fine, this wasn't even a late one!

Dh happened to bump into my friend later that day at local shop. I (obviously😀) wasn't there, but friend told me he said 'Hey you, what've you been up to getting Townlife drunk?! My God she was in a state this morning!!'

Now I can just imagine him saying this, JOKING, with a grin on his face! The other day though, myself & neighbour were out with another friend and she told her she gets 'told by my dh', not to get me drunk! 😮 She mentioned it a few weeks ago too, and the way she's recounted it was obvious she thought he was annoyed with her! 🙁

I've since said to dh I wish he'd said nothing at all, and he was all 'WHY are people so sensitive, I was JOKING! Ok I'll say nothing but Hello on future'. I KNOW he was joking, however, I'm noticing she hasn't been in touch as much since, the only time I've seen her has been a planned get-together with a mutual friend. Not sure how to sort things really, she obv doesn't know my dh like I do, she unfortunately thought he was 'telling her off'! 😮

OP posts:

Clymene · 15/03/2023 21:26

No, he's saying that the friend plied her with alcohol @WishIdDoneItYearsAgo

If he'd wanted to make a joke at the expense of his wife, he would have done so. But he didn't.

itsgettingweird · 15/03/2023 21:27

I would t have taken offence.

I'd have replied (whilst laughing) something like "trust me - she doesn't need my help!" and then mention what a good time we'd have and can't wait for the next time.

Mainly because as an adult I realise other adults a) are responsible for themselves and b) know that others are responsible for themselves

GoAgainstNicki · 15/03/2023 21:28

BlueHeelers · 15/03/2023 16:44

I'd have been pissed off if someone's husband accused me of getting his wife drunk. And really 'just a cocktail & half a bottle of prosecco' and that's normal? It's a lot to think of as 'just' a drink. Maybe it's you with the potential drinking problem ....

LOL are you okay?

Yesterday I was out with a friend and we had about 5/6 cocktails each (happy hour). I guess you think I’m an alcoholic then?

Daydreamer123456 · 15/03/2023 21:28

itsgettingweird · 15/03/2023 21:27

I would t have taken offence.

I'd have replied (whilst laughing) something like "trust me - she doesn't need my help!" and then mention what a good time we'd have and can't wait for the next time.

Mainly because as an adult I realise other adults a) are responsible for themselves and b) know that others are responsible for themselves

Yes- like a normal person.

I get that we don’t all have the same sense of humour but some of these responses just seem so over the top.

salutsandy · 15/03/2023 21:29

Is the friend single and you two seem like the smug marrieds?

WinterMusings · 15/03/2023 21:33

@Townlife your DH has done you a favour. I couldn't be friends with such a melt.

Sometimeswinning · 15/03/2023 21:35

Clymene · 15/03/2023 21:26

No, he's saying that the friend plied her with alcohol @WishIdDoneItYearsAgo

If he'd wanted to make a joke at the expense of his wife, he would have done so. But he didn't.

She was at home hanging whilst her friend was out bright and breezy. It was a joke also directed at his wife.

Honestly, only here can a throwaway joke be so dissected. He's so far been called a liar, controlling and abusive. The op has been accused of having a drink problem. What else can posters take from this comment??

WishIdDoneItYearsAgo · 15/03/2023 21:41

@Clymene no, he really wasn’t!

@Sometimeswinning Totally agree. Some posters are being nuts on here. In RL nobody would take this as anything other than banter between neighbours who are also friends or at least thought they were.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 15/03/2023 21:53

I could see myself not liking the joke as I’m not good at come backs in moments like especially with people I don’t know but I wouldn’t think more of it and move on.

I find it bizarre that people would take this to mean your friend has been bitchy behind your back. I mean if you had a good time and had a good relationship why would you think it meant your friend thought you pushed them into drinking?

SemperIdem · 15/03/2023 21:57

BlueHeelers · 15/03/2023 16:44

spot the person who is never invited to the good parties

MisogynyNonConforming · 15/03/2023 23:06

Like you, @Townlife , I wasn't there when the comment was made so can't say for certain what really went on.

What I will say is that if my partner told me their friend thought a joke I made was a serious dig, my response would be something like "Oh no, really? I thought it was obvious I was joking" or similar. Your DH's response of "WHY are people so sensitive, I was JOKING! Ok I'll say nothing but Hello in future" seems, well, over-sensitive and makes me suspect he knows it hadn't come across as a joke at the time.

Personally, I would want to clear the air with my friend and explain that it was meant to be a joke. I would also have a conversation with DH about his dramatic reaction of dismissing your friend as sensitive and the sulking "I'll say nothing but Hello in future", but then I don't like man-babies.

BartsLongLostBro · 15/03/2023 23:13

Your friend's behaviour sounds really strange? I could not be asked with her drama. Your poor DH!

Sirius3030 · 15/03/2023 23:45

Precipice · 15/03/2023 15:52

'WHY are people so sensitive, I was JOKING! Ok I'll say nothing but Hello on future'. Sounds like he's... being sensitive.

If he genuinely can't see a mid-point between 'greeting, avoids further conversation' and 'telling someone off' (even if meaning as a joke), he should stick to the former. Most people who come out with this response can see many mid-points, but they're choosing to respond in this way ('oh, I can't say anything, do you want me to not talk at all?') and the underlying message is that they can act in any way at all and say anything to anyone and nobody can say anything to them.

Tone doesn't carry in messages and it's hard to convey the vibe of the conversation as experienced by your friend even to you. However, especially as the two of you were hardly boozing it up, I would also not like this comment. It's unpleasant to be accused of things you haven't been doing 'as a joke' and be expected to play it off.

Yes, he is a man so it is all his fault. Simples.

Original poster

Townlife · 15/03/2023 23:53

Thanks for all your responses!
Dh & my friend know each other quite well, we've been out as a 4 several times, and they've been neighbours for over 10 years! He's really not the controlling type (although maybe came across as this, with his banter being taken the wrong way by my friend). In fact, he encourages me to go out!

We hadn't discussed my friend's drinking at all. She normally drinks slightly more than me, but certainly doesn't have a drink problem, and doesn't try to persuade me to drink more than I'm comfortable with!

I'm going to clear the air with her, I can't have it hanging over us. Dh is sorry, but I've said it's best that I sort it with her, rather than him.

OP posts:

SchoolTripDrama · 15/03/2023 23:56

My god some people have no sense of humour and it really shows!

OP is your DH very northern by any chance?!

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 16/03/2023 00:08

Unless he said it with a frown I really don't understand why she would think he was being serious?!

So many people these days taking offence at bloody everything.

Sunnycats · 16/03/2023 06:26

I saw this and was so surprised by your friends reaction! I have a friend like you, a neighbour but also we are very close, known each other years, see each other plenty. Her DH has made this joke to me and my DH has made this joke to her and honestly I can't even imagine being upset by it. It's a bit of fun that's all. Glad to see you will clear the air, and maybe it's nothing to do with that comment at all, hopefully just a coincidence and maybe something else is going on with her.

I hope you manage to sort it OP xx

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