Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Friend seems to have taken offence at my dh's comment, but he was only joking! 🤔

92 replies

Townlife · 15/03/2023 15:39

A few months ago I went out for drinks with my friend. Nothing new there, we live in the same road and meet up quite often.

We had nothing out of the ordinary, just Tapas, shared a bottle of Prosecco and had a cocktail each, but I was SO hungover next day. 🤢 Maybe it was something other than the drink, but I had a banging headache and felt so sick, I didn't leave my room until 1 pm, other than for water & paracetamol! I've had more than this on nights out beore and been fine, this wasn't even a late one!

Dh happened to bump into my friend later that day at local shop. I (obviously😀) wasn't there, but friend told me he said 'Hey you, what've you been up to getting Townlife drunk?! My God she was in a state this morning!!'

Now I can just imagine him saying this, JOKING, with a grin on his face! The other day though, myself & neighbour were out with another friend and she told her she gets 'told by my dh', not to get me drunk! 😮 She mentioned it a few weeks ago too, and the way she's recounted it was obvious she thought he was annoyed with her! 🙁

I've since said to dh I wish he'd said nothing at all, and he was all 'WHY are people so sensitive, I was JOKING! Ok I'll say nothing but Hello on future'. I KNOW he was joking, however, I'm noticing she hasn't been in touch as much since, the only time I've seen her has been a planned get-together with a mutual friend. Not sure how to sort things really, she obv doesn't know my dh like I do, she unfortunately thought he was 'telling her off'! 😮

OP posts:
Daydreamer123456 · 15/03/2023 20:20

Eyerollcentral · 15/03/2023 17:44

I really hate ‘jokes’ like this. Especially from a husband. Makes it sound like your friend was pouring it down your neck and is a ‘bad influence’. You should have text her and said omg I heard what my cringe husband said to you, he’s a divvy, ignore him! Your husband sounds q immature, not only in terms of what he said but in terms of his reaction too. A normal adult would just say did you have a good time the other night? Instead he’s tried to pas agg shame her because you were hungover. Ps it’s the bubbles, a bottle of Prosecco would give anyone a headache.

Show quote history

‘Makes it sound like your friend was pouring it down your neck and is a ‘bad influence’

Yes it does sound like that- which is why the comment was clearly a joke!

Clymene · 15/03/2023 20:22

Daydreamer123456 · 15/03/2023 20:13

Honestly can’t believe some of these replies!

He's probably reacted the way he has because he’s incensed anyone could take the comment as anything other than a joke!

What's funny about it?

Eyerollcentral · 15/03/2023 20:22

Daydreamer123456 · 15/03/2023 20:20

‘Makes it sound like your friend was pouring it down your neck and is a ‘bad influence’

Yes it does sound like that- which is why the comment was clearly a joke!

Show quote history

What’s funny about that? They are two adult women. How does that mean the comment is clearly a joke? Also I do not buy it was said as a joke. I’ll be highly intrigued if the OP ever comes back to learn how many other friends of hers he has ‘joked’ like this with.

MsPrism · 15/03/2023 20:24

Sheesh - I would have taken that as a joke too. A bit of friendly banter surely?
Friend does sound a bit hard work tbh, maybe she thinks drunkeness is a BAD thing rather than something to laugh about.
Am sure when you explain she'll be fine. Tell your DH to rein it in a bit when he meets up with her?

stayathomer · 15/03/2023 20:25

I don’t think there’s a simple answer op- I’d have laughed as would some of my friends, but I’ve a few that would have been disgusted and one would have sat me down and asked did I think dh was controlling. Everyone’s different

PaigeMatthews · 15/03/2023 20:26

MelchiorsMistress · 15/03/2023 17:38

Maybe you could consider the possibility that while you know your DH was joking, he didn’t deliver his joke very well and came across more harshly than he intended to.

Your friend really hasn’t done anything wrong here, except maybe take a comment the wrong way. I think the onus is on you to contact her to make amends.

This. Sometimes my dh tone sounds like he is being a dick when i know he isnt.

Cas112 · 15/03/2023 20:26

This is definitely a her problem and not a your husband or you problem

It's sounds in jest so I don't see how she couldn't understand that

WitheredandOld · 15/03/2023 20:26

I would have thought it funny and said something back of a similar vein.

Your friend sounds like hard work.

GoodChat · 15/03/2023 20:26

Does he know her well? I can see why it'd make her feel uncomfortable if they're not friends.

LolaSmiles · 15/03/2023 20:30

I don’t think there’s a simple answer op- I’d have laughed as would some of my friends, but I’ve a few that would have been disgusted and one would have sat me down and asked did I think dh was controlling. Everyone’s different
Agree with this

I was expecting the comment to be awful, not a joke about two friends drinking alcohol together.

Friend sounds quite highly strung and I can understand why OP's husband responded by saying he'll not say anything other than hello in future. No doubt drama llama friend would take an issue with that as well.

Some people are quite uptight about jokes and there's not a lot anyone can do about it other than accept they don't share a sense of humour and refrain from anything more than simple pleasantries.

MisgenderedSwan · 15/03/2023 20:32

My best friend's dh has joked with me that I broke his wife, my dh has done the same to her on other nights. I would think it was just banter and enjoy it.

Daydreamer123456 · 15/03/2023 20:34

Eyerollcentral · 15/03/2023 20:22

What’s funny about that? They are two adult women. How does that mean the comment is clearly a joke? Also I do not buy it was said as a joke. I’ll be highly intrigued if the OP ever comes back to learn how many other friends of hers he has ‘joked’ like this with.

Show quote history

Because quite obviously the friend wasn’t pouring it down her neck- therefore he was clearly joking.

I don’t find it a particularly funny joke but can’t take it as anything other than a joke and can’t quite believe anyone could-

I think it’s a fairly common joke, I’ve had a friends partner something similar to me.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 15/03/2023 20:34

It is a bit of a blokey thing to say and not really a 'joke', but he clearly didn't mean to imply that your friend was actually responsible for your hangover. Your friend sounds a PITA. You can laugh at such a comment, or eyeroll, but take offence? Nah! I hope you get the chance to explain to her that he didn't really mean it.

Climbles · 15/03/2023 20:40

It’s bloody small talk. A bit of mild banter. Some people are so ridiculous.
I couldn’t be friends with someone who was overthinking everything all the time.

Mariposista · 15/03/2023 20:42

Over sensitive people give me the ick.

WishIdDoneItYearsAgo · 15/03/2023 20:43

Bloody hell, what a lot of posturing over nothing. If a friend’s husband said this to me, I’d in no way think they actually thought it was my fault their wife got drunk but rather they were teasing me a little about getting pissed with their wife.

Unless there’s something else here or your husband has never met this friend who’s also a close neighbour and who you socialise with regularly then she’s massively overreacted.

Also, in RL everyone thinks like this. Only on MN would people agree with your friend and also be offended if their neighbour and husband of a good friend made a little teasing joke after a night on the lash. 🙄

Clymene · 15/03/2023 20:44

It's not actually a joke though. It's what the British call banter. Which is basically the joker making a joke at the expense of someone else and calling them humourless when they don't find it funny.

GoodChat · 15/03/2023 20:44

Mariposista · 15/03/2023 20:42

Over sensitive people give me the ick.

The friend or the husband?

Clymene · 15/03/2023 20:45

And it's only banter if you have a relationship where it goes back and forth. If it's only one way, it's not banter, it's being an arsehole.

I wonder how many other people the OP's husband does his banter with and pisses off.

Mylittlepea · 15/03/2023 21:01

Jesus. Just banter, people get pissed sometimes. And on a lot more than half a bottle of Prosecco and a cocktail.

sorry that your friend has distanced herself a bit OP but you & your DH have done nothing wrong…

Ghostbuster2639 · 15/03/2023 21:08

How does your husband feel about her drifting after his joke?

neitherofthem · 15/03/2023 21:10

It's only a joke if everybody's laughing.

WhyIsBogdanSexy · 15/03/2023 21:11

Your friend sounds unhinged. If someone I knew took offence at this I'd distance myself from them. Way too much hard work.

WishIdDoneItYearsAgo · 15/03/2023 21:21

Clymene · 15/03/2023 20:44

It's not actually a joke though. It's what the British call banter. Which is basically the joker making a joke at the expense of someone else and calling them humourless when they don't find it funny.

But he’s actually making a joke at the expense of his wife saying what a drunkard she is. The ‘blaming’ of the friend is just lightheartedness. This is not* the same as making a horrible ‘joke’ at someone’s expense.

  • He’s very unlikely to actually think his wife is a drunk. Far more likely that he’s highly amused at his wife’s hangover.
WishIdDoneItYearsAgo · 15/03/2023 21:22

Not sure why my asterisk became a bullet point.

Swipe left for the next trending thread