Friend seems to have taken offence at my dh's comment, but he was only joking! 🤔

[Townlife]

A few months ago I went out for drinks with my friend. Nothing new there, we live in the same road and meet up quite often.

We had nothing out of the ordinary, just Tapas, shared a bottle of Prosecco and had a cocktail each, but I was SO hungover next day. 🤢 Maybe it was something other than the drink, but I had a banging headache and felt so sick, I didn't leave my room until 1 pm, other than for water & paracetamol! I've had more than this on nights out beore and been fine, this wasn't even a late one!

Dh happened to bump into my friend later that day at local shop. I (obviously😀) wasn't there, but friend told me he said 'Hey you, what've you been up to getting Townlife drunk?! My God she was in a state this morning!!'

Now I can just imagine him saying this, JOKING, with a grin on his face! The other day though, myself & neighbour were out with another friend and she told her she gets 'told by my dh', not to get me drunk! 😮 She mentioned it a few weeks ago too, and the way she's recounted it was obvious she thought he was annoyed with her! 🙁

I've since said to dh I wish he'd said nothing at all, and he was all 'WHY are people so sensitive, I was JOKING! Ok I'll say nothing but Hello on future'. I KNOW he was joking, however, I'm noticing she hasn't been in touch as much since, the only time I've seen her has been a planned get-together with a mutual friend. Not sure how to sort things really, she obv doesn't know my dh like I do, she unfortunately thought he was 'telling her off'! 😮

Clearly not to her if she’s willing to let it go due to someone else saying something she found a little offensive for some reason

If it means a lot to you, talk to her. A mumsnet thread isn’t going to build any bridges 🤷‍♀️

She must be a proper drama llama to get so worked up about zero!

She’s making a big deal out of nothing. It was obviously a very mild joke. Haven’t you already told her dh genuinely meant it as a joke?

Does she believe she drinks too much? Or that you think she does? That might explain her extra sensitivity. Why is she telling everybody else about it? You might need to assess your friendship. Sounds like your dh is a great guy. His joke was not one of those passive aggressive ‘jokes’ but simply a lighthearted and funny and friendly comment.

@MysteryBelle

Sounds like your dh is a great guy.

what makes you say this out of interest?

Dear God..we've reached the point where someone somewhere is going to take offence at absolutely everything and anything. Completely with your husband here..she's a complete twerp

Couldn't agree more. I have no idea why you'd want to be friends with her, OP.

Maybe you could consider the possibility that while you know your DH was joking, he didn’t deliver his joke very well and came across more harshly than he intended to.

Your friend really hasn’t done anything wrong here, except maybe take a comment the wrong way. I think the onus is on you to contact her to make amends.

I really hate ‘jokes’ like this. Especially from a husband. Makes it sound like your friend was pouring it down your neck and is a ‘bad influence’. You should have text her and said omg I heard what my cringe husband said to you, he’s a divvy, ignore him! Your husband sounds q immature, not only in terms of what he said but in terms of his reaction too. A normal adult would just say did you have a good time the other night? Instead he’s tried to pas agg shame her because you were hungover. Ps it’s the bubbles, a bottle of Prosecco would give anyone a headache.

I was fully expecting your H’s comment to be quite shitty, not actually, that’s fine! Her problem.

It’s funny how people take things differently.

If my friends husband said something like this, I would presume he didn’t actually think it was my fault, and was just joking.

I’d probably just laugh and say ‘yeah, it was a good night’ or something.

But in my head, I’m thinking it sounds like it was said in a ‘jokey’ manner.

I imagine if exactly the same comment was made in a snidey/sarky manner, I’d feel differently. Some people make jokes but a Lee quite deadpan though.

I suppose you can’t tell unless you were there which way it went (Not helpful to the discussion I know!)

I have been your friend
your DH needs to be clear he was joking and not angry

you honestly don’t know how annoyed people can be because their spouse was hammered while out with me

of course I can’t control what anyone drinks but, yes, I’ve been on the receiving end with stroppy spouses and they try to make it look a bit jokey when they are really pissed off.

Yes
its particularly bad when it’s a male spouse
sorry

Yeah I suppose in my experience it’s a certain kind of man who only makes these ‘jokes’. I have a friend whose husband is like this and he gets my back right up. Not just about drink but everything. Suppose once you’ve seen it you can’t unsee it.

Oh ffs.

If anyone said this to me I would know they were joking. Because I have a sense of humour and it’s the kind of thing I would say myself.

OP - is your friend always such a humourless touchy snowflake?

I wouldn't like that comment and it would make me suspect your husband was controlling
perhaps thats what made her uncomfortable

Lol, get real. Her friend is pathetic

Maybe he needs to make funnier jokes. I find it so irritating when people make annoying digs then say ‘it was a joke’ if called on it. My mum does that all the time.

Buy the man a joke book.

I wouldn't drift from you but I think it's a massively patronising thing to say. I'd wonder why your husband treated you like a child who had no agency.

If he'd said 'oh my god, what the hell were you two drinking last night, Townlife is in a right state today!' Or 'I'm amazed to see you out and about, Townlife is really fragile today!' then it would be fine.

It's the assumption that it's her fault you had a hangover that's weird and would make me feel uncomfortable.

It would have been clear to me that he was joking OP, but as can be seen from this thread, there are quite a few who would have seen it as mean/controlling of your DH/not funny.

It doesn't mean they're right OR wrong, just that your (and your DH's) sense of humour doesn't mesh with theirs. It sounds like your friend, no matter how much you might like her otherwise, just doesn't have the same sense of humour.

If she has been 'cool' with you of late, you have two choices :-

1. Talk to her and find out what the situation is or
2. Never speak of it again and potentially lose the friendship forever.

Well, if it was made in the way I said it could be, that would be the desired effect - to push your friends away from you without you realising.

Bingo - which is why he reacted in such an OTT way when the OP mentioned it to him. Overly defensive and taking the huff. Not normal.

Your dh sounds equally sensitive and dramatic to a simple misunderstanding. I sometimes find I assume I know some people better when I hear about them all the time, like my in laws families or my friends dh's but in reality I don't know them well at all. He might think he knows her well but do they actually spend time together? Maybe his joke should have made you the one he was fake annoyed at and not her.

Your friend sounds like a weirdo tbh if she's that offended by what he said! I would have laughed it off and wouldn't have given it a second thought if someone said the same to me, but I guess some people are more offended than other!

Your friend sounds like massively hard work. I honestly couldn’t be friends with someone who is liable to take exception to innocuous jokey comments, but given you want to remain friends, just talk to her.

Honestly can’t believe some of these replies!

He's probably reacted the way he has because he’s incensed anyone could take the comment as anything other than a joke!