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Original poster

Two babies due with in days of wedding - RSVP’d yes.

98 replies

4EyesandBigThighs · 11/03/2023 18:06

Hi all,

I get married in June and two of our guests have told us they are expected within days of the wedding - they’ve RSVP’d yes to the wedding.. one saying they’ll come no matter what, the other ‘playing it by ear’.

The one guest was going to travel down with her family, which if she can’t come they won’t either so we would lose £430 worth of food and drink.

the other family we’ll lose around £250.

I am so stressed about this. I’ve explained that obviously we’ll lose a decent sum of money if they cancel within 8 weeks and obviously you just can’t know when a baby is going to arrive so if they have any doubts between then and now to let us know and we can celebrate with them when we’re back (wedding is 4 hours away from home)

it’s probably as awkward and stressful for them wondering whether or not to say yes or no.. but as they’ve both said yes I am stressing about losing £600+

has anyone been in this situation? What happened?

OP posts:
HTruffle · 11/03/2023 18:09

I can totally understand your frustration and worry about that. The one who said she’s coming no matter what, is it first baby? With respect, you really don’t know how it’s going to play out so no guarantees. Could you do it the other way around and confirm to your venue that they’re not coming then add them on if they do?! Eg if they give birth a month before and all is well.

BernadetteIsMySister · 11/03/2023 18:11

Why did you invite them then?

cornflakegeneration · 11/03/2023 18:12

You're not going to "lose" the money though as you will have to pay it if they go anyway?

These things happen. What would you do if someone was unwell and couldn't make it on the day?

Can't understand this tbh.

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Original poster
4EyesandBigThighs · 11/03/2023 18:12

It’s both their second babies. I also don’t want them to feel pressured to come if they end up giving birth a day or two before the wedding. I can’t imagine that would be a very fun road trip/wedding for them to sit around at sore with a new baby. I obviously want them to be comfortable.

We have to confirm numbers 8 weeks before the wedding so that only gives us a couple weeks.

OP posts:
SnappyTheCrocodile · 11/03/2023 18:12

You’re not losing anything really though are you? Someone could be unwell or have an unavoidable childcare issue or anything. You pay for X number of people but that doesn’t guarantee that X turn up. That’s just how it goes. It’s a sunk cost.

cornflakegeneration · 11/03/2023 18:14

I think you need to get over it and move on. Concentrate on what you can control - your dress, cake, make up etc

Original poster
4EyesandBigThighs · 11/03/2023 18:14

@BernadetteIsMySister They were invited before they were pregnant?

Ok, so we don’t ‘lose’ the money.. but £600 worth of meals goes untouched? Which is a huge waste that we could have saved if realistically they just said it’s cutting it fine and they logistically have to say no.

OP posts:
bussteward · 11/03/2023 18:15

You’re not losing the money? You’d spend the money just the same if they came but you don’t get £430 worth of enjoyment out of a guest, that’s not what you’re paying for.

As it’s second babies I’d also trust them to be aware of what birth + newborn + wedding entails and take them at their word.

cornflakegeneration · 11/03/2023 18:15

4EyesandBigThighs · 11/03/2023 18:14

@BernadetteIsMySister They were invited before they were pregnant?

Ok, so we don’t ‘lose’ the money.. but £600 worth of meals goes untouched? Which is a huge waste that we could have saved if realistically they just said it’s cutting it fine and they logistically have to say no.

Give it to the homeless?

Clymene · 11/03/2023 18:17

But isn't it more than 8 weeks to the wedding? So you can get the money back?

Iwanderedlonelyasagoat · 11/03/2023 18:17

I had 4 people who couldn't attend my wedding where I had paid for their places - two had flu, one broken leg and a childcare issue/illness. This isn't that unusual. It's a sunk cost so you are not wasting money. However, it's highly unlikely they will actually attend so in their circumstance I would have politely declined - is this what you expected them to do?

Twizbe · 11/03/2023 18:18

Are you having evening guests?

If so have a think of any you could bump to full day.

I've been bumped up once and it was fab. I totally get why I wasn't originally a day guest so no hard feelings about being a place filled.

PuttingDownRoots · 11/03/2023 18:18

This is why I turned down a wedding invite a few weeks after my due date... didn't think it was fIr on the bride and groom. When we received the initial invitation they didn't know I was pregnant.

TwigTheWonderKid · 11/03/2023 18:18

I agree with the poster who points out that you won't be losing money, although arguably you may be wasting it.

Presumably you are only talking about a few people? Maybe if you explain the situation to the venue they might let you tweak the numbers a little bit closer to the date than 8 weeks?

MyMumsOnMN · 11/03/2023 18:19

They could both say they're definitely coming but then both give birth on the actual day of the wedding and wouldn't be able to come anyway.

Technically, you wouldn't miss out on money because if they do then up, you would have spend it anyway.

Original poster
4EyesandBigThighs · 11/03/2023 18:19

The difference between an illness and childbirth is you have about 7 months to plan around childbirth, illnesses could just pop up the week/day before the wedding. It would be gutting that people can’t come.. but if I were due a baby days before or after someone wedding I would give them the courtesy of at least discussing saying no and the deadline for saying yes as I wouldn’t want them to pay for food for us that won’t be eaten.

But yes, I get that I can’t control it. It’s just a lot of money and I do hve a feeling they won’t be coming 😅 it’s the thought that I feel like I’m looking in hindsight right now and closer to the day I’m going to be saying “I shouldn’t have put them down as yes” 😅

I’m going to email our venue and ask for the absolute final deadline to let them know if I can add people on. But even with childbirth nobody is going to know until they go into labour so it’s a really tough one for them and us🫣

OP posts:
Holly60 · 11/03/2023 18:19

Yeah I agree with others- you won't LOOSE the money you are spending anyway.

Put them down as attending then forget about it. Hopefully they make it, but just try not to stress if they don't.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 11/03/2023 18:19

Twizbe · 11/03/2023 18:18

Are you having evening guests?

If so have a think of any you could bump to full day.

I've been bumped up once and it was fab. I totally get why I wasn't originally a day guest so no hard feelings about being a place filled.

Was just about to suggest the same.

Original poster
4EyesandBigThighs · 11/03/2023 18:20

@cornflakegeneration
…

they’re aren’t going to be any homeless people at my wedding, unfortunately?

OP posts:
WelshWondergirl · 11/03/2023 18:20

If you end up with spare places at short notice you could always ask someone from your evening list to step in if they would like to. Some might say that's rude, but it's no ruder than having an A-list and and B-list in the first place.

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 11/03/2023 18:22

I would confirm numbers excluding them, and tell the venue you might have x people decide last minute. If you've already told them no pressure and you're OK if they decline I don't think there's much more you can do unfortunately. You are likely to have a couple not turn up on the day too just from illness etc.

cornflakegeneration · 11/03/2023 18:22

4EyesandBigThighs · 11/03/2023 18:20

@cornflakegeneration
…

they’re aren’t going to be any homeless people at my wedding, unfortunately?

I'm not sure if you're being facetious or not but just in case....

Get details of a homeless charity and donate the spare food to them.

Original poster
4EyesandBigThighs · 11/03/2023 18:23

agh god this is going to be a drip feed too so I’m sorry.

the other thing that’s frustrating is that both me and DP had to cut people out who we wanted there due to exceeding the number of guests we can have so I think that’s also why I’m a bit ‘hmph’ about it.

I get it, they probably do think it’s manageable. Babies hardly ever come on their due dates anyway hey? 😂 I just hope it works out!

OP posts:
JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 11/03/2023 18:23

Get a few people on standby to come at the last minute. Lots of people understand numbers can be tight but would be chuffed to get a last minute day invitation

BernadetteIsMySister · 11/03/2023 18:23

Well that's what happens when you send invitations out so early! Silly mistake.

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