Two babies due with in days of wedding - RSVP’d yes.

[4EyesandBigThighs]

Hi all,

I get married in June and two of our guests have told us they are expected within days of the wedding - they’ve RSVP’d yes to the wedding.. one saying they’ll come no matter what, the other ‘playing it by ear’.

The one guest was going to travel down with her family, which if she can’t come they won’t either so we would lose £430 worth of food and drink.

the other family we’ll lose around £250.

I am so stressed about this. I’ve explained that obviously we’ll lose a decent sum of money if they cancel within 8 weeks and obviously you just can’t know when a baby is going to arrive so if they have any doubts between then and now to let us know and we can celebrate with them when we’re back (wedding is 4 hours away from home)

it’s probably as awkward and stressful for them wondering whether or not to say yes or no.. but as they’ve both said yes I am stressing about losing £600+

has anyone been in this situation? What happened?

My mum got a last minute cancellation for a much needed op on the day of a cousins wedding. My aunt called me and explained that they would have loved to have us originally but the numbers were tight and would we like to come in my parents place, we were certainly in no way offended and were delighted to come very last minute.

The only decent and honourable thing for these 2 friends to do is to decline the invitation. There's no way your friend who says she'll be there no matter what will actually be there if she's just given birth. What about if she's in labour at the time? That'd be fun for you all 🙄

They were invited before they were pregnant?

Did you send your invitations out more than 9 months before the wedding? That's really early.

OP, focus on the things you can control, leave them worry about trying to make the wedding. There is nothing you can do here.

OP I think I would contact your venue and explain exactly what you've told us here, and ask whether it would be possible to put six people down as a maybe and confirm at the last minute. Unless they're still down as coming the day before the wedding and then actually go into labour on your wedding day, you can still let the venue know in time for them to not actually cook the food. So perhaps they could offer you some extra flexibility on this one.

We were invited to a wedding then found out we were expecting and due 5 days before. We RSVPd yes and said we committed to going unless we were in hospital that day! In that event we offered to pay the difference for our meals at the wedding breakfast.

It was our first baby and we didn't know what to expect, she came on her due date and we all went to the wedding. It was so difficult, mentally and physically (especially since we were still establishing breastfeeding) and I wasn't even sure we would go up to the day before but didn't want to let our friends down.

Lol I had people that had declined their invitation who turned up, really weird!

You think OP should drive a plate of cold food round to a homeless charity on her wedding day?

OP, I’d talk to your venue/caterer, explain the situation and ask if there is anything they can suggest? People are sometimes able to be more flexible than you might think.

I'd not pay for them at this stage, then add them last minute - the hotel is not going to turn down an extra £800 plus all the extra drinks the guests will buy.

I only had one no show at my wedding (less than 24 hours' notice, just decided at that late stage she couldn't afford to get there), but bizarrely one of ex's friends who'd not RSVPd just rocked up (in jeans 😒) so our numbers worked out, no place wasted.

We are invited to a wedding 5 days before my due date. We checked with the couple if they would prefer us to decline outright based on the chance we couldn't come, or if it would be easier for just DH go and and offer mine and DD's places to others. They were OK with us saying yes and changing our minds at the last minute. Because they want us at their wedding.

If you have people not come last minute then invite other people. Say you were limited on numbers but a place became available and invite them. Either way you've spent the money, particularly if you cut the list to a certain number then you always would have spent that amount.

You think OP should drive a plate of cold food round to a homeless charity on her wedding day?

Of course not.

But a charity could come and collect the ingredients from the venue/ venue could deliver to them.

Also people mocking the 'give the extra food to the homeless' idea. Perhaps wouldn't work for an individually plated meal but we took our evening leftovers (hotpot, chilli, curry) to a soup kitchen at a church. It was the day after though.

It does depend on your relationship to the guests though, I accepted, and went to a wedding in a different country at 37 weeks with dc2. However it was my sibling and they had originally planned for it to be on my due date so really didn’t think i could decline when they moved it 3 weeks earlier to suit me.

Can you add people closer to the time? I had two guests who didn't know if they could make it due to her cancer treatment. We agreed with our venue to confirm a couple of extras closer to the time for this reason

I would speak to the hotel and how flexible they can be in reality. I think there are often minimum numbers, but how flexible are maximum numbers? So you guarantee a minimum number, but what stretch is there? My guess is that if "max" numbers are 80 you could book for 80, increase invites to 84 (ie including pregnant people x2 plus partners x2). But pay for 80 and extras on the day.

My very pregnant friend came to my wedding - but that was 17th Sept, and she gave birth in early Oct. She lives 1 hr away. Your friends due dates sound a lot closer. I doubt highly that anyone who gave birth in the week before would come to a wedding 4 hours away.

The due dates are 4 days before the wedding and the day after 😅

I think we’ll have a ‘back-up’ list of people, make them aware that they might be able to come at short notice and go from there.

the one family have booked accommodation to stay down there for 10 days and the other family haven’t booked anything yet.

we can’t deliver food to the homeless the day after as the catering health and safety won’t keep food, it gets thrown away that night (or possible taken home by staff 😂)

You're totally correct it depends on the person. I had a very good pregnancy, labour wasn't that tricky, but that 6 months post-birth. Wow - even now nearly 18 years on I find that period difficult to discuss. I couldnt manage for months to even get to a baby clinic 15 mins walk away on time. The thought of 4 hrs travel time each way. Just no. It's almost not fair to book major events (some one else's wedding) when the outcome is so unknown.

I went to a wedding 2 days before giving birth so they may well turn up. If not and you have a day or 2 notice the venue may allow the cost of the meals to be put behind the bar instead.

The wedding's not until June, another 3 months.
So presumably invitations sent 6-7 months ago.
That's not that unusual tbh.

Average it out and pay more if you need to. No venue will say no to more paying guests, they're hedging against fewer by asking to confirm numbers.

I think they are being really rude in accepting the invitation.
Can you phone them and discuss it with them?

I'm in this exact position right now, I'm the pregnant women due within 4 days and we have sent a message saying realistically we can't commit 100% which we're so sad about however it wouldn't be right to say yea on that basis so will have to be a no.
I think it's sooo unfair to leave things open when you're wasting so much of someone else's money, never mind that it impacts seating plans, chair hire, maybe even the need for extra tables/centre pieces etc. just so thoughtless. We were just really open and had a discussion and as the couple agreed we can see we're in same page

Can you uninvite them as kindly as possible? If they are travelling to attend, I can't see that it would be sensible for either to attend.

You could risk that 1 will attend and 1 won't.

What relationship are they to you?

Lol, what did I just read...

I really hope the OP isn't paying £105 per head for a bowl of chilli though...

I had this and explained to my venue. They let me finalise the place for that person the day before the wedding but all other numbers 2 weeks before.

I think you're being a bit bridezillay tbh. Just suck it up, uninvite them if you're really bothered. Plus, 8 weeks notice to confirm with hotel is crazy, that's when most invitations go out.