Two babies due with in days of wedding - RSVP’d yes.

[4EyesandBigThighs]

Hi all,

I get married in June and two of our guests have told us they are expected within days of the wedding - they’ve RSVP’d yes to the wedding.. one saying they’ll come no matter what, the other ‘playing it by ear’.

The one guest was going to travel down with her family, which if she can’t come they won’t either so we would lose £430 worth of food and drink.

the other family we’ll lose around £250.

I am so stressed about this. I’ve explained that obviously we’ll lose a decent sum of money if they cancel within 8 weeks and obviously you just can’t know when a baby is going to arrive so if they have any doubts between then and now to let us know and we can celebrate with them when we’re back (wedding is 4 hours away from home)

it’s probably as awkward and stressful for them wondering whether or not to say yes or no.. but as they’ve both said yes I am stressing about losing £600+

has anyone been in this situation? What happened?

I doubt she meant that. But there are plenty of homeless people the food COULD go to.

I'd confirm numbers few less than expecting.
If there are few extra on the day sure they will be fed and you will be charged.
When getting married my hotel said always have some chicken & vegetarian dinners available as no matter what choice offered there will be people who do not want it.

We don’t have an evening boost as the wedding is 4 hours away from home we only invited people for the whole day as I doubt anyone would want to drive 4 hours to spend a couple hours at a wedding then go home or spend money on a hotel.

I can understand why that must be annoying. Sadly with these situations you just have to look at what you can control and focus on that. Weddings are a really stressful time!
At least you're not like me - I fell pregnant 9 months before my own wedding 🫣

I had this. 1 x friend and her DH, i didn't order them a meal as I'm sure the venue would be able to eek out to more meals and charge me a couple of hundred quid for the pleasure! Plus you will probably get at least one no show. My friend ended up not coming.

We had a no show as well and the venue put out one less bottle of wine even though we had paid for it 😯

Agree with the reserve list assuming you're not getting married abroad or anything. People might think it's a bit rude but just be really honest if it does come up and say 'we would have loved to invite you (at all/ to the full day) but had to make some difficult decisions re numbers. I know it's short notice but if you could make it we would be delighted'. Make clear you're not expecting a present.

Otherwise unfortunately it's just one of those things when you plan an event in advance. People don't know how the next few months will pan out.

I'm pregnant and was invited to a wedding 10 days post due date, my fiancé and I politely declined. I thought this was fairly obvious?! I'm surprised people would leave it out there as a "we'll do our best" when they know that someone else is footing the bill!

The reserves list makes a lot of sense. I guess you can’t argue with that at all. They’ll be happy enough to be thought of, happier if they can actually attend so a win-win?

I think if it was me receiving an invite around the time my baby was due I would have to politely decline by taking the feelings of the bride and groom in to account. I would only accept if I could definitely say I could be there (barring unknown circumstances/illnesses which are last minute). My eldest was born on due date and my second 5 days early. Very uncomfortable for the expectant mother too to attend at a wedding that late on in pregnancy.

Will they be staying at the venue too?

If it was close to my due date I would be avoiding travelling 4 hours away from home, but I had quite a quick delivery!

They have to travel 4 hours to attend a wedding and 4 hours back the same day is that right?

I attended a wedding with a 2nd baby who was a few days old and had a great time.

it was a local family wedding with lots of people to help out and we left before the evening do got going.

absolutely no way I would have travelled 4 hours with a tiny baby.

assume at least one of the couple aren't coming and invite someone else. You don't have to tell them... that way if both don't come you only 'lose' out on one set if meals etc

I was heavily pregnant when I travelled down to dbros wedding 3 hrs away. With dh and ds. I told them I would try and come but utilmately if I had the baby I couldn't. They still paid for my place regardless and I attended. A week and half later I had dd.

I'm not sure what you expect them to do. The only option is to un-invite them if you don't want the uncertainty!

Have some back ups from your reserve list?

They’ll be more than a bit sore 1/2 days after having a baby and deffo won’t be up for sitting around OP. Just call them and ask tell ‘em lol they’re uninvited 🤪

I don't agree with the pps saying you won't lose the money. You will. You will have paid an extra £600 that you don't need to to keep spaces open for people you know probably won't come.
If you are close enough to them to ask I would ask will the rest of the family be attending if the mother to be is unable to. If they won't be I would not book them a table explaining it is too risky. If they will be attending without the mother to be I be would book them all seats and take the risk of the 2 women not attending.
If I was not close enough to ask I just would not book them seats and would try and get them added on last minute if necessary but agree it is very unlikely they will come.

It sounds as though you don't want them to come. You'd rather save the money than risk them not being able to come on the day.

Just tell them the 8 week deadline.

Or explain the situation to the venue and see what they can come up with.

Or don't include them in your final numbers and then ask the venue to add them on at the last minute.

You must be really important to them, as there's no way they would be considering attending at that stage in pregnancy if they weren't really keen to be there. Especially considering its such a long drive for them.

With friends like that, I'd be really careful not to offend them by uninviting them. You'd already committed to spending that amount of money- you're not losing anything extra, other than their company, if they can't make it.

Do they know that you still have time to amend the numbers? They might think you’ve already paid/confirmed for them to come and that’s why they are saying they will do everything they can to be there. Just out of guilt.

I'd check they had booked accommodation.

Are they the types to really try and attend or are they a bit thoughtless and will just decide on the day.

I'd identify a few beck ups (maybe friends of your parents or a plus one for a singleton already going) to ask in week before and get them to confirm the week before again.

I'd find it odd they don't seem to give any consideration to being able to attend and just rsvp yes without discussion!

oh OP, bite the bullet and uninvite the ones who can't decide. It's not their fault, but it's a big chunk of cash for you to commit to them.

When you say within days, how many days are we talking?

I cannot fathom accepting a wedding invite for a wedding when I was 39 weeks for eg.

Surely it depends on the person? I was fairly well in both of my pregnancies and could have attended a wedding right up to when I went into labour. If I'd had a wedding invite I would have RSVPed yes and just taken my hospital bag, maternity notes and a car seat with me. I had Caesareans both times (one emergency, one elective) but again would have been well enough to attend a wedding within a few days postpartum on both occasions - I went to church on day 2 with one baby, and to the supermarket on day 2 or 3 with the other. I would have been fine as a passenger on a long car journey, as well. I wouldn't assume they won't come!