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Original poster

Two babies due with in days of wedding - RSVP’d yes.

98 replies

4EyesandBigThighs · 11/03/2023 18:06

Hi all,

I get married in June and two of our guests have told us they are expected within days of the wedding - they’ve RSVP’d yes to the wedding.. one saying they’ll come no matter what, the other ‘playing it by ear’.

The one guest was going to travel down with her family, which if she can’t come they won’t either so we would lose £430 worth of food and drink.

the other family we’ll lose around £250.

I am so stressed about this. I’ve explained that obviously we’ll lose a decent sum of money if they cancel within 8 weeks and obviously you just can’t know when a baby is going to arrive so if they have any doubts between then and now to let us know and we can celebrate with them when we’re back (wedding is 4 hours away from home)

it’s probably as awkward and stressful for them wondering whether or not to say yes or no.. but as they’ve both said yes I am stressing about losing £600+

has anyone been in this situation? What happened?

OP posts:

RausageSoul · 12/03/2023 08:36

On MN magical homeless shelters are the same as 'just getting a rescue dog'

Sweatybetty9990 · 12/03/2023 08:49

On the day of my wedding, I had two cancellations (the flu) and one person and her daughter didn’t show up.

I had a baby three days before my friend’s wedding - an emergency c section - and didn’t attend. I’ve also not gone to a wedding because I had hideous flu before.

It’s very normal.

I was a bridesmaid at my friend’s wedding and her phone rang a bunch of times in the morning with people leaving their apologies that they couldn’t attend!

So yeah you’d probably be safe to over-invite! (The people you wanted but had to cut back because of numbers!)

Sweatybetty9990 · 12/03/2023 08:52

4EyesandBigThighs · 11/03/2023 21:54

The due dates are 4 days before the wedding and the day after 😅

I think we’ll have a ‘back-up’ list of people, make them aware that they might be able to come at short notice and go from there.

the one family have booked accommodation to stay down there for 10 days and the other family haven’t booked anything yet.

we can’t deliver food to the homeless the day after as the catering health and safety won’t keep food, it gets thrown away that night (or possible taken home by staff 😂)

If I were invited as a “back up guest” I would be mightily offended and not go!

If you want to invite them, do it! Like I said above, I reckon you can probably take the chance and over-invite a bit. But don’t tell them they’re a backup. It’s so rude.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings

NatMoz · 12/03/2023 08:53

I was invited to a wedding one week after my due date and i declined as i just didn't know what would happen and felt it was unfair on the bride.

Baby came on due date after emergency c section and we couldn't have possibly gone leaving 7 day old baby at home, i could barely walk!

Marynotsocontrary · 12/03/2023 09:07

Sweatybetty9990 · 12/03/2023 08:52

If I were invited as a “back up guest” I would be mightily offended and not go!

If you want to invite them, do it! Like I said above, I reckon you can probably take the chance and over-invite a bit. But don’t tell them they’re a backup. It’s so rude.

Show quote history

Yes, don't tell people they're back-ups!

chronictonic · 12/03/2023 09:10

Did your friends first babies come very late?
I wondering how your friends are so confident to accept your invite! I can only assume they are thinking they'll still be pregnant?
I wouldn't dream of accepting your invite in their situation, especially if it was a second baby and I wasn't to the reality of that time of life..!

Unfortunately though, this is weddings and precisely why we eloped.

I think you just have to suck it up unfortunately but I do think your friends are being unreasonable.

burnoutbabe · 12/03/2023 09:10

You pick the right people to be back ups.

So someone like your parents friends who would not expect any invite but would be happy to attend. Or a neighbour who had seen you grow up. Harder if needs travel to a far location though.

longestlurkerever · 12/03/2023 09:10

Sounds to me you're not that bothered if they don't come, which begs the question why you invited them ahead of your other guests in the first place. I've been in this situation but I really wanted the guests there if at all possible and was happy to pay for the possibility they'd make it. Which they did, very heavily pregnant, and it was lovely to have them.

Dibbydoos · 12/03/2023 09:19

Your wedding so you could say, we think it best if you're not there in person, we will video conference it for you if you like. Once babies are here, we'll go out for a meal to celebrate, just us, on us.

HareintheBluebells · 12/03/2023 09:20

Wrongsideofpennines · 11/03/2023 20:43

Also people mocking the 'give the extra food to the homeless' idea. Perhaps wouldn't work for an individually plated meal but we took our evening leftovers (hotpot, chilli, curry) to a soup kitchen at a church. It was the day after though.

This is great but it's not really OP's situation. She's worried about a few individual meals. Clearly no homeless charity is going to come and collect two uneaten plates of chicken marengo or whatever.

TBH I think people say "give it to the homeless" on threads like this just to be snide and make the point that there are homeless people hungry while OP is fretting about meals costing hundreds of pounds. It's not actually intended as a helpful suggestion and that's why it's being mocked.

OP, do you think your friends are going to appreciate being invited as back-up guests, especially given that the wedding is 4 hours away? I think it might be better to tell the people you've invited that you need a firm answer now and that you understand if they have to decline, and then make your peace with the fact that you will have some no-shows. It won't just be these two either.

cornflakegeneration · 12/03/2023 09:41

It was me that said it and I wasn't trying to be snide. I was trying to help OP come to a solution that meant that she could pay for the food for the guests and that it wouldn't be wasted.

alwayscheery · 12/03/2023 09:47

I would exclude them from the numbers and then add them on nearer the time if necessary. There is bound to be one or two who are unable to attend.

HareintheBluebells · 12/03/2023 09:52

cornflakegeneration · 12/03/2023 09:41

It was me that said it and I wasn't trying to be snide. I was trying to help OP come to a solution that meant that she could pay for the food for the guests and that it wouldn't be wasted.

That wasn't how it came across to me but if it was intended as a genuine suggestion, fair enough.

At least no one has told OP to take the meals to a food bank yet 😉

drpet49 · 12/03/2023 10:32

alwayscheery · 12/03/2023 09:47

I would exclude them from the numbers and then add them on nearer the time if necessary. There is bound to be one or two who are unable to attend.

This is the most obvious and sensible suggestion.

KnickerlessParsons · 12/03/2023 10:59

The one guest was going to travel down with her family, which if she can’t come they won’t either so we would lose £430 worth of food and drink.

the other family we’ll lose around £250.

How many people exactly? How much per person is this wedding?

Can you put some understanding people who didn't make the first cut on standby, to come if the others drop out? (Might be impractical unless they have ready-to-go wedding outfits)

Honeyroar · 12/03/2023 11:16

It rather sounds like you’re more bothered about losing the money you Han losing their company.

Speak to them, say you can see it’s obviously going to be too difficult for them to come and that’s fine, but could they confirm (by the end of the week) if anyone else from their group will be attending- so you can adjust figures before you’re charged for them. They’ll probably be glad to be given a get out, and you can see if anyone you couldn’t invite can come.

But it’s pretty normal to have the odd drop out of final figures, for one reason or another. If you’ve picked a really expensive venue, you’re going to perhaps lose a bit of money. That’s kind of how it is.

Inkypot · 12/03/2023 11:33

As others have said you're not really losing the money. You would pay it anyway. Three people who rsvp'd yes to our wedding didn't make it on the day due to various different reasons. It never crossed my mind to be annoyed about money being lost. You book for X amount and you hope they can make it. That's it.
We had a guest attend with their 3 week old twins and we had another guest who purely couldn't be bothered booking a taxi on the day so didn't come. Just hope for the best and think about the marriage that comes after rather than getting too hung up on the one day.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 12/03/2023 12:04

Twizbe · 11/03/2023 18:18

Are you having evening guests?

If so have a think of any you could bump to full day.

I've been bumped up once and it was fab. I totally get why I wasn't originally a day guest so no hard feelings about being a place filled.

This.

maeveiscurious · 12/03/2023 12:06

4EyesandBigThighs · 11/03/2023 18:20

@cornflakegeneration
…

they’re aren’t going to be any homeless people at my wedding, unfortunately?

This is a hilarious suggestion and logistically impossible

maeveiscurious · 12/03/2023 12:08

Can you not offer a zoom link and send them a picnic

Yoyooo · 12/03/2023 12:10

This is why wedding food should just be a buffet!

HauntedPencil · 12/03/2023 12:13

Aye right she's going to be able to just nip around a wedding venue looking for a homeless person to give some dinners to.

burnoutbabe · 12/03/2023 12:22

in theory, if you are charged £125 per head, then whilst they won't serve extra meals - they should still be serving the same amount of drink (and those on one table get a bit more than others)

so that part should not be "wasted" - or the food can be given to a photographer etc as a staff meal if not already organised? the buffet in evening should just have extra portions which will get consumed by other guests so again not wasted as such.

(i;d be annoyed about being dicked around by guests but i would try and ensure i got full value out of missing guests in terms of ensuring the caterers didn't charge me and not provide what i'd ordered - even if one table gets double desserts!

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