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Original poster

Tattoos of children’s names

99 replies

Courtniekeeper · 10/03/2023 17:23

I know it can be seen as tacky, but for years I’ve wanted to get my 2 children's names tattooed on my wrist. It’s taken a long time to get the courage as I have a huge fear of needles, but the appointment is booked and I’m going for it.
Issue is, my husband has a daughter from his previous relationship and thinks she will be left out if I don’t tattoo her name on me. I’ve been around for most of her life and treat her like one of my own, but I feel it’s going too far to include her name on my wrist. Of course I don’t want her to feel left out but she isn’t technically my child.
Am I being cruel for saying no? I mean where does it stop, I’m extremely close with my nephews but I wouldn’t add them. I just want my two biological children and think I’m being reasonable for that?

OP posts:
PoseyFlump · 11/03/2023 07:25

The answer is simple. Get a tattoo in your step daughters honour without it being her name. Let her choose it. In fact, include all the children in a discussion as they might come up with better ideas which will be more special to you.

Unless you have a very good relationship with the ex and can also speak to her about it.

category12 · 11/03/2023 07:29

You can't really have it both ways:

  • I treat her like my own!
  • I'm like an auntie she only sees once a fortnight!

That said, don't think you should get her name tattooed particularly, do what you want.

But I wouldn't make a massive hoo-ha over having had it done. Doubt she'll care or notice if you refrain from making it a Big Fucking Deal.

blueyandbingobaby · 11/03/2023 07:34

Op, people go weird about step children being potentially left out of anything.

I'm a stepmum to a 12 year old, have been in his life since he was 2, he's here every weekend. I wouldn't get his name tattoo'd on me if I was getting my own 2 kids. And he also wouldn't be upset- he's 12 not 4.

At 11 she can fully grasp that you're not her mum and it's different.

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Beauty
WandaWonder · 11/03/2023 07:56

Yayyayitsaholiholiday · 10/03/2023 17:53

If you’re likely to forget your children’s names, or want to show they are biologically yours, but your step daughter isn’t, then get the tattoo.

it will be a visual reminder to serve both purposes each day.

Yes agreed

PinkMendinilla · 11/03/2023 07:57

With the updates re name, access, her own mother being around I would never have suggested getting her name tattooed on you too and now even less so but would see this as one thing to compromise on or at least postpone for the sake of a child's feelings if her dad has said he is concerned she will be upset.

11, going right through the teens, is such a sensitive age and you did choose to marry someone with existing kids so must've realised that would come with compromises.

I can tell you just want reassurance that it's a great idea to get the original tattoo but I would really reconsider out of tact and kindness. Do it later when DSD is grown up.

smellyflowers · 11/03/2023 07:58

Don't get her name tattooed. The tattoo is because you are their mother. Their mum can get a tattoo if she wants. Or he can.

He's being utterly ridiculous. If you have a similar relationship to me and my DSC they understand I am not their mother I am DC's mother. It won't be a shock.

smellyflowers · 11/03/2023 07:59

Also if he leaves you you'll never see her again. So it's really odd.

pinkyredrose · 11/03/2023 16:59

Mutabiliss · 10/03/2023 18:37

I think this could be hugely damaging to the relationship you have with her. She's 11, it's a tricky age and making any difference to her step-siblings obvious could well really upset her.

If you must do it, wait until she's older and no longer spending EOW with you.

Hugely damaging? 😂 The only equalizer would be if her own mother had her name tattooed on. Surely an 11yr old can understand that?

anxiouslemons · 11/03/2023 17:14

What's her initial?
I would have your two DC names tattooed and then something to symbolise her, maybe a star with her initial inside it. If you and her dad split up you can fill the star in (though as she's a big part of your life you may not want to)

smellyflowers · 11/03/2023 17:16

pinkyredrose · 11/03/2023 16:59

Hugely damaging? 😂 The only equalizer would be if her own mother had her name tattooed on. Surely an 11yr old can understand that?

Show quote history

Yeah she's not thick!

smellyflowers · 11/03/2023 17:17

anxiouslemons · 11/03/2023 17:14

What's her initial?
I would have your two DC names tattooed and then something to symbolise her, maybe a star with her initial inside it. If you and her dad split up you can fill the star in (though as she's a big part of your life you may not want to)

I don't think that will help. If the stepchild is upset about not being tattooed then getting a tiny star with an initial isn't a good compromise

CorvusPurpureus · 11/03/2023 17:25

Symbols not names. So if she is Stella, & your dc are Leo & Rose, a lion sniffing a rose with a lovely protective star overhead.

Get creative!

Birdsbirdsbirds · 11/03/2023 17:36

category12 · 11/03/2023 07:29

You can't really have it both ways:

  • I treat her like my own!
  • I'm like an auntie she only sees once a fortnight!

That said, don't think you should get her name tattooed particularly, do what you want.

But I wouldn't make a massive hoo-ha over having had it done. Doubt she'll care or notice if you refrain from making it a Big Fucking Deal.

Of course you can..dss ended up living with us full time, I "parented him" but I wasn't his mother nor was I pretending to be.

I don't get the impression op is trying to make it a big fucking deal anyway!

anxiouslemons · 11/03/2023 18:28

CorvusPurpureus · 11/03/2023 17:25

Symbols not names. So if she is Stella, & your dc are Leo & Rose, a lion sniffing a rose with a lovely protective star overhead.

Get creative!

All very well and good until the kids are named Pam and Dave Grin

yesterdayisgone · 11/03/2023 18:38

What about 3 stars instead descending in size for their ages

Ilovelurchers · 12/03/2023 16:31

smellyflowers · 11/03/2023 07:59

Also if he leaves you you'll never see her again. So it's really odd.

Just wanted to say that that isn't necessarily true. I am still really close to my stepson and his dad broke up with me years ago!

Depends on lots of things but it's not a given (thankfully).

CorvusPurpureus · 12/03/2023 19:45

anxiouslemons · 11/03/2023 18:28

All very well and good until the kids are named Pam and Dave Grin

Show quote history

Yeah, so you would have 'honey' & 'beloved'.

Honey Monster with 😍 eyes totally works, right? Pffft. Or maybe a very smiley bee.

aSofaNearYou · 12/03/2023 20:37

Yeah your DH is being ridiculous. Just get the tattoo with your two DC's names. You don't have to make a big song and dance about it in front of her but it's your body, and there's no harm in her being aware you aren't her mother. She already has one.

aSofaNearYou · 12/03/2023 20:38

PoseyFlump · 11/03/2023 07:25

The answer is simple. Get a tattoo in your step daughters honour without it being her name. Let her choose it. In fact, include all the children in a discussion as they might come up with better ideas which will be more special to you.

Unless you have a very good relationship with the ex and can also speak to her about it.

Why is that the answer? What if she doesn't want a tattoo or in her honour, or indeed any tattoos designed by children?

smellyflowers · 12/03/2023 20:40

Ilovelurchers · 12/03/2023 16:31

Just wanted to say that that isn't necessarily true. I am still really close to my stepson and his dad broke up with me years ago!

Depends on lots of things but it's not a given (thankfully).

Show quote history

Ok let's put it the other way. If they split up she doesn't have any rights to seeing these children again even if she wanted to

smellyflowers · 12/03/2023 20:41

aSofaNearYou · 12/03/2023 20:38

Why is that the answer? What if she doesn't want a tattoo or in her honour, or indeed any tattoos designed by children?

Show quote history

Yeah I don't see how that's simple. OP doesn't really sound like she wants anything to do with DSC tattooed on her and that position should be respected

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 12/03/2023 21:24

I can just imagine the rage and frothing if a mum posted that her kids' stepmum got a tattoo of their names . Grin

smellyflowers · 12/03/2023 21:26

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 12/03/2023 21:24

I can just imagine the rage and frothing if a mum posted that her kids' stepmum got a tattoo of their names . Grin

Yeah my DSC's mum would be like WTH

Santasjingleballs · 12/03/2023 21:35

Quiet tacky and chavvy tbh

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