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Original poster

Tattoos of children’s names

99 replies

Courtniekeeper · 10/03/2023 17:23

I know it can be seen as tacky, but for years I’ve wanted to get my 2 children's names tattooed on my wrist. It’s taken a long time to get the courage as I have a huge fear of needles, but the appointment is booked and I’m going for it.
Issue is, my husband has a daughter from his previous relationship and thinks she will be left out if I don’t tattoo her name on me. I’ve been around for most of her life and treat her like one of my own, but I feel it’s going too far to include her name on my wrist. Of course I don’t want her to feel left out but she isn’t technically my child.
Am I being cruel for saying no? I mean where does it stop, I’m extremely close with my nephews but I wouldn’t add them. I just want my two biological children and think I’m being reasonable for that?

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 10/03/2023 18:47

Yanbu for not having her name tattooed but I think going ahead with your DCs names in this specific situation is a poor decision which could've quite hurtful.

If the tradition is important to you then I would wait until she is older and less likely to be upset by it.

Nosleepforthismum · 10/03/2023 19:00

I just wouldn’t get the tattoo. I would treat it as one of those things you have to compromise on when you marry someone who has a child. If you really do treat her as one of your own, you will put her feelings ahead of your wants (as you would do for your biological children).

As an aside, and possibly something else to consider, I would be truly mortified to discover that either of my parents had my name tattooed on them. I’m cringing thinking about it and I’m not totally sure why because I quite like tattoos on the whole!

doorwo · 10/03/2023 19:02

Could you maybe get something representative of your kids but not the literal names? I have my kids' birth flowers on my wrist, plus constellations for my mum and dad (they both managed to die around the birthdays, so I have Libra for Dad and Cancer for Mum - where the stars were when they came into and left the world. Or something. I don’t properly understand horoscopes or astronomy 😂)

Anyway. Your SD might not feel so left out compared to names if you get something symbolic

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BusterGroove · 10/03/2023 19:04

Could you maybe get your kids names on your wrist and then get each child (including DSD) to draw a heart and get that done on the other wrist or somewhere else?

I wouldn’t want a step child’s name on me in case I broke up with the dad, but equally I wouldn’t want her to feel unimportant, so if it was me I probably wouldn’t get it done until the kids were adults.

Newjobformoremoney · 10/03/2023 19:05

Hi OP
I want to get a tattoo of my daughter name. I won’t be getting my steps sons names. I am purposely waiting until they are older before I get it done. I personally feel it’s a complicated conversation to have with a child and honestly I wouldn’t want them to feel shit. They are 13&15 and it feels about the right time (but I’ll probably wait until the oldest is 18)

paulhollywoodshairgel · 10/03/2023 19:08

Could you put a little star or heart with her initials under your kids names? Just so she's there?

WarriorsComeOutToPlayay · 10/03/2023 19:09

It would be weird as fuck to get your step child’s name tattooed on you (given your explanation of relationship).

It would be cruel as fuck to tattoo your biological kids names and exclude her.

Maybe you just shouldn’t get a tattoo and should prioritise the feelings of a young child over a family tradition.

WindowGazers · 10/03/2023 19:09

Always found name tattoos odd. I have a tattoo of an image which is the definition of my son's name. The meaning is one of the reasons I chose it and it completely embodies his personality. Would find it really weird having his actual name tattooed on me. Kinda tacky, and not like I'm going to forget that.

WarriorsComeOutToPlayay · 10/03/2023 19:20

I posted earlier but will also post from a different perspective…

My sister and I are half sisters.

We share a Mum, my Dad is her stepdad.

If my Dad had got a tattoo of my name but not her name I would have felt so utterly ashamed of his action - to overtly display such favouritism of me and rejection of her would have made me think less of my Dad.

Ilovelurchers · 10/03/2023 19:22

Well, I love my stepson; we have a great relationship that has lasted way longer than my relationship with his dad; we are in touch probably most days over one thing or another (he's an adult now) - and if I proposed getting his name tattooed along with my daughter's he would think I had gone completely bat-shit crazy!

OP, every blended family is different (I guess every family is different) - you and your husband are best placed to know how your step-daughter might feel about it. If there genuinely is a real risk it would seriously upset her then I would say just don't get it done - but from an outside point of view it's hard to imagine a step-child feeling SO strongly about their step-mom that they would resent this, when the child's actual mom is still alive and on the scene.....

Could you talk to her and explain you are not getting her name done because it would seem disrespectful to her mom, but that it does not alter the fact you love her very much? An 11 year old could definitely get behind that, I would think ....

keffie12 · 10/03/2023 19:28

Courtniekeeper · 10/03/2023 18:02

Stressyfab - thanks that’s interesting to know.
I believe her mum has tattoos but DH hasn’t got any or any interest in them.

Your DH hasn't even taken into account that her mom might not like it as well

Redhouseyellowhouse · 10/03/2023 19:34

What’s her name? (You don’t need to share this obviously!). Is there anything that links to it a bit tenuously that you can work into the design? E.g. if she is called Margaret you could get some daisies worked into the design?

BevMarsh · 10/03/2023 19:34

Sorry nrtft but I'd not want my child's name tattooed on another woman.
In fact I'd be furious.

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 10/03/2023 20:04

I wouldn’t be able to exclude her in that way, but wouldn’t want to tattoo her name either so I think I’d wait and judge it in a couple of years or do as others have suggested and get something that symbolises them.

Jackandjamie · 10/03/2023 20:08

I think this is a really hurtful thing to do purely because it’s just so unnecessary. There’s so many things you could get tattooed but you’re choosing something that separates your step daughter that you ‘treat as your own’. That’s just so hurtful and something that will stay with her at that age. Just don’t do it and pick something else.

BubziOwl · 10/03/2023 20:15

It would be bonkers to get your stepdaughter's name who you see EOW and describe yourself as an "Aunty figure" to tattooed on your body.

But equally, if excluding her has the potential to cause upset then I think it would be cruel to get the tattoos. Just don't get any of their names, or wait until your SD is old enough to understand.

Btw, I don't think anyone's saying you're a bad step mum. They're just pointing out it's contradictory to say you treat her like your own child but then later describe yourself as an Aunty figure who sees her EOW.

Giggorata · 10/03/2023 20:21

If I were your 11 year old stepchild, I think I would wonder why I was left out.

We adults can discuss all the finer points and reach sensible conclusions, but we aren’tlooking at it from the point of view of a child.

halfsiesonapotnoodle · 10/03/2023 20:43

Not read the full thread but it's very awkward in this situation. Name tattoos are really naff and chavvy. They all end up navy blue, ugly and smudged, so why not avoid altogether and buy a beautiful, classic bracelet with all the names on instead?

Northernsouloldies · 10/03/2023 20:45

Or just don't get inked and save yourself the should I, shouldn't I dilemma. And as for family tradition that's just odd.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 10/03/2023 21:04

I'm from a blended family and I still wouldn't have any names of children I hadn't birthed myself tattooed on me.
If dad thinks she will feel left out I'm sure he's got enough skin to have her name tattooed on himself.

saymynamex · 10/03/2023 21:05

I have all our birth flowers on my foot rather than names. That way if my DP leaves I will just find someone who was born in the same birth month!

Ellacska · 10/03/2023 23:56

Courtniekeeper · 10/03/2023 17:23

I know it can be seen as tacky, but for years I’ve wanted to get my 2 children's names tattooed on my wrist. It’s taken a long time to get the courage as I have a huge fear of needles, but the appointment is booked and I’m going for it.
Issue is, my husband has a daughter from his previous relationship and thinks she will be left out if I don’t tattoo her name on me. I’ve been around for most of her life and treat her like one of my own, but I feel it’s going too far to include her name on my wrist. Of course I don’t want her to feel left out but she isn’t technically my child.
Am I being cruel for saying no? I mean where does it stop, I’m extremely close with my nephews but I wouldn’t add them. I just want my two biological children and think I’m being reasonable for that?

It is your body.
Tell your husband he can tattoo it on himself.

Toooldtoworry · 11/03/2023 07:00

Ilovelurchers · 10/03/2023 19:22

Well, I love my stepson; we have a great relationship that has lasted way longer than my relationship with his dad; we are in touch probably most days over one thing or another (he's an adult now) - and if I proposed getting his name tattooed along with my daughter's he would think I had gone completely bat-shit crazy!

OP, every blended family is different (I guess every family is different) - you and your husband are best placed to know how your step-daughter might feel about it. If there genuinely is a real risk it would seriously upset her then I would say just don't get it done - but from an outside point of view it's hard to imagine a step-child feeling SO strongly about their step-mom that they would resent this, when the child's actual mom is still alive and on the scene.....

Could you talk to her and explain you are not getting her name done because it would seem disrespectful to her mom, but that it does not alter the fact you love her very much? An 11 year old could definitely get behind that, I would think ....

This^^

Cassiehopes · 11/03/2023 07:03

I love my stepmom but I’d find it SO weird if she tattooed my name on her! I’d be fine if she got her bio kids though.

peppapigstoenails · 11/03/2023 07:07

MrsDoylesDoily · 10/03/2023 18:02

That's fine but at least own it and stop claiming you treat her like one of your own.

It's a silly thing to claim.

Show quote history

Why is it silly?

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