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Original poster

Tattoos of children’s names

99 replies

Courtniekeeper · 10/03/2023 17:23

I know it can be seen as tacky, but for years I’ve wanted to get my 2 children's names tattooed on my wrist. It’s taken a long time to get the courage as I have a huge fear of needles, but the appointment is booked and I’m going for it.
Issue is, my husband has a daughter from his previous relationship and thinks she will be left out if I don’t tattoo her name on me. I’ve been around for most of her life and treat her like one of my own, but I feel it’s going too far to include her name on my wrist. Of course I don’t want her to feel left out but she isn’t technically my child.
Am I being cruel for saying no? I mean where does it stop, I’m extremely close with my nephews but I wouldn’t add them. I just want my two biological children and think I’m being reasonable for that?

OP posts:
Verylongtime · 10/03/2023 18:04

MrsDoylesDoily · 10/03/2023 17:59

What does this have to do with the OP saying she treats her step-daughter like one of her own, but not wanting to tattoo her name on her arm along with her own?

Show quote history

A lot. She says “as everyone has their children’s names tattooed”. I want to know who “everyone” is. If the “family tradition” is that parents, male and female, tattoo the names, but stepparents never do, only parents, then the girl will already be tattooed on her mum’s wrist.

EarringsandLipstick · 10/03/2023 18:05

It's obviously your choice regarding a tattoo.

It's equally completely strange to add the name of a child that isn't yours.

However, it's a poor choice IMO to do it at all - it does have the potential to cause hurt, and will highlight to SD that she's not the same.

I wouldn't do it for those reasons.

onionringcheeseypuff · 10/03/2023 18:08

It's absolutely fine to have your children's names tattooed on you and not your stepdaughter

Nothing can change your children from being your children but your stepdaughter may not always be your stepdaughter as sad as it is to think like that and you love her like a family member but not as your own child, you haven't adopted her she has her own parents

No matter anyone's opinion on names as tattoos it is still always your choice to put on your body what you want

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Beauty
Verylongtime · 10/03/2023 18:09

can’t you do a piece of jewellery with their names in instead…?
Or assign a symbol for each child and have them tattooed instead? Heart? Flower? Star?

Original poster
Courtniekeeper · 10/03/2023 18:09

What makes you sure I don’t treat her like my own because I don’t want her name tattooed on me? They’re entirely separate things! I don’t need to prove or justify myself, but she is and always will be treated exactly how I treat my own children in terms of care, attention and love.

The ‘family tradition’ is my own family, not my step daughters, so grandparents to parents and so on. There aren’t any step parents in my family so I have nothing to go by for that, but it’s something I wanted to ‘take part’ in since I was a child myself. My step daughter doesn’t see me as a mum so I don’t think she would be offended, but I guess the only way to find out is to ask her mother.

OP posts:
Lostmyway86 · 10/03/2023 18:10

I would never get my DSDs names tattooed, if I did their mum and them would think it very odd! I don't think they'd bat an eyelid if I got my DCs names tattooed on. Everyone saying you should is totally bizarre. I have a fantastic relationship with my DSDs but that would weird them out. They're preteen age too.

ourflagmeansdeath · 10/03/2023 18:11

Courtniekeeper · 10/03/2023 18:09

What makes you sure I don’t treat her like my own because I don’t want her name tattooed on me? They’re entirely separate things! I don’t need to prove or justify myself, but she is and always will be treated exactly how I treat my own children in terms of care, attention and love.

The ‘family tradition’ is my own family, not my step daughters, so grandparents to parents and so on. There aren’t any step parents in my family so I have nothing to go by for that, but it’s something I wanted to ‘take part’ in since I was a child myself. My step daughter doesn’t see me as a mum so I don’t think she would be offended, but I guess the only way to find out is to ask her mother.

Well then ask her mother what she'd be comfortable with. If she doesn't want you to do that, then the issue is solved anyway

Cocobutt · 10/03/2023 18:14

Tbh I think it would be a bit odd if you got her name tattooed too but I think it’s lovely you are so caring.

Maybe you could get something personalised with her name on like a plaque for her bedroom door or something.
So she feels included but without an actual tattoo.

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 18:15

What makes you sure I don’t treat her like my own because I don’t want her name tattooed on me?

Because you are thinking about having your children's names tattooed? Also because you said you are not a mum figure to her!

FWIW I wouldn't have the name of someone else's child who I saw EOW tattooed on me either.

Tisfortired · 10/03/2023 18:17

Instead of names, could you have a tattoo of the
flowers in season when they were born or something similar? I have a tattoo of a bouquet of the birth flowers of both my sons - perhaps this would be a nice way to include your SD aswell without having to tattoo her name.

PlateBilledDuckyPerson · 10/03/2023 18:18

Tisfortired · 10/03/2023 18:17

Instead of names, could you have a tattoo of the
flowers in season when they were born or something similar? I have a tattoo of a bouquet of the birth flowers of both my sons - perhaps this would be a nice way to include your SD aswell without having to tattoo her name.

That's a good idea.

lulalulalula · 10/03/2023 18:20

You could have your two children's dates of birth plus the date you met DP, as that could be the date that stepdaughter became part of your family, maybe?

Original poster
Courtniekeeper · 10/03/2023 18:22

But she’s not my child and she has a mum so of course I’m not? If I claimed she was mine and implied I see myself as her mum then I’d be wrong for that and disrespectful towards her actual mum. It’s not my place to take that role. I can still treat her like my child and do so what’s your issue?
Thank you all for the rational responses, a lot to think about.

OP posts:
WinterMusings · 10/03/2023 18:22

Could you maybe talk to her about it & says you're going to get the little girls names tattoos on your wrist, but that you don't want too upset her Mum, but you'd like her included so would she like to help you choose something to represent her (show her some you'd be happy to have between your girls names? (Rose/paw prints/heat/moon/whatever...)

ZebraKid71 · 10/03/2023 18:25

As a child who had a step mum I would have felt really pushed out by this. (It wouldn't make me get a step child's name tattooed, but it would stop me getting my own if a step child was to be excluded.)

On the flip side, as a mum with kids I would feel really weird if someone else had my kids names tattooed on them.

I just wouldn't get any of their names done. Get something meaningful that represents them instead of their actual names maybe?

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 18:25

Courtniekeeper · 10/03/2023 18:22

But she’s not my child and she has a mum so of course I’m not? If I claimed she was mine and implied I see myself as her mum then I’d be wrong for that and disrespectful towards her actual mum. It’s not my place to take that role. I can still treat her like my child and do so what’s your issue?
Thank you all for the rational responses, a lot to think about.

But you said you were like an aunt to her? So that's not treating her like your child. Just as well really, given she has a mum. I don't think you are wrong about not having her name tattooed on you, but the strange 'treat her as my own' thing makes no sense.

MsCunk · 10/03/2023 18:28

I would hit the roof if my ex's wife tattooed the names of my children onto her skin.

mamamilkmachine · 10/03/2023 18:28

I have just had my daughters name, she's 5 and I got her to write it! The tattooist scanned it in and printed it out, so I have her handwriting on me! I don't think you're in the wrong either, I wouldn't get a step childs name on myself

mamamilkmachine · 10/03/2023 18:29

Can't he go and get her name?

mamamilkmachine · 10/03/2023 18:30

You could get your stepdaughter to draw a nice flower or something and get that for her?

Guis23 · 10/03/2023 18:32

What matters here is the potential impact on all of your children.

Nothing else.

Mutabiliss · 10/03/2023 18:37

I think this could be hugely damaging to the relationship you have with her. She's 11, it's a tricky age and making any difference to her step-siblings obvious could well really upset her.

If you must do it, wait until she's older and no longer spending EOW with you.

Hartlebury · 10/03/2023 18:40

I've got my daughter's name on me. I'd be pretty annoyed if her step mum had it as well.

I wouldn't tattoo my step children's names or expect my partner to have my daughter's either.

Your body, your choice.

Original poster
Courtniekeeper · 10/03/2023 18:41

Well you’re very dedicated to imply I’m a bad step parent considering you don’t know me or my relationship with my step daughter!😄

Lots of great suggestions thank you. I love the idea of having the children handwrite their names and also the symbols!

OP posts:
moonpixel · 10/03/2023 18:44

Courtniekeeper · 10/03/2023 18:41

Well you’re very dedicated to imply I’m a bad step parent considering you don’t know me or my relationship with my step daughter!😄

Lots of great suggestions thank you. I love the idea of having the children handwrite their names and also the symbols!

Literally nobody is saying this?

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