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Original poster

What do private schools do that state schools don't?

488 replies

Mommymoments · 09/03/2023 12:24

For me the local private does
Weekly swimming
Learning an orchestra instrument (extra cost)
Debating
Language (Spanish, French, German & afterschool Latin, Mandarin & Russian)
Yoga
Hockey & Lacrosse
Lots of sporting & drama opportunities
Excellent field trips out of school
Ski trip from Y7 onwards..

Would love all that for my dc's but can't afford it. But would love to hear about all the nice extras your dc's get at their private.

OP posts:
Plirtle · 09/03/2023 15:18

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/03/2023 15:17

Well, I don't think that state schools necessarily are worse schools as I don't particularly value the smaller class sizes, swishier facilities etc. I think the teaching is generally at least as good in state schools, and I think there is a lot of value doing extracurricular stuff outside of school where they can meet different groups of people. So for me, it isn't a question of sucking up a "worse" school in order to expose my dc to socioeconomic diversity.

That exposure is, however, a benefit of going to a state comprehensive as far as I'm concerned. I know that this won't matter to a lot of people, especially those with different political views to my own, but it's actually very important to me that my dd grows up to be a good, responsible citizen. And in order be a good citizen, I think it is necessary to really understand the society that she lives in. You don't really get that from watching the news or brief interactions in passing. You do learn quite a lot from getting to know and understand people from a wide variety of different backgrounds by going through several years of schooling alongside them. The insights that I gained from my own state comp have certainly shaped me, my values and indeed my career. And I want the same for my dd. I want her to be aware of her own privilege. I want her to be aware of the society around her. She absolutely would not have got that from any of the local private schools.

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Yes she would, if you model it at home.

Ivesaidenough · 09/03/2023 15:19

My DC have friends at private school. The main difference seems to be sport - the private schools do a great deal more. At our state secondary sport is done every two weeks, whereas the private schools seem to do it daily.

Lastofyou · 09/03/2023 15:19

MarmaladeFatkins · 09/03/2023 15:10

the repeated ascertain on here that private schools are very diverse is weird. they just aren't. maybe they appear that way if you live in a very white area/bubble compared to the rest of YOUR life. they aren't diverse for the kids that aren't white/middle or upper class

But you are also only speaking anecdotally. I have one DC and private, the other three at state schools. The private school has far more ethnic diversity than the state school. So my anecdotal evidence directly contradicts what you're saying.

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Plirtle · 09/03/2023 15:19

Also let's not pretend that all state school.kids are beacons of tolerance and understanding!

Level7wannabee · 09/03/2023 15:19

MarmaladeFatkins · 09/03/2023 15:10

the repeated ascertain on here that private schools are very diverse is weird. they just aren't. maybe they appear that way if you live in a very white area/bubble compared to the rest of YOUR life. they aren't diverse for the kids that aren't white/middle or upper class

I guess you've never ventured into rural UK where most people are white. And private school provides cultural diversity 😚

I live in rural UK and ethnic minorities do not exist here. Its awful and embarrassing! And quite racist.

Guis23 · 09/03/2023 15:20

Ivesaidenough · 09/03/2023 15:19

My DC have friends at private school. The main difference seems to be sport - the private schools do a great deal more. At our state secondary sport is done every two weeks, whereas the private schools seem to do it daily.

Cricket will not be off the agenda either.

DanceMonster · 09/03/2023 15:20

Level7wannabee · 09/03/2023 15:19

I guess you've never ventured into rural UK where most people are white. And private school provides cultural diversity 😚

I live in rural UK and ethnic minorities do not exist here. Its awful and embarrassing! And quite racist.

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Yes. My DC’s current state primary is 99.9% white British.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/03/2023 15:20

SavBlancTonight · 09/03/2023 15:10

Why is it SO important to you that a child has first hand exposure to the grittier aspects of life? Honestly, it sounds a bit patronising, like you’re some kind of poverty tourist.

I say gritty as opposed to different, as private schools actually generally
contain a huge range of children - both in ability and culture. In my children’s private school there is massive range of abilities and about 8 different nationalities in one small class.

You say this about your private school experience, great. But that' just not what I see in the private schools around me. Diversity of culture, yes. But otherwise, not so much. Even when children have additional needs, well looked after by their private school, it's not the extreme ends of behaviour we see in state schools. I know a family whose ASD daughter was tossed out of a private school, even though that school claims to have a "supportive" culture that can accommodate SEN children.

But why is it important to me? Because lots of private schools are churning out young people who will go onto be leaders in their chosen fields and I'm tired of this country's leadership (in politics, but in lots of other areas too) being completely clueless about the challenges the rest of the population face. I'm tired of politicians who don't understand why single mums need more help and can't just "get a job in McDonalds". I'm tired of city firm leaders who think it's okay that they only want to recruit from a tiny number of universities. I'm tired of seeing people who have lots of skills and smarts being overlooked for promotion because they don't necessarily look and sound the same as the people in charge.

Yep, exactly.

The kind of people who grow up in a bubble where being poor means having to shop from Aldi instead of Waitrose so that parents can afford the school fees.

I know a lot of privately educated kids. In my experience, the vast majority are distinctly lacking in awareness about the society that they live in. Yet many of them will presumably go on to influential positions in the future without ever really understanding anything outside their own bubble.

SavBlancTonight · 09/03/2023 15:21

Plirtle · 09/03/2023 15:15

Ours is. It has a boarding option. Lots of African, Asian, European kids. American in dds year. But as I said before, they are not economically diverse- they are all rich, usually far richer than the UK kids.

"Even when children have additional needs, well looked after by their private school, it's not the extreme ends of behaviour we see in state schools" OK, I'll say it - I don't particularly feel my dd is missing out by not having to witness extremes of behaviour. I'm not sure why being in a class with someone showing extremely challenging behaviour is desirable. It's not a zoo 🙄

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That's not an unreasonable point and certainly says more about the inadequacies of state schools than it does about problems with private schools. But overall, private school children and their families are often surprisingly oblivious to how other people live. As a poster upthread pointed out - talking about people cutting back to afford private school is, in itself, a sign of a relatively wealthy bubble.

DanceMonster · 09/03/2023 15:21

Plirtle · 09/03/2023 15:19

Also let's not pretend that all state school.kids are beacons of tolerance and understanding!

Quite. Anyone remotely different is seen as fair game for bullying at our state secondary.

Level7wannabee · 09/03/2023 15:22

Same @DanceMonster - I'm wondering if we live in the same area.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 09/03/2023 15:22

MarmaladeFatkins · 09/03/2023 15:10

the repeated ascertain on here that private schools are very diverse is weird. they just aren't. maybe they appear that way if you live in a very white area/bubble compared to the rest of YOUR life. they aren't diverse for the kids that aren't white/middle or upper class

I live in a London borough that is majority non-white. Private schools are not economically diverse - I am not going to argue that point. It's simply that there are plenty of wealthy ethnic minority parents where we live who are equally happy to spend money on private education as white parents. What annoyed me about the post I quoted previously is the tacit assumption that only white parents are in a position to chose private schools.

BellePeppa · 09/03/2023 15:23

My kids went to private school but we were honestly most likely the poorest ones there, I’m working class who got given an opportunity to send them there. They didn’t do any of the trips abroad, have never gone skiing in their life, or learnt a musical instrument there (or any of the extra curricular activities like tennis or cricket). They both self taught an instrument in their own time and didn’t learn any languages other than Spanish (which they didn’t pursue to GCSE). What they did get though were smaller classes, a strong family feel to the school (everyone knows everyone to one degree or another), and an expectation to do the work - no one wanted to be bottom of the class. They’re not the slightest bit up themselves or ‘posh’ but I definitely think it helped going to state primary first.

Southwestten · 09/03/2023 15:24

Having met an unfortunately large number of private school children through my job, they seem to teach the children that they're superior to others, backed up by many of the parents

Well that didn’t take long - only 4 posts in.
Arethereanyleftatall May I ask what job you have that you have to meet all these ghastly private school children?

BellePeppa · 09/03/2023 15:26

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 09/03/2023 15:22

I live in a London borough that is majority non-white. Private schools are not economically diverse - I am not going to argue that point. It's simply that there are plenty of wealthy ethnic minority parents where we live who are equally happy to spend money on private education as white parents. What annoyed me about the post I quoted previously is the tacit assumption that only white parents are in a position to chose private schools.

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Definitely not in the school my children went to. A lot of (very well off) Asian, and Middle Eastern families there as well as Eastern European.

Southwestten · 09/03/2023 15:27

WimpoleHat · Today 12:37
My DDs are at private school. Most of it is bullshit, quite honestly

Then why on earth are you wasting your money? If I’d thought our dcs’ private school were rubbish we’d have moved them elsewhere.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/03/2023 15:27

I certainly don't think private schools are overwhelmingly white. That isn't true of the ones near us at all. They are, however, overwhelmingly middle class!

Plirtle · 09/03/2023 15:29

Southwestten · 09/03/2023 15:24

Having met an unfortunately large number of private school children through my job, they seem to teach the children that they're superior to others, backed up by many of the parents

Well that didn’t take long - only 4 posts in.
Arethereanyleftatall May I ask what job you have that you have to meet all these ghastly private school children?

Social media commentator.

Silverperch · 09/03/2023 15:29

Where I'm from, a breathtaking sense of inflation, entitlement and superiority. It seems to carry them through into uni but not that much further and I know of privately educated kids who get a pretty solid reality check at some point and either learn from it or don't.

SavBlancTonight · 09/03/2023 15:29

One thing I will acknowledge, is that it's quite easy for me to feel strongly that I don't want my children to go to private school because I live in a relatively affluent area and we are in the lucky position of having excellent state schools around us. Both of my DC have excellent choices of outsanding single sex and co-educational state schools within easy reach. I appreciate that for others it really does come down to quality of education because their state school options just aren't that good.

But I think finding ways to make more state schools as good as the ones my DC attend is something I'd like to see prioritised. And I'm not sure that a bunch of privately educated government ministers will ever truly understand the value or the challenges of doing that.

Plirtle · 09/03/2023 15:31

SavBlancTonight · 09/03/2023 15:21

That's not an unreasonable point and certainly says more about the inadequacies of state schools than it does about problems with private schools. But overall, private school children and their families are often surprisingly oblivious to how other people live. As a poster upthread pointed out - talking about people cutting back to afford private school is, in itself, a sign of a relatively wealthy bubble.

Show quote history

I'm sure plenty of state school kids would have no idea about some aspects of dds life either.

RampantIvy · 09/03/2023 15:32

I live in an area with a much lower than average ethnic minority population. The private school we looked at in the next city had far more diversity than the state comprehensive that my daughter ended up going to.

They are, however, overwhelmingly middle class!

Yes, very. When out with my friends, we were talking about politics. The one with privately educated children would never, ever vote anything but Tory. The rest of us would never, ever vote Tory. Luckily her DS has seen the light and is not a Tory voter Grin

Plirtle · 09/03/2023 15:32

SavBlancTonight · 09/03/2023 15:29

One thing I will acknowledge, is that it's quite easy for me to feel strongly that I don't want my children to go to private school because I live in a relatively affluent area and we are in the lucky position of having excellent state schools around us. Both of my DC have excellent choices of outsanding single sex and co-educational state schools within easy reach. I appreciate that for others it really does come down to quality of education because their state school options just aren't that good.

But I think finding ways to make more state schools as good as the ones my DC attend is something I'd like to see prioritised. And I'm not sure that a bunch of privately educated government ministers will ever truly understand the value or the challenges of doing that.

I totally agree.

Grimbelina · 09/03/2023 15:33

I have children in both private and state. Obviously it depends where you like but there is very little difference in opportunity that I can see. Academically they are very similar. I do think the larger class (over 30) in the state means my child there is a little less 'seen' than the one in private in a class of 12 but this may have motivated them to audition for all the school plays etc. I also worry about the sense of entitlement of the private school cohort, it is quite something (and I hate it!).

Plirtle · 09/03/2023 15:33

RampantIvy · 09/03/2023 15:32

I live in an area with a much lower than average ethnic minority population. The private school we looked at in the next city had far more diversity than the state comprehensive that my daughter ended up going to.

They are, however, overwhelmingly middle class!

Yes, very. When out with my friends, we were talking about politics. The one with privately educated children would never, ever vote anything but Tory. The rest of us would never, ever vote Tory. Luckily her DS has seen the light and is not a Tory voter Grin

Well you'd have to be a bit dumb to vote Labour if you intend to use private schools in the next 10 years. I know plenty of friends who vote Lib dem.