What do private schools do that state schools don't?

[Mommymoments]

For me the local private does
Weekly swimming
Learning an orchestra instrument (extra cost)
Debating
Language (Spanish, French, German & afterschool Latin, Mandarin & Russian)
Yoga
Hockey & Lacrosse
Lots of sporting & drama opportunities
Excellent field trips out of school
Ski trip from Y7 onwards..

Would love all that for my dc's but can't afford it. But would love to hear about all the nice extras your dc's get at their private.

Mine are at state primary and will be going to private secondary. Their state primary is fab and I’m glad we chose it over a prep.

This may be more apparent depending on the school and Where you live. Admittedly I haven't looked at the source and data yet but I will do as I find this hard to believe. I would like to see the breakdown of the different ethnicities. This figure may also include international students,

We live in a reasonably sized house, not anywhere near massive but enough that the kids didn’t outgrow it when they became teenagers. Although my kids went to private senior we were definitely the ‘poor’ ones compared to most of the school. I took my son to a classmate’s party once and my jaw dropped when I saw their house, the sort of thing you’d find on those programmes about dream homes etc. I honestly worried for a bit that he’d come home and complain about our house (it needs a lot of work doing and is nowhere near a ‘show’ home) as theirs was so gorgeous when I asked what he thought of it he actually said he didn’t like it, it wasn’t cosy and he much preferred our house. Phew.

I went to a ‘tough’ London comprehensive and one of my classmates came round to my house, looked it up and down and declared how small it was and rude about it being a council house. I felt humiliated and very upset at how a friend could be such an insensitive cow. I got ‘teased’ more than once by others in my class for living on a council estate and this from a bloody state comp!

We live in a nice but very bog standard house, with a 20 year old kitchen that is serviceable but not Instagram worthy. We will almost certainly be one of the least affluent families at the independent school our children will be going to. We can’t afford a new kitchen as we’re saving all our money for the fees 😂

In my own experience nobody cared about house size at school (private). Some of my friends had enormous houses, another lived on a farm, but many lived in modest houses. It's probably a bit vulgar and impolite to discuss and compare house size or money-related topics. Just didn't happen.

My boyfriend as a teenager (from state background) is the only person I've known to comment on the type of house one of my friends had. He said something about not understanding how someone could live in a small terraced house. It put me off him quite honestly. Rude and snobbish.

This is my experience too. DH and a lot of his friends are privately educated and none of them would be so rude as to comment on other peoples houses/cars/income etc. DH would say it’s ‘gauche’ to comment on that sort of thing!

The main thing is not having to endure the horrific behaviour of other students. Toilets a no go area because of vaping and 'up skirting' under the cubicle doors and spending hours a week outside in the cold and rain as someone has set the fire alarm off again fur a laugh.

So much inverted snobbery on this thread. I have friends like this who sneer at private school and yet cannot see that moving house and tutoring their DC to get into the best grammar/state school is a very similar thing. We all do what we can to give our kids opportunity in whatever form that may be and through whatever means we have whether that be financial or not. If the system were equal then we wouldn't need private schools but it's not so people will continue to seek advantage where they can.

Yes, we all just want to do what is best ("however" an individual defines best which will differ between us) for our children. That is a moral good, not a moral wrong. Plenty of parents think it is ludicrous particularly where I live in London that you would pay school fees as there are lots of differents kinds of state schools here but thatr was my choice and others will make other choices. Luckily we still live in a UK where parents can even educated children at home (as our late Queen was educated) if they choose, as was my son's sixth form friend (fee paying sixth form) until he had done his GCSEs.

I went to private school and thought I was poor (I wasn't) and better than everyone else.

I look back and cringe.
It's for that reason that I chose the local state school (very bog standard comp that no one would move house or bust a gut to get into) for my own children. My view is that they are more rounded individuals than I was at the same age. I suspect DS who is less self motivated might have achieved more highly at a private school, but I don't think it will have made a difference to his long term trajectory. DD has achieved highly at the bog standard comp.

I would be happy to be told that private schools instill different views in children these days, but sadly after spending a day with my privately educated very arrogant niece recently (at one point about to make a disparaging remark about state schools remembered in time, that her cousins went to one and stopped herself), I'm not convinced. Of course, that might just be her. I'm sure there are lots of lovely private school children. And my children certainly know lots of unlovely state school children, just to balance it out.

So many people on this thread who seem to dislike their nieces/nephews/god children/friends’ children.

The really obvious difference this week has been that all the state schools closed in the snow and the private ones remained open.
And next week they will remain open through the teachers strikes too.

At 6th form level I would say more parental involvement.

At my DCs state 6th form college there are no parents evenings unless your DC is struggling .

There is a lot of help with uni applications but for the students, parents are not invited to evenings to explain the various options or open days . It's for the students to sign themselves up for these.

I read on here sometimes ppl saying their DC or DCs friends are 'top of their cohort ' for their subjects and wonder how on earth they know as its not the sort of thing that's ever discussed at my dcs comprehensive school or 6th form.

There's no parental involvement at my dds private school. It is predominantly a boarding school so everything is organised between the student and the teacher. I'm sure they get a few emails from parents!

This is a good point. Children who are driven off for a long school day in a different area risk losing the chance to make local friends. At least that was the case where I grew up.

I wonder if they’re interacting with said children with an established bias against them.

it’s funny how if a privately educated kid is a bit of a twat it’s entirely because of the school, yet the reaction would be very different if someone said ‘my state educated nephew is horrible. I’d never send mine to state school lest they turn out like him’.

also: ‘I want my kids to be exposed to all walks of life’, which reads a bit like poverty tourism at a human petting zoo.

I'd put money on some of the posters not having met a child from private school in the last 5 years.

I have 1 child in early primary at a private school. Things noticed;

• more facilities eg full size athletics track, huge gym, olympic size outdoor pool plus a smaller indoor pool, tennis courts, small size theatre and separate auditorium, science /laboratory block. The school grounds, fields , play areas are perfectly landscaped and maintained etc
• our class sizes aren’t particularly smaller (27-28 kids per class) but have a teacher-aide assisting
• languages taught from kindergarten
• art, music, language and P.E classes taught by an independent teacher
• lots of extra curricular clubs - drama, chess, gymnastics etc
• intense focus on education and hitting their benchmarks. Lots of tests and assessments. I have my child in tutoring twice a week as they were falling behind in some subjects (creative writing, handwriting ). My child loves STEM subjects though. The school definitely promotes itself as a pathway to tertiary education by making the older students do particujar subjects etc.
• chaplaincy and guidance counselling that participate and monitor the students.
• lots of homework although the teachers never give you strict instructions I think it’s too much for 5-7 yo’s. I was supervising 45 mins to 1 hr 5/6 days per week when in Y1
• parents are all from different walks of life. There are some that are clearly sacrificing a lot to put their kids in private school and others are very wealthy and don’t give it a second thought. I haven’t experienced it as being overly cliquey or snobbish. Everyone is friendly and wants a rounded and nurturing education at the school.
• my DH and I weren’t educated privately but went to a top tier state school. We’re pretty jealous at all the things offered to kids in these types of schools. In my dream world everybody would get the same start in life until they turn 18 yo.

What people mean when they say "network" is actually segregation from those people who can't afford / meet the admissions criteria for private school. Not all of those people are unsavoury, of course. But it does rather nicely exclude all of the unsavoury people.

That's the plain and simple truth.

Same as on the National Trust thread a while back ... there is a difference between a park that can be attended by anyone (drunks, drug addicts, peope who let their dogs shit everywhere, kids with asbos etc.) or a park that can only be attended by 'members' paying a £7 a month subscription. The difference isn't the open space, the fresh air, the nature, or even the cafe and the car park. The difference is not having to share your life with the great unwashed. And it's worth every penny.

It’s more like becoming acquainted with someone that can provide your child with an internship at a reputable company, for example.

As far as segregation goes, I’m not sure how that’s different from a parent choosing to send their child to a ‘leafy’ comp rated excellent by ofsted, over a poorly rated school in special measures.

I wonder if they’re interacting with said children with an established bias against them.

Of course they are and at the same time encouraging their dc to sneer at privately educated children for being posh, stupid, stuck up …derogatory adjective of choice.

We spent a few years in Scandinavia and Germany. Particularly in Germany, schools are streamed at the secondary level. There is almost a stigma attached to the private schools - the children are perceived to have been unable or unlikely to get into an academically rigorous State school/have had difficulties working with their peer group/are in need of a lot of support/the parents are unable to give them support/etc.

Ok, so say the next Labour government get rid of private schools. What will happen to the buildings and facilities?

They'll be donated to all the state schools for all the children to enjoy! And upkeep! And maintain!

Good to see the Germans are as judgemental as the British 😅