What do private schools do that state schools don't?

[Mommymoments]

For me the local private does
Weekly swimming
Learning an orchestra instrument (extra cost)
Debating
Language (Spanish, French, German & afterschool Latin, Mandarin & Russian)
Yoga
Hockey & Lacrosse
Lots of sporting & drama opportunities
Excellent field trips out of school
Ski trip from Y7 onwards..

Would love all that for my dc's but can't afford it. But would love to hear about all the nice extras your dc's get at their private.

Unless all your private schools are terrible I'd imagine there are actually kids who choose to go there.

Why on earth is that so amazing to you? Do you only ever associate with people who live identical lives to your own? My dd goes to a state comprehensive but we don't live in a ghetto!

I have lots of friends who were privately educated themselves - from university (Oxbridge), from time spent living overseas and quite a lot of former colleagues as well. Many, though not all, have chosen to send their kids through the private sector as well - often without ever really every considering the state options.

I have friends who went through the state sector themselves but have chosen to send their kids private. Then there are friends of my dd, both from her state primary school and from her extracurricular activities, who are currently in the private system. And DH has friends whose kids are privately educated too.

I also used to work with young people and encountered hundreds from both state and private schools through that experience.

It's interesting that you make assumptions about their political leanings, too. You have quite rightly deduced that I am no Tory, but many of them are not Tory either (some are🙄) and would be horrified to be described as such!

We certainly aren't in the heart of the local private school social scene (thankfully!) but we do quite often have privately educated children in our house - dd's friends, the kids of our friends when they come to stay with us.

It's interesting that you find this so unbelievable. Do you think most private school parents would encourage their kids to avoid mixing with state school oiks or something? Surely it is perfectly natural to maintain friendships from primary school etc, regardless of which schools kids go on to? And again, quite natural to forge close friendships through activities such as drama, music etc?

I am more surprised that there are private school kids who apparently never interact with anyone outside of the private school bubble. That sounds quite unhealthy to me.

I think there are some people who don't have children at private school and have never attended one themselves but seem to have a good deal of insight into private schools. A lot of hearsay.

They aren't great.
Even the prep schools here are geared up for 11+ rather than moving up because that's what the parents want.
First choice is generally one of the (several) grammars

Once I left school (state) all friends, colleagues etc I’ve met since (many decades worth) I’ve never once asked whether they went to state or private school. My kids went to state primary then private senior. I’ve no idea if the mums/dads of the kids at their private were state or privately educated themselves. I’ve never asked colleagues at work what education their children are getting (and wouldn’t know the kids anyway). So what I’m saying is people saying they know loads of privately educated kids (usually followed by how awful they are) makes me wonder how they know them all if their not sending their kids to private themselves (a lot of friendships are made at the school gates).

I guess they would mix if they had friends at the state school through hobbies etc, otherwise they are unlikely to meet.

Really? That's very different from our experience, so I stand corrected. It seems stupid to run a school ski trip only for kids who clearly have the chance to go skiing outside of school in any case. What is the point of that, I won

It is a private school but I still think it's not seen as educational trip as such more as a nice extra we offer if you want and can afford it. That maybe be once during your time at the school, never or every year. But my point is the take up is not really a yearly regular event for those who have because they go with their families anyway.

Honestly @MrsBennetsPoorNerves , according to your long involved posts, your dd seems to be getting a private education in all but name, and for free, so not sure why you are so keen to discredit and disparage them. I can assure you most private school parents have never had one thought about the state schools nearby.

Oh sorry - other than she sees poor people of course.

My eldest son, although privately educated in senior school, has kept his best friends from state primary. In fact all through his private education his closest group of friends, who would hang out at our house, were all in the local state comp. He is still good friends with some of his former (private) school friends but his really close ‘mates’ are all from state sector. He’s the only one they know who went private, but thankfully they didn’t hold it against him 😬😁

Plirtle · Today 15:06
I do remember someone who insisted that her dd was at state school and yet very much in the heart of the social scene of the local private school, so they were all constantly in her house. Hmm.

There was a prolific poster here called BertrandRussell (who I haven’t seen around for ages) who must have written nigh on a million words on the awfulness of private schools, how she could easily afford it but she was a moral and decent person so of course she sent her children to state school etc.

One day after she’d posted the usual stuff about entitlement, arrogance, inability to empathise with non privileged people etc., a poster asked her if she’d actually ever met any privately educated children - to which Bertrand replied ‘there are 4 in my sons bedroom right now’.
Did he not make friends at his state school?
Maybe this was the same person as you remember, Plirtle.

I think it depends where you live.
In secondary children organise their own friendships and some carry on friends from primary years. Dc has a mix of friends but they have similar interests.

There are also friendships which are through clubs so dc don't necessarily meet at each other's homes but might go to a party or cinema together.

I think what you are talking about is friendships Initiated by parents in primary schools where I find that class is more of a factor.

When I was at Cambridge, the question about where you went to school was typically one of the first questions that was asked. I found it very odd, personally, as I didn't expect that anyone would have heard of my state comp, but I certainly knew whether my peers had gone to private schools or state...it was one of the first things that you tended to find out about people, rightly or wrongly.

My friends and I tend to be pretty interested in education, generally, so yes, we do talk a fair bit about the kids' schools, how they're getting on etc. I thought this was quite normal, but maybe not. I have a few friends who have agonised about their decision to go private, mainly because of their political views, so we have talked about that. And yes, I tend to know which schools my dd's friends go to, whether state or private. I'm interested in her friends and like to chat to them when they come over.

I remember Bertrand @Southwestten Thought I'd missed her on these threads recently.

Yes. Maybe she hasn't gone far.

I have a few friends who have agonised about their decision to go private, mainly because of their political views, so we have talked about that.

Do you point out to them how hypocritical they are, MrsBennet? If it so ‘agonising’ for them then why don’t they save themselves all this pain and send the children to state school?
Are they so hypocritical in other aspects of their lives?

I don't even know what you mean when you say that she seems to be getting a private education in all but name? She is getting a good education, certainly, and I don't think she is missing out as a result of not going private. If I thought she was, then I would send her private as I have already indicated.

I'm not keen to discredit them, but I am keen to dispel the myth that they are necessarily always better. As I have acknowledged several times on this thread already, I think it depends on the school and it depends on the individual child. My dd has thrived in the state sector, I accept that others might not.

And for all those private school parents who apparently don't ever give a single thought to state schools, there do seem to be an awful lot on this thread who are very eager to assert that private education is superior.

Well maybe because you went to Cambridge you talk about such things more. I’ve had a very close friend I known for about twelve years and although she’s obviously pretty bright I have no idea if she was state or privately educated. I do know she has a degree though but that’s as far as it goes. It’s just not something that has ever come up in conversations I’ve made with people since leaving school myself (many moons ago). If my own children hadn’t gone to private senior then I wouldn’t have (to my knowledge) known any privately educated kids at all as our paths wouldn’t have crossed much.

Do you mean she is still posting under another name?
She had a definite style ending posts with …….and to be fair to her she was usually polite if people gave her a hard time.

Yes I kind of miss her. We did actually agree on something once

True that Bert was always polite even when arguing the point I hope she is lurking on the thread!

No, I don't. It isn't my place to tell them where they should send their kids to school.

In some cases, they have had concerns about their local state provision, and they have paid to go private while believing that there should be better investment in state education.

In some cases, they have had specific concerns about their individual children, and have felt that the private schools that they have chosen might be more nurturing/more pushy or whatever.

In some cases, they work long hours or with long commutes and it has just been more convenient to choose private education.

I don't judge their motives, any more than I judge anyone on here for using private schools. I have consistently stated that, while I have a political preference for state education, my responsibility to my dd comes first and I would absolutely send her to a private school if I thought that that would be best for her. Knowing what I know about my dd and the local options available to us, I concluded that it wasn't worth it, but others will have different children and different options, and some will no doubt reach different conclusions.

I am not criticising anyone for the decisions that they have made. I don't think that private education is good for society as a whole, but I totally understand why parents make what they consider to be the best choices for their children. I have done the same. I am merely stating my very firmly held view that private education is not necessarily better than state education. There are pros and cons to each sector, but ultimately it depends on the school and it depends on the child.

Thank you for answering my question MrsBennet.
I did once point out to someone who didn’t approve of private education but nonetheless made use of it, that she was a hypocrite and she replied ‘oh I know! Aren’t I awful? I just want the best for my highly intelligent talented children”
I’m sure everyone does but not everyone has the opportunity.

Yes, absolutely. Regardless of the individual choices that I and many others on this thread may have made regarding private vs state, we should recognise that we are very fortunate indeed to have been in a position to make those choices. Many people don't have much of a choice at all.