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What do private schools do that state schools don't?

488 replies

Mommymoments · 09/03/2023 12:24

For me the local private does
Weekly swimming
Learning an orchestra instrument (extra cost)
Debating
Language (Spanish, French, German & afterschool Latin, Mandarin & Russian)
Yoga
Hockey & Lacrosse
Lots of sporting & drama opportunities
Excellent field trips out of school
Ski trip from Y7 onwards..

Would love all that for my dc's but can't afford it. But would love to hear about all the nice extras your dc's get at their private.

OP posts:
NeedToChangeName · 09/03/2023 16:44

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/03/2023 15:17

Well, I don't think that state schools necessarily are worse schools as I don't particularly value the smaller class sizes, swishier facilities etc. I think the teaching is generally at least as good in state schools, and I think there is a lot of value doing extracurricular stuff outside of school where they can meet different groups of people. So for me, it isn't a question of sucking up a "worse" school in order to expose my dc to socioeconomic diversity.

That exposure is, however, a benefit of going to a state comprehensive as far as I'm concerned. I know that this won't matter to a lot of people, especially those with different political views to my own, but it's actually very important to me that my dd grows up to be a good, responsible citizen. And in order be a good citizen, I think it is necessary to really understand the society that she lives in. You don't really get that from watching the news or brief interactions in passing. You do learn quite a lot from getting to know and understand people from a wide variety of different backgrounds by going through several years of schooling alongside them. The insights that I gained from my own state comp have certainly shaped me, my values and indeed my career. And I want the same for my dd. I want her to be aware of her own privilege. I want her to be aware of the society around her. She absolutely would not have got that from any of the local private schools.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves I agree with you

Plirtle · 09/03/2023 16:45

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/03/2023 16:41

I'm not saying they are, but I can say that I have seen my dd's awareness and understanding of people with different life circumstances to her own increase exponentially as a result of being in a school with greater socioeconomic diversity. She absolutely did not get that from her very middle class primary school.

Whether you believe that or not doesn't really matter. I know what I have observed.

I believe many parents think their children are angels. I'm not sure why you expect me to believe how tolerant and kind your dd is when you've implied that mine couldn't possibly be as tolerant because of the school she goes to.

Hintofreality · 09/03/2023 16:45

Give it’s pupil an over inflated sense of self worth and entitlement.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Plirtle · 09/03/2023 16:46

Can you HAVE an over inflated sense of self worth?

Usernamen · 09/03/2023 16:46

IwasToldThereWouldBeCake · 09/03/2023 16:37

I know many bitter and impoverished privately educated "artists" and yogies.

I’m honestly all for chasing your dream and making your hobby your work, but they’re not realistic in the slightest about the consequences.

They look at their peers who went to university, entered the professions etc. buying property and travelling around the world and whatnot, and think they are entitled to the same even though the extent of their ‘work’ has been 10 hours a week teaching yoga in a Chelsea studio for 15 years.

Talk about wanting to have your cake and eat it!

AviMav · 09/03/2023 16:47

fruitbrewhaha · 09/03/2023 12:35

A network. Your not just buying a good education, you are buying into a friendship group who will open doors for you.

Absolutely this! You also may not know that doors will open until later on too... but a lot of time it's connections.

Guis23 · 09/03/2023 16:48

AviMav · 09/03/2023 16:47

Absolutely this! You also may not know that doors will open until later on too... but a lot of time it's connections.

I think that is partly so in relation to very good prep schools.

DanceMonster · 09/03/2023 16:49

Hintofreality · 09/03/2023 16:45

Give it’s pupil an over inflated sense of self worth and entitlement.

Absolutely not the case with regards to any of the privately educated people I know (I was state educated).

HappyAsASandboy · 09/03/2023 16:56

I have children in state school and in private school.

The private schools offers an education and enrichment opportunities that match the experience I had in a (very good) state school 30 years ago.

The state school provides a vastly inferior experience to the one I had in state school 30 years ago.

I am sure there are great state schools and awful private schools though. I guess what private school gives is a choice about where to go for school?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/03/2023 17:01

Plirtle · 09/03/2023 16:45

I believe many parents think their children are angels. I'm not sure why you expect me to believe how tolerant and kind your dd is when you've implied that mine couldn't possibly be as tolerant because of the school she goes to.

You seem to have misunderstood. I haven't said that my dd is an angel and I don't think I have mentioned the word "tolerance" anywhere. Actually, tolerance is a concept that I rather dislike - I would be far more inclined to talk about respect, personally.

My point is about awareness and understanding. And yes, I absolutely believe that my dc will have gained a better awareness and understanding of socioeconomic diversity from her state comprehensive than any child would from a fee-paying private school. That isn't a criticism of your dc, though you seem to be taking it as one. It is an observation on what I perceive to be the one of the limitations of private schooling which I consider to be bad for society as a whole.

Perhaps your dc are exceptions and they have somehow acquired an awareness and understanding of socioeconomic diversity without any prolonged exposure to people from different backgrounds, but if so, they would be extremely unusual. I have encountered probably hundreds of privately educated individuals through work, education and social life over the years, and I have found that very few indeed have any real insight into how certain sections of the population live. Of course, there are exceptions, but in my experience, they are few and far between.

Feelinglikeihadaboringnight · 09/03/2023 17:02

Lovemelovemydoggie · 09/03/2023 16:43

My nephew goes to a £8,000 a term prep school. It id set in lovely grounds and looks impressive.

But, he is in a class of 16 (no TA). As one of the brightest, he is usually left to get on with things whilst the teacher helps those who are struggling. He’s bored.
He was not picked to take part in the sport he excels in.
Given 3 lines in the school play despite enjoying drama.
Not invited to play in the school concert despite playing 2 instruments well.
School pool is ancient, dirty looking and (apparently) always freezing cold.
There are fights in the changing room and his sports equipment keeps getting stolen.
His confidence is at rock bottom.

Even my sister has finally agreed she’s wasting her money and is looking at moving him to the local state school.

Or another private school because that all sounds dreadful !

soupmaker · 09/03/2023 17:11

Plirtle · 09/03/2023 16:46

Can you HAVE an over inflated sense of self worth?

Exhibit A Boris Johnson.

Southwestten · 09/03/2023 17:16

I have encountered probably hundreds of privately educated individuals through work, education and social life over the years, and I have found that very few indeed have any real insight into how certain sections of the population live.

Mrs Bennet So when you meet all these privately educated individuals do you immediately start quizzing them on their experience with people from different backgrounds and their insights into such sections of society?
Presumably you do as otherwise how can you be so well informed?

Whiteroomjoy · 09/03/2023 17:18

My god daughter went to a very expensive top notch well known “ ladies” school

i visited her on rom time to time and on one occasion was given a guided tour of the school and boarding house ( or whatever they call it). I certainly wasn’t gobsmacked by the facilities; for instance I was shown into the computer room and told “ every child has a separate computer” ( this was around 2005-8 ish) and I made right noises but thought to myself well so do state schools..what the hell do they think state schools are like? Same in labs, sports hall, playing fields, drama room. There really wasn’t anything different in facilities other than a swimming pool on site vs a trip to local pool. Ok, I know not all state secondaries have playing fields but facilities are found for them.
I went to a music concert on another occasion, and as previous poster said they were raving about their talented choir and how they’d been “ on tour” in Europe. Choir was ok, but being all girls was limited sound, and the tour was a kind of exchange and no different to sort of exchange visits some schools were still managing to do at time.

yep, class sizes were smaller and that makes a massive difference and can see that for some kids will enable them to get grades they wouldn’t at state school. That I guess is we’ll worth paying for

but what I despaired at was this girl was just so “ girly” and silly with her chums. There was no sense of ambition or serious career plans or other goals with her and her social circle. They se med to do nothing worthwhile in their spare time that wasnt more hanging with same group like choir, sports etc. It was all celebs, makeup, clothes, boys ( focused on occasional meet ups with local boys school ). They lived and breathed this as they were spending their entire time, when not actively studying, with the same set of girls and a very limited outlook. Yep, my god daughter, like many I expect, had exposure to other stuff when back home for holidays ( which there are many) , but I just dispaired that despite all that money she was silly, frivolous, lacking curiosity, and insular. I also know that there was drugs in use which for boarders terrified me and that the school lacked control of it

In my own limited experience I haven’t seen any child in my acquaintance who went on to do outstandingly brilliantly at university and then work above that which I’ve seen state kids do . My own DCs went to state, we supplemented were absolutely needed with some focused private tutoring during exam years, we sent them to some after school activities, we paid for music lessons. My own kids and their friends from school have all turned out just fine. Most went to uni, all are in work, the majority now have very interesting and some have extremely well rewarded jobs ( they’re in mid twenties to early 30 age ranges now). Children I know that went to public school, including my god daughter, aren’t doing any better and some were doing a lot worse, particularly immediately after university while they tried to figure out a job and seemed quite frankly a bit lost.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/03/2023 17:26

Southwestten · 09/03/2023 17:16

I have encountered probably hundreds of privately educated individuals through work, education and social life over the years, and I have found that very few indeed have any real insight into how certain sections of the population live.

Mrs Bennet So when you meet all these privately educated individuals do you immediately start quizzing them on their experience with people from different backgrounds and their insights into such sections of society?
Presumably you do as otherwise how can you be so well informed?

Well, in a lot of cases, yes, because I've encountered quite a lot of them when interviewing for roles where that line of would have been relevant.

Others are people I've known for years, either through work, university etc. You get to know quite a lot about people when you have known them for a long time.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/03/2023 17:26

Line of questioning, that was supposed to say.

Jux · 09/03/2023 17:27

My grandmother paid for me and my brothers to go to Prep schools (she did the same for a lot of her gks). Our Preps were shite, and we had to stay at them because mum wouldn't hear of us moving.

HOWVER, we did all pass the 11+ and though we then went on to comprehensives, did OK at O levels (my bro got 5 A levels too, but I and other bro just wanted to get out of education asap after our experience).

The schools were great at teaching, but pastoral care didn't exist at all. I was so desperate to get away from my bullying teacher that I tried to kill myself twice while I was there. Nowadays no teacher would get away with the things she did private or not, almost every year she taught there was at least one girl badly traumatised, sometimes so badly that they still suffered 30 years later. So don't worry so much about that.

What I discovered when I went into secondary comp was that I had covered pretty much everything they did in the first year already, in maths and English Lit I was ahead by more than that, due to the Prep.

Check on the pastoral side of things, how problems are dealt with, complaints etc.

Despite my own experience and leftish leanings, I would have sent dd to a private primary if funds had been available. Unfortunately, neither gm could afford it and we certainly couldn't! Despite my good start and dh's grammar school ed - so it's not everything, the academic bit.

SammyScrounge · 09/03/2023 17:37

A state school provides almost all of your list. Mandarin and Russian are not usual in state schools although I have heard of one or two.. Musical instruments and tuition are available for a small fee. School trips are for every year group. Pastoral care permeates the ethos in a good state school.
Private schools sometimes fall short when it comes to special needs - they don't equip themselves for these children while a state school provides for them.
.
.

StressedToTheMaxxx · 09/03/2023 17:39

arethereanyleftatall · 09/03/2023 12:28

Mine have had all of that at state school.

Having met an unfortunately large number of private school children through my job, they seem to teach the children that they're superior to others, backed up by many of the parents.

Not negating your experience of course, but I've had the opposite experience. I'm a nurse who previously worked in a community vaccination centre which is 5 mins from the local private school. I was actually very impressed with how nice and polite the kids were who came in for vaccinations on their lunch break/after school. I certainly didn't get any sense of superiority from them.

AviMav · 09/03/2023 17:40

@SammyScrounge my DS school teaches Mandarin and he attends a state school (far from a posh area). He's Y3

BibbleandSqwauk · 09/03/2023 17:43

So basically, ten pages of anecdata about how some state and privates are great and some are crap. Having taught and had my kids in both it is 100% about horses for courses. Most important for me is that if private is the only way to secure the small, quiet environment that some kids need, then I'm bloody glad it exists and v v sad that the state won't sufficiently invest in education to offer the same, rendering privates largely unnecessary. Until they do, I would oppose any restrictions on private ed such as VAT on fees.
What I do object to is the acceptance on here that it seems to be ok to brand private school kids twats, obnoxious, arrogant, "posh prats" on one thread, but if you suggest some state school pupils are violent thugs with no regard for education or personal property you are appallingly snobbish.

Plirtle · 09/03/2023 17:45

Whiteroomjoy · 09/03/2023 17:18

My god daughter went to a very expensive top notch well known “ ladies” school

i visited her on rom time to time and on one occasion was given a guided tour of the school and boarding house ( or whatever they call it). I certainly wasn’t gobsmacked by the facilities; for instance I was shown into the computer room and told “ every child has a separate computer” ( this was around 2005-8 ish) and I made right noises but thought to myself well so do state schools..what the hell do they think state schools are like? Same in labs, sports hall, playing fields, drama room. There really wasn’t anything different in facilities other than a swimming pool on site vs a trip to local pool. Ok, I know not all state secondaries have playing fields but facilities are found for them.
I went to a music concert on another occasion, and as previous poster said they were raving about their talented choir and how they’d been “ on tour” in Europe. Choir was ok, but being all girls was limited sound, and the tour was a kind of exchange and no different to sort of exchange visits some schools were still managing to do at time.

yep, class sizes were smaller and that makes a massive difference and can see that for some kids will enable them to get grades they wouldn’t at state school. That I guess is we’ll worth paying for

but what I despaired at was this girl was just so “ girly” and silly with her chums. There was no sense of ambition or serious career plans or other goals with her and her social circle. They se med to do nothing worthwhile in their spare time that wasnt more hanging with same group like choir, sports etc. It was all celebs, makeup, clothes, boys ( focused on occasional meet ups with local boys school ). They lived and breathed this as they were spending their entire time, when not actively studying, with the same set of girls and a very limited outlook. Yep, my god daughter, like many I expect, had exposure to other stuff when back home for holidays ( which there are many) , but I just dispaired that despite all that money she was silly, frivolous, lacking curiosity, and insular. I also know that there was drugs in use which for boarders terrified me and that the school lacked control of it

In my own limited experience I haven’t seen any child in my acquaintance who went on to do outstandingly brilliantly at university and then work above that which I’ve seen state kids do . My own DCs went to state, we supplemented were absolutely needed with some focused private tutoring during exam years, we sent them to some after school activities, we paid for music lessons. My own kids and their friends from school have all turned out just fine. Most went to uni, all are in work, the majority now have very interesting and some have extremely well rewarded jobs ( they’re in mid twenties to early 30 age ranges now). Children I know that went to public school, including my god daughter, aren’t doing any better and some were doing a lot worse, particularly immediately after university while they tried to figure out a job and seemed quite frankly a bit lost.

You don't sound like a very nice godmother.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/03/2023 17:46

SammyScrounge · 09/03/2023 17:37

A state school provides almost all of your list. Mandarin and Russian are not usual in state schools although I have heard of one or two.. Musical instruments and tuition are available for a small fee. School trips are for every year group. Pastoral care permeates the ethos in a good state school.
Private schools sometimes fall short when it comes to special needs - they don't equip themselves for these children while a state school provides for them.
.
.

I did Russian at my state comprehensive 30+ years ago. I believe that they still teach it now, but they have also added Mandarin and Japanese.

My dd's state primary offered Mandarin lessons after school several times a week.

Usernamen · 09/03/2023 17:47

I think some people just won’t entertain state school for their children, rather like some people won’t entertain home schooling. We don’t have any children yet but given DP’s background and family, our child would be the odd one out of the extended family - both current and going back generations - who didn’t go to private (public) school. So for us, it will be private education all the way.

It’s quite nice to have the choice taken away, so to speak.

RampantIvy · 09/03/2023 17:50

We don’t have any children yet but given DP’s background and family, our child would be the odd one out of the extended family - both current and going back generations - who didn’t go to private (public) school. So for us, it will be private education all the way.

Why would it be a problem to send your child to state school?
He sounds like he comes from a very privileged background.