DD Fucked Up - what will happen

[TheCakeDiet]

DD (17) called me last night sobbing. She has fucked up and all of her own making, but what I am trying to determine is what the consequences will be.

She went to her Boyfriend's house yesterday evening. It was quite late (as she had a day off school today) so they decided to sit in his mum's car to chat rather than risk waking her up.

DD sat in drivers seat for no particular reason. They put the engine on as it was cold and DD - for reasons that she can't really explain - moved the car forward about five feet. She has a provisional license only and her boyfriend the same. Meaning not qualified OR insured to be doing that. The only reason she can give is that she has only ever driven her lesson car and wanted to 'see how it felt'.

She knocked the car in front. Small scratch.

In the meantime, a 'concerned neighbour' noticed a boy in a black hoodie (boyfriend) getting into a car that she knows belongs to blond woman) his mum - and decided to report a possible 'live' car theft. Police arrived just as they were standing oven mouthed with horror and having dinked the car.

DD owned up straight away and gave her details and boyfriend's mum was woken and said she didn't want to pursue/press any charges (thank you thank you).

Police had initially searched DD and her BF thinking they were stealing the car but BF showed them the key and pointed to his house. Because they were searched (I believe?) the police had to bring dd home. They told me they wouldn't be pressing any charges and she has no record, but they do need to notify DVLA that she moved the car five feet. They have said they don't know exactly what will happen but she may get up to 6 points on her provisional license and a ban that will come into effect once she has passed her test.

We will also be contacted by Social Services.

I am livid. DD is hugely remorseful but tough shit.

I haven't even told DH yet as he will hit the roof and I didn't sleep all night and can't face it the ranting that will ensue.

I have told DD she must pay for any damage and write a letter of apology. I have also told her she will obviously now NOT get a car in the near future and we would have to wait and see what action DVLA take.

What I really want to know is what the DVLA consequences are likely to be. Police were vague - lots of 'might be this, might be that'... but also quite enjoying the fear they were putting into her - lot's of "you're lucky you aren't in a cell" etc. I have no problem with them giving her a scare, but it means it was hard to know what was the likely scenario so we don't know what to expect.

Anyone had anything similar?

Thank you

Oh and social services HAVE to be informed when police have any involvement with anyone aged 17 or under, your daughter made a stupid decision which is exactly how they will see it, you may or may not get a call from SS but more likely than not it will be looked at by them and filed directly into the “this is clearly nothing for us to worry about” bin. Don’t worry.

I doubt the police will pursue it. They don't even investigate burglaries where I live!

5 feet in a car is not driving…stalling at best.

Yes, and to sit with the engine running late at night was pretty antisocial too.

I am wondering where this happened for the police to have come out to a car theft in progress. Just wouldn't happen where I live.

The basic fact of a car being driven into another car is probably true. I would be wondering if other mates were involved.

Yeah wouldn't happen where I stay. We have a neighbour continuously driving uninsured and unlicensed, most of the street have reported her several times even offered videos showing her driving and police haven't even knocked her door.

Based on my 17yo DS's history, I don't think she's being totally honest with the story

And both in charge of a car they're not insured to drive is an offence, even before she drove

They stalled into another vehicle? Shouldn't have done anything to cause the car to move.
I'm sure you'd be so flippant if your car was damaged for this reason, or indeed you were hit by a car that had "only" moved 5ft

"The owner of the scratched car can claim from bf mum’s insurance."
Don't think so. They can claim from MIB (which takes a long time - mine took over 2 years) or possibly sue the DD. I can't see how the bf mum's insurers would be liable, especially as the mum has said it was not TWOC (which was both generous and extremely stupid of her).

But I'm afraid this sounds like nonsense to me - why would SS be involved
and would the police really decide not to charge the DD because she "only drove 5 feet"? And the DVLA will only give points if there is a conviction - they
are purely an administrative function, they don't decide who is charged and convicted.

Uninsured drivers are absolute cunts. Be thankful she didn't injure anyone.

Oh come on, you never sat in your parents' car as a kid?
I did it all the time, with the radio on, running down the battery as the car was the best place to get radio reception!

Seems like a lot of drama here over not very much, I mean it's not ideal her having points or a ban, but would she be getting a car to go to uni/college anyway? It'll make her insurance high when she can eventually drive, but apart from that I don't get the dramatics?!

I'd have a chat with BFs mum and then go and approach the neighbours. They may be happy to not go through the insurance.
My neighbours DD had just passed her test and misjudged the distance between my car and hers and bumped mine.
She just sobbed. I told her not to worry. I sorted it at a local place, they gave me the money in cash and a bottle of wine and flowers for not pushing it through the insurance.

on MN it can be mad about people screaming about not going through the insurance, but if it's a minor thing and you compensate in terms of fixing it and any taxis needed for the day, most people are happy to not put it through.

She will learn a valuable lesson on this one.

To answer some questions

DD drove the car five foot. This is not disputed by anyone including police. It lurched forward as she was not familiar with the clutch and is not experienced enough to find the balancing point. This is how the damage occured.

I asked her if she intended to take the car for a drive and she says 'no'. It was a moment of stupidity - she says she just wanted to feel the car move and was probably showing off to her BF as well if we are being honest.

Police definitely said to expect consequences for DVLA. They did not explain that they made the decision and that DVLA just acted on instruction - it was all very vague "it might be this or it might be that". Same officer kept telling her she was lucky not to be in a cell but they had to notify DVLA.

They were not heavy handed with her but they did scare her. I have no problem with this.

Police definitely said they had to notify Social Services.

They did not read her her rights

They did not issue her with any paperwork

I am not sure what all this adds up to? Can paperwork be issued post-incident?

Yes, I am worried about DH. He is not measured and pragmatic, he can be shouty, angry and ranty and she is quite fragile. That's a whole other thread and I don't necessarily need advising on how his drama won't help. I know - and it's causing me anxiety.

As is the whole situation. The money will have to be found (DD will have to pay me back in installments, but god knows how i will find it initially) and then she will have to face up to whatever points/band is issued. That is the thing stressing me out the most.

Thank you to all those who are offering advice. And to those who are horrified, consider yourselves lucky (not said in bitterness) but genuinely. DD is a pretty good girl, I think I am a decent parent, we have discipline and consequences in our house and this still happened.

Not if they've read you your rights at the time of the offence, that's analogous to the NIP. It's certainly 6 months if prosecuting (ie going to court), but I think it's still 6 months even if they chose to offer you a fixed penalty. Could be wrong on that last bit though.

Might be worth contacting a specialist motoring lawyer for advice (definitely do if they prosecute). Not sure if I'm allowed to recommend companies on mn, but try Emma Patterson.

I don't think there will be anything VERY serious except points which will expire over time if police pursues this one (aren't they too busy for this shit? My friend had very expensive items stolen like £3k computer, 2 quads and they were helpless even though he gave then names of thieves). She didn't ruin her whole life, that's the most important thing.

She can't go through insurance. She hasn't got any. And that is what really makes he difference for me. She broke the law. She drove uninsured and with no valid licence

The police are teaching her a lesson but the DVLA can’t and don’t issue points/bans etc, the police do that. Id it was me I wouldn’t be telling DH, she moved 5 feet, it’s really not the end of the world. I’d reconsider my relationship with a man who reacts to and handles his kids problems in this way. If I was planning on getting my DD a car this wouldn’t stop me as the fact she was in tears, I mean it sounds like she’s learned her lesson. She made a mistake and you sound like you’ve got your head screwed on tightly. I’d chalk it up to experience, be glad she had a lucky escape and leave it at that. My friend lost her son to a joyriding incident where he was a passenger. So I don’t say any of this lightly. She done a daft thing. I doubt she’ll ever do it again from what you’ve said. I’d just give her a big hug and move on.

I can’t believe the police are perusing this let alone making enough of a fuss to notify the DVLA. Is there no crime happening. Have children suddenly stopped being stabbed to death in the streets for no reason. They want to ruin a kids life for nothing just to tick a box somewhere. My God do they have no priorities at all!

Seems like a storm in a teacup really. She made a stupid mistake, nobody got hurt, she's going to accept the natural consequences and she certainly won't do it again.

When I was 17 I (stupidly) drove my friends car around a empty car park at night with only a provisional. Police saw us, gave us a bit of a telling off and just asked my friend to give his insurance and license details to the station within a week. That was the last we heard of if. Granted I didn't crash into anything but the police weren't too bothered about it (surprisingly!)

It sounds like a silly mistake, just support her through this

@TheCakeDiet I would try to look at it this way

1. You mentioned she had MH issues and a tendency to react impulsively. I imagine you are addressing that, but sometimes there’s nothing better than a life lesson, especially if she is struggling to understand her own reactions (normal at this age), she can now see a real action = consequences scenario, most importantly with no one getting hurt.
2. There are so many irresponsible drivers, including teens, with horrendous consequences : she is now unlikely to become one of those. If she’d done the same thing in daylight who knows what could have happened.

So, all in all, she got lucky and hopefully it will be a benefit to her and her mental health in the long run. I would try not to make the payments to you too overwhelming if you can, but it will be a good monthly reminder.

If SS are involved, I would cooperate, share her issues, and hope that this incident will help her grow, that the monthly payments will be a good reminder of consequences of impulsive actions, and ask if they have any other suggestions.

Best of luck, I’m sure you tried your best, but this could turn out to be a good thing in the long run💚

My DF was a ranter and catastrophiser. If I had done something like this I would probably be still hearing from him about it now and he's been dead for 30 years!

On the plus side, it stopped me from doing things like this.

OK - at a guess, what is the scenario you are imaging?

They didn't drive anywhere. There is doorbell footage to prove this if necessary (as pointed out by the boyfriend).

They hadn't been drinking

They haven't done it before because DD would normally either be in his house or he in ours. The only reason they were in the car was because DD didn't have school but boyfriend did, so they agreed DD should probably not come into the house as his mum would say 'not so late on a school night'.

Neighbor called police as there have been a lot of car thefts in our area - always have been. We are leafy London suburb and police don't have much to deal with other than car and bicycle theft so they were all over it like a rash.

What else could be going on? Genuine question.

A call to social services, 6 points on provisional and a ban are completely over the top consequences for what happened

Makes me laugh when banned drivers with no tax and insurance steal a vehicle and suffer zero consequences