DD Fucked Up - what will happen

[TheCakeDiet]

DD (17) called me last night sobbing. She has fucked up and all of her own making, but what I am trying to determine is what the consequences will be.

She went to her Boyfriend's house yesterday evening. It was quite late (as she had a day off school today) so they decided to sit in his mum's car to chat rather than risk waking her up.

DD sat in drivers seat for no particular reason. They put the engine on as it was cold and DD - for reasons that she can't really explain - moved the car forward about five feet. She has a provisional license only and her boyfriend the same. Meaning not qualified OR insured to be doing that. The only reason she can give is that she has only ever driven her lesson car and wanted to 'see how it felt'.

She knocked the car in front. Small scratch.

In the meantime, a 'concerned neighbour' noticed a boy in a black hoodie (boyfriend) getting into a car that she knows belongs to blond woman) his mum - and decided to report a possible 'live' car theft. Police arrived just as they were standing oven mouthed with horror and having dinked the car.

DD owned up straight away and gave her details and boyfriend's mum was woken and said she didn't want to pursue/press any charges (thank you thank you).

Police had initially searched DD and her BF thinking they were stealing the car but BF showed them the key and pointed to his house. Because they were searched (I believe?) the police had to bring dd home. They told me they wouldn't be pressing any charges and she has no record, but they do need to notify DVLA that she moved the car five feet. They have said they don't know exactly what will happen but she may get up to 6 points on her provisional license and a ban that will come into effect once she has passed her test.

We will also be contacted by Social Services.

I am livid. DD is hugely remorseful but tough shit.

I haven't even told DH yet as he will hit the roof and I didn't sleep all night and can't face it the ranting that will ensue.

I have told DD she must pay for any damage and write a letter of apology. I have also told her she will obviously now NOT get a car in the near future and we would have to wait and see what action DVLA take.

What I really want to know is what the DVLA consequences are likely to be. Police were vague - lots of 'might be this, might be that'... but also quite enjoying the fear they were putting into her - lot's of "you're lucky you aren't in a cell" etc. I have no problem with them giving her a scare, but it means it was hard to know what was the likely scenario so we don't know what to expect.

Anyone had anything similar?

Thank you

I think most make shitty decisions at that age. Let it be a lesson but don't be very very hard on her.

Sorry you have these worries OP, especially with probable lack of teamwork from DH, but really with all the awful things that teenagers can get up to this is so not worth being really upset about.

You sound like a fab calm caring parent and although you say you are worried about money/points, they are just things, not humans that have been damaged, so be kind to yourself and DD. It sounds as if she has had a real scare and hopefully will think more carefully about consequences in the future. Really we’ve all made mistakes and this is not the worst.All the best for a good outcome.

I think a lot of people are being really harsh on your husband in this thread.
It's interesting that while they are sympathetic to your daughter's trouble with impulse control and mental health, they don't seem to share the same understanding for him? Surely it stands to reason that he might have his own mental health struggles if he also has impulse control difficulties.
When you do explain it to him just be clear on what you do know and what you don't know, and acknowledge he will find it a lot to process.
Good luck.

It is breaking the law to drive on a provisional license without a qualified driver with 3 years of experience beside you. The OP has further said there is a history of car thefts in the area and a neighbour was concerned enough to call the Police.

Was the car on a driveway? If so, that's private property, and you actually don't need a license to drive on private property.

I used to work for the DVLA, and although not in enforcement, I can't imagine them giving much of a shit about this, even if it was on a road, especially as there were no charges or fines given out by the police.

And as long as there's nothing previous concerning your daughter on social services radar, they won't give a shit about it either.

This. I doubt you will hear another thing. The police issue the points, not DVLA.
Do nothing bar DD pay for the damage and wait and see.

Exactly! I haven't seen any replies to your basic question, but parkinsurance.co.uk/who-can-sit-with-a-learner-driver/#:~:text=It's%20illegal%20to%20drive%20on,you've%20passed%20your%20test. seems to cover it pretty well. In short, yes she'll likely get the points and will have a higher risk of being banned from driving for minor driving offences for the first 2 years after passing her test. TBH that's probably more than enough consequence :(

I don't think your daughter will hear anything else either. I think they were trying to scare her and they succeeded.

@Inkypot - please don't make excuses for men's emotionally abusive behaviour.

If the police are coming out with crap like this just to frighten people, it's poor practice. I suspect this is the case here though and as it's such an odd thing to have happened, they were making it up as they went along.

The owner of the car that was dinged needs to have far far more input though. They should be the force taken into consideration here more than anyone else.

Just extra thoughts,

If she gets points, which she likely won't, personally I'd ensure her driving was kept to a minimum until they're off her record. No taking a car to university for instance.

If she passes her test before she goes, then the points would be off her record by the time she graduated.

But as others have said, money and points are just things, and things aren't that important. The lesson learned is more so.

OP don't panic. If she was going to be charged it would have been very clear.

Rightly or wrongly police will take the opportunity to 'scare straight' teens who do dumb shit all the time. The logic being they are far less likely to commit a crime in the future. She's not going to do it again now.

You have said the owner of the bumped car has sorted it without going through insurance so they obviously don't want to cause further trouble for her.

Please don't ring the DVLA or police station in the absence of a NOIP.

Iv got one teen who is pretty good and this is exactly the muppet kind of thong he would do.
Try not to worry. Its done now. The cost will be paid and dd will have to suck up the driving license side.

I reckon you have to assume every teenager has it in them to do at least one monumentally stupid thing, and you can only be grateful if the consequences are reasonably limited, as is the case here. I can think of some real horror stories amongst friends' children, up to and including the one that felt aggrieved about his pay as a cashier in a supermarket and therefore took some money from the till in full view of security cameras. All the posters in here holding their hands up in self-righteous horror probably did similarly stupid things themselves at that age, or only missed doing so through sheer luck.

I hope your daughter and husband can, sooner or later, look at this in that sort of light. Your daughter will learn a very useful lesson from this, and with any luck that will be her quota of utter stupidity out of the way.

Absolutely not making excuses for behaviour, but mental health issues are hereditary and daughter seems to have trouble with impulse control so it makes sense that it could be that dad struggles with the same thing. Maybe that needs support rather than judgement and presumptions. We don't know that it's abusive behaviour based on what's been said in this thread.
Having said that no of course abusive behaviour isn't okay.

I wasn't suggesting something was "going on", but if this had been my DS, him saying that he didn't know why he tried to drive it etc would be him just trying to bluff his way out of things, that's all x

Thank you all again.

I would agree that yes, both DD and DH have issues with impulsive behaviour and managing emotions. DD is trying her best to sort hers.

I walked into the police station to see if I could talk to the Officer who brought her home. He wasn't there but I have his email so he is the only one i will ask questions of. I don't want to open a can of worms.

DD is miserable.

Daughter has had here big hug, now needs to get over it. Hope her DF is not too stoked up about it.

kids try things out. Sometimes they get out of hand and police step in and send the message. No further action.

I remember doing worse as kids. My cousin thought it would be a good idea to pelt cars passing through the village with eggs one Sunday afternoon. Turned out the car he pelted was the Chief Constable and wife going on a Sunday drive. They sent a car out from the local station who then gave a 30 minute lecture about the dangers of causing accidents.

People who are saying it’s “just things” etc don’t seem to have much empathy for the poor person whose car got smashed into.

God forbid someone gets a well deserved bollocking for doing something monumentally stupid.

@Twonewcats ahh fair enough. Yes. I honestly don't think the intention was to drive anywhere, but there is always a chance I am wrong.

I have also asked her several times if she is covering for her DB and she swears not but did, ambiguously add, that she 'would have if he had been as it would be worse for him as he is 18'.

She then retracted that and swore blind it was her and said I could always 'ask to watch doorbell footage' so I think I believe her.

She has written a note of apology to DBs mum who has said she doesn't want to see her and I will text DB mum and ask about next steps regarding the other vehicle.

I wouldn't be fucking hugging her.

She deliberately broke the law.

The other car are best to go via insurance.
As I said earlier similar accident to mine is estimated to be £600 plus the time in the garage and hire car. Idiot who took foot of the break in an automatic at a set of lights.

My bumper has dropped about a cm at one side.

What do you an ask about next steps re the other vehicle?

Who doors that car belong to

Then the police searched them and scared them and were clearly enjoying the opportunity to bully an attractive teenage girl.

Weird comment

Sorry to hear the mum doesn't want to see her. Hope you can get it all resolved ok for all parties. And does sound like she's possibly covered for bf with what she said then retracted, but hard to tell when they're still so young.
I never did what your daughter did but I do remember letting my friend drive my mum's car while my parents were on holiday. We reasoned that since I was insured on it (as a learner) and friend had a full licence that we were almost a legal driver overall 😳
Now in my 40s I am horrified thinking how dangerous that was really and how lucky we were nothing happened. But yes even usually sensible teens can have moments of complete thoughtlessness.
Hope your girl is ok and that the other car owner is not too put out by what's happened.

That is a bit weird comment - the police have a job to do.