DD Fucked Up - what will happen

[TheCakeDiet]

DD (17) called me last night sobbing. She has fucked up and all of her own making, but what I am trying to determine is what the consequences will be.

She went to her Boyfriend's house yesterday evening. It was quite late (as she had a day off school today) so they decided to sit in his mum's car to chat rather than risk waking her up.

DD sat in drivers seat for no particular reason. They put the engine on as it was cold and DD - for reasons that she can't really explain - moved the car forward about five feet. She has a provisional license only and her boyfriend the same. Meaning not qualified OR insured to be doing that. The only reason she can give is that she has only ever driven her lesson car and wanted to 'see how it felt'.

She knocked the car in front. Small scratch.

In the meantime, a 'concerned neighbour' noticed a boy in a black hoodie (boyfriend) getting into a car that she knows belongs to blond woman) his mum - and decided to report a possible 'live' car theft. Police arrived just as they were standing oven mouthed with horror and having dinked the car.

DD owned up straight away and gave her details and boyfriend's mum was woken and said she didn't want to pursue/press any charges (thank you thank you).

Police had initially searched DD and her BF thinking they were stealing the car but BF showed them the key and pointed to his house. Because they were searched (I believe?) the police had to bring dd home. They told me they wouldn't be pressing any charges and she has no record, but they do need to notify DVLA that she moved the car five feet. They have said they don't know exactly what will happen but she may get up to 6 points on her provisional license and a ban that will come into effect once she has passed her test.

We will also be contacted by Social Services.

I am livid. DD is hugely remorseful but tough shit.

I haven't even told DH yet as he will hit the roof and I didn't sleep all night and can't face it the ranting that will ensue.

I have told DD she must pay for any damage and write a letter of apology. I have also told her she will obviously now NOT get a car in the near future and we would have to wait and see what action DVLA take.

What I really want to know is what the DVLA consequences are likely to be. Police were vague - lots of 'might be this, might be that'... but also quite enjoying the fear they were putting into her - lot's of "you're lucky you aren't in a cell" etc. I have no problem with them giving her a scare, but it means it was hard to know what was the likely scenario so we don't know what to expect.

Anyone had anything similar?

Thank you

How is it not guiding her to make her feel the consequences of breaking the law?

Driving my car is a privilege not a right and damn sure I wouldn't have let someone who was so irresponsible drive my car again.

OP, teens are complete dumbasses!! Thankfully, you know the worst that could happen (6 points, license being taken, etc). So what, it’ll feel uncool for her. It’s a lesson and she’ll drive one day. This isn’t LIFE changing.

What bothers me here is her overconfidence, disrespect, her ego. To sit HERSELF in the drivers seat of her BF’s mum’s car! And then mess about with it. Who does she think she is? And what else does she feel so confident about using that isn’t hers? Why wasn’t her BF in the drivers seat? It’s his family car. The theatrical response bothers me a bit too. Of course this could be genuine but teachers, etc know how often this tactic is used to deflect from getting to the real truth. Yawn. How do you know she wasn’t just setting off to drive but hit the car first? I’d guess there’s more to this story.

Thankfully, nothing will probably even happen here. Cops deal with dumbass teens all the time. Small potatoes and as such often can’t be bothered to spend time on the paperwork for all parties. I have a feeling she’s not telling the whole story, though. So when she likely ends up getting no points she won’t really be given a proper lesson to learn from her mistakes and she’ll have got away with a lie. If I got away with that one, surely I can fudge a bit on the the next dumb move… it’s not just a lie to you, though, it’d be a multi-layered one she got away with.

Let it pan out and just accept the consequences with no drama. Your husband shouldn’t ramp up the drama either. If she receives points and a ban and subsequent higher car insurance premiums that will only be for a while anyway. With her mental health history what is the point in making her feel worse than she already does ?

Jeeze, everyone needs to calm down. It was a silly teenage mistake, no need for ranting and raving.

OP, if it helps, my BIL took his dad's car for a joyride before he passed his test, so he had points on his provisional licence. This is years before I met my BIL, who is the most responsible, considerate, hardworking, caring and if anything slightly dull person you could meet. Teenagers do stupid things, it doesn't define them or their life. Time for some perspective, I think.

If I were you I would be keeping quiet, not exacerbating the situation.
Speak to the person with the scratch on their car and see what they want to do. Then wait and see what happens as regards the police informing the Dvla.
She was a numpty but it's not a huge deal no one died.

I'm saving my sympathy for the other car owner who is the actual 'poor' one in this. They are the ones who are going to be inconvenienced through no fault of their own. They are going to have their insurance premium go up next time. All because the OP's daughter decided to act like a total idiot and break the law. If all she suffers from this is a bollocking from her dad then she's really bloody lucky.

I wonder if people would be so quick to defend the daughter here if it was their car she had damaged? If they had to miss work to take the car to the garage? To have to pay out on taxis for a week or two? Have their insurance costs go up during a cost of living crisis?

As someone who is out probably c£800 due to 2 incidents of idiots hitting my stationary car it makes me really angry that so many people are blasé about this.

Oh and OP, please know there’s no judgment from me. I’d be thinking the same thoughts about my own lovely dumbasses.

Hope this passes over quickly.

That's an abuse of their authority. She wasn't lucky; she had done nothing to warrant being arrested and being held in a cell.

The bf took his mums key whilst she was asleep and DD took it for a drive whilst uninsured, no license and without the permission from bfs mum.

If his mum had pressed charges or took it further they would be charged with stealing or trying to steal a car, as well as driving without a license etc.

DD should not have even been sat in the front seat, let alone with the engine on and handbrake off. They knew exactly what they were doing.

I think DD has been very lucky and this will teach them both not to be so stupid in the future.

I'm not surprised the police aren't pursuing anything here, it really is a case of a teenage girl having a lapse in judgement and being really unlucky. She won't do it again!

The DVLA can't do anything without charges.

I'd have thought the neighbour will be happy to go around insurance to prevent their own policy increasing at renewal. I recently "dinked" a Mercedes and the cost of repair is only £200 which I'm paying directly. If it genuinely is a tiny mark then it won't be extortionate and you can get companies that come out to your home/work place and fix the damage for you = no hire cars or inconvenience. Considering she only moved it 5 feet I doubt she picked up any kind of speed.

Silver lining is your daughter learnt a valuable lesson and it'll likely not end up costing much!

Good grief she hasn't murdered anyone!! She's been silly and there will probably be penalties insurance wise, but it's not the end of the world.
why would social services be involved?

I wonder if everyone (including the police) would be so sanguine if the bf had been the one in the driving seat.

She's not killed anyone. She made a silly mistake like lots of young people do. They don't think of the consequences, my ds would be exactly the same. As for the police, yes I bet they enjoyed frightening a young girl. When I was 22 I'd just passed my driving test and my breaks failed on my old mini, resulting in me running into the car in front. Unluckily, the police just happened to be passing on their way to a house robbery but they decided to abandon that and get involved in my minor RTA instead. No one was hurt and I was insured, there was hardly any damage to the car in front and the owner was understanding and happy to go through my insurance, she actually felt sorry for me. Yet the police acted as if I was a serial killer. They put the fear of god into me. Strangely, one of them even took it upon himself to call round at my house the next afternoon after he'd come off duty. Told me how it was up to him if I was charged with reckless driving (I'd only been doing 30 and I'd slowed down as I was approaching a bridge). Told me how grateful I should be to him he'd decided not to charge me and then asked if I had a boyfriend. He was an older man wearing a wedding ring and I started to get scared as I'd let him in the house and I was alone with him. I got to the stage where I told him that I'd actually understand if they charged me but could he please leave me alone as I wasn't feeling well. He made no move to leave but thankfully my parents arrived back home and he soon scarpered. I never heard another thing about it and in those days it would never have occurred to us to complain about the police.

Storm in a teacup. Yes, she did a stupid thing, but not with ill intent. She moved the car five feet, she didn’t intend to drive at speed the wrong way down the motorway. She wasn’t high or inebriated. There’s enough consequence w the police attending and with her having to pay for damages.

From the sounds of it your daughter may not want much of a relationship with her dad when she grows up, he sounds exhausting.

This.

dear god is this the worst she is doing?! i would count yourself lucky!!

The story doesn't quite make sense from what the daughter's saying, I can't be the only one wondering if she's covering for the boyfriend. Wouldn't surprise me (as someone who works with teenagers).

five feet and the police are banging on about DVLA! It's ridiculous

This is how teenagers learn. They do stupid stuff and learn from it. This experience may prevent a more serious one because she will have hopefully learned from it.

That’s terrifying @Eightiesgirl 🙁

They had already said they were not going to press charges. She was not arrested so should not have been told she was lucky not to be held in a cell.

As an above poster said, it would be the police that would issue any fines and/or penalty notices for example in this case a penalty notice for the offence of driving otherwise than in accordance with license as she technically “drove” the vehicle.

my first port of call would be to contact the officers involved and directly ask if any penalty notices and or fines are being issued to her by them.

Then I would contact the owner of the damaged vehicle and ask if they are willing to get their car looked at and provide a quote that she can pay for the cost of the damage. If she has literally just inched the car forwards then damage will be minimal and wouldn’t cost loads to fix. If owner agrees to that then everyone could probably get away without informing insurance companies.

then if police aren’t taking any further action against her then the whole matter will be resolved with her paying for the damage but you need to find out first from the police any action they are or aren’t taking.

Then a good stern talking to about how much more serious It could’ve been and how it would’ve affected her impending license etc.

If this is true then I don’t think stopping her getting told off from her Dad will help.

They decided to sit in his mums car to not wake her, so obviously helped themselves to the keys.

She then crashed into the car in front, as an uninsured driver, saying knocked to downplay it doesn’t change the actual reality.

They had been fucking about enough to get the attention of a neighbour who called the police as a result of their behaviour.

We don’t decide if we want to press charges in this country and the police will be aware of that.

What about the increase in insurance for the two cars that have now been in an accident? Does BFs Mum now lose her no claims? Is she going to pay for that? My insurance increased £200 a year when someone went into me and stayed like that for 5 years.

And they weren’t giving her a scare, she has committed a crime. She was driving without a license, driving uninsured and she had taken a car without consent. All of those things are illegal. Do not play it down to her, she has done wrong and caused stress to several people, she has also taken up police time. She should be prosecuted, if not how will she learn?

The justice system is so underfunded I doubt they'd prosecute this, guessing you will have to pay for the damage though.

Wow, complete over reaction on your part or what!
She's your kid; you should have her back.

I am wondering where this happened for the police to have come out to a car theft in progress. Just wouldn't happen where I live.

The basic fact of a car being driven into another car is probably true. I would be wondering if other mates were involved.