DD Fucked Up - what will happen

[TheCakeDiet]

DD (17) called me last night sobbing. She has fucked up and all of her own making, but what I am trying to determine is what the consequences will be.

She went to her Boyfriend's house yesterday evening. It was quite late (as she had a day off school today) so they decided to sit in his mum's car to chat rather than risk waking her up.

DD sat in drivers seat for no particular reason. They put the engine on as it was cold and DD - for reasons that she can't really explain - moved the car forward about five feet. She has a provisional license only and her boyfriend the same. Meaning not qualified OR insured to be doing that. The only reason she can give is that she has only ever driven her lesson car and wanted to 'see how it felt'.

She knocked the car in front. Small scratch.

In the meantime, a 'concerned neighbour' noticed a boy in a black hoodie (boyfriend) getting into a car that she knows belongs to blond woman) his mum - and decided to report a possible 'live' car theft. Police arrived just as they were standing oven mouthed with horror and having dinked the car.

DD owned up straight away and gave her details and boyfriend's mum was woken and said she didn't want to pursue/press any charges (thank you thank you).

Police had initially searched DD and her BF thinking they were stealing the car but BF showed them the key and pointed to his house. Because they were searched (I believe?) the police had to bring dd home. They told me they wouldn't be pressing any charges and she has no record, but they do need to notify DVLA that she moved the car five feet. They have said they don't know exactly what will happen but she may get up to 6 points on her provisional license and a ban that will come into effect once she has passed her test.

We will also be contacted by Social Services.

I am livid. DD is hugely remorseful but tough shit.

I haven't even told DH yet as he will hit the roof and I didn't sleep all night and can't face it the ranting that will ensue.

I have told DD she must pay for any damage and write a letter of apology. I have also told her she will obviously now NOT get a car in the near future and we would have to wait and see what action DVLA take.

What I really want to know is what the DVLA consequences are likely to be. Police were vague - lots of 'might be this, might be that'... but also quite enjoying the fear they were putting into her - lot's of "you're lucky you aren't in a cell" etc. I have no problem with them giving her a scare, but it means it was hard to know what was the likely scenario so we don't know what to expect.

Anyone had anything similar?

Thank you

Obviously your DD didn’t let go of the handbrake ‘just to see how it feels’.

She drove someone else’s car without a license and without their permission and then had a crash (no matter how small).
The police were right to scare them into not doing it again.

I don’t think the police will know what the DVLA will say and hopefully as her bfs mum hadn’t pressed charges then it will not affect her too much.

I do know someone who was banned from driving because they drove without a license so it’s possible that she may have to wait much longer to take her test.
And her insurance may go up.

It’s very annoying but I think they’ve both learnt their lessons and sometimes as teens we needed to do stupid stuff to learn from them.

MN scaremongering.

If there are no charges there is surely nothing to tell the DVLA?!

Unless the owner of the car she dinked wants to do something the police won't pursue.

I had friend when I was about 18 with no license crash his dads car, police attended but he never heard anything again from them.

Mum offered to pay neighbour for damage which they refused. They didn't put it through insurance just covered it themselves, that was very nice of them in hindsight!

Your reaction seems based on your fear of your husband's "ranting". You've jumped to the worst possible conclusions without thinking things through. How would DVLA know to ban her if no police action will be taken? And you've decided SS will be involved too?

It was a dumb thing to do on your daughter's part. And also-both of them were being inconsiderate sitting out in the idling car late at night, which then woke up the neighbour who jumped to a conclusion. You should contact the car owner directly to confirm that the damage will be made right ASAP.

Your daughter sounds properly remorseful and clearly understands the gravity of her little joy ride. She can work extra and give things up to pay.

But there's a big difference between an out-of-control delinquent and a nice girl who had a foolish moment. You shouldn't allow your husband to "rant" at her indefinitely. Is that code for verbal abuse?

@Clymene I was answering this point made by a pp

Just wait until your kids are teenagers ...all kids fuck up at sometime.

Mine fucked up by getting too drunk and puking. By not organising a lift home.

A car is a lethal weapon.

The op's daughter isn't suitable to be driving because she doesn't believe she has to obey the law.

Well at the very least some poor sod now needs to have work done on their car.

She was driving without insurance-why shouldn't she be prosecuted?

Can't believe all "ah bless teenagers" posts.

Perhaps the age for learning to drive needs to be increased with so many irresponsible teenagers about!

There isn't anything to be gained by ranting, shouting, punishments etc. The legal consequences are punishment enough, ie points, payment for damages, insurance etc. As long as she learns her lesson.

My DSS's mum did something similar when my DSS, 17 at the time, drove his own car, while pissed, and crashed into several parked cars, doing thousands of pounds worth of damage.

The car was registered in his mother's name (so that the insurance was cheaper), and when the police rocked up the following morning, she just pretended that it was her car and it had been stolen. By this time, DSS was tucked up in bed sleeping it off.

I was horrified, but I'm a hard-faced old bitch and I would have made him face the consequences. He didn't actually drive again for a few years, and is perfectly sensible now.

I think the points/fine were because I drove the car without a responsible person.

Are you sure you're being told the truth about the damage? You can't scratch a car by hitting it from behind, what would there be in the front bumper that would make contact in a way that somehing would be scratched ?

I can't visualise how that would happen

My ds decided to 'play' with his dad's new company car on our driveway.
Dinged the garage door but fortunately the car was fine.
He rang us himself, we'd only left for the weekend 1 hour earlier.
We told him off and the big dent in the garage door was a constant reminder to him not to do it again!
Teens do stupid things.

For her to move the car forward and cause a 'small scratch'; there is something she is not telling you.
Why do you think this? Teenagers do daft things without thinking them through properly. I can see how this can have easily happened. She made a mistake and hopefully will help her have more impulse control in the future.

OP, you need to think about your DD and what you know of her and honsestly ask yourself if the story she’s told and you’ve reported here is the full and complete and accurate account of events.

It doesn’t sound quite right. I’m sure there’s some truth in there….but perhaps not the full story.

Some parents can be totally disbelieving of everything their child says, whilst others can’t imagine their child could ever lie. For most teens, they won’t be 100% honest all of the time.

It’s with the Police and the consequences will be what they are. I’d be telling DD she has to suck up whatever is dished out to her and learn something from it. Yes, sometimes they have just made a silly mistake, but it’s one with serious consequences. They have to accept that having a motive to do something malicious isn’t the issue…but the law and safety is, and saying ‘I didn’t mean to’ or ‘I don’t why I did it’ or ‘ I just didn’t think’ won’t allow them to wriggle out of the consequences as they get older. It’s part of growing up.

And although it probably doesn’t feel like it now, and your parental response might be to try and wheedle them out of trouble, actually this might deliver benefits in the long run, in making her think twice about stupid actions. No one has been hurt with this one, thank goodness. Sometimes a short sharp shock stops later foolish behaviour.

I suspect nothing "legal" will happen, the police just said that to scare her off doing something again.

However you need to sweet talk the neighbour into allowing you/her to get the repair done privately rather than going through insurance if you possibly can. That depends on the extent of the damage though. It will cost a hell of a lot more going through insurance.

For reasons she can't explain-??? She needs to do some explaining.

Or the CPS?

I once worked with someone in their 20s who decided he would teach himself to drive, by buying a car with no registration or tax (possibly stolen), which he would drive himself, alone, despite having no provisional licence and no insurance.

His reasoning was that the council estate he lived on with his mum was surely 'private' and therefore this was allowed. (These roads had painted lines, speed limit signs, local authority parking restrictions).

Well the first night he tried this he immediately T-boned a parked car. So he pushed (not knowing how to get the vehicle into reverse) the car into the small garage in his house and closed the door.

The accident had been witnessed and police called. They knocked at his door and he fessed up. Later he was charged and a court date set.

I begged the guy to get a lawyer as it seemed to me the offences he was charged with could potentially equal jail time.

Imagine my surprise when his sentence was a 100 pound fine and one year suspension of (non existent) licence.

Of course it was a silly thing to do, but I don’t know why so many posters are convinced there’s more to it. When I was 17 my mum left me in her car, with the keys, in the supermarket carpark and being a new learner driver I was also curious about whether I could drive a different car and came very close to having a go - I didn’t, only because I was too scared!
It’s not such an unlikely thing for OP’s daughter to have considered, however ill-advised we all know it was.

You’re allowed to drive a vehicle uninsured and without a license on private property.

It wasn’t on private property it was on a public road which is why the DVLA were told.

You wouldn’t turn the engine on just to put the heating on if it was late.

And you wouldn’t take the handbrake off unless you were planning to drive it.

’Seeing how it feels’ by turning the engine on and taking the handbrake off is driving it, it just happened to crash before she drove it any further (unless they’d been out for a drive and just returned).

I can imagine how many people steal cars or joyride and say they were just ‘seeing how it feels’.
That excuse doesn’t wash because regardless of how far you ended up going you have driven it.

Oh come on. It is not the mums fault. She trusted her TEENAGE son not to drive her car illegally. The son knew this was wrong. She did not "press the pedals for a laugh". She would have had to take the handbrake off and either put the car into drive if it were automatic, or pushed down on the pedals in the right way to actually get the car moving if its a manual.

She made a silly (albeit illegal) mistake but all you would be doing by trying to find fault in his mums actions and the polices actions (which seemed very reasonable to me) is making your kids know they can do nothing wrong. This is how we create invisible teenagers who don't know what a consequence is, because no matter what, mummy or daddy will shout loud enough to make it go away.

It is NOT the mums fault, it is NOT the polices fault. Trying to blame everyone but the ones responsible will create all kinds of entitlement. This just reminds me of when I was getting intimidated and threatened in sixth form by a thug twice my size whose dad then stormed into school blaming them for their failings.

Not the same but a few years back DD's boyfriend got points for speeding in a 30 zone just after passing his test. He definitely got a parental bollocking along with a fine and points on his licence.

He also realised that he couldn't afford to get any more points and was a much more careful driver as a result. Lessons learned early might be hard, but they can be valuable.

My friend had a prang not long after she passed her test, many moons ago, as an 18 year old, and caused (minor, superficial) damage to another car. (She was at least fully insured and licensed). However her parents were not known for their measured responses, to say the least. (Major rows over a cup left in the sink sort of thing). Yet, on that occasion, they dealt with the matter swiftly and efficiently and to her surprise they didn't go beyond mad about it. She was very tearful and contrite and they accepted she had made an error and didn't want to put her off driving altogether from the shock, which it could have done. Had she been flippant, I'm sure they would have felt differently but she fully understood and accepted her error and they felt her genuine remorse was punishment enough (along with paying for the damage).

but also quite enjoying the fear they were putting into her - lot's of "you're lucky you aren't in a cell" etc

That's an abuse of their authority. She wasn't lucky; she had done nothing to warrant being arrested and being held in a cell.

Well, good for you.

I'm sure the OP is delighted for you. I know I am.