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Original poster

DD Fucked Up - what will happen

581 replies

TheCakeDiet · 06/03/2023 12:44

DD (17) called me last night sobbing. She has fucked up and all of her own making, but what I am trying to determine is what the consequences will be.

She went to her Boyfriend's house yesterday evening. It was quite late (as she had a day off school today) so they decided to sit in his mum's car to chat rather than risk waking her up.

DD sat in drivers seat for no particular reason. They put the engine on as it was cold and DD - for reasons that she can't really explain - moved the car forward about five feet. She has a provisional license only and her boyfriend the same. Meaning not qualified OR insured to be doing that. The only reason she can give is that she has only ever driven her lesson car and wanted to 'see how it felt'.

She knocked the car in front. Small scratch.

In the meantime, a 'concerned neighbour' noticed a boy in a black hoodie (boyfriend) getting into a car that she knows belongs to blond woman) his mum - and decided to report a possible 'live' car theft. Police arrived just as they were standing oven mouthed with horror and having dinked the car.

DD owned up straight away and gave her details and boyfriend's mum was woken and said she didn't want to pursue/press any charges (thank you thank you).

Police had initially searched DD and her BF thinking they were stealing the car but BF showed them the key and pointed to his house. Because they were searched (I believe?) the police had to bring dd home. They told me they wouldn't be pressing any charges and she has no record, but they do need to notify DVLA that she moved the car five feet. They have said they don't know exactly what will happen but she may get up to 6 points on her provisional license and a ban that will come into effect once she has passed her test.

We will also be contacted by Social Services.

I am livid. DD is hugely remorseful but tough shit.

I haven't even told DH yet as he will hit the roof and I didn't sleep all night and can't face it the ranting that will ensue.

I have told DD she must pay for any damage and write a letter of apology. I have also told her she will obviously now NOT get a car in the near future and we would have to wait and see what action DVLA take.

What I really want to know is what the DVLA consequences are likely to be. Police were vague - lots of 'might be this, might be that'... but also quite enjoying the fear they were putting into her - lot's of "you're lucky you aren't in a cell" etc. I have no problem with them giving her a scare, but it means it was hard to know what was the likely scenario so we don't know what to expect.

Anyone had anything similar?

Thank you

OP posts:
Eightiesgirl · 07/03/2023 13:10

@TheCakeDiet I really hope the police don't prosecute. It would be a shameful waste of public funds. Your daughter sounds like a decent girl from a decent family. Who hasn't made an error of judgement when they were young? As I said before, the police want to get chasing some real criminals, not frighten the life out of a teenage girl. I hope your daughter isn't being too hard on herself.

Kennykenkencat · 07/03/2023 13:11

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/03/2023 12:09

Your daughter is an idiot, and so are you if you give her a 'hug' for this behaviour.

She was on a public road, not a private driveway. She is very lucky if she is not prosecuted.

I hope to goodness your child never fucks up

I have lived with parents who would be pushing the police to prosecute

That type of parenting has affected my whole life.

Dd and Ds screw up a lot. They try their best and sometimes they do something completely random and it all goes wrong but they learn a lesson, they get a hug and then they move on.

What I don’t want to stop is the randomness of their actions as sometimes it works out brilliantly.

Kennykenkencat · 07/03/2023 13:13

Sugarfree23 · 07/03/2023 13:07

@TheCakeDiet it was more the comment 'the police can get chasing some real criminals' that got me.

Like the police shouldn't bother to investigate when a daft teen damages someone else's property.
The fact the other owner isn't too fussed and she didn't do much damage to either car is all very fortunate but they could easily have said "Em well I need a crime ref number for my insurance"

I doubt anyone would claim on their insurance for some minor scratches. That would cost them more than the damage

Eightiesgirl · 07/03/2023 13:21

Blimey, some people on here want to get real. She's not a career criminal fgs. The girl is going to pay for any damages and is even writing a letter of apology. If it was my old banger I'd be more than happy with this. If she'd physically hurt someone or was denying responsibility then, obviously, yes the police should be involved. But all this stuff about social services, prosecution etc it's all way over the top.

ItsTheKissing · 07/03/2023 13:39

I'd be giving her a hug too. She made a mistake and will likely learn a good lesson without significant consequences

Sugarfree23 · 07/03/2023 13:41

Kennykenkencat · 07/03/2023 13:13

I doubt anyone would claim on their insurance for some minor scratches. That would cost them more than the damage

Show quote history

Define minor?

My car was hit a few weeks ago by an eejit who tool their foot off the break at a set of lights - so probably drove the same distance and speed as Ops DD - £600 worth of damage damm tooting right it's in the hands of insurance company.

Eightiesgirl · 07/03/2023 13:41

@ItsTheKissing Well said!

letthemalldoone · 07/03/2023 13:51

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/03/2023 12:09

Your daughter is an idiot, and so are you if you give her a 'hug' for this behaviour.

She was on a public road, not a private driveway. She is very lucky if she is not prosecuted.

There's an idiot here all right and it's not the OP's DD!!

Doingmybest12 · 09/03/2023 07:24

I do wonder if there are some adults who never did anything vaguely wrong or that they are ashamed of. I often think with these bigger mistakes where there are consequences from outside , where it is a shock and wake up call, home should be that warm and reassuring place whare they hear yes that was stupid but it will be ok and you'll learn from it. Of course you give them a hug. Unless they are strutting round arrogantly why wouldn't you.

Kennykenkencat · 09/03/2023 19:05

Sugarfree23 · 07/03/2023 13:41

Define minor?

My car was hit a few weeks ago by an eejit who tool their foot off the break at a set of lights - so probably drove the same distance and speed as Ops DD - £600 worth of damage damm tooting right it's in the hands of insurance company.

Show quote history

But £600 isn’t just some minor scratches

Sugarfree23 · 09/03/2023 19:09

Actually there is barely a scratch. The bumper has dropped about a cm. So the damage is mainly hidden.

Grumpybutfunny · 09/03/2023 19:48

@Sugarfree23 £600 is minor that cheaper than four tyres and less than my insurance excess.

L1ttledrummergirl · 09/03/2023 20:16

I haven't read the whole thread, just op so apologies if I repeat anything.

Should the worst happen and dd be given a ban, try to remember that many people don't learn to drive at 17. She could pass her test, and take the ban ASAP. She would then be in a similar position to many young people around the country. A vast number universities in towns and cities where cars are not needed so if she was planning to go to university she wouldn't be any different. By the time she graduates any ban would be over and she could resit the test.

She is young and did a stupid thing. It doesn't define her and there is no reason for it to ruin her life. She's not the first, she won't be the last, she was just unlucky that it went wrong and that she got caught.

Notmycircus · 10/03/2023 01:33

Sorry, I might have missed something, but why did she call sobbing when the police bought her home?

weirdoboelady · 10/03/2023 09:44

I like MN but I really dislike the design of the site. There is no facility to add likes or dislikes after a post. I just want to send a hug to the OP and DD - teenagers fuck up! It's part of growing up, in this culture! Sounds as if this has been very well dealt with, it will be a big learning point, and I send very best wishes for police and statutory services using their time to deal with more serious issues and letting this one (where DD has taken responsibility and shown remorse, parent has obviously dealt with it it well) slide. Remember that punishments are meant to help people to learn and improve, not to be vindictive!!!!

Tontostitis · 10/03/2023 10:13

I'd say oh dear and give her some sympathy she's been stupid and will have to pay for it no need for an over reaction no one was hurt and a valuable lesson learnt.

Original poster
TheCakeDiet · 10/03/2023 12:34

@Notmycircus She called to say she was in a police car.

@weirdoboelady Thank you. She is still quite subdued. Our hearts skip when the post comes - I am expecting a letter of prosecution but hoping - against hope - that it won't come.

She just keeps saying - how have i ruined so much from travelling forward five feet? I've told her that it isn't so much the five feet as the 'being behind the wheel' and she gets it, but she is so angry with herself.

OP posts:
L1ttledrummergirl · 10/03/2023 14:42

She hasn't ruined anything. She may have had a temporary setback. Take it as a lesson learned.

Dayvi · 14/03/2023 15:01

I really hope it works out for your daughter op. It's a silly mistake and she's clearly learnt her lesson. Fingers crossed for both of you.

letthemalldoone · 14/03/2023 16:06

I wonder if it would ease your minds to run the scenario past a solicitor?

She'd need one anyway if the PPS did decide to prosecute but I cannot for the life of me see how it would be in anyone's interests to take this forward.

Florissant · 14/03/2023 16:50

OP, I don't have any advice but I did want to offer you support. I'm sorry that all of this has been such a mess and so stressful for you. I hope it's soon resolved.

fUNNYfACE36 · 14/03/2023 17:09

I think it is in the public interest to prosecute. Your narrative very much minimises the incident, but 2 seventeen year olds late at night in a car where the driver has no licence has not passed her test and no insurance is an absolute recipe for death and disaster.
Having the keys shows a degree of ptemeditation, and your dd might only have moved the car a few metres, but that is because she crashed it!
It is definitely not in the public interest for the authorities to turn a blind eye.

billy1966 · 14/03/2023 19:35

I feel very sorry for you and your daughter.

Such upset.

I hope they don't prosecute she's had a hard lesson. 🤞

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/03/2023 20:05

But I think it IS relevant that she had no plan to drive the car 'proper'

But she did actually drive the car!

You're as daft as she is.

I am expecting a letter of prosecution but hoping - against hope - that it won't come.

Just keep clicking your heels together and it will all go away...

Original poster
TheCakeDiet · 14/03/2023 20:05

fUNNYfACE36 · 14/03/2023 17:09

I think it is in the public interest to prosecute. Your narrative very much minimises the incident, but 2 seventeen year olds late at night in a car where the driver has no licence has not passed her test and no insurance is an absolute recipe for death and disaster.
Having the keys shows a degree of ptemeditation, and your dd might only have moved the car a few metres, but that is because she crashed it!
It is definitely not in the public interest for the authorities to turn a blind eye.

If she had taken the car out on the road or been intoxicated or never had any lessons, I'd be more inclined to agree.

She didn't not take the car out because she bumped the car in front. She never turned the steering wheel. There was no intent to leave the space - she has explained it to me multiple times an begged me to try and check doorbell footage. She was absolutely wrong and illegal, but it was more a curiosity about how the car would feel compared to the only other car she's driven (her driving instructor). She didn't leave 1st gear - just edged it forward but because she wasn't familiar with the car it bunny hopped a bit.

So I am minimising because I know my DD and I know when she is lying and I have been plenty cross enough at her, but nobody was ever in any danger.

OP posts:
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